Age Differences In Spouses: What Do Thai People Think About It?

[chrisartist]

When I first came to Thailand, I had as an acquaintance an Indian- and UK-educated, 54-year-old Thai man who is well-connected in Thai society. (Hi-so Thais tend to send their offspring to an English-speaking school in India and thence to college/university in the UK.) At the time, I was looking for a girlfriend. I discussed with him where I might find a suitable partner and what sort of age difference I should be looking at. I was 45 at the time and I suggested to him that round about 35 would do me just fine. He found my suggestion amusing and said that, especially since I did not look my age, I should be looking for someone much younger, about 24-25. I, in turn, found his suggestion scarecely credible. What on earth would I be doing wandering around with someone 20 years my junior? What would we talk about? What kind of life-project could we possibly have in common?

Now, many years later, I am still in the dark as to what kind of age difference a respectable Thai woman would deem to be acceptable.

I am wondering, what experiences do other TV members have regarding advice given by Thai people on age differences between partners in romance?

[bkkjames]

When I first came to Thailand, I had as an acquaintance an Indian- and UK-educated, 54-year-old Thai man who is well-connected in Thai society. (Hi-so Thais tend to send their offspring to an English-speaking school in India and thence to college/university in the UK.) At the time, I was looking for a girlfriend. I discussed with him where I might find a suitable partner and what sort of age difference I should be looking at. I was 45 at the time and I suggested to him that round about 35 would do me just fine. He found my suggestion amusing and said that, especially since I did not look my age, I should be looking for someone much younger, about 24-25. I, in turn, found his suggestion scarecely credible. What on earth would I be doing wandering around with someone 20 years my junior? What would we talk about? What kind of life-project could we possibly have in common?

Now, many years later, I am still in the dark as to what kind of age difference a respectable Thai woman would deem to be acceptable.

I am wondering, what experiences do other TV members have regarding advice given by Thai people on age differences between partners in romance?

First of all, my advice to you when seeking love is to not give a monkey's turd what other people think. Are you looking for love or are you looking to look good?

Re: what age differenence a respectable Thai woman would deem acceptable, I guess she will be the judge of that - whether you are too old for her.

Got it? Good.

[givenall]

When I first came to Thailand, I had as an acquaintance an Indian- and UK-educated, 54-year-old Thai man who is well-connected in Thai society. (Hi-so Thais tend to send their offspring to an English-speaking school in India and thence to college/university in the UK.) At the time, I was looking for a girlfriend. I discussed with him where I might find a suitable partner and what sort of age difference I should be looking at. I was 45 at the time and I suggested to him that round about 35 would do me just fine. He found my suggestion amusing and said that, especially since I did not look my age, I should be looking for someone much younger, about 24-25. I, in turn, found his suggestion scarecely credible. What on earth would I be doing wandering around with someone 20 years my junior? What would we talk about? What kind of life-project could we possibly have in common?

Now, many years later, I am still in the dark as to what kind of age difference a respectable Thai woman would deem to be acceptable.

I am wondering, what experiences do other TV members have regarding advice given by Thai people on age differences between partners in romance?

First of all, my advice to you when seeking love is to not give a monkey's turd what other people think. Are you looking for love or are you looking to look good?

Re: what age differenence a respectable Thai woman would deem acceptable, I guess she will be the judge of that - whether you are too old for her.

Got it? Good.

My equation for younger GF or wife is GF/Wife age = (Male/2) +- 7 years

So if I am 54 then the perfect age for my GF/Wife would be older than 20 years and no more than 34 years

[chrisartist]

When I first came to Thailand, I had as an acquaintance an Indian- and UK-educated, 54-year-old Thai man who is well-connected in Thai society. (Hi-so Thais tend to send their offspring to an English-speaking school in India and thence to college/university in the UK.) At the time, I was looking for a girlfriend. I discussed with him where I might find a suitable partner and what sort of age difference I should be looking at. I was 45 at the time and I suggested to him that round about 35 would do me just fine. He found my suggestion amusing and said that, especially since I did not look my age, I should be looking for someone much younger, about 24-25. I, in turn, found his suggestion scarecely credible. What on earth would I be doing wandering around with someone 20 years my junior? What would we talk about? What kind of life-project could we possibly have in common?

Now, many years later, I am still in the dark as to what kind of age difference a respectable Thai woman would deem to be acceptable.

