SaaiMai Posted January 6, 2010 Share Posted January 6, 2010 Hello ladies! I’m looking for some advice, especially from those of you with a Thai partner, on how to tell my Thai boyfriend we are pregnant (I just found out). He comes from a rather conservative and traditional family, so this will be quite the scandal since we aren’t married, yet. He is very religious (Buddhist), doesn’t speak a word of English (but I speak Thai quite well, so no worries there), and serves in the Thai Army (as a career). I know this will be quite the shock for him. Any advice about how to share the happy/terrifying/unexpected news in a ‘Thai’ manner would be greatly appreciated! Has anyone ever dealt with a similar situation? Any thoughts as to what I can expect from his family? Just so you know, I have met the family, and I get along really well with everyone. I have plans to live in Thailand permanently, and he definitely sees us getting married, so our relationship security isn’t an issue. Also, if anyone has any advice about birth out of wedlock between a farang and a Thai, in Thailand, I would love to hear that, too. I’m curious to find out if I will retain all rights of my child (being the mother), or if he will (since he is Thai, and we are in Thailand). Thanks in advance for your thoughts! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canincm Posted January 6, 2010 Share Posted January 6, 2010 How far along are you? I know some people who were married while visibly pregnant, but I'm not too sure how the parents felt about it. If it were me, and I was sure that I was pregnant, I would probably tell my boyfriend that I'd missed my period, and was worried, and could we please go together to buy a test? That way, he could feel like he's experiencing it at the same time as you, and will also give you a chance to gauge his reaction. A friend of mine (in Japan) was in a similar situation: she thought she might be pregnant, informed her bf, who promptly told her that she would have to "get rid of it" if she was indeed pregnant. She bought the test on her own, told him that it was negative, and left him a couple of months later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SaaiMai Posted January 7, 2010 Author Share Posted January 7, 2010 I'm a little over 1 month along, so I'm not showing, yet. I like your idea of involving him in taking the test, and I think I'm going to give that a try. The story about your friend terrifies me a bit! I hadn't even considered that possibility. I suppose I'll just have to wait and see how he responds. Thanks for your advice! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bina Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 from what i know of the issaan thai men ive known , abortion is usually not high on their list ... but they are all country thai not city or career thai men... au contraire, i know of many many thai (again, the one that work here as migrant workers) that are very pleased that their gfs are prenant or with their child even though visa regs here mean the man may never get to see his child again after his 5 yr stint here. several have babies from filipina gf's who have since gone back home, and the guys support them financially, and others dont support financially but still take the time to show me photos of their babies.... probably not relevant in your case but to ease your fear of the 'japanese' story reaction. anyway mazel tov (congrats) bina israel forgot to add the disclaimer that abortion is illegal in thailand-- if u have decisions to make, take a glance in the health forum for more answers/solutions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 Actually Bina, it is no longer illegal but the health forum outlines the requirements. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RueFang Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 I would expect that you'll be married within the month of telling the fam, like it or not!! You say he has long term ideas for you to marry, do you also want this in the future, because as soon as a bub is mentioned I imagine he will be beyond ecstatic, get straight on the phone to the folks who will then start planning the wedding.. seriously!!! My husband is Thai and we got pregnant very (ridiculously/accidentally) early and he was over the moon and telling the fam by night fall. I ended up miscarrying, but from my experience of Thais, they love having babies around so I wouldn't imagine anyone will be remotely put out by it! Re babies out of wedlock, I would think if he's from a religious/traditional family, it wouldn't be looked on favorably and may cause some family concern/friction, but in the end, it's your decision and don't get pressured into it. Best of luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bina Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 ah, i stand corrected. havent updated so will do so... thanx bina israel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbk Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 Nah, my experience has been out of wedlock pregnancy doesn't particularly matter for religious people, but perhaps for middle class might make a difference. if they are religious then there is no way they will expect an abortion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mario2008 Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 regarding the legal implications of the child being born out of wedlock: If you are not married, the child will be yours and only yours and you will have sole custody over the child and the child will have your nationality. That is unless the father legitimizes the child, in essence states before the law that the child is his. In Thailand that is done by having the father registering the birth at the amphur. When the father himself registers the birth he acknowledges that he is the father and will become the legal father. In that case you will have joined custody together with the father. The child will also have the fathers nationality. This all assumes the child is born out of wedlock and born in Thailand. If not born in Thailand the procedure of that country regarding legitimization must be followed. Having shared custody means you both have an equal say. Do note that there are no parental kidnapping laws in Thailand. In case of a divorce you can keep shared custody or agree to sole custody by one of the parents. If you cannot agree one can go to court to get sole custody. Thai courts prefer joined custody, but are unbiased to foreigners. They will make a decision based on the interest of the child. