Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days.

Eventually, Michael the Archangel found him on the seventh day, resting.

He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards

through the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've made", said God.

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet", replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to

call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance".

"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing to

different parts of the Earth.

"For example, North America will be a place of great opportunity and

wealth, while South America is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will

be a hot spot and Russia will be a cold spot.

Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a

continent of black people".

God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be

extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice".

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a small land

mass and said "What's that one?"

"Ah", said God. "That's Scotland , the most glorious place on Earth. There

are beautiful lakes, rivers, streams and hills. The people from Scotland are

going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be

found travelling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and

high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats

and carriers of peace".

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about

balance, God? You said there would be BALANCE!"

God replied, "Wait until you see the w*nkers I'm putting next to them in England ".

racist

"I don't mind the English - they are just <deleted>. We are worse ... we are colonised by <deleted>!"

trainspotting (something like that)