Does Your Thai Wife/partner/gf Let You Cheat?

[bonobo]

Travel2003 points out that if both spouses are aware and approve of any sort of extracurricular relationship, then it is not cheating.

However, beyond the boundary of mutually approved adult adventure, people cheat. It is human nature.  According to many different studies, in western society, upwards of 85% of married people break the bounds of monogamy at some time in their lives.  So from a purely statistical standpoint, most of the people posting here have either done it or will do it sometime in the future.

I am not advocating cheating.  I don't advocate not exercising nor eating surgary snack foods, either, and I don't advocate smoking.  But people do those even if these things are known to be harmful.  But it is foolish, in my humble opinion, to expect each and every one of us to remain monogamous.  

If you are one the the 15% who either has no interest (asexual), no social skills which would allow you to find a willing partner, or the discipline to put off temptation, I applaud you (well, applaud those with the discipline, at least).

If you are one of those in the other 85% who cheat, I just hope you don't suffer any negative consequences to either yourself or your partner. And if you are one who through swinging or who merely has an understanding spouse/partner (male or female) and can do what others do but without the cheating, then count your lucky stars.

[WinnieTheKhwai]

Why is it even called 'cheating' by the way.. Is one's partner cheated out of something?

Anyway, no questions asked.

Edited September 13, 2009 by WinnieTheKhwai

[tb86]

Some truth (sometimes) to that part of your post, but the rest is crap.

Tell me which part you don't belive in.

Are you a Thai? I am telling what a typical Thai think and why don't you believe it?

Do you know what a Thai think better than me?

"A good Thai girls will never marry a farang".

That is total crap and you know it. I'm amazed you would say something so stupid and inaccurate.

right you must not know many good thai girls, then i know at least 6-7 other couples that met wile going to school abroad, married and then came back here. Hang out with the thais that were western educated..... See how well your theory holds up.

[imaneggspurt]

I didnt vote as my option isnt there, and in my opinion if a wife lets the husband cheat shes in for the money,not love, no doubt about it,.anyone of any nationality that loves their partner would not want to be treated this way,.common sense isnt it ?

[Travel2003]

I didnt vote as my option isnt there, and in my opinion if a wife lets the husband cheat shes in for the money,not love, no doubt about it,.anyone of any nationality that loves their partner would not want to be treated this way,.common sense isnt it ?

Hi there

This is not always the case.

World wide.

Some women let their husbands behave this bad, just to keep the family together.

This has been quite common in the so called macho cultured areas in the world, up to very recent.

And then there are the women that sadly accept the fact that the husband do this, but stay with him for the reason that she still loves him, and hope he will change.

[mauGR1]

I didnt vote as my option isnt there, and in my opinion if a wife lets the husband cheat shes in for the money,not love, no doubt about it,.anyone of any nationality that loves their partner would not want to be treated this way,.common sense isnt it ?

Hi there

This is not always the case.

World wide.

Some women let their husbands behave this bad, just to keep the family together.

This has been quite common in the so called macho cultured areas in the world, up to very recent.

And then there are the women that sadly accept the fact that the husband do this, but stay with him for the reason that she still loves him, and hope he will change.

...Or maybe hates him but carries on because of the children..

I guess Thailand is changing,women don't easily tolerate a cheating husband like probably did in the past.

[bonobo]

I didnt vote as my option isnt there, and in my opinion if a wife lets the husband cheat shes in for the money,not love, no doubt about it,.anyone of any nationality that loves their partner would not want to be treated this way,.common sense isnt it ?

I personally know one couple where the husband had prostate cancer and surgery and can no longer achieve an erection.  After a few years of this situation, the husband told his wife she could find that specific sort of satisfaction elsewhere, as long as he was not kept in the dark. Initially , she refused for concern about his feelings, but when she realized he was serious, she took him up on the offer. 

From what I have observed of them, they are deeply in love.  So while this is not cheating per my own interpretation as the husband has given his blessing, I think this points out that all cases are different, and some people may allow their partner to have experiences outside the bounds of matrimony.  Some people can do this while still being in love.

[sassienie]

Putting aside the moral arguments of having sexual relationships outside of the marriage, what most here seem to ignore is the health risks involved.

Those in so called open relationships are ignoring the fact that diseases such as AIDs and STDs exist out there.