I am wondering, what experiences do other TV members have regarding advice given by Thai people on age differences between partners in romance?

First of all, my advice to you when seeking love is to not give a monkey's turd what other people think. Are you looking for love or are you looking to look good?

Re: what age differenence a respectable Thai woman would deem acceptable, I guess she will be the judge of that - whether you are too old for her.

Got it? Good.

(1) Your advice is completely irrelevant. My question was about what kind of age difference a respectable Thai woman would deem to be acceptable. That question has a determinate answer, irrespective of anything that I mght think about looking for love or looking good.

(2) Although there will be individual differences regarding what age differences a respectable Thai woman would deem to be acceptable, there will be a median, there will be a trend. It is the median or trend about which I am enquiring.

Got it? Good.

Read before you type next time.

Edited August 20, 2009 by chrisartist

[chrisartist]

My equation for younger GF or wife is GF/Wife age = (Male/2) +- 7 years

So if I am 54 then the perfect age for my GF/Wife would be older than 20 years and no more than 34 years

I don't wish to be personal, but the situation demands it. I asked about what experiences TV members had of advice given by *Thai people* regarding age differences. Are you Thai? If so, I will take your suggestion on board. If not, not. Please advise as to whether or not you are Thai by birth and grew up in Thailand.

[bkkjames]

When I first came to Thailand, I had as an acquaintance an Indian- and UK-educated, 54-year-old Thai man who is well-connected in Thai society. (Hi-so Thais tend to send their offspring to an English-speaking school in India and thence to college/university in the UK.) At the time, I was looking for a girlfriend. I discussed with him where I might find a suitable partner and what sort of age difference I should be looking at. I was 45 at the time and I suggested to him that round about 35 would do me just fine. He found my suggestion amusing and said that, especially since I did not look my age, I should be looking for someone much younger, about 24-25. I, in turn, found his suggestion scarecely credible. What on earth would I be doing wandering around with someone 20 years my junior? What would we talk about? What kind of life-project could we possibly have in common?

Now, many years later, I am still in the dark as to what kind of age difference a respectable Thai woman would deem to be acceptable.

I am wondering, what experiences do other TV members have regarding advice given by Thai people on age differences between partners in romance?

First of all, my advice to you when seeking love is to not give a monkey's turd what other people think. Are you looking for love or are you looking to look good?

Re: what age differenence a respectable Thai woman would deem acceptable, I guess she will be the judge of that - whether you are too old for her.

Got it? Good.

(1) Your advice is completely irrelevant. My question was about what kind of age differnece a respectable Thai woman would deem to be acceptable. That question has a determinate answer, irrespective of anything that I mght think about looking for love or looking good.

(2) Although there will be individual differences regarding what age differences a respectable Thai woman would deem to be acceptable, there will be a median, there will be a trend. It is the median or trend about which I am enquiring.

Got it? Good.

Read before you type next time.

Of course the answer would differ depending on the girls age. if she was 18, she would say a few years most. if she was 30, dating a 50 yr old would be ok. but it's up to the individual.

What are doing writing a book on the subject? if so I suggest you go to Thai female forum and do a survey.

[chrisartist]

Of course the answer would differ depending on the girls age. if she was 18, she would say a few years most. if she was 30, dating a 50 yr old would be ok. but it's up to the individual.

What are doing writing a book on the subject? if so I suggest you go to Thai female forum and do a survey.

No, I'm not writing a book. I asked a perfectly serious question because I want to know the answer, for reasons that need not concern you. Why should I do a survey? The responses might be biased. Why is asking here not sufficient? I am likely to get honest responses based on anecdotal evidence (except for people who attempt to be snide, of course......no names mentioned, wink, wink, say no more.)

Edited August 20, 2009 by chrisartist

[bkkjames]

Of course the answer would differ depending on the girls age. if she was 18, she would say a few years most. if she was 30, dating a 50 yr old would be ok. but it's up to the individual.

What are doing writing a book on the subject? if so I suggest you go to Thai female forum and do a survey.

No, I'm not writing a book. I asked a perfectly serious question because I want to know the answer, for reasons that need not concern you. Why should I do a survey? The responses might be biased. Why is asking here not sufficient? I am likely to get honest responses based on anecdotal evidence (except for people who attempt to be snide, of course......no names mentioned, wink, wink, say no more.)

what I am getting at mate is that on here you are getting a predominately farang male point of view (with a few exceptions)... hardly going to the source.

btw, does she like photography, candid photography?

