Refused Again!

[GU22]

every one is getting me paranoid now.

From what it sounds like is that the GF is on the bus back to pattaya

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

What does this mean? Is she from Pattaya? If so she will likely be rejected.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

This comment is complete ballocks

[britmaveric]

every one is getting me paranoid now.

From what it sounds like is that the GF is on the bus back to pattaya

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

What does this mean? Is she from Pattaya? If so she will likely be rejected.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

every one is getting me paranoid now.

From what it sounds like is that the GF is on the bus back to pattaya

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

What does this mean? Is she from Pattaya? If so she will likely be rejected.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

This comment is complete ballocks

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Consider the source - he talks out of his arse!

[daveh]

BS,

You are in a bad situation. To me it really does sound like she is trying to get you to marry her first. Why would she do this? Who knows. Maybe she is insecure. So, what do you do now?

You can either dump her, or let her "try" once again.

I suggest the latter. But while doing so, you must stop sending her any money at all. Travel expenses, monthly payments, visa fees, ... everything. Tell her to keep track of every baht she spends and you will reimburse her AFTER she gets the visa.

Then the course will be left to her. If she truely loves you, she will get that visa (or at least really apply once and for all). If she doesn't love you and simply was along for the money, then she will try to keep track of her expenses for a week or two, then give up. At that point, you will know her intentions.

Dave.

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Let's leave ole Spuds to contemplate for himself.

[johnh101]

You say she was on her way back to Pattaya, so I assume she lives and works there. I would assume that she is originally from the North East and works to send money back home for the family.

What is her Brother doing in Pattaya ? shouldn't he be at home helping the family.

I have been in and out of Thailand for over 12 years and sorry, I hate to say I have heard this one many, many times.

I think she has lied to you a lot more than twice.

[penelope]

I wonder how many potatoes this girl has in the wok ?

[Darknight]

She said before when i met her brother and he asked for money and i gave him some,

Sure it's a brother and not a husband ?

seen many scams like this all over pattaya in the 8 months i lived there ...

[mbkudu]

This thread is becoming more heartbreaking as it goes on.

I say this because Big Spuds seems like a really friendly bloke and it would be a shame to see him fall prey as so many others have.

Edited March 29, 2005 by mbkudu

[udon]

I'd put the girl on 12 months probation...... Why the big hurry to get married???

If you are still looking over your shoulder for lies etc. in 3 months, bail out.

[withnail]

This thread is becoming more heartbreaking as it goes on. sad.gif

I say this because Big Spuds seems like a really friendly bloke and it would be a shame to see him fall prey as so many others have.

Totally agree however seems like an open and shut case to me. I think everyone deserves a chance and that people should find out for themselves whether someone is lying to them rather than rely on internet forums. But, what I will never understand is why people in this day and age rush into marriage. Especially cross cultural marriages with ex bar girls that they haven't even lived with for any length of time.

I'm not a huge fan of marriage full stop to be honest but in these situations the reason for getting married always seems to be very one sided. I recently split up with my TGF who I was with for 3 years and it wasn't pleasant for either of us but I'm sure it would have been a ###### site worse for me and a ###### site better for her if I had done what her and her family wanted and married her.

I lost count of the times that whilst we were together my GF pointed out a couple and said how they were really happy and how he was a good man because he was throwing his money around only to see her a few months later right back where she started.

I truly hope everything works out but I'm certainly not putting money on it.

[Terminator]

BS........Get on with your life, why don't go on ICQ, messenger etc, find a new gal, meet her when in LOS next time

There are virtiualy 1000's of nice educated gals out there, take your time, there is no need for the BS you're going through

Yes, its a fact, telling lies is an accepted fact in Thai society, especially when it's about losing face

I for one would never marry again, been there done that

[Clive sorts]

Spuds

I remember last week when we chatted and you mentioned the 28th as the interview date and I thought to myself that it was a Bank Holiday that day however I didn't want to put a dampner on your plans.

If I were in your shoes pal I would stay off the forum for a few days and consider your options on what you decide to do next. Spuds it does smell fishy however only YOU know this Lady and only YOU can decide if there is a future for you both.

I sincerely hope that you make the right decision.

Regards

Clive Sorts

[sibarnes2000]

My girlfriend was refused for a tourist visa to the UK for the same reason however in my case it was because we had not provided evidence of my earnings it the appropriate way. For the next application I read the instructions more carefully and provided:

Bank Statements to prove Income for 3 months

Pay Slips

Savings Account Statement

House Ownership Proof

And a Covering Letter saying why I could afford to look after her

The next visa went very smoothly.

