Hypocracy Or Not?

[Sir Burr]

Why is that when the rich and famous like Michael Douglas, Rod Stewart, Harrison Ford, Rupert Murdoch etc. etc. take a wife that is twenty to thirty years younger than them, nobody bats an eye-lid, yet, when Joe Normal does it in Thailand, so many people express disgust on these forums about the age difference. Is it a case of one rule for the rich and another for the rest?

[Rinrada]

yes sounds about right....

[chuchok]

You forgot Sir Paul McCartney,Mick Jagger,Donald Trump...and the list goes on....

[Sir Burr]

You forgot Sir Paul McCartney,Mick Jagger,Donald Trump...and the list goes on....

They are included in the "etc, etc".

[peterzxr]

Let me get this straight then

1.Some famous old fogeys with a lot of money have got attractive, younger partners and NO ONE has a problem with it? Find that hard to beleive.

2. Some normal old fogeys do the same and what? The general population derides them? Do their friends and family feel the same way too? I doubt it.

3. Maybe a lot of people have seen too many rotund germans taking advantage of young Thai ladies and get the wrong idea?

4. If it wasn't at least slightly questionable - what with a huge age difference to overcome as well as the cultural one - would you care what people think?

In answer to the coming flame - I personally know a guy here in the UK who has a Thai wife 20 years younger than him and they seem to have a good and strong relationship. So, no, I don't personally have a problem with the idea in general but can see how it looks on the outside.

Honestly, I do wonder what some people think of me and the missus sometimes. Ok, she may actually be older than me, but being Thai, 5 ft and a bit tall and looking 10 years younger than most farang ladies her age does give people pause for thought here in the UK.

Bottom line if you know you're in a good relationship you shouldn't really care about other people's opinions. Maybe being oversensitive to criticism shows up some subconcious doubts??

[chuchok]

My Ex Wife married a guy 25 years older than her.He is very well known in my country and very wealthy.They have been togeather for 7 years and couldn't be happier.He's a top bloke.

Although I would have to say that when I see a old ugly farang holding hands with a girl that looks like his granddaughter...It does make me go .

A bit of a double standard I know,but I just can't help it.

[HarryHacker]

Well, I have always fancied younger girls, sometimes as much as a 20-year plus difference, BUT, when in public I would never hold hands, hug or kiss.

Along as you don't rub it in other people’s faces then there is no reason why an age difference should be a problem.

PS

And they are of legal age!

[ProThaiExpat]

I have a problem with "rubbing it in peoples faces".

Society needs to get over its cultural bias, period. The tyranny of the majority!!! Live and let live!!!!

[jimmi]

I have a problem with "rubbing it in peoples faces".

Society needs to get over its cultural bias, period.  The tyranny of the majority!!!  Live and let live!!!!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Well said, I couldn't agree more, Live and let live.

[fw1]

I suspect the main reason that so many in Thailand are denigrated for taking younger/considerably younger wives/girlfriends is that the vast majority of these relationships are so obviously paid ones; and as we know, this is frowned upon in the west. Bearing in mind that a lot of the older guys that come here are often overweight and generally obnoxious looking, and that you hardly, if ever, see any real degree of eye contact or mutual understanding between such couples, and that the women often look bored or generally unhappy, it is hardly surprising that people have such negative opinions concerning them. Many older guys who come here have often left failed relationships behind and know little/nothing about Thai culture, making the prospect of building a successful relationship much harder than it already is. Even though I have been here for over five years, I can barely remember more than one or two older guys that have struck me as being genuinely nice characters, though this is not to say that there aren't many out there that are.

I am inclined to agree with the main argument of this thread that people should live and let live but I think that you have to bear in mind that if you chose to have a type of relationship that is commonly chosen among sex tourists, in a country notrious for its sex tourism, you have to accept that people will inevitably look down on you, whether they are justified or not.

Some people would say that if you choose to live in a country as infamous as Thailand you have to accept that life can be made harder for the decent guys because of all the scumbags that come here. Am sure that many normal people around the world have different age relationships that are not frowned on to the same degree as those in Thailand.