[warriors]

Well I'm 60 and my partner of 6 years is 38 seems to work for us

[bkkjames]

Well I'm 60 and my partner of 6 years is 38 seems to work for us

Now you have gone and throw the OP's curve out the window. Shame on you!

[skipvice]

I am 63 and my thai wife is 59 and been married 38 years, so it works fo us.

[rixalex]

Of course the answer would differ depending on the girls age. if she was 18, she would say a few years most. if she was 30, dating a 50 yr old would be ok. but it's up to the individual.

What are doing writing a book on the subject? if so I suggest you go to Thai female forum and do a survey.

No, I'm not writing a book. I asked a perfectly serious question because I want to know the answer, for reasons that need not concern you. Why should I do a survey? The responses might be biased. Why is asking here not sufficient? I am likely to get honest responses based on anecdotal evidence (except for people who attempt to be snide, of course......no names mentioned, wink, wink, say no more.)

Some people are more light-hearted than others.

No reason to take everything so seriously mate.

[bkkjames]

Since we are all confessing here, I am 42 and the wife is 25. She has a thing for dirty old men like me. Respectable, in my eyes, definately

[jubby]

There's about 11 years between my wife & I. If it was 40 years difference I'm sure she'd still like to consider herself respectable.

Why don't you ask the respectable lady your interested in what she thinks ?

I doubt your going to get your answer here , and I suspect most of our replys will be deemed 'irrelevant' by you anyway

Lighten up mate

[ajarnmark]

OP seems to be a bit... uhm..... out of the track (should I say troll?)

He knows everything about Hi-So Thais, they send their children to India etc.... (what a load of crap, never heard this before)

Yet, he does not know the age difference between him n his partner?

So in my opinion, if you can not figure out the right age difference, then what else you can figure out

Then he is flaming other posters too.... goodluck OP

[chrisartist]

To jubby and bkkjames:

You are reading into my posts something that isn't there. I have no particular woman in mind. I just want to know, so that if I ever get myself into a position where I am meeting women who are more my style and not shop girls or boring businesswomen, I will be able to direct my effort efficiently.

Anyway, thanks for the confessional.

I must confess, while we are confessing, that I had hoped for replies that started something like "My mate Orange thinks....", "My wife's friend Fat said.....", "My motorcycle taxi rider's wife Frog reckons that.....".

I suppose that I was overoptimistic. No worries.

[chrisartist]

OP seems to be a bit... uhm..... out of the track (should I say troll?)

He knows everything about Hi-So Thais, they send their children to India etc.... (what a load of crap, never heard this before)

Yet, he does not know the age difference between him n his partner?

So in my opinion, if you can not figure out the right age difference, then what else you can figure out

Then he is flaming other posters too.... goodluck OP

Fool.

1) I don't know about everything about hi-soThais. I knew this one guy and a few of his friends, a number of years ago, before he threatened to have me shot for refusing to help him out for nothing any more.

2) I have not flamed anyone. Read the posts, ajarn.

3) What concerns me is not the right age difference between me and my partner. I have already explained what I wanted to know. Read the posts, ajarn.

4) Who is doing the flaming, ajarn? Me or the person who said I was talking a load of crap, ajarn? Read the posts, ajarn.

[way2muchcoffee]

I'm 40. Wife is 26. 14 years difference. We've been together 8 years. Run those numbers backwards and it seems a bit extreme, even to me. But with each passing year it makes less difference. When I'm 64 she'll be 50. None of this answers your questions obviously. I'll ask my wife about it later tonight and post her opinion later.

You might consider easing back a bit. No need for all the aggression.... I'm just sayin'.

Edited August 20, 2009 by way2muchcoffee

[bkkjames]

To jubby and bkkjames:

You are reading into my posts something that isn't there. I have no particular woman in mind. I just want to know, so that if I ever get myself into a position where I am meeting women who are more my style and not shop girls or boring businesswomen, I will be able to direct my effort efficiently.

Anyway, thanks for the confessional.

I must confess, while we are confessing, that I had hoped for replies that started something like "My mate Orange thinks....", "My wife's friend Fat said.....", "My motorcycle taxi rider's wife Frog reckons that.....".

I suppose that I was overoptimistic. No worries.

