Chiang Mai's Soi Dogs And Swedish Bunnies

[orang37]

Sawasdee Khrup, TV Friends,

Recently I and I visited Chiang Mai's zoo (hadn't been there in a while), and whilst walking around, passed by a target-practice shooting range of some sort festooned with strange larger-than-life-sized surreally painted posters of Pierce Brosnan as '007 and Schwarzenegger as muscular-hypertrophy-testosterone-on-stun (why was Rambo left out ?). Appeared that erzsatz AK47's were on offer (assume they are shooting pellets). The usual over-loud music was blaring, so we hurried past on our way ...

I and I stopped in at the Zoo administration offices as we left, and asked to speak to an administrator. A very neatly groomed young woman came forward, speaking very good English. I explained that I wished to be useful to this city I have come to think of home and love, and that ... having noticed that my antics and appearance already provided much amusement to Thais here ... I would like to work at the zoo part time as an exhibit of a Farang who, through incomprehensible metaphysical means, was trans-substantiated with another species (Orangutan, of course).

It took a few minutes to get across to her that we were not volunteering to "perform" as an imitation of an Orangutan in the way, for example, a human mime might, but that I was offering to simply live my "real" life in one of the many nice empty cage-paddock buildings I had observed. All I would require, I said, to put in twenty hours a week or so would be : help with the visa-thing; soy-millk, and high-speed wireless, and, of course, a private bathroom with shower.

She asked me to wait while she talked to her boss. So, I waited, trying not to think of the monkeys I had seen earlier, and the great sadness they felt looking at me (they, of course, know instantly that my external container is not all of what I really am, and sense the Orang presence inside me ... is it a fantasy they sense my Orang's confinement is more of a cosmic tragedy than their own ?).

The young woman returned, and I was led inside the Admin building to large office of an obviously senior member of the Zoo. He also spoke good English. I explained to him again that while I felt that in general Farangs were, for Thais, often the equivalent of the monkeys at the zoo, or the monkey show out at Mae Sa, I felt there was a great opportunity, given my peculiar case of cross-species metamorphosis, for a Farang exhibit at the zoo which would be a world-class conceptual breakthrough.

I mentioned Dolly, the cloned sheep, as an example of the kind of special creature zoos might one day exhibit. I thought of mentioning the famous "Siamese Twins" Chang and Eng

http://etext.lib.virginia.edu/railton/wilson/changeng.html

and their remarkable career as "exhibits" in America culminating in their becoming farmers and slave owners in North Carolina, marrying two American sisters, and fathering many little look khreung (Chang fathered ten and Eng fathered 11 !)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chang_and_Eng_Bunker

... but discarded that sensing it might be offensive. I also thought about mentioning that the Pandas (what's not to love about a Panda ?), for all their rarity and beauty, basically just lie around, moving in slow motion, alternating eating bamboo, and moving their bowels, but discarded that idea as in poor taste, and one that would probably result in a contract getting taken out on me by those busy producing all kinds of of trinkets for sale at the Panda exhibit made from Panda dung.

The zoo administrator asked me to submit a written proposal for my employment at the zoo, and we sensed, in his subtle smile, and the twinkle in his eyes, that he was entertained : well, we thought : by entertaining him we're off to a good start; you know, "proof in the pudding," "show me the money;" and all those kind of platitudes.

Now, you may wonder (I hope you can still wonder) how this connects to the title of this thread. Well, by "soi dogs" we obviously refer ... not to the mangy-bags-of-flea-canine-mutts that litter the sois, abandoned, festering, half-crippled, starving ... but to a certain excess of excessive farang where "excessive" does not mean entertaining (unfortunately). Yes, those farang layabouts that have none of the rarity of Pandas, but all of their sloth.

Those farangs who do not smile, do not joke, do not talk to Thai people and respond the daily kindnesses and politenesses they are most certainly shown.

Well reading this story about creating thermal energy by flaming bunnies in Sweden :

http://www.thelocal.se/22610/20091012/

Brought home for us the idea that some more creative use could be made of the "harvest" of the obviously necessary cull of resident farangs here. The problem with killing them, however, is that then they would stop getting their pensions, and spending money in the Kingdom. Do the elephant "rehab" and "training" camps recently discussed here with great fervor offer a model from which we can learn ?

