I Just Don't Get It

[Sakeopete]

I just don't get it, in the last few days I have crossed paths with several farang in my small city. Like always I give a friendly hello with a smile and the response has been that of a rat scurrying away. Let me describe myself, I'm a normal early forties professional with no hideous tattoos, body piercings, skulls on chains or colorfully spiked hair. Basically I'm your average Joe family man. As a Canadian I am naturally friendly and have no problems chatting with people I just met. However the response I get for a friendly hello puzzles me, am I looked upon as a Leper or are these guys criminals not wanting to be recognized? I would have thought meeting fellow farang in small towns would be easy as we are few and far between. Is it the expats in my town or do other TV'ers experience similar reactions?

[473geo]

The best I can come up with is that they are either just unsociable, and always have been, have lost their social skills somewhere in Thailand, or they are crapping themselves in case they may be placed in a postion where they may be expected to issue an invitation for a beer....heaven forbid!!!!........

There are a few out there who still approach other people of all races with a genuine sociable greeting........

Beware being labelled a 'bobblehead'..........there is a downside to being polite.....

[WhiteShrek]

You sound far too normal to be a foreigner in Thailand. Perhaps that's part of your problem if it extends to your looks and behavior too.

[473geo]

There is a thread you could read on TV - 'why not socialise more?'

[MrHammer]

Maybe they're on the lamb?

[Shuguk]

I just don't get it, in the last few days I have crossed paths with several farang in my small city. Like always I give a friendly hello with a smile and the response has been that of a rat scurrying away. Let me describe myself, I'm a normal early forties professional with no hideous tattoos, body piercings, skulls on chains or colorfully spiked hair. Basically I'm your average Joe family man. As a Canadian I am naturally friendly and have no problems chatting with people I just met. However the response I get for a friendly hello puzzles me, am I looked upon as a Leper or are these guys criminals not wanting to be recognized? I would have thought meeting fellow farang in small towns would be easy as we are few and far between. Is it the expats in my town or do other TV'ers experience similar reactions?

Yes, I don`t get it either. I have just returned from an enjoyable 2 month holiday in Thailand. While visiting a dentist in Korat, where my GF was getting some treatment I was waiting in the small waiting room when a farang, from central Europe, entered along with his Thai wife and young child. I was totally ignored. Coming from Scotland myself I could not believe it. On a second visit I had a bit more success with a young English guy just coming out of the treatment room, but maybe I said the wrong thing and asked him what soup he was having that day. At least I got a smile from him.

Another enjoyable chat was had with an Aussie guy while waiting outside Tesco Lotus in Pak Chong. This lucky guy spent 8 months in Oz every year, and 4 months in Thailand. Yea, I enjoyed our blether.......but to the other 100 farang who either blanked me or looked away as they got near.....how silly.

[fridgemagnet]

what's a bobblehead?

[p_brownstone]

Maybe they're on the lamb?

Or just sheepish?

Sorry - leaving now.

Patrick

[mauGR1]

MrDirk,it might have something to do with the population density.

In my country i usually don't greet strangers,but if walking in the mountains is normal to exchange words when meeting someone on the path.

Regarding Thailand,it can depend on my mood,on the "book cover" as well,but having met quite a few weirdos i'm often on the ignore attitude.

I must look like a potential weirdo too,because i'm often ignored by people who are looking nice.

[tw25rw]

Maybe they're on the lamb?

Or just sheepish?

Sorry - leaving now.

Patrick

Or just baa..

[robblok]

Face it.. dutch are always normal.. i could know im Dutch.

I just say hello to people just met an english guy who moved in here. If i see a farang in the supermarktet i would talk to him too if he is interested. Sometimes they are not no problem, sometimes i just dont notice them.

[Geekfreaklover]

After living for a number of years in Asia the novelty of meeting another white person wares off.

I would never get any work done if I was to stop and chat to every random foreigner I met in the street.

Edited October 3, 2009 by Geekfreaklover

[Deke]

I think it is a small town/big city thing. Another way of saying population density, I guess.

People with more of a small town background, anywhere in the world, seem to be more friendly toward strangers.

