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Posted

I'm an American and travel to Thailand a couple of times a year. Over time, I've made some very good Thai friends. After being away for months, my first inclination when I return is to give them a big hug. Is it OK for me to do or would I make my Thai friends uncomfortable? I know that Thais don't traditionally hug as we do in the west, but they also know that we westerners are a bit different!

Posted

I'm an American and not a big hugger myself (but then I am a male). :D Generally it isn't normal but if they are quite close to you shouldn't be a problem. I had a Thai good friend (female) who I haven't seen in 10 years as she has been in Australia. When she came for a visit, first thing she did was give me a big hug to my surprise. Could be the Aussie influence. :)

Posted

My Thai wife hugs and kisses my family and friends and she is happy to do so. I am Italian and she knows that we do that. If you are close to a Thai he/she will know this is normal for you and will probably have no problem with that.

Posted

I give hugs to the wife's immediate family after an absence but you learn to judge whether it's OK or not...generally when the adult person gives me a wai first I stand back and acknowledge and skip the hug...

a 'sniff kiss' without the hug is OK with the wimmin folk when appropriate...also fer the kids if they have grown up a bit and are not little anymore...

Posted

I'm not European, but I was raised to be a "hugger". But, I learned quickly in Thailand that hugging is not the norm in Thai society. But, it IS different in the bar scene and that is where a foreigner can get confused. I have lots of Thai girlfriends who like to hug as a sign of affection. So do children. I get hugs from them all the time.

Posted

Interesting question really. I have been hugged by kids I hardly know and some Thai friends (female) I know will give me a hug 'hello' and 'goodbye' (often with an air-kiss), but with in-laws I just wai. I hug my family of course (my kids and wife). Thai male friends, we usually just squeeze or pat the shoulder at most. Not much different from home (in the UK) to be truthful.

Posted

In traditional Thai culture it is just not appropriate for a male to touch a female, although a handshake is okay (provided the female initiates it, of course).

There is a famous story of a Thai Queen who drowned because the boatmen were forbidden (on pain of death) to help her out of the water into which she had fallen.

I am very close to my wife's family, she has two younger unmarried sisters, the most that we do is a warm handshake. My wife, on the other hand, hugs anything that moves (we live in Australia, and she has totally adapted to Australian culture).

Posted

I think nowadays quite a number of Thais are more accepting of different ways of showing affection within a group of people close to them (without going overboard of course).

My niece had to go back to uni this week and gave both me and my wife a big hug in the restaurant where we had a farewell dinner together in front of about 80 people with no embarrassment at all.

When my folks visit my MIL always hugs them with joy (they get on very well) and the hug is always initiated by her. Considering she spends about half her life at the temple, moaned at me for days because I never got my car blessed by a monk and has so many pictures of you know who around the house she could open a shop it's not as if she's an aberration of a Thai person. She does what she feels is acceptable.

Posted

I hug my wifes younger sisters ,but her eldest never as she is not very westernized and never travelled abroad,where as her youngest sister lives in the U.K with her Thai husband and the next youngest has travelled to many western countries with her husband and kids. I think its just a matter of how much they have been exposed to western culture ,but then after saying that i hug her mum who doesnt seem to mind

Posted

Generally, its a no no

but you start to see more exceptions, and one main reason is what thaimate mentioned below:

I think its just a matter of how much they have been exposed to western culture ,

however, despite the above, I would only let men I know quite well give me hugs (for instance, uni friends, or people Ive worked with and known for quite sometime) ohh and I should add that the uni friends are also somewhat of an exception, in that we lived together in the same college, not just people I went to class with, and hence the bond is much stronger.

the other exception might be say at Christmas party - if Im at friends' and there are friends of friends (eventhough I might not know them that well), I somehow feel ok withe the peck on the cheek/cheek to cheek kiss.

children are different, and will give hugs more readily (and with less frowns received by onlookers than seeing a grown woman hugged by any man, farang or otherwise)

Posted

Miggie is spot on, depends on the person and how well you know them. I've hugged my MIL but never my FIL. I've hugged my nieces and nephews but not their parents. I've hugged a cousin thats close to my own age, westernized and a friend. But the rest of the cousins, no, they would not feel comfortable with it and would wonder what the heck was going on.