Now Pattaya has shown great creativity with its deployment of specially rigged balconies that catapult surplus farangs into their final swan-dives; certainly we can come up with a Northern Thai solution reflecting Lanna heritage !

Zoo, monkey, farang, Sweden, rabbit, energy : we sense, with all the depths of our unimaginable empathy resulting from our quantumly-entangled hybrid Orang-farang psyche, there is a great and rare opportunity here for something "new under the sun."

best, ~o:37;

Edited October 15, 2009 by orang37

[Donnyboy]

im getting better at this, understood 50% of this one

[Maejo Man]

im getting better at this, understood 50% of this one

I'm not, I'm still not past the 1% stage, and gave up after the word orang

[cmsally]

Is it something they put in the soya milk ?

[slapout]

Gives meaning to the term 'one swing out of the trees'

[rodcourt49]

im getting better at this, understood 50% of this one

I'm not, I'm still not past the 1% stage, and gave up after the word orang

Seeing is believing!

[Dontdisturb]

You shouldn't waste your time writing on TV but go straight to consult a psychiatrist ... or lock yourself in the monkey cage.

Edited October 16, 2009 by Dontdisturb

[alant]

how may posts would you have if you divided your word count by the mean post word count and addedd your posts in that way?

tip

keep the cv brief or the zoo boss may get lost, good luck

[Gonzo the Face]

Not sure, but I think he has got the hots for Jane Goodall and wants her to come to the jungle and play with the swinger

[Patriciachas]

Sawasdee Khrup, TV Friends,

Recently I and I visited Chiang Mai's zoo (hadn't been there in a while), and whilst walking around, passed by a target-practice shooting range of some sort festooned with strange larger-than-life-sized surreally painted posters of Pierce Brosnan as '007 and Schwarzenegger as muscular-hypertrophy-testosterone-on-stun (why was Rambo left out ?). Appeared that erzsatz AK47's were on offer (assume they are shooting pellets). The usual over-loud music was blaring, so we hurried past on our way ...

I and I stopped in at the Zoo administration offices as we left, and asked to speak to an administrator. A very neatly groomed young woman came forward, speaking very good English. I explained that I wished to be useful to this city I have come to think of home and love, and that ... having noticed that my antics and appearance already provided much amusement to Thais here ... I would like to work at the zoo part time as an exhibit of a Farang who, through incomprehensible metaphysical means, was trans-substantiated with another species (Orangutan, of course).

It took a few minutes to get across to her that we were not volunteering to "perform" as an imitation of an Orangutan in the way, for example, a human mime might, but that I was offering to simply live my "real" life in one of the many nice empty cage-paddock buildings I had observed. All I would require, I said, to put in twenty hours a week or so would be : help with the visa-thing; soy-millk, and high-speed wireless, and, of course, a private bathroom with shower.

She asked me to wait while she talked to her boss. So, I waited, trying not to think of the monkeys I had seen earlier, and the great sadness they felt looking at me (they, of course, know instantly that my external container is not all of what I really am, and sense the Orang presence inside me ... is it a fantasy they sense my Orang's confinement is more of a cosmic tragedy than their own ?).

The young woman returned, and I was led inside the Admin building to large office of an obviously senior member of the Zoo. He also spoke good English. I explained to him again that while I felt that in general Farangs were, for Thais, often the equivalent of the monkeys at the zoo, or the monkey show out at Mae Sa, I felt there was a great opportunity, given my peculiar case of cross-species metamorphosis, for a Farang exhibit at the zoo which would be a world-class conceptual breakthrough.

I mentioned Dolly, the cloned sheep, as an example of the kind of special creature zoos might one day exhibit. I thought of mentioning the famous "Siamese Twins" Chang and Eng

http://etext.lib.virginia.edu/railton/wilson/changeng.html

and their remarkable career as "exhibits" in America culminating in their becoming farmers and slave owners in North Carolina, marrying two American sisters, and fathering many little look khreung (Chang fathered ten and Eng fathered 11 !)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chang_and_Eng_Bunker

... but discarded that sensing it might be offensive. I also thought about mentioning that the Pandas (what's not to love about a Panda ?), for all their rarity and beauty, basically just lie around, moving in slow motion, alternating eating bamboo, and moving their bowels, but discarded that idea as in poor taste, and one that would probably result in a contract getting taken out on me by those busy producing all kinds of of trinkets for sale at the Panda exhibit made from Panda dung.