[TallForeigner]

Being a fellow, boringly normal Canadian also, I often wonder if greetings "out-of-the-blue" to strangers is 'strange' for some European cultures........Could that be true?

My MO is that I greet somebody once. Without a reciprocal friendly gesture beyond a cursory hello, I'm outta there.

My normal greeting goes like this, "Hello farang,....... How are you.......... Where you from"

An Englishman moved in down the street. A Dutchman a couple blocks away. I chatted them up at their home when I first encountered them, told them where I lived and invited them over for a 'beverage' anytime. I'm a personable guy with some pizzaz so they were not encountering a dullard.

But I did that only once. After that it was a passing greeting as I encountered them. My invite was never actioned so they dont have the priviledge of my company...simple as that. The English guy was the epitomy of a nerd anyway, but the Dutchman seemed normal (go ahead, criticise me for judging a book by its cover. I stand rightfully accused)

Is my question above valid?....are some cultures more friendly than others?

You are certainly right in some aspects but wrong in others. In many or actually most European countries it is considered as very weird and certainly as highly impolite to be approached in a way that you describe as your normal greeting. The people are educated to greet and treat a stranger with respect, dignity and with a certain distance. Being approached with a leisurely "Hello Farang" doesn't fit at all into this pattern and raises red flags. Many people are educated so that they will feel being greeted like that is very weird and there must be something wrong with that person approaching them like that. They get immediately the feeling you are an uneducated, rough person. Now please don't look down on such people - this is an important cultural difference and many many people are educated like that and so am I. If you greet these people more like how they expect to be greeted, then you will certainly get a warm response. However if after your (in their eyes) totally wrong approach you continue and ask them where they come from, then you are in for a bad surprise and utter misunderstanding. Why should I tell a weird stranger where I come from?? That's absolutely none of his business!! You will just be ignored or even earn a hostile response.

Just be very sensitive to different cultures and respect them. Greet someone friendly and neutrally "Hello, how are you?" "Good morning, how are you" "Good morning - nice day today, isn't it?" That's the correct thing to do. Please don't approach a stranger who might be from a different cultural background and expect him to behave like a fellow Canadian. Once the ice is broken you can then go to more casual conversation.

I would definitely not say that some cultures are friendlier than others - keep in mind that in the eyes of people from many other cultures you are not perceived as friendly but as weird with your way of greeting. In your eyes you are just being friendly - but in other eyes you are not understood and it's not perceived as friendly. There are just other expectations on how to express friendliness. The friendliness comes after the respectful, polite and formal greeting.

However if you greet one politely and neutrally and with respect (Absolutely NO "hello farang" or "where do you come from") and you still don't get a friendly response then there is really something wrong with the other guy.

Everyone has a certain sphere around him and he defends the space inside the sphere. If you don't respect these limits and you get too close to someone - or you are breaking into his sphere then you will earn a hostile response. Some people have a larger sphere with rigid boundaries others have a very small one with very soft boundaries. No one likes when his personal sphere is not respected by a stranger - no one wants to let a stranger get too close into his personal space. Being culturally and socially smart means detecting, feeling and respecting these boundaries and behave accordingly. I think this is especially important when you are a guest in another culturally very different country. By keeping this in mind and behaving accordingly you will make friends across all cultures and you will perceived as being genuinely friendly not only by people that are from your own cultural background.

Edited October 3, 2009 by TallForeigner

[ExoticMatter]

Personally I find most tourists(but usually not expats!) now coming to LOS ignorant and uncool (despite thinking themselves very cool of course) ,flashpacker extreme?

I've even heard other tourists complaining how unfriendly they all are.

Having travelled to many other countries I find the differences in the how foreigners are to each other very striking indeed.

Isnt it true that poor working class ladies from Issan (or where ever) immediately turn into snobs after marrying (slightly rich) falang,

sadly that has been my experience of a high perchantage,

Just asked the TW and her figure for what its worth is 90% !

the poorer the background=the bigger the (potential for) snob factor

And yes I know I shouldn't stereotype and it aint always true because theres always that 10% unknown

[TallForeigner]

MrDirk

I feel that you might be narrowing down your potential circle of friends far too much. Unless off course you only want to deal with people who haven't been through a different cultural education.

