Thai Wife Is Unbearable To Live With Sometimes

[bkkbound04]

late 20's same age as my wife, it can happen to anybody, age is another excuse for these women acting as they do...if they weren't content and comfortable with the age gap before marriage then why the change when the ring's on the finger?

[dondraper]

it sounds like she is treating you this way in hopes that you leave and she keeps the house... no wonder she wont leave house.

[kolohe]

I can tell you that this behavior is not for Thai women exclusively. I had an ex falang girl that would do these same things, days of silent treatment, didn't do shit to help (I cleaned, did laundry, cooked, paid bills). Well, that didn't last long for sure. It eventually got her kicked to the curb.

My current Thai lady does get have a bit of a temper sometimes and when she's pissed I get the silent treatment but not for days at a time like my falang ex (I think the silent treatment is a standard feature on most models of women). I have tried different things including leaving the house for a while, etc. While sometimes that works, what I found to work the best and be the most satisfying is to pretend like I'm not getting the silent treatment. I keep talking to her and holding conversations with her. I'll turn on the TV and talk to her about things going on in the show, things like that. This pisses her off because she's busy trying to give me the silent treatment and she cant keep it up this way and she knows it. Its not long before she starts talking to me again, much sooner than if I had stayed quiet and played the silent game with her.

[MiG16]

I gathered from the info shared that you are living outside of thailand.

do keep in mind that even for somebody that speaks the language, living in a different country can bring with it its own stress and anxiety. not having a job, no friends, not speaking the language, not understanding the customs and culture - all will take its toll.

not saying what shes doing is right, but give the above some thoughts when you consider what might be causing the problem. all the above might have put her in a depressive mode, and once in that mode, a person is disinterested in all else around them (but at least she is taking care of the baby, so that is one good sign).

all the best, patience will be needed, but equally important is communication. I dont know how you will get around that with neither of you speaking each other's language....... you will need to bring in a third person...a friend who can speak to her in thai?

[joskydive]

I've had this same silent treatment from men too and have to admit that I have done it, at times, but can't keep it up because I find it so childish that I start laughing at the stupidity of it all. It resolves nothing!

When my husband used to do this and it was getting on my nerves I used to just start talking to the wall and asking it questions with humour. This in it's turn was a good ancedote as we would both see how silly this behaviour was and realised it was getting us nowhere. It did, however, release a lot of tension as we would both find it really silly/funny which also made us realise that life doesn't have to be taken seriously 24/7. No-one has to be the boss if we work together and a sense of humour sometimes overcomes a situation like this where every other option has failed! It's certainly worth a try, costs you nothing but could save your marriage.

Through time though I have found that 'Evening Primrose' has evened out my temper but I would suggest a visit to the Doctor first to see if your wife has a hormonal problem or if she can even take this with having such a young baby i.e. breast feeding.

Best of luck and hope things come good for you.

Edited August 13, 2009 by joskydive

[a2396]

late 20's same age as my wife, it can happen to anybody, age is another excuse for these women acting as they do...if they weren't content and comfortable with the age gap before marriage then why the change when the ring's on the finger?

I think often the reality of marriage does not sink in for awhile. The realization that marriage is a permanent thing (in theory) can be a shock. Of course many of these women are getting married for reasons other than love. The lure and misconception of a life on "easy street" , with untold riches awaiting them in a far-off land, can be strong.

[dondraper]

she has the baby and the house now she just needs to get rid of you...

[stevo]

"i guess that's when she had her hooks in and that's when the problems started lol <deleted> my situation's a mess lol not trying to rile you up or dampen your spirits by just trying to show that it could be worse & that being nice doesn't always work"

Exactly... hate to say it, but looks like the basic trap which I see in many cultures that women use... Getting married, then having a baby can be like a sort of security anchor. (not all women, of course) This can keep the guy around to "take care".

Don't settle man. Why should you suffer If you are a good guy, decent looking, young.. etc..

This is your one life...

Take it by the horns and do what makes ya happy.