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mssabai Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 My experience is with middle class families it is a bit more of an issue, but still a very common occurrence. However you are the female and therefore their is not so much face to be lost for them. If you were a man and you had got their daughter pregnant their would be a more pressing urge to get these legal, however I don't think it would be such an issue for them as it is not that way around for you. You are just proof of their son's virility. My experience of mother's finding out their son's are having a baby with a farang (ie my friends who have been pregnant) has only been positive - in or out of wedlock, however I suspect these were perhaps more working class families. I am quite surprised you didn't tell your boyfriend as soon as you suspected, but I think you should tell him asap so you are not carrying all the burden. He can then help you deal with mum and dad. Just a cautious note as well...you say you have plans to live in Thailand permanantly, where are you living now and what are you doing? What would you plan to do for work here? Are you happy with where you would live? Can your bf support you through the pregnancy and early years or will you have to work? Do you know about decent schools in the area? etc etc... boring I know but these babies seem to grow up so quickly and these things fast become an issue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blueseyes Posted January 10, 2010 Share Posted January 10, 2010 Firstly, congratulations on the news you are expecting! My limited experience, was my thai bf’s sister getting knocked up. Its generally only an issue with the father and brothers in the girls family thinking that she is too young, the boy won’t support her or that being unmarried will bring ‘shame’ to the family etc. In that case she had a shot gun wedding party (but only her Mum knew about the baby). We only found out five months later that she was 7 months pregnant! Although I suspected she looked a bit ‘pe-tong’ at the time I couldn’t believe she didn’t say anything for so long! I also know one young career minded Thai man that divorced his wife because she couldn’t / wouldn’t have children. If I were you I’d be far more concerned about the reactions of my own family and friends back home. I’m curious, how long have you lived in Thailand? What do you do for work? Good luck with everything! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yabaaaa Posted January 10, 2010 Share Posted January 10, 2010 Im interested in why it would be quite a shock to him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VitalGirl Posted January 11, 2010 Share Posted January 11, 2010 Congratulations!! My husband's whole village were ecstatic to find that I was pregnant... I wanted to marry more quickly so I wouldn't be showing at all but the monks decided that the date wasn't auspicious. I was 3 months and a bit when we married with a tiny belly that got stroked all day (for luck) and my husband was endlessly congratulated for having been smart enough to have "proof of a good wife" before tying the knot. Suggest you buy the test with your bf and let him be part of it.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mythailadyleavingme Posted January 23, 2010 Share Posted January 23, 2010 hi there i need help my thai girl freind is pregnant and i want her to stay here in the states and get married and be a family but shes says she has to go home to her family and be in thailand and for me to come to thailand after baby is born and get married then and there then she will come back to the states its a big mess any help out there why would she leave me and the states to go back to thailand she dont have green card and is on a expired visa now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SeanMoran Posted January 23, 2010 Share Posted January 23, 2010 hi there i need help my thai girl freind is pregnant and i want her to stay here in the states and get married and be a family but shes says she has to go home to her family and be in thailand and for me to come to thailand after baby is born and get married then and there then she will come back to the states its a big mess any help out there why would she leave me and the states to go back to thailand she dont have green card and is on a expired visa now Let her go home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrahamF Posted January 23, 2010 Share Posted January 23, 2010 hi there i need help my thai girl freind is pregnant and i want her to stay here in the states and get married and be a family but shes says she has to go home to her family and be in thailand and for me to come to thailand after baby is born and get married then and there then she will come back to the states its a big mess any help out there why would she leave me and the states to go back to thailand she dont have green card and is on a expired visa now I know this is off topic, so apologies in advance. Mythailady, you might want to check out the US visa laws, as your gf's visa has expired, she is now an illegal alien, and she may not be allowed back into America again due to this. The US does track the comings and goings of foreign nationals and sneaking her out to Canada or Mexico is not a viable option as I believe that if there is no record of a person leaving the country the US govt considers this overstaying the visa. You should consult a lawyer before she leaves the USA. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