Expecting a respectful (in your eyes "stiff") greeting doesn't at all mean to be unfriendly. Someone of a different cultural upbringing could also rightfully say that not respecting cultural differences and approaching everyone in your way is kind of unfriendly...

Why not try and keep your greeting neutral and respectful and judge the people after you have broken the ice - and not after you pushed the very wrong button immediately and before you have had a chance to get to know the person.

To me it sounds even narrowminded if you believe that your way is the generally accepted way of being friendly and those who don't respond to your informality the way you expect them to respond are not worth dealing with.. Face it: your way is certainly NOT the only right way to show friendliness!

[Kitsch22]

I am having a hard time understanding why you think that I or anybody else (farang or otherwise) might wish to start chatting with any stranger whom he does not know unless there is a clear and specific reason to doing so.

Although I do not regard myself as being particularly unsociable, I find that in the course of my work I spend so much time talking to people whom I really do not like much that when I am not working I like to remain private and am inclined to speak of my own volition only with my family and friends. Indeed I would almost say that one of the reasons for being in Thailand is to avoid uninvited contact with farangs. I am not talking here about occasions when I encounter a stranger (Thai or farang) who clearly needs assistance of some kind; then I am always more than ready to offer it.

I do understand that some other people may from time to time find this attitude of mine strange or prickly. Many is the time when I have found myself sitting on an aircraft at the beginning of a flight of many hours' duration with an unwanted, unknown and garrulous fellow passenger sitting in the next seat. In such circumstances I always try to reply politely when they speak to me for the first three or four times but responding in such a way as to avoid a natural continuation of the conversation. They seldom take the hint, however, and eventually in these situations I find that I have to say something like, "I am sorry. Please do not think me rude. Please do not be offended. If I can do anything to help you at any time, please feel free to ask, but otherwise I have no interest at all in engaging in casual conversation." That does not mean that I have any animosity towards these people; I do not. And, anyway, what is wrong with lepers? Other than the leprosy, that is?

[473geo]

I am having a hard time understanding why you think that I or anybody else (farang or otherwise) might wish to start chatting with any stranger whom he does not know unless there is a clear and specific reason to doing so.

Although I do not regard myself as being particularly unsociable, I find that in the course of my work I spend so much time talking to people whom I really do not like much that when I am not working I like to remain private and am inclined to speak of my own volition only with my family and friends. Indeed I would almost say that one of the reasons for being in Thailand is to avoid uninvited contact with farangs. I am not talking here about occasions when I encounter a stranger (Thai or farang) who clearly needs assistance of some kind; then I am always more than ready to offer it.

I do understand that some other people may from time to time find this attitude of mine strange or prickly. Many is the time when I have found myself sitting on an aircraft at the beginning of a flight of many hours' duration with an unwanted, unknown and garrulous fellow passenger sitting in the next seat. In such circumstances I always try to reply politely when they speak to me for the first three or four times but responding in such a way as to avoid a natural continuation of the conversation. They seldom take the hint, however, and eventually in these situations I find that I have to say something like, "I am sorry. Please do not think me rude. Please do not be offended. If I can do anything to help you at any time, please feel free to ask, but otherwise I have no interest at all in engaging in casual conversation." That does not mean that I have any animosity towards these people; I do not. And, anyway, what is wrong with lepers? Other than the leprosy, that is?

I once sat next to a German guy I did not know on a flight.........

We ended up seeing in how many languages we could order 2 beers ....

Must have been pretty linguistic....stewardess ceased serving 3 hours into the flight as we were flying into a muslim country and we should not be too....

So sometimes you can have a good time venturing into the unknown....yes?

[clinique]

Yes true, but sometimes you can be surprised what you find there.

I agree that those of us who have been here for a while, in this land of respect and non-confrontation, would prefer to deal with a normal and polite "Hi, how you going" or Hello, Nice day" than be referred to as a farang and wanting to know where we come from.

Some of us also know that in certain situations the word 'farang' is used NOT as aform of respect, but the opposite.