Your situation makes me think of my previous one..

[rixalex]

over 2 yrs we have been maried now and every single time its me who cannot stand the silence so i go throw my arms round her and litterally beg her to come round

The first time you did this it established the pattern that followed. You put yourself on the back-foot and showed her that she could win these battles - and even get you to apologise when she was the one in the wrong.

Once you show that you can be played you can be sure that you will be.

It also seems that you married someone you didn't really know. Happens a lot. Guys come here, meet someone and suddenly decide they are happy enough to forgo the normal courting/getting to know process. In my mind if a guy wants to have any chance of a successful relationship with a Thai woman he must be prepared to come here long term and learn the language - as well as learning about his gf. If moving out here is too impractical and short holiday visits is all that is possible then forget about throwing yourself blind into a life-long commitment. It's madness.

Anyway, sorry that's of no help to you.

Sorry to say this mate, but to be frank your wife sounds like a selfish bitch. Life is too short to be putting up with this kind of thing. You need to get out of it and as hard as that may seem, once you do and you've had some time to move on, you'll be so happy and relieved that you didn't spend the rest of your life trapped in this nightmare.

Best of luck.

[Samuian]

Postnatal Depression which can be a very serious threat to your marriage and to her, your, and babies' health.

You need to seek help, fast! Talk to your local house doctor to start with. Don't even try to "cure" this yourself or wait for this problem to fade away! It won't, without help.

....when I read the op's story first what came up was exactly the same thought -

once this may be ruled out, then can start from somewhere else -

(I am afraid this is a too common misbehavior of many in this society!

for being PND it'sway too common, their male counterparts suffer from overblown

egos and violent fits!

It might be part of upbringing and the way many in this society are ticking! )

[Samuian]

mm... I am worried. I have spent a 3 month period over two visits with a girl who expressed her wish to have a family with me.

She works for Toyota and AGEL, a marketing company and seems quite sharp but...

I have had two bad marriages and really cannot put up with tantrums which after reading these posts, seems to be in the Thai character.

I would just walk away but if children are involved maybe they are being used by the Thai ladies as they know the husband would not walk out on children.... Philipines any better LoL.

Two highly valued points in there!

Many, don't give about a dime of the fate of their children, mom and pops or an "auntie", or the girl from next door if

she's willing - a couple a thousand Baht a month and here we go!

I think a survey on this would be stunning!

But in the OP's case I would have her checked for PND and visit a therapist if you are living in Ireland

if in Thailand, chances to get her "ticking the right" way are very, very slim!

my 2 cent's

Edited August 13, 2009 by Samuian

[sbk]

Extremely derogatory and denigrating remarks about Thai women have been deleted. a reminder of forum rules is in order:

7) Not to post slurs or degrading comments directed towards any group on the basis of race, nationality, religion, gender or sexual orientation.

8) Not to post extremely negative views of Thailand or derogatory comments directed towards all Thais.

further such posts will result in more formal moderator action than mere deletion

[Will27]

I can't believe I'm reading this.

The guy is getting crapped on big

time and yet the majority of the

replies are how to help or pacify her.

Some of the replies "I'm sitting here

shaking like a rattlesnake" and "I

throw my arms around her and beg

her to talk to me". Where's your self-

esteem man?

And all of this PND crap....please!

I'm sorry but you need to grow some

balls. Tell her to get her act together

or you're gonna vote with your feet.

Having said that, I imagine a lot of the

sympathetic replies are from guys in the

same boat.

Most of the guys that put up with this pureile

behaviour have done so all of their life so

ain't gonna change now.

And for the ones that put up with this

crap who actually live in Thailand.....

read Disneyland, you guys

are worse.

Life is too short to be unhappy and to put up

with constant crap.

By all means be fair but don't be a doormat.

Good luck, you're gonna need it.

Let the barrage begin.

