Vent! - Thaivisa Men

[Dakhar]

Eek,

Would it be possible to start a movement for all you ladies to have your menses together on the same days each month. Life would be much easier than trying to remember each individual's

Further, I'm sure half of the whinges by ThaiVisa men come about because their wives/GFs/BFs/mia noi/gik etc are having their times of the month which in turn creates a far from virtuous circle...

Could be win-win..... just a thought.....cause and effect....

[Dakhar]

Very good post . there are two females with me in our home and I could never tell the day of 'Terror' was upon me unless my wife wife did not tell me "No loving tonight" , never had it with my first wife or three daughters .

It the opposite with me.... I just take it as a "default" no loving. It's kind a like a Christmas present thing... an anual event

[sbk]

Yeah, and post natal depression was all in their heads. People didn't die from heart attacks, they just dropped dead. Oh, and of course, senile dementia/alzheimers was merely insanity. etc etc etc.

Anyway. the topic at hand is not eek's PMS but her rather valid point that there are many unhappy, negative and aggressive people on this forum who seem to delight in being bitter, nasty and mean.

Is there a solution? I doubt it, except to perhaps not respond to their nastiness, or feed their negativity.

[anothertorres]

all message boards are *exactly* the same. it doesn't matter whether it's a Thai discussion board or a board dedicated to building toys out of spent shells. people argue, whine, cry, say stupid shit, say smart shit, make people angry, make people laugh, make people. sometimes, people even meet up in real life. which is unfathomable, because i hate every last one of you

and this place is no different from anywhere else except in one aspect, we're in Thailand. and this board is actually spot on when it comes to usability. it's why we walk away but, we always come back. it's a great reference and the discussions which take place *outside* of 'General Discussion' are typically fantastic. well, except those guys in the Photography forum, those guys run that sub-forum like a goulag! anyway, spend a week outside 'General Discussion', there is so much more to this forum.

and lastly... we're all just avatars anyway. and to be honest with all of you, i use capital letters in person.

[sbk]

and lastly... we're all just avatars anyway. and to be honest with all of you, i use capital letters in person.

I never suspected you of being a shouter.

[anothertorres]

I never suspected you of being a shouter.

oh never, just at the beginning of a sentence or perhaps when referring to my Mother. see, when you are as fascinatingly genius-y as i am, people tend to quiet down when you talk just to say they "heard what dude said".

[sbk]

I never suspected you of being a shouter.

oh never, just at the beginning of a sentence or perhaps when referring to my Mother. see, when you are as fascinatingly genius-y as i am, people tend to quiet down when you talk just to say they "heard what dude said".

That's a relief to hear you say that, it is more what I had in mind when I pictured you

[elkangorito]

Yeah, and post natal depression was all in their heads. People didn't die from heart attacks, they just dropped dead. Oh, and of course, senile dementia/alzheimers was merely insanity. etc etc etc.

Anyway. the topic at hand is not eek's PMS but her rather valid point that there are many unhappy, negative and aggressive people on this forum who seem to delight in being bitter, nasty and mean.

Is there a solution? I doubt it, except to perhaps not respond to their nastiness, or feed their negativity.

Post Natal Depression is a totally different thing compared to PMS. Being "emotional" is mostly a chosen "state", although there are exceptions (schizophrenia etc).

With regard to the topic at hand, being negative is a way for anybody to release tension (I don't need to tell you this. You, like most people, already know this).

The fact is that this forum is anonymous, which means that it is basically meaningless to those who wish to see it this way. To those poor unfortunates, who see this forum as a personal extension of their lives, they will undoubtedly suffer the consequences of the forum. Sadly, some people don't know the difference between a "personal life" & a "forum life". Some people don't even have a personal life...their life IS a forum.

These are the people who will suffer. Also, the forum users should not, in any way, be blamable or connected to such an emotionally unstable person.

Just look at the number of "Goodbye all...this is my last post" threads. These people are beyond the understanding & help of people on the forum. These sad people have a life that totally exists in a forum. The worst thing is that when push comes to shove, nobody on the forum can generally help them.

It's very simple for all of us intelligent humans...a forum has no bounds.

Have I made any "real friends" on the forum? No, I have not. Why? I have no need to do so.

So, why are people so negative on a forum? My guess is because;

1] they can.

2] they need to be.

3] they can get away with it.

This is only important to those who feel emotionally bound to a forum.

[getgoin]

I've said it before, without the internet many would be resigned to scribbling on public restroom walls. Sad to say that it would probably include yours truly.