If my wife was sleeping around, I certainly would be weary of having sexual relations with her, unless we agreed to practice safe sex during the whole of our marriage, or not sleep together ever again. It’s the same scenario vice versa if the husband is having bits on the side. Especially if the couple have young children, putting them at risk or perhaps turning them into orphans if the parents die from a sexually transmitted disease. A simple case of cheating could evolve into a death sentence for the unsuspecting partner.

So think carefully folks, there is a lot more to this than just the rights and wrongs and duties to each other as a married couple.

Edited September 13, 2009 by sassienie

[bonobo]

Putting aside the moral arguments of having sexual relationships outside of the marriage, what most here seem to ignore is the health risks involved.

Those in so called open relationships are ignoring the fact that diseases such as AIDs and STDs exist out there.

If my wife was sleeping around, I certainly would be weary of having sexual relations with her, unless we agreed to practice safe sex during the whole of our marriage, or not sleep together ever again. It's the same scenario vice versa if the husband is having bits on the side. Especially if the couple have young children, putting them at risk or perhaps turning them into orphans if the parents die from a sexually transmitted disease. A simple case of cheating could evolve into a death sentence for the unsuspecting partner.

So think carefully folks, there is a lot more to this than just the rights and wrongs and duties to each other as a married couple.

Once again, putting aside the morality of the action in the first place, anyone who doesn't practice safe sex if they are having intimate contact outside of a marriage, or any single person having sex with others, for that matter, is really being foolish.

[a99az]

I think I would be in deep $h-+ if I did. But I do understand that it goes on you can read about here.

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/Thai-Woman-B...html&st=175

hope this link works if not cut a paste

[Svenn]

Those in so called open relationships are ignoring the fact that diseases such as AIDs and STDs exist out there.

A simple case of cheating could evolve into a death sentence for the unsuspecting partner.

Once again, putting aside the morality of the action in the first place, anyone who doesn't practice safe sex if they are having intimate contact outside of a marriage, or any single person having sex with others, for that matter, is really being foolish.

Yes, of course one should use condoms, but I really think a possible "death sentence" is over-dramatic... condoms are 100% effective at blocking terminal diseases such as HIV, any professional or organization that says otherwise is just covering their backside for liability purposes. Now it is true you can get mild or harmless dermatological diseases even if you wear a condom (from the contact of other uncovered bodyparts) but those ailments are usually harmless. Condoms only fail when they fall off. So this "you're risking the unsuspecting partner's life if you cheat" argument is disingenuous in my opinion.

Edited September 13, 2009 by Svenn

[wolf5370]

My mrs would be blunting the scissors especially for my 'home coming night'!

[Svenn]

A lot of the discourse society has about cheating is contradictory in my opinion. One the one hand, there is great condemnation and disgust for it (as one poster said here, 'it is one of the worst things you can do to another person')... but on the other hand, the great majority of culture around us seems to belie this aversion. For instance, beauty and 'sexiness' are coveted and idolized by nearly every age group, stores market such products to women who are even 60+ years old... 'player' figures such as James Bond or John F. Kennedy (who once said, ""You know, I get a migraine headache if I don't get a strange piece of ass every day") are seen as 'cool' and are the average woman's standard of attractiveness.

This discussion may all be old hat for most people, but its surprising and new to me as I get older and start reflecting on longer-term relationships. I know a lot of posters here spent time in the Middle East, which (ignoring its faults) I hear is more 'family-friendly' in the respect that sexuality is not encouraged directly or indirectly in culture (women cover up, restaurants separate single men from others, etc), what are your experiences? Is that a more moral relationship culture than ours?

[Lopburi99]

Speaking up would be breaking the golden rule. If you cheat, never talk about it to anyone. That just makes you vulnerable as well as look bad. You tell even one person and others will surely find out.

Absolutely true. This is the golden rule. If you ever should cheat (for whatever reason) NEVER tell your wife/gf. Even if confronted, deny anything happened to the end. At least this keeps open some room for doubt in your partner's mind, something which could make all the difference. I disagree with some psychologists, "coming clean" that you have cheated is never a good idea. Don't take the chance thinking you may be helping smooth it over. It won't!

Keep in mind, for most people hearing their partner has cheated is about the most horrible news ever (unless the person no longer cares). The relationship is never, ever the same.