Regards

Will

[dale8]

Hello, there are not many situations where violence is the answer. It is frustrating to the point of tears for much of the games that some people play, but to generalize about the people of any country is unwise. You might want to keep talking and do kind things for your wife and child, but she is looking to have more power in her life at your expense. Keep a cool head and think about what you say, and plan what life you want to have and see if she still wants to be a part of it. Cheers.

[MyphuketLife]

....

Without realizing, your wife might be suffering from a Postnatal Depression which can be a very serious threat to your marriage and to her, your, and babies' health.

You need to seek help, fast! Talk to your local house doctor to start with. Don't even try to "cure" this yourself or wait for this problem to fade away! It won't, without help.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Postpartum_depression

http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinfof...depression.aspx

Wish you well!

LaoPo

thats well and good mate and i understand what ur saying,,,but we live in belfast and our doctor wouldnt know how to cope with that,,i mean i dont want to have to get a translater involved ....also she was like this before the baby so honestly do not think its post natal........its just her temper and her attitude,the silent treatment.....i love her off course but im stickin to my guns this time

Let's run this down from an outsider looking in.

Your wife is living in a different country, she has issues with the language, probably the culture, probably the food, probably the climate, and she had a baby four months ago...

You state she was like this before the baby, was she like this before she moved to your country? when in Thailand was she like this? I doubt it, otherwise why marry a woman like that.

You have to put your self in her shoes, and try to help her cope.... Yet from your post you can't even be bothered to "get a translator involved"... Why the hel_l not? The whole mentality of "sticking to my guns, putting my foot down" can make you march blindly down the wrong path.

In this new country does your wife have friends that she can talk with? Does she have work? Does she like the food? Does she like your family? Does your family visit the baby often and help? There are so many things she is going through, you should put every effort to help her find her own life in your country. Putting your effort to helping her, is an investment in your happyness, if shes happy you are happy.

Or you could "stick to your guns" and blindly walk down the road that more than likely leads to a divorce.

[noahvail]

Sorry to hear about your difficulties. It does sound like a bit of culture clash, with separation anxiety which when coupled with PND, this can be a time-bomb ticking. Please don't go to a GP to rule out PND; they are generalists, and you need a specialist, either a behavioual psychologist or psychiatrist. If meds are required, taking them could help her. After that, I'd hire a translator who can keep conversations in confidence and go for couples therapy.

None of this is easy, and will probably take a long time to work through (unless it's truly meds that are needed, in which case you will most likely see positive changes in about six weeks to two months) - but it's an investment in the well-being of you, your child, and your wife.

That being said, if none of these work, then staying in a marriage for the sake of the child - it doesn't work. I've seen it time and again. Both partners end up in misery, the child picks up on that, and psychological damage can be done.

I wish you the best of luck in sorting this out. Please try to keep an open mind: do all you can for the best, but prepare for the worst.

[ThaiBasil]

Give her the silent treatment and go on the lash for a few days that will sort her out mate!!!

good idea ... and when he comes back all the locks are changed .............

[MyphuketLife]

I can't believe I'm reading this.

The guy is getting crapped on big

time and yet the majority of the

replies are how to help or pacify her.

Some of the replies "I'm sitting here

shaking like a rattlesnake" and "I

throw my arms around her and beg

her to talk to me". Where's your self-

esteem man?

And all of this PND crap....please!

I'm sorry but you need to grow some

balls. Tell her to get her act together

or you're gonna vote with your feet.

Having said that, I imagine a lot of the

sympathetic replies are from guys in the

same boat.

Most of the guys that put up with this pureile

behaviour have done so all of their life so

ain't gonna change now.

And for the ones that put up with this

crap who actually live in Thailand.....

read Disneyland, you guys

are worse.

Life is too short to be unhappy and to put up

with constant crap.

By all means be fair but don't be a doormat.

Good luck, you're gonna need it.

Let the barrage begin.

Regards

Will

You are right people should not be door mats... But from this persons post, the woman is living in a different country, has language issues, just had a baby.... Seams to me that she would be in a "funk"... There are times when our loved ones (your wife should be a loved one) are down, that we are supposed to help lift them up. Husband and wife are supposed to support each other when the other one is "down"....