Incidentally in the first instance the actual earlings or savings were immaterial as I am a a company director with quite a lot of money in my savings account.

Simon

[Boatabike]

After reading all the posts so far, it sounds to me like half the posts want her to be wrong just to justify there own mistakes in the past and more than likely the future. BS there is not a single forang living in Thailand who has a partner that does not lie to them, Forget that she lied, she will do so wether she loves you 100% or not She cant help it she has been bought up in a culture that lives a lie every day, When angry smile, when u want to cry smile, when u dont want some one to know something lie , same thing as the smile. Thai Culture is all about not showing you the real side of themselves, there are a lot of younger Thai who are now going through turmoil trying to change the way they are because they recognise that it is not a good way to be, but this takes time. Your lady may be stringing you along, but base your decision on what you know, She will lie to you again this is 100% sure, this is something you will have to live with or not up to you, but lying is so ingrained a part of her life she cant help it. She knows its wrong but she is lied to everyday, and will have to lie everyday in her normal day to day routine in thailand. What matters is if her reasons for lying to you were true or not, for that your going to have to make an educated guess based on what you know of her. Too many people posting in this have been burnt themselves (myself included) but if you love her and you think it has a future then you go for it head bloody first because at the end of the day it isnt everyone that can make you feel what she does and that worth a certain amount of risk!

[withnail]

Very true boatabike any relationship is worth a certain amount of risk although if a certain amount of risk means rushing/being forced into a marriage then I start to disagree.

But you're right it is definately no one here's decision other than his.

[Kringle]

When you get back just call or go to the embassy yourself to see what the frickin story is, it's not that hard and from what you've said, he11 you wouldn't spend too much money. Seems like a very EASY thing to resolve as supposedly she has made ALL the contacts at YOUR embassy and this is relating to YOU so should be no problem. What are you trying to say, YOUR embassy will NOT tell you anything of what is going on? I find this very hard to believe and if so I would be making a big stink.

Mw myself, after reading all this, I would get in touch with the embassy WITHOUT her knowledge and see EXACTLY what is REALLY going on.

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Very true boatabike any relationship is worth a certain amount of risk although if a certain amount of risk means rushing/being forced into a marriage then I start to disagree.

But you're right it is definately no one here's decision other than his.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Perhaps he shouldn't ask for advice here....over MANY months

[britmaveric]

Doc- close the topic. I don't think everyone should pile on the lad (not doing him any good) - he has enuf to deal with at the moment.

[Insight]

Doc- close the topic. I don't think everyone should pile on the lad (not doing him any good) - he has enuf to deal with at the moment.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Agreed...

[bkkmadness]

Well, if it's gonna be closed down soon, then last word from me gonna be good luck Big Spuds, and if you find any of the posts here a bit dismaying remember most only trying to help out.

I for one hope that one day your gf will be in the UK and your'll be able to take the p.iss out of here every Easter for not knowing it's a bank holiday!

Of course, if it don't work out, plently more fish out there, your not the first to have hassles with women and won't be the last pal.

Take it EZ, bkkmadness.

[otherstuff1957]

Not closed yet? OK, here's my 2 baht: Virtually ALL tg's lie. Gtgs and bgs alike. Maybe it's part of the 'not wanting to make waves' culture.

Some of the others have given you a good bit of advice: spend some more time with her. My wife says that the first time you meet you're both on your best behavior. The second time, it's like your honeymoon. The third time is real life. See how your 3rd or 4th visit with her goes. If it's OK, THEN you can go to the Embassy with her.

Good Luck!

[Darknight]

SPuds is writing something so i'll give him his final say before closing the thread , unless he wants to keep it open.

Wish him good luck in all his endavours

[BIG SPUDS]

quick update!!

Last 2 days have been sh$t. as you all know.

After GF admitted she didnt go she told me why. about 5-6 months ago her mom was really sick and she thought she was going to die, all her brothers and sisters were called back home to either take care of her mom or say good bye. When she went she had my money for the interview in her bank. As her mom was sick and was not as ill as her mom was making out my GF left her family some money behind to take care of the family as she is the only one really getting any money. This i would have been fine with if she asked, but she asked if i could give her brother some money while i was in thailand before and when i gave some she said i really looked like i did not want to. I know i was'nt impressed how he asked, and perhaps this showed. So my GF chose not to ask me and to take the money. At this point she thought the amount of time before the visa was a long wasy off and she would get the money by then out of saving a little from every month what i send her. She did well she is only 600 baht short.

