Am I Just The Typical Stupid Farang?

[IanForbes]

She probably doesn't have a new boyfriend now. She just needed to get over you and have you stop calling. Most Thai women think Farangs are all rich ... and by Thai standards most are.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH A WOMEN WANTING FINANCIAL SECURITY?

WHAT IS WRONG WITH A WOMEN BEING ATTRACTED TO A SUCCESSFUL MAN?

You losers who constantly see all Thai girls as money hungry whores need to grow up and get some self-esteem.

There is nothing wrong with a man wanting a GF or wife that doesn't need to be supported financially or who feels they should contribute very little financially to her or her family ... absolutely nothing wrong with this BUT you are truly a loser if you want to see the girl (in a poor country with little opportunity to make money legally for females) as some evil creature because she wants a man who will take care of her and her parents who raised her.

Relationships don't always work out and I am truly sorry for what you are going through. Sadly many Thai women are shy and have problems expressing their needs BUT she did tell you what she needed and either you didn't listen or care or you couldn't afford to take care of her and her family the way she hoped. If it is a matter of not having the funds then it still may have worked but lying is not uncommon (especially in Thai culture to avoid conflict) and she probably felt you had the money but just didn't think she or her family were worth spending it on.

Consider your GF was also probably VERY embarrassed having a farang BF and having to work for what was no more than 200 bhat a day.

This by ALL means doesn't sound like a situation where she was after your money. Thailand may have cheap rent for a crummy apartment but sending her 10k Bhatt or about $300 US ... how long were you gone? Was she supposed to live on 10k for a month or more? You left her when she had no job ... how scary that must have been for her.

Maybe I am wrong but folks who are unable to step into somebody else's shoes to think of their feelings are clearly self-centered folks.

My gut tells me you could easily get this women back if you can commit to take care of her financially. And offer the parents some funds to not just help them but help make her proud and show her parents she is well and has a good BF who will take care of her. By the way ... do you know the Thai culture and what is expected if you married her in terms of paying off the parents?

You should also ask yourself what did she do for you during this relationship? Who cleaned? Who brought you food and drink? Who took care of you? What did she do to take care of you? Or maybe don't think about this and be like others who post and believe a Thai GF should wait on them hand and foot but have no reward and be forced to sell food on the street to have a few bucks in their pocket and feel even the slightest bit of security financially if you were to leave her as you kind of did a few times.

Even if she was out selling sexual services those nights she was out ... why did she stay with you? Maybe she wanted the money to save face and not look like a complete idiot for being with a "rich" farang but being more poor (in terms of money in her pocket) then she was before she met you.

It is very easy for a Thai girl to be poor and she doesn't need a Farang BF to remain poor. How can she feel secure and loved by a man who is able to travel the globe but can only afford to give her $330 to live on and pay all the bills when he heads off on international flights???

Please don't take my post wrong as I really do feel for your situation and feelings and highly respect your coming to this board to get advice and answers but WE are all a bunch of dumb farangs here too for the most part and my frustration is directed at some of the responses --- not your original post. I am also concerned that you will become like many of these losers here who have predetermined notions of all Thai girls based on a bad relationship or two or three or even four. Since when does every relationship work in any country? Oh but then again maybe that is why they left their homeland and thought finding some poor girl in Thailand would be the answer because she would have to worship them and take a few left over crumbs and be happy even though she might be 20-years younger.

You are in your 20's and sounds like she may be young 20s. How many healthy 20 year old girls in any country don't want to go out and have fun? Have nice cloths? Have money to spend? You sound like you want to settle down and she might want to too but she also wants to have fun before she gets old and if she is going to settle down, she wants to do it with a man she knows will take care of her financially and that she will not one day be left with nothing if you leave. Consider if she takes care of her parents a bit now too that she will have them to turn to if you did leave her.

Bottom line is you are both young, from different cultures, have communication problems and often are forced to be seperated ... this is were the problems are coming from.

And I kind of am missing something about you going to Loas when you come back ... Even most poor Thai girls will prefer to be poor in Thailand and not Loas.

Another well thought out post, johndpoole. I agree with you. The trouble with young, western society folks is they get mixed up in affairs of the heart. Thai women have their priorities in order... THEY NEED TO BE TAKEN CARE OF FINANCIALLY! Everything else is secondary.

For a young man with a few dollars in his pocket he can have a great time in Thailand without losing his heart while here. Leave it at that. Unless a man is prepared to live and work in Thailand it is foolish to lose your heart over a woman... no matter how beautiful she might be.