No worries mate, that's why I pointed out at the very beginning that if you and she hook up, fall in love and get married... does it really matter the age difference? In our case, I didn't look at her ID and say 'yea she is the one' (must admit her ass did catch my eye), it just happened.

[chrisartist]

I'm 40. Wife is 26. 14 years difference. We've been together 8 years. Run those numbers backwards and it seems a bit extreme, even to me. But with each passing year it makes less difference. When I'm 64 she'll be 50. None of this answers your questions, nor was it meant to. You might consider easing back a bit. No need for all the aggression.... I'm just sayin'.

Thanks very much for your reply. In response to your remark about aggression, who is to blame, the person who responds to aggression with aggression, or the original aggressor? It seems to me that your remark about me applies in spades to the other folk. I don't take kindly to folk having a go at me. Am I alone in that?

Edited August 20, 2009 by chrisartist

[bkkjames]

I'm 40. Wife is 26. 14 years difference. We've been together 8 years. Run those numbers backwards and it seems a bit extreme, even to me. But with each passing year it makes less difference. When I'm 64 she'll be 50. None of this answers your questions, nor was it meant to. You might consider easing back a bit. No need for all the aggression.... I'm just sayin'.

Thanks very much for your reply. In response to your remark about aggression, who is to blame, the person who responds to aggression with aggression, or the original aggressor? It seems to me that your remark about me applies in spades to the other folk. I don't take kindly to folk having a go at me. Am I alone in that?

Give it some time mate, you will get used to it.

[chrisartist]

I'm 40. Wife is 26. 14 years difference. We've been together 8 years. Run those numbers backwards and it seems a bit extreme, even to me. But with each passing year it makes less difference. When I'm 64 she'll be 50. None of this answers your questions, nor was it meant to. You might consider easing back a bit. No need for all the aggression.... I'm just sayin'.

Thanks very much for your reply. In response to your remark about aggression, who is to blame, the person who responds to aggression with aggression, or the original aggressor? It seems to me that your remark about me applies in spades to the other folk. I don't take kindly to folk having a go at me. Am I alone in that?

Give it some time mate, you will get used to it.

Okay, seems like the ice is thawing a bit now.

[bkkjames]

I'm 40. Wife is 26. 14 years difference. We've been together 8 years. Run those numbers backwards and it seems a bit extreme, even to me. But with each passing year it makes less difference. When I'm 64 she'll be 50. None of this answers your questions, nor was it meant to. You might consider easing back a bit. No need for all the aggression.... I'm just sayin'.

Thanks very much for your reply. In response to your remark about aggression, who is to blame, the person who responds to aggression with aggression, or the original aggressor? It seems to me that your remark about me applies in spades to the other folk. I don't take kindly to folk having a go at me. Am I alone in that?

Give it some time mate, you will get used to it.

Okay, seems like the ice is thawing a bit now.

I am always cool mate, you need to chill.

so tell us about you and I will tell you what the ideal age of a respectable gal would be.

[way2muchcoffee]

Relax Chris. No one likes it when people have a go at them. That is certain. I modified my post above slightly and will get back on the thread when I have more constructive and useful information for you....

Edited August 20, 2009 by way2muchcoffee

[NovaBlue05]

50/41/ 7 years married

[oldsparrow]

I am a Thai, 5th generation born in TL, went to Satit Chula School, Chula U. for BA and UK U. for MA. I thinkI know people of the local respected social circle.

As you may be in early 50, my impression is:

Thai partner in the 20. The girl is strange (for the poor Thai I would think this is girl who trades relation for money.). The guy can be a sort of opportunist.

Thai partner in the 30. The girl must have personal reason. The guy is a lucky one.

Thai partner in the 40. No impression on both

In specific case it really depend on the person and her family's attitude and more importantly your possibility. Possibility may not be the point in question but this is also what the Thai people like me also think of.

The young professional girls are between 25- early 30. They finished U. education and have started the career. They stand on their own or family's legs, have no need and don't want to depend on the partner so the promising young men around her age are preferable. If not, the mature and successful professionals in the 40 are still ok. ie. If this PM is stil single he would be attractive to the late 20 girl too. This group is young, they expected to have partner who will live together for many decade and raise children together.