I am also inclined to agree that there's a degree of hypocracy involved because of not being famous. Western women that sleep with celebrities call it social climbing or hob-nobbing, and avoid being frowned upon in the same way. Madonna is a good example of this.

I would personally love to see lots of old guys walking happily down the road with lovely young girls (wouldn't it give us all hope!) but I've been here long enough to know what is really going on, and that these relationships usually fail for very obvious reasons.

Am quite sure that all this is nothing more than common sense.

[mbkudu]

I suspect the main reason that so many in Thailand are denigrated for taking younger/considerably younger wives/girlfriends is that the vast majority of these relationships are so obviously paid ones; and as we know, this is frowned upon in the west.

It all depends on your definition of 'paid'. Are you trying to say Mick's and Donald's

ex wives were not paid well? They were paid millions to be trophy girls; don't fool yourself.

P.S. I did read your whole post and I do see what you are saying .

Edited March 21, 2005 by mbkudu

[fw1]

I mean paid in the sense that it is the primary/only reason for the couple getting together and then staying together. Genuine relationships are not dependent upon calculated amounts of cash going from one partner to another, they can and should be able to survive without them.

Can't imagine that the girls we see with the older guys are in it for love. Many of them look like they would be off the minute the cash stops coming. I think the girls that frequent Pattaya especially to pick up the older guys are interested in one thing only $$$$.

The girls that choose such a lifestyle have to put up with a lot of crap, I don't know how they can tolerate it. Perhaps this is why some of them are so ######-bent on taking naive old fools to the cleaners as quickly as they can.

Have often wondered who I pity more the girls or the older guys, still can't decide...

[p_brownstone]

My Thai wife (of almost 30 years now) asked me a few weeks ago "how do you feel when you see a man your age with a 20 year old Thai girl?"

I simply said "jealous" .

She thought it was a very amusing answer.

Patrick

[alex100]

I have a problem with "rubbing it in peoples faces".

Society needs to get over its cultural bias, period.  The tyranny of the majority!!!  Live and let live!!!!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yeh your dead right tyrannies as well

[pedro01]

Why is that when the rich and famous like  Michael Douglas, Rod Stewart, Harrison Ford, Rupert Murdoch etc. etc. take a wife that is twenty to thirty years younger than them, nobody bats an eye-lid, yet, when Joe Normal does it in Thailand, so many people express disgust on these forums about the age difference. Is it a case of one rule for the rich and another for the rest?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Hmmm - not sure the Michael Douglas is a good comparison with the old farangs in Pattaya that marry young prostitutes.

Sure - he's as old as some of the guys in Pattaya with the Thai version of 'trophy brides', but I'd also venture that Catherine is way too old for most of the guys you see walking around Pattaya

[Nat]

Is it really “hypocrisy” ? It all depends if the old buggers making the snide remarks are doing it themselves. Honestly, if you’re happy with the situation, then who gives a toss? Be proud. I’ve been on the arm of a man twice my age and didn’t care less what people thought – so if the woman doesn’t mind nor should you. In regards to money, sure, it can buy plenty of things – it just depends on which ones you want to buy and which ones you believe can be bought.

[fw1]

How naive you are.

[Jai Dee]

Is it really “hypocrisy” ? It all depends if the old buggers making the snide remarks are doing it themselves. Honestly, if you’re happy with the situation, then who gives a toss? Be proud. I’ve been on the arm of a man twice my age and didn’t care less what people thought – so if the woman doesn’t mind nor should you. In regards to money, sure, it can buy plenty of things – it just depends on which ones you want to buy and which ones you believe can be bought.

Nice post Nat, a refreshing change from the cynical majority of the more recent posters to date.

I liked the fact that you said "be proud".

If you truly love someone, then of course you're proud of him/her, and don't give a flying &lt;deleted&gt; about what other people think.

[Jai Dee]

My Thai wife (of almost 30 years now) asked me a few weeks ago "how do you feel when you see a man your age with a 20 year old Thai girl?"

I simply said "jealous" .

She thought it was a very amusing answer.

Patrick

Good one Patrick.

It's fun to joke around, and the Thais love more than anything to have a good joke and/or play on words, but I bet your mia knew that you weren't being serious and that you are absolutely devoted to her.

