Age Differences In Spouses: What Do Thai People Think About It?

[chrisartist]

When I first came to Thailand, I had as an acquaintance an Indian- and UK-educated, 54-year-old Thai man who is well-connected in Thai society. (Hi-so Thais tend to send their offspring to an English-speaking school in India and thence to college/university in the UK.) At the time, I was looking for a girlfriend. I discussed with him where I might find a suitable partner and what sort of age difference I should be looking at. I was 45 at the time and I suggested to him that round about 35 would do me just fine. He found my suggestion amusing and said that, especially since I did not look my age, I should be looking for someone much younger, about 24-25. I, in turn, found his suggestion scarecely credible. What on earth would I be doing wandering around with someone 20 years my junior? What would we talk about? What kind of life-project could we possibly have in common?

Now, many years later, I am still in the dark as to what kind of age difference a respectable Thai woman would deem to be acceptable.

I am wondering, what experiences do other TV members have regarding advice given by Thai people on age differences between partners in romance?

Interesting anecdote. So what bar did you end up meeting your wife in?

I'm single, and I don't do bar girls, dude (in fact, I don't go to bars at all; any kind of bar). Former relationships include doctor, poet, ex-pop star, artist, university lecturer (2), and English teacher.

[way2muchcoffee]

I think you can go younger than 40. It is my impression that once a Thai woman hits 30 and isn't married she has passed her sell by date and will have an exceedingly difficult time finding a suitable partner in the local community. I'm not saying I agree with this attitude, and I could be wrong, but that's pretty much what I've been told many times in the last 8 years living here.

Edited August 20, 2009 by way2muchcoffee

[pattaya_girl]

My Thai Partner is 18 Years younger than me, we have been together for 8 years and are very happy.

People ask who is the oldest, me or him, so either I look young for my age or he looks old for his age..

[jubby]

I'm 40. Wife is 26. 14 years difference. We've been together 8 years. Run those numbers backwards and it seems a bit extreme, even to me. But with each passing year it makes less difference. When I'm 64 she'll be 50. None of this answers your questions, nor was it meant to. You might consider easing back a bit. No need for all the aggression.... I'm just sayin'.

Thanks very much for your reply. In response to your remark about aggression, who is to blame, the person who responds to aggression with aggression, or the original aggressor? It seems to me that your remark about me applies in spades to the other folk. I don't take kindly to folk having a go at me. Am I alone in that?

Give it some time mate, you will get used to it.

Thanks for that BKKjames, wife wants to know why I'm laughing into my Computer again, She's getting worried about it :D

[Patsycat]

Does love ever enter into your vocabulary? Oh dear, we cannot fall in love because she does not enter into the 10-15 year age gap? What a loada bull..

Oh, and sorry, she was not educated in India!!

Edited August 20, 2009 by Patsycat

[chrisartist]

bkkjames.

You can pay dearly for the lesson of Mia Noi. It's something the professor can't really pass on secret to the student. Above all, most prof. is fake.

Actually, I know something about Mia Noi. My ex-girlfriend had a number of friends who were at college. Two of the friends (aged about 25-26) were Mia Noi. They both loved their boyfriends, who were in their 40s and married. They also seemed to spend a lot of time receiving money and expensive gifts, such as motor cars. They hoped that their boyfriends would leave their wives to be with them all the time. Of course, the boyfriends did not leave their wives. Much wailing and gnashing of teeth ensued, culminating in a painful ending to the relationship. It seems to me that the way of the Mia NOi is the way of Unavoidable Tragedy.

[chrisartist]

Does love ever enter into your vocabulary? Oh dear, we cannot fall in love because she does not enter into the 10-15 year age gap? What a loada bull..

Oh, and sorry, she was not educated in India!!

Not talking about love. Only you have mentioned love. Talking about successful relationship. More to a successful relationship than love alone.

[Gary A]

I worked with a Thai engineer who proved to be a very good friend. He knew I was looking for a wife. He told me that the ideal age difference is half the mans age plus 7 years. I can't say I paid a lot of attention to that advice but I always remembered it. As it turned out, that's what the age difference was with myself and my wife. So far it has proved very true.