[eek]

Geez..my point was not about pms or effects of it. It wasnt intended to be an excuse, it was used by way of explaining that i am generally a tad less tolerating at this time. Things that get up my nose just a little bit are heightened. Btw, pms is not a modern phenomena at all, just that from research we can put a name to it. Sorry if you dont like the idea that women have changing hormones guys, but live with it, because we have to as well. Also I dont think i posted anything irrational, just posted something that ive noticed for a while but hadnt (until now) felt the urge to say anything about it. No idea why this has been the focus of the topic, in hind sight would have been better to leave that part out! But while we are on the topic..may i take the opportunity to educate that pms doesnt mean a woman is on her period. Its P M S: Pre menstual syndrome, and actually usually occurs before a womans period, but also can occur for a couple of days into her period. Ehh..guys know so little about women!

Anyway, replies have been great. I even seem to have provoked such a reaction as to make someone physically sick.

--

btw NanLaew, Happy Anniversary.

[eek]

This is only important to those who feel emotionally bound to a forum.

Although i agree somewhat, i think when people come to a forum such as thaivisa.com they dont really expect to be shot down when asking a simple question. I dont think its about being emotionally bound, but more about being taken aback. People goading. People backbiting. Even if the OP then elaborates or defends or whatever, hes damned if he does, damned if he doesnt. You would think it should be a supportive atmosphere rather than a portal for school kid style taunts and squabbles.

Maybe this happens in other forums you would think have a good repo. But, I recently asked for advice in another expat forum for another country, and took a look at various different threads for some info. The vibe was supportive. Any words of caution and advice etc, were given in a helpful way.

A bit of goading and banter makes thaivisa an interesting place to come to. Part of that is what keeps me coming back. Im not talking about that..i can give as good as i get. There is a difference between that and the really nasty stuff. I think I dont need to define what that is, i recon most will know what im on about.

[Patsycat]

I'm having a bad hair day...!!!

Great thread, Eek, someone had to say it. I understood exactly what you wanted to say. I don't understand why all the men suddenly jumped on the PMS bit of it instead of explaining how nasty and, sometimes, hurtful some of their comments about women can be.

Not one of these so-called experts on women has actually had the balls to reply to your question.

I'm more spicy food than chocolate myself - but i do like a bit of tiramisu occasionall!!

[OxfordWill]

Wasnt actually meaning it as an excuse per say. But yeh..i wish men had something like PMS too, so they finally have some idea what the hel_l it feels like!

Speaking of hormones, I will take feeling like utter shit once a month for feeling constantly horny every single day of my life, from dawn to dusk, sometimes even waking up horny, for no reason, being constantly consumed by sexual thoughts, even when you need to concentrate on something else, or being far too easily distracted from what you are doing when an attractive female walks, talks or gives off a nice smell anywhere within a KM of you. Regardless of how much sex you actually have! infact the more I have the worse it gets.

Situations Ive been in when my hormones have been a serious pain in the arse

business meetings

important student deadlines

important work deadlines

funerals

And no I dont mean physical reactions Im only talking about the mental burden of it!

Wanna feel like youre only barely a step above a monkey because you need to put real effort into daily life to achieve anything more than being a walking talking sex robot?

Wanna swap? Didnt think so!

Ill take bleeding out of my penis and feeling grumpy or in pain a few days a month in return for the clarity of thought and mind I usually only get for only 5 minutes (once or twice a day, immediately after sex), all the other days.

Edited October 12, 2009 by OxfordWill

[IanForbes]

Here you go, eek. You're one of my favorite posters.

Thanks for my morning laugh.

Hey, you only started this thread a short while ago and it's already up to 3 pages!

The "war" between the genders is what keeps us all interested.

However, one thing I've noticed on all forums is there are FAR fewer closed topics and deleted posts by women than men. I know in real life, such as offices and work places, that women can be FAR cattier (is that a word?) and down right nasty than men in similar places, but on internet forums that doesn't seem to be the case. Maybe it's a case of testosterone and men not being able to control it in a sensible manner.

[Harcourt]

.......Situations Ive been in when my hormones have been a serious pain in the arse......

If your constant horniness for women gives you a pain in the arse......maybe you should listen to your body and go gay.

There's something homo-suggestive about your fantasising about having a period too.

[sassienie]

I don't think TV Forum is that bad,just look at the real world..At least nobody get killed here,and IMHO the Mods are doing a good job preventing the flames to get too high.