The respected Thai families will seriously concern the age gap more than you. Families of younger girls (less than 30) may suspect that it's just the girls' fad having relation with you and they would think they know problem will rise from the age gap. Some may have confidence in their girls' judgement but I am sure they would get nervous.

You have to be very charming, attractive and promising to form serious relation. And the relation can be risky. Younger girls still give social life priority and you may not mix up well with her groups. Thai people will look at the couple laughing in their mind.

PS: I am in the 30. Other generation Thais may think differently.

Edited August 20, 2009 by oldsparrow

[bkkjames]

I am a Thai, 5th generation born in TL, went to Satit Chula School, Chula U. for BA and UK U. for MA. I thinkI know people of the local respected social circle.

As you may be in early 50, my impression is:

Thai partner in the 20. The girl is strange (for the poor Thai I would think this is girl who trades relation for money.). The guy can be a sort of opportunist.

Thai partner in the 30. The girl must have personal reason. The guy is a lucky one.

Thai partner in the 40. No impression on both

In specific case it really depend on the person and her family's attitude and more importantly your possibility. Possibility may not be the point in question but this is also what the Thai people like me also think of.

The young professional girls are between 25- early 30. They finished U. education and have started the career. They stand on their own or family's legs, have no need and don't want to depend on the partner so the promising young men around her age are preferable. If not, the mature and successful professionals in the 40 are still ok. ie. If this PM is stil single he would be attractive to the late 20 girl too. This group is young, they expected to have partner who will live together for many decade and raise children together.

The respected Thai families will seriously concern the age gap more than you. Families of younger girls (less than 30) may suspect that it's just the girls' fad having relation with you and they would think they know problem will rise from the age gap. Some may have confidence in their girls' judgement but I am sure they would get nervous.

You have to be very charming, attractive and promising to form serious relation. And the relation can be risky. Younger girls still give social life priority and you may not mix up well with her groups. Thai people will look at the couple laughing in their mind.

PS: I am in the 30. Other generation Thais may think differently.

That's all good and I appreciate what you are saying OldSparrow, but perhaps the OP alsoo needs a lesson in Mia Noi as it relates to upstanding men of respected Thai families.

[chrisartist]

so tell us about you and I will tell you what the ideal age of a respectable gal would be.

In my time I've done everything from 14 years older (Irish ex-pop star: if you know the Val Doonican show in the UK, she was the woman who drove a tractor through the back of the set on stage and wore a squeaky leather bra; I watched this when I was seven years old. Ha, ha!) to 25 years younger (failure; massive gap in outlook). I've steadied up a bit now and I'm thinking that about 10-15 years younger would be about right for me. I'm 53 now.

[chrisartist]

I am a Thai, 5th generation born in TL, went to Satit Chula School, Chula U. for BA and UK U. for MA. I thinkI know people of the local respected social circle.

As you may be in early 50, my impression is:

Thai partner in the 20. The girl is strange (for the poor Thai I would think this is girl who trades relation for money.). The guy can be a sort of opportunist.

Thai partner in the 30. The girl must have personal reason. The guy is a lucky one.

Thai partner in the 40. No impression on both

In specific case it really depend on the person and her family's attitude and more importantly your possibility. Possibility may not be the point in question but this is also what the Thai people like me also think of.

The young professional girls are between 25- early 30. They finished U. education and have started the career. They stand on their own or family's legs, have no need and don't want to depend on the partner so the promising young men around her age are preferable. If not, the mature and successful professionals in the 40 are still ok. ie. If this PM is stil single he would be attractive to the late 20 girl too. This group is young, they expected to have partner who will live together for many decade and raise children together.

The respected Thai families will seriously concern the age gap more than you. Families of younger girls (less than 30) may suspect that it's just the girls' fad having relation with you and they would think they know problem will rise from the age gap. Some may have confidence in their girls' judgement but I am sure they would get nervous.

You have to be very charming, attractive and promising to form serious relation. And the relation can be risky. Younger girls still give social life priority and you may not mix up well with her groups. Thai people will look at the couple laughing in their mind.

PS: I am in the 30. Other generation Thais may think differently.

Excellent! Thanks very much! Very informative!

So now I need to figure out how, from my suburban isolation, I can meet well-educated, attractive, successful, interesting, 40+ Thai women.

[oldsparrow]

bkkjames.

You can pay dearly for the lesson of Mia Noi. It's something the professor can't really pass on secret to the student. Above all, most prof. is fake.