[oldsparrow]

You're welcome.

There and more successful single ladies in 40. They have more stable life perception than the younger ones. Some have strange charactors but many are no nonsense. Good luck

[Patsycat]

Does love ever enter into your vocabulary? Oh dear, we cannot fall in love because she does not enter into the 10-15 year age gap? What a loada bull..

Oh, and sorry, she was not educated in India!!

Not talking about love. Only you have mentioned love. Talking about successful relationship. More to a successful relationship than love alone.

Sorry!! Call me a romantic!!

[dondraper]

I'm single, and I don't do bar girls, dude (in fact, I don't go to bars at all; any kind of bar). Former relationships include doctor, poet, ex-pop star, artist, university lecturer (2), and English teacher.

How long is a piece of string?

[chrisartist]

I'm single, and I don't do bar girls, dude (in fact, I don't go to bars at all; any kind of bar). Former relationships include doctor, poet, ex-pop star, artist, university lecturer (2), and English teacher.

How long is a piece of string?

Your reply could mean a number of things. How about making your intended meaning explicit; you know, just for a laugh, to humour us (not to show us your true character.)

[jamora]

My experience with so called "Hi So" Thais is that first of all, they rarely marry farangs, and they rarely have more than around 7-8 years age difference, and as a student at the most expensive university line in Thailand I can say that almost NONE of the "high class" Thais send their kids to India. I have so far not met any who have been to India, some send them to US, Australia, Singapore and UK, but none to India... Why on earth would they send their kids to India???

[jubby]

Chrisartist,

Have you thought about Internet dating if your so Isolated ?

[dondraper]

Your reply could mean a number of things. How about making your intended meaning explicit; you know, just for a laugh, to humour us (not to show us your true character.)

You think every girl has the same standards or opinions about how old a man is that she will date? Do you think Pierce Brosnan and yourself are in the same league?

You, and many of the other middle aged men on this forum, seem to desire some sort of robotic set of rules to govern Thai people and their thoughts because its too difficult to view each Thai person as an individual with their own personality and preferences.

[pattaya_girl]

Chrisartist,

Have you thought about Internet dating if your so Isolated ?

[dondraper]

My experience with so called "Hi So" Thais is that first of all, they rarely marry farangs, and they rarely have more than around 7-8 years age difference, and as a student at the most expensive university line in Thailand I can say that almost NONE of the "high class" Thais send their kids to India. I have so far not met any who have been to India, some send them to US, Australia, Singapore and UK, but none to India... Why on earth would they send their kids to India???

My experience with farang talking about "Hi So Thais" is that you never know where they draw the line. "I met a Hi So Thai girl who works as a receptionist in a travel agency. She drives a 01' Civic, only 50,000 kms."

Or, "I am not interested in wasting my money in Hi So restuarants like MK or Fuji, nope, a good ole food court is all I need. I guess I am just really Buddhist."

[dougieboy]

What a load of old twoddle, now stop disturbing me!

[jamora]

My experience with so called "Hi So" Thais is that first of all, they rarely marry farangs, and they rarely have more than around 7-8 years age difference, and as a student at the most expensive university line in Thailand I can say that almost NONE of the "high class" Thais send their kids to India. I have so far not met any who have been to India, some send them to US, Australia, Singapore and UK, but none to India... Why on earth would they send their kids to India???

My experience with farang talking about "Hi So Thais" is that you never know where they draw the line. "I met a Hi So Thai girl who works as a receptionist in a travel agency. She drives a 01' Civic, only 50,000 kms."

Or, "I am not interested in wasting my money in Hi So restuarants like MK or Fuji, nope, a good ole food court is all I need. I guess I am just really Buddhist."

When I talk about "Hi-So", Im talking about movie stars, doctors, royal people, managers at international companies... people with big houses, lots of maids, ferraries, mercedes, porsche etc... of course im not talking about receptionists, or people who consider MK or FUJI expensive... who would find thoese people Hi-So?

But true, many dont where to draw the line, but now you know where i do!

[Bolo]

To jubby and bkkjames:

You are reading into my posts something that isn't there. I have no particular woman in mind. I just want to know, so that if I ever get myself into a position where I am meeting women who are more my style and not shop girls or boring businesswomen, I will be able to direct my effort efficiently.