[Tonto21]

Chin up! Mate, I feel for you! and I think most blokes reading this, have been there, even the "Macho men" talking shit!! trust me; don’t beat yourself up over this. Your story is being repeated the world over every minute of every day. Don't sit around thinking what you've lost, plenty of fish and all that, Polish up that harpoon and get out there.

A guy find a bottle on a beach, gives it a rub, out pop a genie, the genie says, OK, OK, yes you get a wish, but only one, what do you want. The guy thinks……. “I like going to Thailand for my Holidays, but hate flying, build me a f#*k off bridge from my home to Pattaya so I can drive there, with fuel stations and stuff” The genie says “that my friend is a tall order, do you know how hard that is” (at this point the genie takes nearly an hour to explain just how hard that would be to do) “All right” said the guy I’ll pick something else………..I got it! Help me understand women!!! The genie thinks for a few minutes, and says………. How many lanes do you want on this bridge!! Wimin A!!!!!

[johndpoole]

Dude, you keep making contradictions. I think you are not being honest with yourself and you are "answer shopping" until somebody says what you want to hear. You talk about being together a year and having a somewhat great relationship but what seems more clear is you are clueless what was going on inside her head. I am not sure what to think anymore but I am starting to think the love was based largely on the sex and the advice to you would be to go ahead and come back to thailand because there are TONS of single women here and if nothing else, go by one for the night. Working girls here are like nowhere else and will make you feel loved. Just make sure you get yourself a couple and don't fall in love just because the sex and loving is so great.

Nobody in their 20's wants to hear this but YOU ARE YOUNG and what you had doesn't sound like that healthy of a relationship and I have to believe it was the sexual intimacy you felt because I also believe you didn't share much about yourself, your feelings or concerns with her because it is clear she didn't with you.

I remember being in my 20's and being with a girl for a year. Our relationship was either great or awful but when it was great it was indescribable. We had the best sex ever and did it all numerous times a day. When we broke up, I was devastated. I couldn't let it go. I conned and begged her to come back to me numerous times just to see it end. I even became a little bit of a stalker and would see where she was going at night. Dude, what your feeling doesn't even compare to how devastated I was. But the point is that I truly understand what you are feeling and it is the worst feeling in the world. But it will pass. I said in a previous post to go and fight for her and gave advice how and I stick by this if you believe you are meant to be together but if not ... go out and get laid. It will not make things better but it will definitely help you get through this rough time. Nobody here is going to offer magic advice or words to make you feel better. It is going to take time and the best thing you can do is to do things to occupy your mind and get your thoughts off of her.

Talking and writing about things like this is also helpful but when you find the words going in circles as they are here ... it is time to get your mind off this.

The lessons from this will be learned but not now. We can only guess as what went wrong and in all likelihood they would have went bad sooner or later anyway. As you move into a different relationship you will then come across similar situations that you will handle differently because of these lessons and hopefully the big one will be communicating. Because sitting here guessing if it was you leaving, if it was you not helping the family, if she got on drugs or found a rich man just isn't going to help anybody ... next time ask the chick what is important and why and let her know the same. So, there is your lesson to never be in this situation of not knowing again ... don't get this emotionally involved again without understanding what makes the women tick and what she expects from you and you will likely not ever be wondering what went wrong again after a relationship ends.

But I am serious ... come back to Thailand. You've already planned it. Spend a few days thinking if you want to contact her and let her know you are coming back regardless and would like to meet to understand what happened.

I am big on women being treated right and hate so many women feel forced into selling their bodies here but the fact remains they are her BIG TIME and you should probably come here, get laid a couple times by a great girl who will make you feel great and loved (tip her well) then go out to some other places where you are likely to run into a girl that is more compatible with you. Just make sure you have 3 different girls before making any decisions about a relationship cause I somehow get the feeling you may fall in love with the first girl you take out of the bar as do many farangs.

[johndpoole]

Lastly one other thing to remember that probably will not help you now but ... YOU WILL GET OVER THIS.

And you will learn from this without beating yourself up over and over again trying to figure things out. The lessons you learn will come in flashes to you as you begin to move on. It is not like you beat her and we can say don't hit your next GF. You shared a lot but it is only what you know and if you can't figure it out ... how can we. For now just accept the previous posters comment that this story happens all around the world every day ... to both men and women.

One thing I am fairly sure of and that is she did and possibly still does loves you but women often are better at blocking things out like this after a couple good cries and moving on. My guess too is she has had much more time to move on and a good chunk of the 6-months you've been gone she began to doubt more and more that you would ever return.