[ProThaiExpat]

JaiDee: Your advice about not paying attention to what you might think others think in passing is so sound but difficult to master.

I have seen so many people live a life different than what they want inorder to satisfy what they think the "neighbors think".

When one thinks about it, a passerby only thinks about what he sees in passing for a matter of seconds at best. Alter ones lifestyle for the seconds of thought spent on you by a passerby. Absurd!!!

Yet so many do. I suspect it has its roots in "peer pressure" exerted when you are young and a desperate desire to be "liked" etc. by ones classmates.

Perhaps also when one is immersed in a "faith based religion", conformity to the religions dogma may also be a powerful force. Imagine, conforming to what people thought or practiced two thousand years ago when life was so different, yet millions do so today all over the world. Man has often been described as resembling sheep, some truth in that as well. "Live and let live" is an easily espoused motto but rarely practiced by the vast majority of people, in my experience.

[Gary A]

I had a comment made to a farang friend of mine by another farang. He asked my friend how it was that an old man (60) could find a 25 year old or so Thai girl to take care of him. It didn't bother me, I just grinned. My girlfriend was quite pleased. She is 36 and considers herself to be WAY over the hill. LOL!

[johnnyk]

Why is that when the rich and famous like  Michael Douglas, Rod Stewart, Harrison Ford, Rupert Murdoch etc. etc. take a wife that is twenty to thirty years younger than them, nobody bats an eye-lid, yet, when Joe Normal does it in Thailand, so many people express disgust on these forums about the age difference. Is it a case of one rule for the rich and another for the rest?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

They are rich and famous is why.

The rules have always been different for them, didn't you know?

[lampard10]

Why is that when the rich and famous like  Michael Douglas, Rod Stewart, Harrison Ford, Rupert Murdoch etc. etc. take a wife that is twenty to thirty years younger than them, nobody bats an eye-lid, yet, when Joe Normal does it in Thailand, so many people express disgust on these forums about the age difference. Is it a case of one rule for the rich and another for the rest?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

They are rich and famous is why.

The rules have always been different for them, didn't you know?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

No ....................in most instances it is just a case of faceless people insulting others because they have nothing better to do and no chance of being recognised by the recipient. A lot of the worst cases of personal insults come from members who probably couldn't start a conversation of their own without getting in a punch -up. Of course these dimwits remain nameless and anonymous. If ever I give someone stick (I don't insult,I give stick where deserved )then people know who I am and where I am.

I was on the wrong end of a string of insults the other day,it was later deleted by a mod,but at the end of it the fool said I was just an amateaur at insulting,where he was a pro. Why not just hang a sign round your kneck saying 'I am a troll' So we have professional insulters on this Forum.

Wow,I am wandering off track. Sorry. If I wasn't happily married to a wonderful girl,I'd be pround to walk down the street with a girl half my age,not ashamed. And more to the point I hope she would be proud to walk down the street with me.

[Thomas_Merton]

Perhaps also when one is immersed in a "faith based religion", conformity to the religions dogma may also be a powerful force.  Imagine, conforming to what people thought or practiced  two thousand years ago when life was so different, yet millions do so today all over the world. Man has often been described as resembling sheep, some truth in that as well. "Live and let live" is an easily espoused motto but rarely practiced by the vast majority of people, in my experience.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I think you are shooting at the wrong target here. I was brought up fairly religious. One of the views I was taught was, it does not matter what others think (we are all sinners), there is only One opinion that matters and He judges our intentions.

If you are an elderly gentleman who for many reasons is now seeking love, care, attention or just plain sex in LOS, to in some way end your life on a happy note, what in the world is wrong with that intention? The pursuit of happiness is probably the most important motivation for life.

Many Thai girls prefer relationships based on satisfying the longings of the older man, because they often discover there are many more additional benefits than the obvious when they become aware most of these men are, by all definitions of the word, real gentlemen.

Those who criticise others come from dysfunctional backgrounds where they learnt to justify their inadequacies by, amongst other things, constantly criticising others.