I might add I say this from experience. My first Thai wife_from_Hell while in a particularly nasty mood once admitted she was humping some farang who flew into BKK for five days while I was in the states arranging for visas for her and the two boys to come over. I remember once calling her and noted something suspicious in her saying she was at a company meeting in a hotel. Anyway, I asked her about it several times afterward and she always denied anything was going on but when she finally fessed up to the dirty deed (in detail), it really hurt even though I knew at that time our marriage was over. It added insult to injury. I wish she had continued to deny it, it would have been better for me. I never should have pressed the matter, that was my mistake. As I remember, she was winded on the phone once when I called. Hmmm, wonder why? A disturbing visual comes to mind, her on top of him while saying she loves me on the phone. What a scamming sl#t she was. Being with her were the worst two years of my life.

Edited September 14, 2009 by Lopburi99

[Unfaithful]

Yes.Partner approves.Explicit, implicit.He's Thai.After we moved, he gave Sanni Noi directions to new short time hotel.

[Svenn]

I might add I say this from experience. My first Thai wife_from_Hell while in a particularly nasty mood once admitted she was humping some farang who flew into BKK for five days while I was in the states arranging for visas for her and the two boys to come over. I remember once calling her and noted something suspicious in her saying she was at a company meeting in a hotel. Anyway, I asked her about it several times afterward and she always denied anything was going on but when she finally fessed up to the dirty deed (in detail), it really hurt even though I knew at that time our marriage was over. It added insult to injury. I wish she had continued to deny it, it would have been better for me. I never should have pressed the matter, that was my mistake. As I remember, she was winded on the phone once when I called. Hmmm, wonder why? A disturbing visual comes to mind, her on top of him while saying she loves me on the phone. What a scamming sl#t she was. Being with her were the worst two years of my life.

I've never been cheated on so I don't know how it feels, ...so after that, did you not have any feelings for her at all? Does being cheated-on make a person totally loose connection to someone they were close to before? I dunno, it seems like I'd be shocked and angry at first, but if I really had a deep connection to that person, those feelings might subside as I learn what lead to the errant behavior. I've heard it said before that men are hurt much more if their partner cheats than women, since it leads men, who are the providers and dominant players usually, to all sorts of feelings of inadequacy.

[britmaveric]

^some lad is shagging your Mrs. on the phone while you are chatting away with her and you are wondering if some connection still exists? If you want to fk around then be single not that hard a concept.

[ianwuk]

I may be many things but I am certainly not a cheater.

The thought never entered my head.

Ian

[a2396]

My TG partner is of the opinion that men need variety and will go and get it anyway whether she agrees or not. Therefore she just places conditions on it ! We are not married, and never will be as I will not fall into that trap... ( again )

"only men need variety" ? Not true from what I have seen here. Women just as prone for GIK's and multiple partners as the men and I don't mean bar girls. Most, if not all, in secret and on the sly. They are experts at concealment.

[a2396]

I told my wife I came here for more than the food and good weather. However, I like to be straight. I dont want to be like lots of other guys and say I'm at a work do when I am really in some sleazy short time hotel. I couldnt live like that. Anyhow she is ok with it as long as she knows whats going on and I think about her/my health. I dont make a hog of myself and it probably only happens a couple of times a year. I just tell her I want us to go on holiday somewhere and I want to take a girl. I usually ask her help to pick and the first time was hilarious. She liked the look of a girl so we arranged it. Then she liked another, and then one for her as she might give it a try!!. At three girls I needed a pee before leaving. By the time I got back there was a fourth...coz of the lovely smile.

Back at the hotel she indulged for a little while, then decided it was not her cup of tea so showed the others what I liked, showered, brushed her teeth, and went to sleep! She is very cool about it all...just as long as I take precautions and keep nothing from her. Its only sex. On the other hand she was furious about a girl at work who kept smsing me one weekend. Thats love, a completely different thing.

Total BS!!! Never saw or heard of such a situation.

[Travel2003]

I've never been cheated on so I don't know how it feels, ...

Svenn

How do you know that?

Of course, I hope for your sake it is correct.

But all we can do is to trust the other part, and hope we are right about the good feeling.

[DonJuanDemarco]

The guys whose wives let them cheat do so because they are repulsed by them and do not want the responsibility to sleep with them. Those who actually love their husbands will not be happy about them sleeping around.