The zoo administrator asked me to submit a written proposal for my employment at the zoo, and we sensed, in his subtle smile, and the twinkle in his eyes, that he was entertained : well, we thought : by entertaining him we're off to a good start; you know, "proof in the pudding," "show me the money;" and all those kind of platitudes.

Now, you may wonder (I hope you can still wonder) how this connects to the title of this thread. Well, by "soi dogs" we obviously refer ... not to the mangy-bags-of-flea-canine-mutts that litter the sois, abandoned, festering, half-crippled, starving ... but to a certain excess of excessive farang where "excessive" does not mean entertaining (unfortunately). Yes, those farang layabouts that have none of the rarity of Pandas, but all of their sloth.

Those farangs who do not smile, do not joke, do not talk to Thai people and respond the daily kindnesses and politenesses they are most certainly shown.

Well reading this story about creating thermal energy by flaming bunnies in Sweden :

http://www.thelocal.se/22610/20091012/

Brought home for us the idea that some more creative use could be made of the "harvest" of the obviously necessary cull of resident farangs here. The problem with killing them, however, is that then they would stop getting their pensions, and spending money in the Kingdom. Do the elephant "rehab" and "training" camps recently discussed here with great fervor offer a model from which we can learn ?

Now Pattaya has shown great creativity with its deployment of specially rigged balconies that catapult surplus farangs into their final swan-dives; certainly we can come up with a Northern Thai solution reflecting Lanna heritage !

Zoo, monkey, farang, Sweden, rabbit, energy : we sense, with all the depths of our unimaginable empathy resulting from our quantumly-entangled hybrid Orang-farang psyche, there is a great and rare opportunity here for something "new under the sun."

best, ~o:37;

You need to get something to do ,what a load of rubbish

[orang37]

I'm not, I'm still not past the 1% stage, and gave up after the word orang

Sawasdee Khrup, Maejo Man,

We cherish your progress in your reaching one per-cent !

The beauty of our fractally recursive psyche, both Orang and Human, is that, no matter how finely you divide it, any part still contains the whole (or, depending on your perceptions, the "hole," or the "holy").

As the wonderful Jonathan Swift (like my human, a poet, and satirist) once wrote :

"A flea hath fleas that on him prey, and so on 'til infinity."

"Giving up" is, after all, a form of giving, and that, too, is to be relished.

Be assured that on that "sphere" which Descartes described thus : "whose center is everywhere and circumference is nowhere" : we are neighbors, and the "central mystery" we share is far more important than the private mysteries we cannot share.

best, ~o:37;

[orang37]

im getting better at this, understood 50% of this one

Sawasdee Khrup, Khun DonnyBoy,

Your advancement brings us great joy !

If, at this stage, you begin to have dreams in which you have fur, and are arboreal, do not worry; that is natural. Your desire for bananas may escalate, also, and there may be some aching of the jaw in the early morning as your facial muscles respond to your grinning ear-to-ear more often.

best, ~o:37;

"Given the choice between two evils, I'd pick the one I hadn't tried before." American actress, Mae West

[Cobalt60]

I was there at the zoo myself only a day or three back, saw an orang lolling about, swinging down from the tree, or was it possibly you in your new position ? hel_l of a good suit if it was.

I found myself forced to make comment about the lack of baby panda on view, what a con, lazy little sod, on a cctv link to a television screen, sleeping, or possibly dead or a stuffed toy. Does it exist / ?

[orang37]

Not sure, but I think he has got the hots for Jane Goodall and wants her to come to the jungle and play with the swinger

Sawasdee Khrup, Khun Gonzo the Face,

By the way, them are some fine moustachios you sport there.

We would be more interested in meeting Jane Badall, Goodall's evil twin, although, on un-principle, we would not rule out menage a quatre.

best, o:37;

[orang37]

You need to get something to do ,what a load of rubbish

Sawasdee Khrup, Khun Patriciachas,

Thank you for you perceptions. Surely you will agree, however, that our words are never "the same old rubbish." If you understand the "archaic" meaning of the word "tip," then you may appreciate that what you see as "rubbish" may be a "tip," for those who can read between the lines, and, for those who understand that "entendre" is often a "double," : sometimes something more.

your humble servants, ~:o37;

Edited October 16, 2009 by orang37

[orang37]

You shouldn't waste your time writing on TV but go straight to consult a psychiatrist ... or lock yourself in the monkey cage.