I asked why she felt she could not tell me when she needed money and she said it wasnt my problem and she wanted to take care of it alone. And when she has something on her mind or a problem she doesnt tell anyone its the way she is and i know she is like this.

She never asks for anything ever nor does she want anything or say she would like anything she is not material at all. For all the people that say spend more time with her i agree. i would like to but with only 4 weeks holiday a year it is difficult, hence the applying for settlement. We speak for at least a hour every day over different times of the day. (i know she doesnt work in a bar 100%).

Now after all this i am obviously a little worried.

But my plans are....... iv'e booked a week off starting from the 11th of april when i will go back to pattaya to see and discuss our future, we are engaged and i do love the girl and have no other faults about her other than she lied twice about the same thing. i have asked if she is sure she wants to live with me in england and she says yes so much, she just had to help her family out and was hoping i would never find out, but when i asked her when the interview date was and she had to tell me a date she set herself a deadline which she couldnt meet.

She has apologized so many times and said she is sorry she will never lie again and knows she is stupid. She is happy i am going back soon she wants to show me she still loves me and how sorry she is. She is adamant she wants me to go with her when she submits her documents/application so she can see she is not lieing again and to go with her to her interview.

Now i could be doing the wrong thing but if i dont i will never know what the truth was or if it could have worked. I have to give her the benifit of the doubt. And i do love her to bits and she does love me i have been told by her family friends and by her so many times, i have even had her friends farang boyfriends approach me on holiday while i am with her and say its nice to meet me as my GF never stops talking about me and showing pictures.

PS it definatley was her brother ive met his wife and son, and all her family.

Thanks for the advice even though some of it is hard to take and worrying but i understand, thanks to those that have said to give it a go and gave me support and offered to give my GF the benifit of the doubt.

Looks like another holiday coming up, ive only just got back!!

[BIG SPUDS]

its ok to leave it open, i have tough skin and its nice to see who the sensitive ones are!!!

[Digger]

BS - I have no comment on the circumstances between the two of you, however one question in my mind, is if her mother is ill and your in England, why is she remaining in Pattaya? I really cant see the logic of any girl staying in Pattaya when she is in need of cash unless its for one reason and one reason only. For a start, goin back upcountry would mean she is not needing to pay for her room or portion of room down here. That in itself would have covered the 600baht she has claimed she was short of.

Hope it works out for you, but from my own experience with girls in Thailand, once that trust is broken, it never mends and always will be the source of problems further down the track.

[britmaveric]

its ok to leave it open, i have tough skin and its nice to see who the sensitive ones are!!!  

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Faire enuf mate - let the onslaught begin!!!

[khunlungphudhu]

Spuds, good luck mate, really do hope you can sort it, you have earned a result!

Can only hope it is the right one.

[BIG SPUDS]

Ive been to her family home and it explained itself why she doesnt stop there long, there is nothing to do, she has to sleep on the floor with 5 others in her family (i know its the thai way but,..) all her friends live in pattaya. She can go to the markets when she likes and she likes the beach, she can go the cinema go out with friends. When she stays home she has to work on the farm, has no TV, bad reception if any for phone calls. and about a 20 minute drive to the nearest shop, which she cannot do so she has to rely on lifts. I know where i would rather be.

She does go home quite a lot every 2 months or so for a week or 2.

She also stayed in pattaya to go to school, which finished last month. She also has 3 puppies. now she is has sent her dogs to the farm and is looking for work, to pay me back

I think she has something lined up in a hotel.

Edited March 29, 2005 by BIG SPUDS

[bkkmadness]

Again to play the devil's advocate here, her Mother was very, very sick and she didn't want to go home and work on the farm because couldn't go to the beach and no tv?

I understand the school bit but do you really think she's going? It's a classic story that the girls are working hard at school improving themselves while the guys send them money.

Why didn't she attend school and already have a job in Pattaya to help out her family on top of the money you send her every month if she so desperately wants to help the family? From my knowledge the school she would be attending will not be full time, but a few hours a day, plenty of time to do some extra work.

Selfish and lazy are words coming to mind, just my thoughts on it.

Edited March 29, 2005 by bkkmadness

[Joey Boy]

Denial is not just a river in Egypt... I reckon it would be a good idea to pay someone a few baht to keep an eye on her for a few weeks, never mind spending money on a settlement visa