Sorry to burst the farang delusional balloon.

[bonobo]

I told my wife I came here for more than the food and good weather. However, I like to be straight. I dont want to be like lots of other guys and say I'm at a work do when I am really in some sleazy short time hotel. I couldnt live like that. Anyhow she is ok with it as long as she knows whats going on and I think about her/my health. I dont make a hog of myself and it probably only happens a couple of times a year. I just tell her I want us to go on holiday somewhere and I want to take a girl. I usually ask her help to pick and the first time was hilarious. She liked the look of a girl so we arranged it. Then she liked another, and then one for her as she might give it a try!!. At three girls I needed a pee before leaving. By the time I got back there was a fourth...coz of the lovely smile.

Back at the hotel she indulged for a little while, then decided it was not her cup of tea so showed the others what I liked, showered, brushed her teeth, and went to sleep! She is very cool about it all...just as long as I take precautions and keep nothing from her. Its only sex. On the other hand she was furious about a girl at work who kept smsing me one weekend. Thats love, a completely different thing.

Total BS!!! Never saw or heard of such a situation.

So because you have never heard of such an occurrence, the poster must be lying?

Come on, folks, let's stay away from the flames and keep this civil.

[Lopburi99]

I might add I say this from experience. My first Thai wife_from_Hell while in a particularly nasty mood once admitted she was humping some farang who flew into BKK for five days while I was in the states arranging for visas for her and the two boys to come over. I remember once calling her and noted something suspicious in her saying she was at a company meeting in a hotel. Anyway, I asked her about it several times afterward and she always denied anything was going on but when she finally fessed up to the dirty deed (in detail), it really hurt even though I knew at that time our marriage was over. It added insult to injury. I wish she had continued to deny it, it would have been better for me. I never should have pressed the matter, that was my mistake. As I remember, she was winded on the phone once when I called. Hmmm, wonder why? A disturbing visual comes to mind, her on top of him while saying she loves me on the phone. What a scamming sl#t she was. Being with her were the worst two years of my life.

I've never been cheated on so I don't know how it feels, ...so after that, did you not have any feelings for her at all? Does being cheated-on make a person totally loose connection to someone they were close to before? I dunno, it seems like I'd be shocked and angry at first, but if I really had a deep connection to that person, those feelings might subside as I learn what lead to the errant behavior. I've heard it said before that men are hurt much more if their partner cheats than women, since it leads men, who are the providers and dominant players usually, to all sorts of feelings of inadequacy.

I lost all feelings for her because I realized I never knew who she really was, and that the dream Thai wife I thought I had never existed. It was all delusion.

As for other feelings, I felt totally foolish for not recognizing the red flags and still do. As the saying goes, "the one in love is the last to know". Stupid shit I was. I was not a young kid, but I fell for that woman like I was a teenager. I also now feel embarrassed because my family saw this all coming and warned me, but I wouldn't listen. I went for the gold and was left holding a turd.

After the divorce she called me and wanted to remain "good friends". This was for face-saving on her part because her deception was well known in the village and was receiving a lot of grief. Needless to say, I would have no part of that.

Edited September 14, 2009 by Lopburi99

[Svenn]

Those who actually love their husbands will not be happy about them sleeping around.

Upwards of 30% in the poll are allowed some sort of extra-marital sex... I suppose it's possible that 1/3 of thai-farang relationships on thaivisa don't have any love, but it seems improbable. The ones without love or affection are usually only the weird relationships where there's like a 30+ year age difference and the guy has some serious social problems. Most thaivisa posters seem to be intelligent enough to access a computer and record thoughts, something I don't think the latter would be inclined to do. Just my opinion.

[MB1]

I really don't want this topic to get closed, since I'm genuinely interested in a sociological sense what average farang-Thai relationships are like in Thailand, so please, no lame, one-sentence quips trolls. I personally fall in the third category, but several people I know fall into the first and second categories. Please give your own serious observations, from Thailand or elsewhere in Asia.

I think I fall into the fourth category, thats what I voted anyway.

I have been seeing the same Thai now for 6 years, I dont live in Thailand but visit 4 to 5 times a year staying for a month at a time and we seem to have a good relationship when together, when I'm at home in the UK we phone or text most days, never considered getting married and dont see it for the future but you never know, I'm just happy having a good time when we are together and I have never cheated on her In Thailand but I must say that it gets tempting at times with all thats on offer but up to now I've resisted the temptation and stick to window shopping and a bit of flirting at times..