franzzz Posted April 24, 2010 Share Posted April 24, 2010 you need a plan b girl. you do know that thai boys have a very bad reputation in taking care of out of wedlock babies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lumumba Posted April 24, 2010 Share Posted April 24, 2010 Him being a career military man might get in the way where I hail from. Imagine the Isreali army chief's wife coming from Tehran. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brahmburgers Posted April 24, 2010 Share Posted April 24, 2010 you need a plan b girl. you do know that thai boys have a very bad reputation in taking care of out of wedlock babies. I'm a farang guy. I agree you need to be wary of unforeseen possibilities. You didn't mention how well the two of you get along. Just because a man appears to be religious, has little bearing on how he might react to such news. I agree with an earlier poster that you could tell a white lie, and arrange to go with the guy to get the pg test. That way, he would feel part of the process. I hate to sound cynical, but here are some possible scenarios (again, I don't know how well you two get along on a deep level, as opposed to how you play out your roles of boyfriend/girlfriend). - He could say, "how do you know it's me that got you pregnant?" - He could split (might be the best scenario, if he's a creep). Incidentally, this is probably the most common male responses, just run away. And there's no legal compulsion in Thailand for a man to support a child he sires. Even if it's proven he's the father. If he runs, there's nothing the law can do to assist you in getting him to be responsible. - He could play the abortion card, but that's been mentioned already in this thread. - He could do the responsible thing (a Thai being responsible? that's a stretch) ....and marry you and be a decent, mature, loving husband and father. And if that happens, I'll sell you my "Lost Elvis Master Tapes" for $1 apiece. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bina Posted April 24, 2010 Share Posted April 24, 2010 revived topic ......... troll answers... the original OP was female and has not been back since. the latest question is something different ; maybe 'Mythailady' should post a new topic as it is not relavant to the original topic. and there would be no problem for the israeli army chief to marry a girl from tehran as long as she was from a good jewish persian family........... bina israel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BasementCat Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 OP wrote her post on 2010-01-06. Brahmburgers, apparently April is a bit late to go buy a pg test. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lioness Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 If it were me, and I was sure that I was pregnant, I would probably tell my boyfriend that I'd missed my period, and was worried, and could we please go together to buy a test? Seeing as she already knows she's Pregnant she's better off to be honest rather than being devious, much better to have honesty in a relationship and know how you stand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrahamF Posted April 26, 2010 Share Posted April 26, 2010 Seeing as she already knows she's Pregnant she's better off to be honest rather than being devious, much better to have honesty in a relationship and know how you stand. Lioness, you are 100% correct. When this topic was first posted and then revived, it really bothered me, both times, that so many people advised to tell a little white lie. I would much prefer that my gf came to me and said she took a pregnancy test and it came back positive and then asked me to go to the hospital with her for another test to confirm it. I think that I might be a little hurt that she did not come to me earlier, when a period was missed, but I think that is understandable and I know I would get over it. On the other hand, if I found out that she had confirmed the pregnancy and then told me she wasn't sure about it (the little white lie) then I know I would be quite upset. To me, at least, lying about a pregnancy is much more than a white lie, it goes to commitment, trust and honesty. I think that it would make me question the relationship, and I would certainly be questioning her motives as to why she lied initially. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OOB Posted April 26, 2010 Share Posted April 26, 2010 I'm a little over 1 month along, so I'm not showing, yet. I like your idea of involving him in taking the test, and I think I'm going to give that a try. The story about your friend terrifies me a bit! I hadn't even considered that possibility. I suppose I'll just have to wait and see how he responds. Thanks for your advice! A word of caution... As a man if I found out that you put me through the whole test thing when you already knew the result, I'd be more than a little upset. Why lie? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Posted April 27, 2010 Share Posted April 27, 2010 predictably the trolls are coming out of the woodwork. I have deleted several posts. Stay off the ladies forum, there is no place for you here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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