That being said if the husband, has enrolled her in school, helped her find the local WAT, encouraged her to make her own set of friends (not his friends, but her own), and a year latter nothing has changed... well then thats that

The culture thing might be more than she can handle, and they might not work out living in his country, where as the same exact people might have worked out just fine in Thailand provided the husband could cope with Thai life.

[Will27]

"You are right people should not be door mats... But from this persons post, the woman is living in a different country, has language issues, just had a baby.... Seams to me that she would be in a "funk"... There are times when our loved ones (your wife should be a loved one) are down, that we are supposed to help lift them up. Husband and wife are supposed to support each other when the other one is "down"....

That being said if the husband, has enrolled her in school, helped her find the local WAT, encouraged her to make her own set of friends (not his friends, but her own), and a year latter nothing has changed... well then thats that

The culture thing might be more than she can handle, and they might not work out living in his country, where as the same exact people might have worked out just fine in Thailand provided the husband could cope with Thai life."

Sorry mate, you can't defend the indefensible!

Different country, different language! Does that

give falangs who move to Thailand the excuse to

behave like that?

It's time people stopped making excuses for this

type of behaviour which is unacceptable. We're

responsible for our own actions.

If you read the OP you would see the guy is bending

over backwards for her. Also, she implied she was

the same with her previous Thai husband.

Wake up fella, she's not going to change.

Will

[cindytoh]

i guess it goes with all races

[sassienie]

My wife is worse because she is a liar.

Last week as I was going out shopping, my wife said she was leaving me.

When I returned home, she was still there.

[doodee]

Was she like this pre-pregnancy/birth

Was she like this before you married her

Was she like this when you first met her.

People do not change spots,maybe you missed the signs before you married,maybe she has an illness you have not noticed,maybe she is just a horrible person,taking you for a ride.

Good luck for your future,hope she isnt violent too.

quick note.

A couple of my mates got involved with thai women and the first time i saw them i thought these women are horrible and nasty,low and behold they have both been thrown out,because they were horrible and nasty.

Did your farang wife have a horrible temper too.

[ThaiBasil]

My wife is worse because she is a liar.

Last week as I was going out shopping, my wife said she was leaving me.

When I returned home, she was still there.

If there is one thing Ireally really hate ... and that is: liars ..... hahahahaha ............

[wamberal]

I am stunned at some of the vicious, uncaring, comments being posted on this thread.

Let us start from the beginning. A Thai woman, probably not very well educated, and with who knows what traumas in her background, (and it sounds like she has some mental health problems) - is living in Northern Ireland. Far from family, friends, and everything familiar in her life. I suppose there are less suitable places in the world for a Thai to live, but not many.

Why on earth do western men think that women from countries like Thailand are automatically going to adjust to living in places like this?

I agree with the earlier poster about the possibility of PND. Just because she has had one or more children earlier, without experiencing PND, certainly does not mean she is not suffering from PND now. But it certainly sounds as though she has some significant emotional or mental health problems.

You both need help. She needs a huge amount of support and certainly needs to learn to speak English properly, and how to adjust to living in a very, very foreign country.

The attitudes of some of the posters here reminds me of the people who buy a dog or other pet at Christmas, and then decide a couple of months later that it is just too much trouble - so they give the poor animal to the SPCA or whatever, where it has a really good chance of being destroyed.

[G54]

Give her the silent treatment and go on the lash for a few days that will sort her out mate!!!

That does seem to work quite well. Ignoring her in other ways seems to bring them round a bit too. And a few nights away has them wondering what you are doing and who with

[saintofsilence]

To ease the situation I would ask her in a nice way if she would like to go back home on a holiday , and then if she accepts send her off ring after about a week and tell her your finished and you never want to see her again because she is to unstable for you tell her you have found some one else.

Of course she will take care of the baby and you will need to send some money for support.

What a lot of people do is that they try and try to save a relationship and then find out everything is gone including the house.