Anyway, thanks for the confessional.

I must confess, while we are confessing, that I had hoped for replies that started something like "My mate Orange thinks....", "My wife's friend Fat said.....", "My motorcycle taxi rider's wife Frog reckons that.....".

I suppose that I was overoptimistic. No worries.

ChrisArtist, I am farang and have a girlfriend who is a respectable woman in Thailand. Has a nice job and home. She is around my age and she has certainly filled me in on this type of thing you are asking about. I will say she says it is looked down on. She has given me so many examples of it I couldn't begin to remember where to start.

I think she is probably telling me all this as well just to keep me on my toes too.

But like the others say, if it works for you then don't worry about what others think. Be a rebel.

[chrisartist]

My experience with so called "Hi So" Thais is that first of all, they rarely marry farangs, and they rarely have more than around 7-8 years age difference, and as a student at the most expensive university line in Thailand I can say that almost NONE of the "high class" Thais send their kids to India. I have so far not met any who have been to India, some send them to US, Australia, Singapore and UK, but none to India... Why on earth would they send their kids to India???

I can't speak for today, but the guy I knew, who will be 63 now, was sent to school in India, as was his brother; and it was, apparently, a standard deal. He was far from the only Thai at his Indian school. So, even though you have never met any who have been to India, some hi-so Thai went, nevertheless. Think back 60 years, when India had only recently overthrown the shackles of British colonialism and her education system was like Little Britain. What would a well-off, hi-so Thai be thinking? India is close. It is good value. The education was good. Why send kids far afield to go to school? Better to save money to send them to good universities in the UK or US later on.

I don't see the relevance of your point that so-called hi-so Thais rarely marry farangs. It doesn't seem to have anything to do with anything that anyone else has posted, including myself. (Not that it isn't true; I'm sure it is. Just that it does not seem to be relevant.....I, for one, would not touch a high-so Thai woman with a 10-foot pole. Indeed, I wouldn't touch a hi-so woman from anywhere with a 10-foot pole. Too much posturing, not enough substance.)

[chrisartist]

To jubby and bkkjames:

You are reading into my posts something that isn't there. I have no particular woman in mind. I just want to know, so that if I ever get myself into a position where I am meeting women who are more my style and not shop girls or boring businesswomen, I will be able to direct my effort efficiently.

Anyway, thanks for the confessional.

I must confess, while we are confessing, that I had hoped for replies that started something like "My mate Orange thinks....", "My wife's friend Fat said.....", "My motorcycle taxi rider's wife Frog reckons that.....".

I suppose that I was overoptimistic. No worries.

ChrisArtist, I am farang and have a girlfriend who is a respectable woman in Thailand. Has a nice job and home. She is around my age and she has certainly filled me in on this type of thing you are asking about. I will say she says it is looked down on. She has given me so many examples of it I couldn't begin to remember where to start.

I think she is probably telling me all this as well just to keep me on my toes too.

But like the others say, if it works for you then don't worry about what others think. Be a rebel.

Thanks, but I have never in my life been worried about what others think. As I said above, I wanted an answer to my question so that I could could down on search effort by excluding people from the search categories.

[chrisartist]

Chrisartist,

Have you thought about Internet dating if your so Isolated ?

Better to go out and look. A lot of effort can be wasted on internet dating: scammers, whores, and then if you finally meet someone, you find that you have no attracttion to each other at all, despite the fact that you get along okay when composing messages to each other. 

[britmaveric]

Asked Ms. Brit she say.... "Thai lady not think about what age is respectable, but if she love who she is with and he take care of her."

[dondraper]

Asked Ms. Brit she say.... "Thai lady not think about what age is respectable, but if she love who she is with and he take care of her."

you want me to translate that for you?

[jamora]

My experience with so called "Hi So" Thais is that first of all, they rarely marry farangs, and they rarely have more than around 7-8 years age difference, and as a student at the most expensive university line in Thailand I can say that almost NONE of the "high class" Thais send their kids to India. I have so far not met any who have been to India, some send them to US, Australia, Singapore and UK, but none to India... Why on earth would they send their kids to India???