Sawasdee Khrup, Khun Dontdisturb,

Thanks for your concern for our mental well-being !

But how is it possible to "waste" time writing on TV ? I use an indelible marker, and now my screen is almost completely black, and yet we can still read every word we have ever written.

If we wished to consult a pyschiatrist, we'd just look in a mirror (my human was once a psychiatric performer), but we never look in mirrors since it is indisputable that mirrors are pathological liars. The Thai language itself conveys this deep truth : consider the word for mirror, "gajok," is so close to the word for "joker," or "comedian" : talok.

best, ~o:37;

[Tywais]

im getting better at this, understood 50% of this one

I keep trying to find the Google Translate option orang37 > English with no luck.

[Donnyboy]

im getting better at this, understood 50% of this one

Sawasdee Khrup, Khun DonnyBoy,

Your advancement brings us great joy !

If, at this stage, you begin to have dreams in which you have fur, and are arboreal, do not worry; that is natural. Your desire for bananas may escalate, also, and there may be some aching of the jaw in the early morning as your facial muscles respond to your grinning ear-to-ear more often.

[elektrified]

I think he was a psychiatrist in another life or before he ended up in Thailand.

[eek]

Always monkeying around!

The problem i can see with farang culling is the culling criteria. How to judge? Who will judge? And, being a Buddhist nation, should we not try to find a more middle path way?

Putting a variety of farang into zoo cages could be more constructive. You wouldnt need to share a cage with them Orang, nor be classed as the same breed (you would of course be classed as one of the more evolved members of the farang family). You could have different breeds of farang and descriptions of their native behaviour. Ie: maybe something like "Pub Farang" cage, and/or "Angry farang" cage, and, of course, the nice ones like "friendly farang" cage. (Then maybe some fun ones like "overwai-ing farang" cage). Some may need warning signs attached to the cage (such as:

"DO NOT FEED BEER TO PUB FARANG!

No matter how much he begs!

Pub Farang is on a set limit, and in his natural habitat will nurse a beer for one hour or more.")

Would be informative for the Thai people to see a variety of different farangs and learn to realise that not all farangs are the same breed/species. Like those who think all apes are monkeys, they would learn that there are differences between us. This may give a better understanding of the various kinds of farang out there.

[gpdjohn]

I could be a soi dog I reckon...

( I actually got most of it... scary..)

[orang37]

( I actually got most of it... scary..)

Sawasdee Khrup, Brother Gdp John,

Anyone who understands "Yossarian Lives !" gets all of it.

best, ~o:37;

[eek]

Im not sure i got all of it, or what order i got it, or if i got it at all. But i dont mind. Still enjoyed reading it.

[orang37]

I keep trying to find the Google Translate option orang37 > English with no luck.

Sawasdee Khrup, Khun Tywais,

To the blind we are invisible, to the deaf, we are unheard, to those who love us, we are transparent, to those who try and understand us, we are opaque, but we have "value" only if we make you smile, or remind you (gently) to keep wondering

"... And what you thought you came for

Is only a shell, a husk of meaning

From which the purpose breaks only when it is fulfilled

If at all. Either you had no purpose

Or the purpose is beyond the end you figured

And is altered in fulfilment."

T. S., Eliot, "Little Gidding," Quartet Four of "Four Quartets"

Also, consider : http://www.classicjq.com/info/JQTeam.shtml

Hope this helps !

best, ~o:37;

Edited October 16, 2009 by orang37

[orang37]

Always monkeying around!

Sawasdee Khrup, Khun Eek,

So happy to have you join us here on the psychic playground !

The problem i can see with farang culling is the culling criteria. How to judge? Who will judge? And, being a Buddhist nation, should we not try to find a more middle path way?

Wise words, indeed, Khun Eek; finding virtuous cullers is a challenge ! Of course we may regard many of the farang-suicides-in-slow-motion we observe as, in a way, already "self-culled."