Maybe it`s the opposite?

When we are socialising with our mates, associates or at work with colleges, we are putting on big act and not letting our true thoughts be known. None of us really have any idea how people view us. Life is one big game.

But on ThaiVisa being that we can air our views behind some sort of curtain, so to speak, maybe this is the real world, an insight into how people really feel without fear of retribution, the inner person is released to speak their true mind, an entity that would never dare show it`s self in public.

[473geo]

So real life is oneupmanship, derogatory comments, insults,.........total lack of lateral thinking.........cheap shots......

Yes in many cases you may have a valid point........

[Harcourt]

I don't think TV Forum is that bad,just look at the real world..At least nobody get killed here,and IMHO the Mods are doing a good job preventing the flames to get too high.

Maybe it`s the opposite?

When we are socialising with our mates, associates or at work with colleges, we are putting on big act and not letting our true thoughts be known. None of us really have any idea how people view us. Life is one big game.

But on ThaiVisa being that we can air our views behind some sort of curtain, so to speak, maybe this is the real world, an insight into how people really feel without fear of retribution, the inner person is released to speak their true mind, an entity that would never dare show it`s self in public.

I think you're right. That's also why testosterone fuelled pissing contests/arguments can take place here because in the real world, you'd end up with a black eye so you remain circumspect.

Mind you, I pretty much call a spade a spade in life. I don't think I've ever said anything here that I wouldn't say in real life.

[neverdie]

eek,

I havent read any of your posts for a couple of months now, why is it I feel as if I havent missed anything? Perhaps your just missing me

[Mossfinn]

(waddaya mean "no comment" mossy? ).

What has followed is testimony enough

and it's already up to 3 pages!

Crickey, only two for me

Anyway, here comes Neverdie

[NanLaew]

"Seconds away.... page round four!!!"

Now that the less astute ball-bearing sorts have managed to sound condescendingly sympathetic towards eek and her fellow(?) PMS aficionados, maybe now the more astute ball-bearing sorts will condescend to comment on the real point of her rant?

Gentlemen (and you know who you are), why do you relentlessly pigeon hole the fairer sex?

PS. I like racing pigeons myself, their stories tend to be shorter and their emotional baggage... etc., etc.

Edited October 13, 2009 by NanLaew

[PeaceBlondie]

.... maybe now the more astute ball-bearing sorts will condescend to comment on the real point of her rant?

Gentlemen (and you know who you are), why do you relentlessly pigeon hole the fairer sex?

Indeed, why do they? Women cone in all varieties. And just as mature men may no longer have functioning testicles, some women no longer have breasts. But they still have gender, feelings, friends, family, non-bar girl careers, hobbies, political opinions, etc.

[midasthailand]

Getting back to the OP and the question posed, I think that if you look at a lot of these threads with the bitter, derogatory posts about women a little closer, you will see that there are a lot of TV men that speak out against these people and are quite supportive. An observation about this thread, there seem to be a fair few posts doing to men, what you are accusing men of doing to you; pigeonholing. We all recognize that people come in all shapes, sizes, religions, sexual orientation, political leanings etc. There is no "one size fits all" in human interaction, even less so when that interaction takes place on an Internet forum.

When I first joined TV, I found myself getting drawn into arguments by professional agitators, after a few months I learned to use the ignore posts from this user function, pretty much the same as in real life. If someone consistently baits you, you tend to gravitate away from them and cut off any contact. I have found my visits to TV since using the ignore button to be far more pleasant.

At the end of the day it's like going to a party and drifting from one conversation to the next, if one of them is boring or you find it offensive just move on to another one until you find one you like.

[robblok]

I doubt if they're like that in real life, same as I'm not a Thai Aplogist in real life.

Damm you bursted my bubble.

I agree though that many people are more extreme online then they are on a forum. People (me included) usually forget that there are many shades of gray and just post in black and white.

[dkstoney]

The majority of western men i am friends with or have interacted with have been great, polite, friendly. Its been less common that ive met or seen one that is bitter and rude...certainly to no extent that some of you seem to be in this forum.

If we can barely get away from the feminist judgment calls here, why would you think we'd talk this openly in public.

Women like to tell you how wrong you are and then go into detail about it, rubbing it in so you never forget, comparing you to various fictitious stereotypes, and then bring it up once or twice a week for the rest of your life.

Men just tell you you're full of sh*t.

[quiksilva]

says it all really...