I can't speak for today, but the guy I knew, who will be 63 now, was sent to school in India, as was his brother; and it was, apparently, a standard deal. He was far from the only Thai at his Indian school. So, even though you have never met any who have been to India, some hi-so Thai went, nevertheless. Think back 60 years, when India had only recently overthrown the shackles of British colonialism and her education system was like Little Britain. What would a well-off, hi-so Thai be thinking? India is close. It is good value. The education was good. Why send kids far afield to go to school? Better to save money to send them to good universities in the UK or US later on.

I don't see the relevance of your point that so-called hi-so Thais rarely marry farangs. It doesn't seem to have anything to do with anything that anyone else has posted, including myself. (Not that it isn't true; I'm sure it is. Just that it does not seem to be relevant.....I, for one, would not touch a high-so Thai woman with a 10-foot pole. Indeed, I wouldn't touch a hi-so woman from anywhere with a 10-foot pole. Too much posturing, not enough substance.)

Well Im sure you could be right about the past, all I know about is present day. You asked about the age difference, and since the first problem is being accepted as a farang, then the age difference can only pose a greater problem. It took me four years to be accepted by my parents-in-law, and a demand that I get a higher education, and we are almost the same age (and we are young, below 30)

[chrisartist]

You think every girl has the same standards or opinions about how old a man is that she will date? Do you think Pierce Brosnan and yourself are in the same league?

No. Read my other posts and you will be enlightened.

You seem to desire some sort of robotic set of rules to govern Thai people and their thoughts because its too difficult to view each Thai person as an individual with their own personality and preferences.

No. What a load of toss. Didn't I mention "trend"? I think I did. Didn't I? Anybody else recall that I said "trend"? Anybody else think that populations exhibit trends, rather than robotic sets of rules?

Everybody is an individual. Each individual also exhibits characteristics in common with other people, to a greater or lesser degree. Capische?

(Please note that I deleted "and many of the other middle-aged men on the forum" to save you the embarrassment of having made an unwarranted and irrelevant generalisation; c.f. the forum stricture against making derogatory remarks about all Thai people.)

Edited August 20, 2009 by chrisartist

[chrisartist]

Well Im sure you could be right about the past, all I know about is present day. You asked about the age difference, and since the first problem is being accepted as a farang, then the age difference can only pose a greater problem. It took me four years to be accepted by my parents-in-law, and a demand that I get a higher education, and we are almost the same age (and we are young, below 30)

Fair enough. I already have a PhD and I run a successful business, so I don't have to worry about that kind of stuff. I'm hoping that if I meet someone who is not too much younger than I am, I won't have to worry about what the parents' think about my nationality and age difference, either.

Edited August 20, 2009 by chrisartist

[dondraper]

So a 53 year old in Thailand does not like being called middle-aged. What a surprise.

[chrisartist]

My experience with so called "Hi So" Thais is that first of all, they rarely marry farangs, and they rarely have more than around 7-8 years age difference, and as a student at the most expensive university line in Thailand I can say that almost NONE of the "high class" Thais send their kids to India. I have so far not met any who have been to India, some send them to US, Australia, Singapore and UK, but none to India... Why on earth would they send their kids to India???

My experience with farang talking about "Hi So Thais" is that you never know where they draw the line. "I met a Hi So Thai girl who works as a receptionist in a travel agency. She drives a 01' Civic, only 50,000 kms."

Or, "I am not interested in wasting my money in Hi So restuarants like MK or Fuji, nope, a good ole food court is all I need. I guess I am just really Buddhist."

When I talk about "Hi-So", Im talking about movie stars, doctors, royal people, managers at international companies... people with big houses, lots of maids, ferraries, mercedes, porsche etc... of course im not talking about receptionists, or people who consider MK or FUJI expensive... who would find thoese people Hi-So?

But true, many dont where to draw the line, but now you know where i do!

I agree with jamora, except for movie stars. I think they are lo-so but have a lot of money.....and doctors are only marginally hi-so. I would call them upper middle class, along with university professors, lawyers, accountants, vets, scientific researchers, etc.