These girls don't take long to find ways to screw you and manipulate you in a big way especially if they have other friends with farangs.

Go buy her an air ticket today you will be much happier.

Edited August 13, 2009 by saintofsilence

[LaoPo]

I can't believe I'm reading this.

The guy is getting crapped on big

time and yet the majority of the

replies are how to help or pacify her.

Some of the replies "I'm sitting here

shaking like a rattlesnake" and "I

throw my arms around her and beg

her to talk to me". Where's your self-

esteem man?

And all of this PND crap....please!

I'm sorry but you need to grow some

balls. Tell her to get her act together

or you're gonna vote with your feet.

Having said that, I imagine a lot of the

sympathetic replies are from guys in the

same boat.

Most of the guys that put up with this pureile

behaviour have done so all of their life so

ain't gonna change now.

And for the ones that put up with this

crap who actually live in Thailand.....

read Disneyland, you guys

are worse.

Life is too short to be unhappy and to put up

with constant crap.

By all means be fair but don't be a doormat.

Good luck, you're gonna need it.

Let the barrage begin.

Regards

Will

Aaahh...we have a real caveman here....thought they were extinct.

Not....

or is Mr. Caveman afraid.....?

If (cave) women ruled the world:

LaoPo

[mrtoad]

thats well and good mate and i understand what ur saying,,,but we live in belfast and our doctor wouldnt know how to cope with that,,i mean i dont want to have to get a translater involved ....also she was like this before the baby so honestly do not think its post natal........its just her temper and her attitude,the silent treatment.....i love her off course but im stickin to my guns this time

I seriously think you should consider it. You GP may not have much of an idea, but he will have access to the appropriate people. PND is certainly not something that should be ignored and can have serious implications. As an ex CPN in the UK, there are certainly plenty of ingredients there to suggest that she could be susceptible to it. Don't bury your head in the sand, get her checked out.

Edited August 13, 2009 by mrtoad

[Will27]

I can't believe I'm reading this.

The guy is getting crapped on big

time and yet the majority of the

replies are how to help or pacify her.

Some of the replies "I'm sitting here

shaking like a rattlesnake" and "I

throw my arms around her and beg

her to talk to me". Where's your self-

esteem man?

And all of this PND crap....please!

I'm sorry but you need to grow some

balls. Tell her to get her act together

or you're gonna vote with your feet.

Having said that, I imagine a lot of the

sympathetic replies are from guys in the

same boat.

Most of the guys that put up with this pureile

behaviour have done so all of their life so

ain't gonna change now.

And for the ones that put up with this

crap who actually live in Thailand.....

read Disneyland, you guys

are worse.

Life is too short to be unhappy and to put up

with constant crap.

By all means be fair but don't be a doormat.

Good luck, you're gonna need it.

Let the barrage begin.

Regards

Will

Aaahh...we have a real caveman here....thought they were extinct.

Not....

or is Mr. Caveman afraid.....?

If (cave) women ruled the world:

LaoPo

Well yes LaoPro,

even though the OP states his wife has a

bad temper and had problems with her previous

husband, you have diagnosed PND. That's

very convenient I must say. She wouldn't be

the first Thai female with a bad temper.

I just hope that you're not one of those hen-pecked

social misfits I was alluding to. Somehow I have my

doubts though.

Regards

Will

[barky]

Look I'm sorry to hear that you having problems in your relationship with your missus and all, but was she so good at masking her true self before you got married that you didn't see what the future held for you. I know it's too late now and to think you're stuck with her for the rest of your life. Yes, you could walk, and you would lose heaps , maybe including your child, but it might be the better option in the end to save your sanity. Still, a person with half a brain and some get up and go can start over.

Separately, why is it that so many of you guys (mainly westeners) keep walking, nay, running into these bad marriages with women who have nothing to contribute to a successful marriage ie: a brain and some energy, work ethic, and a sense of fairness and all those other attributes that can go along way in ensuring a happy and successful relationship?

However, best of luck and I hope it all works out for you OK.