[imaneggspurt]

Geez..my point was not about pms or effects of it. It wasnt intended to be an excuse, it was used by way of explaining that i am generally a tad less tolerating at this time. Things that get up my nose just a little bit are heightened. Btw, pms is not a modern phenomena at all, just that from research we can put a name to it. Sorry if you dont like the idea that women have changing hormones guys, but live with it, because we have to as well. Also I dont think i posted anything irrational, just posted something that ive noticed for a while but hadnt (until now) felt the urge to say anything about it. No idea why this has been the focus of the topic, in hind sight would have been better to leave that part out! But while we are on the topic..may i take the opportunity to educate that pms doesnt mean a woman is on her period. Its P M S: Pre menstual syndrome, and actually usually occurs before a womans period, but also can occur for a couple of days into her period. Ehh..guys know so little about women!

Anyway, replies have been great. I even seem to have provoked such a reaction as to make someone physically sick.

--

btw NanLaew, Happy Anniversary.

"I even seem to have provoked such a reaction as to make someone physically sick. " .....Probably too much chocolate !

[cmsally]

I thought it was a case of men generally not being too good at verbalizing their emotions; compounded with the fact that this is a written forum, further compounded by the fact some don't have Eng as first language; and crikey what a mess!

Then of course you have the fact that women generally pick on the details and magnify them and probably blow them out of proportion; so it's pretty amazing we haven't had WW3 by now.

Personally if it gets too emotional I go off to the money & business section, that soon sombres the mood.

[bonobo]

I don't think TV Forum is that bad,just look at the real world..At least nobody get killed here,and IMHO the Mods are doing a good job preventing the flames to get too high.

Maybe it`s the opposite?

When we are socialising with our mates, associates or at work with colleges, we are putting on big act and not letting our true thoughts be known. None of us really have any idea how people view us. Life is one big game.

But on ThaiVisa being that we can air our views behind some sort of curtain, so to speak, maybe this is the real world, an insight into how people really feel without fear of retribution, the inner person is released to speak their true mind, an entity that would never dare show it`s self in public.

I think you have a good point here. Living in any sort of society brings with it societal pressure to act a certain way, to say certain things.  Some things are not accepted, and to be a member of that society, we tend to withhold opinions and saying things which would put us at odds with the rest of our social group.  Or, as you put it, fear of retribution may keep people from being too aggressive or insulting, for example.

But in back of the social firewall of a computer, people can act with impunity, they can sayw hatevfer they truly do feel and think.  

I also think some people take this freedom a little too far, like a small child who has just leaned a curse word and repeats it over and over again in his or her bedroom.  People may not really be as misogynist, for example, as they seem online, but they revel in the ability to express socially unacceptable behavior.  So they go overboard, further down this path than what may reflect their actual beliefs.

[IanForbes]

Getting back to the OP and the question posed, I think that if you look at a lot of these threads with the bitter, derogatory posts about women a little closer, you will see that there are a lot of TV men that speak out against these people and are quite supportive. An observation about this thread, there seem to be a fair few posts doing to men, what you are accusing men of doing to you; pigeonholing. We all recognize that people come in all shapes, sizes, religions, sexual orientation, political leanings etc. There is no "one size fits all" in human interaction, even less so when that interaction takes place on an Internet forum.

When I first joined TV, I found myself getting drawn into arguments by professional agitators, after a few months I learned to use the ignore posts from this user function, pretty much the same as in real life. If someone consistently baits you, you tend to gravitate away from them and cut off any contact. I have found my visits to TV since using the ignore button to be far more pleasant.

At the end of the day it's like going to a party and drifting from one conversation to the next, if one of them is boring or you find it offensive just move on to another one until you find one you like.

Good post, midas. I think a lot of people stereotype others to make their point on an internet debate. It's a common failing, but there is seldom a one size fits all situation. I don't hide behind a pseudonym so what I type I usually mean and would say the same to anyone in a face to face discussion.

There are reasons why many farang men in Thailand often say the things they do about women. Very often they left a bad relationship wherever they came from and it tends to cloud their vision. Very often those men are bitter and get on the internet to vent. I've heard the same stereotyping directed against men as well as women. Thousands of times I've heard that tired old stereotype of the fat old guy with the young Thai hooker who is only after his money. Who the heck cares? What ever is agreed upon by consenting adults should be nobodies business but their own. There are thousands of self righteous, bigoted people everywhere who try to impose their right wing morals on others when it should be no business of theirs at all.

I could fill about 6 pages of all the stereotypes I've heard here and elsewhere.