Funny thing happened in January this year when visiting and also in August this year,she said the same thing, she said to me "Why you not go with other lady"

and my reply was why do I want to go with other lady when I am happy with you and her reply was,

"You cant eat same food all of the time, sometimes you want to try something different"

Maybe she's making a joke or testing me with her Thai mentality but she has said in the past that if I went with another woman in Thailand for a one nighter it would not bother her if she knew about it from me, if she found out from another source then a different matter alltogether.

Her only real stipulation to this was that soi 6 Pattaya is not allowed and if I did, my private parts would be cut off and fed to dog...

I cant make my mind up if she is being serious or if it's just a test to see if I would go with another woman and she is testing my reactions because of how we ended up together 6 years ago..

Only time will tell if I do take her up on her offer.

Edited September 14, 2009 by MB1

[DonJuanDemarco]

Those who actually love their husbands will not be happy about them sleeping around.

Upwards of 30% in the poll are allowed some sort of extra-marital sex... I suppose it's possible that 1/3 of thai-farang relationships on thaivisa don't have any love, but it seems improbable. The ones without love or affection are usually only the weird relationships where there's like a 30+ year age difference and the guy has some serious social problems. Most thaivisa posters seem to be intelligent enough to access a computer and record thoughts, something I don't think the latter would be inclined to do. Just my opinion.

30% sounds about right to me...

[najman]

Some truth (sometimes) to that part of your post, but the rest is crap.

Tell me which part you don't belive in.

Are you a Thai? I am telling what a typical Thai think and why don't you believe it?

Do you know what a Thai think better than me?

I know numerous thais all with different opinions about many things. You dont speak for all thai's. You speak for yourself only and your ideas are different to my friends who are also Thai. Dont try to use generalisations such as "all thai's"

Some thai woman will accept it, some thai woman will be happy to cheat, some thai woman only care its descreet, some thai woman would be broken hearted. some thai woman would rip your nuts off and feed some other parts to the ducks. so get over the "all thai woman" crap

[EffectiveAnger]

Then there are happily married couples who play together with others. I wouldn't call that "cheating" as both people are there together and approving of their actions.

You mean swingers? I think there is a distinction between swingers and cheaters. The later is when one or both partners have no idea and probably would not approve of their partner having sex outside of the relationship. Of course a lot of people make up all sorts of excuses for their cheating, but it's still cheating if the partner doesn't like it. I don't care if they turn a blind eye or not. If you have to keep your mouth shut in fear of a negative reaction from your partner, you are in fact cheating regarless if she knows or not. Unless she's there waiting for you to come home and tell her every juicy detail without a hint of jealously in her tone, I think you are cheating.

There's always an imbalance of power in any relationship and it's mostly the one with the shortest end of the stick who gets the shaft.

What comes around goes around. Thai culture insists on paybacks. Just prepare yourself when you find out that your wife is pregnant with another man's child. It happens here, believe me. I know of a few guys who are bitter ...

[ozzieovaseas]

For an old farang, you will be like a gold mine for Thai girls, and that's it.

For a young farang, you will be like a new toy for Thai girls. They will show you around like a new toy, the same way that you show your new BMW to your neighbor, and that's it. Believe me.

And if they don't want you to cheat, it means they don't want to loose a new toy which can be transformed into a gold mine in the future.

Some truth (sometimes) to that part of your post, but the rest is crap.

Yeh i agree LOP..he does have a point but the point is that his point comes from the point of view of a the typical average thai guy mindset..which..ahem..what can i say..we all know how much these pearls of wisdom are sometimes worth.

His theory (and later thoughts) and the generalization of "all" thai girls falls down in the cases of many long term posters on here that have long term relationships like Lop...

And i suspect thats because the above farangs are MATURE and have MATURE wives...and by that i dont always mean age..

BTW..to the thai guy who upset LOP:

You failed to bring up the issue of the habits of many of your own countrymen who have two or three "youngster" playmates and pay them an ongoing SALARY of around 10,000 a month for the privelege..tell us....that is the going rate for you guys is it not!!??

So...Who's the bigger clown?