So, best option is no, unless they initiate it.

Posted
I give hugs to the wife's immediate family after an absence but you learn to judge whether it's OK or not...generally when the adult person gives me a wai first I stand back and acknowledge and skip the hug...

a 'sniff kiss' without the hug is OK with the wimmin folk when appropriate...also fer the kids if they have grown up a bit and are not little anymore...

I most certainly wouldn't sniff kiss any female relatives and NEVER my kids :)

Posted

It is a no-no, to hug a Thai women that you do not know very well, a Wai is the acceptable form of greetings.

At school my daughter gives me a flower on Fathers Day and I give her a kiss on the cheek, it never fails that the teachers alway ask for a re-kiss to take pictures. My girls wai me every day and then give me a kiss on the cheek every time they leave or arrive back at the house. I am very close to my wife and daughter, my Mother in law, my wifes sister, my wifes married cousin, I alway kiss them on the forehead.

One must be very careful about hugging or touching Thai Women they do not know very well, it may lead to a physical affront with her partner.

In my village I am always touched by all Thai women and men. most of them think that I am still in good shape for my age in the 70s.

Posted
One must be very careful about hugging or touching Thai Women they do not know very well, it may lead to a physical affront with her partner.

Same anywhere, isn't it?

I've had some funny looks from teachers as I always give my girls a kiss when they finish school - maybe I should stop now with the elder :):D

Posted

It's an interesting question. I never used to see it, but recently I was up visiting the inlaws and actually saw a youngish Thai woman and an elderly Thai woman hug. There definitely are changes occurring.

They certainly promote hugging among family members now. I think the billboard is still there as you come down the second stage expressway from Khamphaeng Phet 2 towards Victory Monument that shows a Thai family hugging with a big reminder to "gawt". This stems from the research done in the West that shows daily hugging has chemical effects that promote happiness.

It is clearly not generally accepted, but I think it is starting to be permissible when you have a close, familial relation with the recipient. In 20 years or so you may see this custom start to take hold, but for right now I would stick with a wai for anyone who you don't traditionally live with.

Posted
I give hugs to the wife's immediate family after an absence but you learn to judge whether it's OK or not...generally when the adult person gives me a wai first I stand back and acknowledge and skip the hug...

a 'sniff kiss' without the hug is OK with the wimmin folk when appropriate...also fer the kids if they have grown up a bit and are not little anymore...

I most certainly wouldn't sniff kiss any female relatives and NEVER my kids :D

:):D

(the family huddles in fear as tutsi barges thru the door drunk from free airline booze from his flight from saudi and bellows I MAKE THE MONEY AROUND HERE GODDAMIT AN' I GET TO HUG AN' SNIFF KISS ANYONE I LIKE...)

:D

Posted

My experience is that hugging isn't done. Even for people who are more open to this sort of thing, it's sort of awkward. I would definitely stay away from hugging--or any touching that isn't initiated by the other person.

Posted

in israel u cant avoid bodily contact between anyone, even people u hardly know unless they are religious men or women; there, there is a taboo of cross gender contact, even shaking hands, so they will just hold their hands behind their back when approaching people that might initiate even a handshake. ive often mistakenly wei'd!!! it just seemed natural.

hubby gets hugged by my girlfriends that are close to me also and he actively returns the hug. he will also initiate hugs with them. he doesnt touch my three kids at all except for the male to male half hug with my son when getting photo'ed. and i did see he many times hug other males that he (husband) feels close to them,

; he gets the half shoulder scrunch by the israeli males in close friendships. between thai male to thai male i see hugs often here as guys meet up after not seeing eachother for a while. no male/female hugging. although i was very surprised to get hugged and three way kissed (israeli /italian style) by hubby's close friend, at his farewell party. he grabbed my hands and did the three way kiss thing we do here when we arrived to his party. i was hugged by an other male close friend at his farewell party also.

we are a pretty huggy group here in this country so maybe its 'rubbed' off on him?!

bina

israel

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