Putting a variety of farang into zoo cages could be more constructive. You wouldnt need to share a cage with them Orang, nor be classed as the same breed (you would of course be classed as one of the more evolved members of the farang family). You could have different breeds of farang and descriptions of their native behaviour. Ie: maybe something like "Pub Farang" cage, and/or "Angry farang" cage, and, of course, the nice ones like "friendly farang" cage. (Then maybe some fun ones like "overwai-ing farang" cage). Some may need warning signs attached to the cage (such as:

"DO NOT FEED BEER TO PUB FARANG!

No matter how much he begs!

Pub Farang is on a set limit, and in his natural habitat will nurse a beer for one hour or more.")

Would be informative for the Thai people to see a variety of different farangs and learn to realise that not all farangs are the same breed/species. Like those who think all apes are monkeys, they would learn that there are differences between us. This may give a better understanding of the various kinds of farang out there.

Very creative and wondeful ideas, Khun Eek; may I include some of these words in my proposal to the Zoo director ?

What if the "culling" could be made a sport ? Teams of Farangs and Thais would pay a fee to the organizing committee for an official license, then "capture" selected Farangs based on agreed-upon culling-ary principles, and gift them to the zoo, with proceeds, from the licenses, going to help various eco-active and NGO groups, such as the "Save the Tookay" foundation, and the "Retrain Bar-Beer Ladies as Housewives for Farangs" insitute.

I could see a real wonder in the idea of an entire British-style pub, like the Red Lion, for example, being installed at the zoo as a permanent exhibit with one whole wall being of glass so all the farangs could be observed playing at darts, watching soccer, downing their Guiness, and complaining endlessly about what they don't like about Thailand. Given free rent, help with the visa thing, and ample quantities of Guiness, I think both the publican and his punters would go for it. In fact I believe many of the punters, given the above environmental parameters, would rapidly forget they were even in a zoo !

best, ~o:37;

"farang yu Muang Thai man kan ling tee suan sat."

[Donnyboy]

I keep trying to find the Google Translate option orang37 > English with no luck.

Sawasdee Khrup, Khun Tywais,

To the blind we are invisible, to the deaf, we are unheard, to those who love us, we are transparent, to those who try and understand us, we are opaque, but we have "value" only if we make you smile, or remind you (gently) to keep wondering

"... And what you thought you came for

Is only a shell, a husk of meaning

From which the purpose breaks only when it is fulfilled

If at all. Either you had no purpose

Or the purpose is beyond the end you figured

And is altered in fulfilment."

T. S., Eliot, "Little Gidding," Quartet Four of "Four Quartets"

Also, consider : http://www.classicjq.com/info/JQTeam.shtml

Hope this helps !

best, ~o:37;

recognize that all words are part false and part true ...

limited by our imperfect understanding,

but strive always for honesty within yourself

Master Po

[lannarebirth]

( I actually got most of it... scary..)

Sawasdee Khrup, Brother Gdp John,

Anyone who understands "Yossarian Lives !" gets all of it.

best, ~o:37;

Indeed I do and I'm most appreciative.

[mcgriffith]

I'm just bidding my time, Yossarian.

And waiting for the Swedish Bunnies photos.

[gpdjohn]

I keep trying to find the Google Translate option orang37 > English with no luck.

Sawasdee Khrup, Khun Tywais,

To the blind we are invisible, to the deaf, we are unheard, to those who love us, we are transparent, to those who try and understand us, we are opaque, but we have "value" only if we make you smile, or remind you (gently) to keep wondering

"... And what you thought you came for

Is only a shell, a husk of meaning

From which the purpose breaks only when it is fulfilled

If at all. Either you had no purpose

Or the purpose is beyond the end you figured

And is altered in fulfilment."

T. S., Eliot, "Little Gidding," Quartet Four of "Four Quartets"

Also, consider : http://www.classicjq.com/info/JQTeam.shtml

Hope this helps !

best, ~o:37;

recognize that all words are part false and part true ...

limited by our imperfect understanding,

but strive always for honesty within yourself

Master Po

"When you can snatch the pebble from my hand..."

but I still meet all the requirements of a soi dog..

[gpdjohn]

My last visit to Samet.. my "Bunnie" we waiting to greet me and yelling and waving from the shore...

"Yossarian..you're back!"

No Hunny bunny..you got back..