And not everyone responds (or wants to, or is in the mood to) to such greetings from complete strangers.

[473geo]

I think there is nit picking going on now.......to criticise the content of a particular greeting.....be it tongue in cheek or not.....detracts from the point that some people almost go out of their way to ignore fellow foreigners......this is the question being asked....yes? So to resort to criticising one type of greeting comes across as an excuse to be unsociable, you know just a nod of acknowledgement (where the bobblehead label arose from) is not too much to ask is it?

[a99az]

Personally I find most tourists(but usually not expats!) now coming to LOS ignorant and uncool (despite thinking themselves very cool of course) ,flashpacker extreme?

I've even heard other tourists complaining how unfriendly they all are.

Having travelled to many other countries I find the differences in the how foreigners are to each other very striking indeed.

Isnt it true that poor working class ladies from Issan (or where ever) immediately turn into snobs after marrying (slightly rich) falang,

sadly that has been my experience of a high perchantage,

Just asked the TW and her figure for what its worth is 90% !

the poorer the background=the bigger the (potential for) snob factor

And yes I know I shouldn't stereotype and it aint always true because theres always that 10% unknown

My wife was poor working class from Issan and immediately after marring me turned into a poor wife in Chiang Mai. Guess there has to be one odd one out.

[Garry9999]

I just don't get it, in the last few days I have crossed paths with several farang in my small city. Like always I give a friendly hello with a smile and the response has been that of a rat scurrying away. Let me describe myself, I'm a normal early forties professional with no hideous tattoos, body piercings, skulls on chains or colorfully spiked hair. Basically I'm your average Joe family man. As a Canadian I am naturally friendly and have no problems chatting with people I just met. However the response I get for a friendly hello puzzles me, am I looked upon as a Leper or are these guys criminals not wanting to be recognized? I would have thought meeting fellow farang in small towns would be easy as we are few and far between. Is it the expats in my town or do other TV'ers experience similar reactions?

What you have to ask yourself is, would you try to start a conversation ( or say hello) with this person if you met him in your own country? probably not. Why is it that some farang see another farang and instantly think there is a connection?

I was in 7/11 once, a farang walks in, pats me on the back, calls me a farang and tries to start a conversation in 7/11. Why? If he saw me in his or my own country, he would have totally ignored me.

[touseefashfaq]

WEll, its normal... it depends on thier mood and things, by the way the thailand is not thailand anymore which you saw since 3 years back. its lot expensive now and no quality of things now

[robblok]

What you have to ask yourself is, would you try to start a conversation ( or say hello) with this person if you met him in your own country? probably not. Why is it that some farang see another farang and instantly think there is a connection?

I was in 7/11 once, a farang walks in, pats me on the back, calls me a farang and tries to start a conversation in 7/11. Why? If he saw me in his or my own country, he would have totally ignored me.

You awnser your own question, your not in your home country that is what you have in common. I am friendly with other farang, but im in a small village so i dont see many. But if i dont like them then i will still be polite just wont be overly friendly. I am selective with friends.

[473geo]

I just don't get it, in the last few days I have crossed paths with several farang in my small city. Like always I give a friendly hello with a smile and the response has been that of a rat scurrying away. Let me describe myself, I'm a normal early forties professional with no hideous tattoos, body piercings, skulls on chains or colorfully spiked hair. Basically I'm your average Joe family man. As a Canadian I am naturally friendly and have no problems chatting with people I just met. However the response I get for a friendly hello puzzles me, am I looked upon as a Leper or are these guys criminals not wanting to be recognized? I would have thought meeting fellow farang in small towns would be easy as we are few and far between. Is it the expats in my town or do other TV'ers experience similar reactions?

What you have to ask yourself is, would you try to start a conversation ( or say hello) with this person if you met him in your own country? probably not. Why is it that some farang see another farang and instantly think there is a connection?

I was in 7/11 once, a farang walks in, pats me on the back, calls me a farang and tries to start a conversation in 7/11. Why? If he saw me in his or my own country, he would have totally ignored me.

Really? I often make small talk with my fellow shoppers if the queue is lengthy, only a few words, I guess most people have just lost the knack.....