You should really look at the motivations and intentions of these, often, young criticisers. What is it that makes a perfectly healthy young man leave his own country and visit Thailand frequenting the bars and go-go clubs looking for girls? Surely an inability to form relationships with their own kind mostly caused by these idiots having marked reductions in the size of their grey matter or other organs.

Edited March 25, 2005 by Thomas_Merton

[lampard10]

Perhaps also when one is immersed in a "faith based religion", conformity to the religions dogma may also be a powerful force.  Imagine, conforming to what people thought or practiced  two thousand years ago when life was so different, yet millions do so today all over the world. Man has often been described as resembling sheep, some truth in that as well. "Live and let live" is an easily espoused motto but rarely practiced by the vast majority of people, in my experience.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I think you are shooting at the wrong target here. I was brought up fairly religious. One of the views I was taught was, it does not matter what others think (we are all sinners), there is only One opinion that matters and He judges our intentions.

If you are an elderly gentleman who for many reasons is now seeking love, care, attention or just plain sex in LOS, to in some way end your life on a happy note, what in the world is wrong with that intention? The pursuit of happiness is probably the most important motivation for life.

Many Thai girls prefer relationships based on satisfying the longings of the older man, because they often discover there are many more additional benefits than the obvious when they become aware most of these men are, by all definitions of the word, real gentlemen.

Those who criticise others come from dysfunctional backgrounds where they learnt to justify their inadequacies by, amongst other things, constantly criticising others.

You should really look at the motivations and intentions of these, often, young criticisers. What is it that makes a perfectly healthy young man leave his own country and visit Thailand frequenting the bars and go-go clubs looking for girls? Surely an inability to form relationships with their own kind mostly caused by these idiots having marked reductions in the size of their grey matter or other organs.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

yeah. Well. That's just what I said in a rond-a-bout way

[Kerryd]

Hmmm - not sure the Michael Douglas is a good comparison with the old farangs in Pattaya that marry young prostitutes.

Sure - he's as old as some of the guys in Pattaya with the Thai version of 'trophy brides', but I'd also venture that Catherine is way too old for most of the guys you see walking around Pattaya     

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Catherine Z Jones - b.d. 25 Sept 1969

Michael Douglas - b.d. 25 Sept 1944

Difference = 25 years

Average Pattaya Tourist = 55 (?) (just guessing)

Average Thai girl = 22 (?) (just guessing)

Difference = 33 years

Girl (woman) I was with in '98, I could have swore she was in her early 20's. Turns out she was in her early 30's, about 5 years younger than me. Wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen her ID.

Looks can sometimes be deceiving (yeah I know, 30+ years difference is hard to hide !)

[khunlungphudhu]

Looks can sometimes be deceiving (yeah I know, 30+ years difference is hard to hide !)

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Even harder to keep up with!

[mbkudu]

How naive you are.

If you're not paying her rent, then you should not worry about it .

[gburns57au]

My wife was 15 years younger, my current girl is 17 years younger....

wife....22yo....me 37yo

gf...31yo...me 48yo

I think that it is not the age difference so much as the younger age in the relationship....My 22yo wife didnt think the same as me in regards to the future etc...She was not settled enough.

Although the age difference is greater with my current gf, because she is older, more settled and has some idea of life, I am more comfortable with her.

Most farangs were jealous of my wife when I brought her here....the most heard comments were...

Women....."cradle snatcher", "cant you find a woman your own age"

Men...."lucky ba5tard"

oh and apropos of nothing...my gf is 32 today.....

Edited March 28, 2005 by gburns57au

[Jai Dee]

oh and apropos of nothing...my gf is 32 today.....  

Hope she has a wonderful day... Happy Birthday.

And I hope the two of you also have a happy life together

Me? 46yo

My Thai waife? 26yo

Difference in age = 20 years

She is happy, I am happy, her family and friends know she is happy, my family and friends know I am happy, neither of us would change the situation one iota.

And both of us are proud to walk down the street together.

Do we care what others think? Absolutely not. If I see someone looking at us in a critical way (doesn't often happen as we act so naturally together, but if it does happen, it's usually an older, oversized falung female), I just smile at them and look them straight in the eye... I have nothing to hide or be ashamed of... and they always (without exception) look away first.