You were not stupid or dumb -- you just got into what turned out to be a long term relationship and as we hear many times --- they don't usually work. Even if you had the means to send her more money, maybe she would have still needed some kind of physical affection ... who knows but I do realize one thing we all should have not done here was guess at what you or she did wrong ... except for the part of you both being more open about your thoughts, wants and feelings... that is always a good thing in a relationship and in building trust.

[coronadian]

Thnx, you are probably right with most of these things (except I'm not gone 6 months yet, 3,5 month in, the 6 was when I planned to return, but thats nitpicking ;-)). I also dont think it was mainly a sexual thing and thats why I was attracted to her.

I do want her back, and as you adviced I'm trying to talk to her sister. I hope it was just the financial thing and she wanted to get over me and doesnt really have somebody new. I will probably also go to thailand regardless, I dont wanna be a stalker though, but I think its worth persuing. Trying to show her how much I care.

I'm really not looking for one-night stands though, so I'll skip the part with bargirls.

[RockyBalb0a]

I don't understand why she would flat out tell me she has a new boyfriend though.

Because it is more than likely the truth, and she doesn't need you anymore. He obviously ticks the box that you weren't able to at the time and she is moving on and doesn't want you to pester her.

If it wasn't true she would likely have just kept quiet and strung you along until she did find someone, like what was blatantly going on when you went away the first time and came back to find her going out all the time at night without you and staying away for days regardless of your feelings (no doubt trying to find and establish a relationship with a new guy, while keeping you on the side as a fallback). In the end she was successful in doing this, so she's cut you loose.

The only way you are likely to get her back now is if you outbid your rival for her, because you have previously proved to her that you were not willing to entertain a relationship in which you would meet all her financial needs in the future. To be honest that doesn't sound like a good foundation for you to be happy with this relationship in the long run.

Edited January 8, 2010 by RockyBalb0a

[DegenFarang]

 Deganfarang you  tell this guy that thai women are such great liars in one sentence, and then go on to say how the "old guys" will tell you blah blah blah. You need to go look in the mirror boy. And Im not an old man for your info, just tired of you slagging others then trying to act like your such an understanding thai lover. 

So saying that Thai women are great liars and that many of them prey upon naive foreigners makes me an understanding Thai lover?

Was just giving the dude a heads up to take many of the cynical posts that would follow with a grain of salt.

[tigerfish]

But shes not drunk regularly, hel_l we went through weeks on end without drinking. You guys don't understand, she isnt a party girl, yes she liked to go dancing every once in a while, but so do we all.

Shes an amazing cook, she regularly made the best tom yam goom I had anywhere. She took care of everything, dishes, washing, heck even my own personal hygiene. She is everything I could hope for. The way she talked about having kids, and taking care of everyone. you dont know her. I will not have her being drawn into the dirt here, no matter what she has done to my heart. Judging from your replies, shes a better girl than most of you woudl ever desirve.

I don't wanna go to thailand to have some fun with a random hooker. thats not who I am, and thats not who i want to be. I just want to figure this out.

if i may can i ask you 2 questions!

1 where did you meet her.

2 where is she from.

i understand if you do not wish to reply. none of my business.

[DegenFarang]

She took care of everything, dishes, washing, heck even my own personal hygiene. She is everything I could hope for. The way she talked about having kids, and taking care of everyone

Nearly all Thai women do these things for their boyfriends/husbands - along with being very selfless in the bedroom. Most people in a relationship with a Thai girl for the first time end up defending the relationship with these types of statements - the reason people are so cynical is because we know that they are all like that - good or bad. That she did those things is evidence of nothing other than that she is in fact Thai.

Edited January 8, 2010 by DegenFarang

[tigerfish]

So the OP asks "Am I just a typical stupid farang" and anyone who tells him that he is, should be ignored and must be on yaba?

This kid really is totally delusional. She randomly goes out drinking without telling you and doesn't come home even on your birthday. What were you, sitting there at the kitchen table wearing an apron holding onto the cake you baked yourself looking at the door and holding the phone hoping that this time she would call?

sounds like one of those isaan music videos, but in reverse!

[DegenFarang]

So the OP asks "Am I just a typical stupid farang" and anyone who tells him that he is, should be ignored and must be on yaba?

This kid really is totally delusional. She randomly goes out drinking without telling you and doesn't come home even on your birthday. What were you, sitting there at the kitchen table wearing an apron holding onto the cake you baked yourself looking at the door and holding the phone hoping that this time she would call?

sounds like one of those isaan music videos, but in reverse!

Joker what you seem to be ignoring is the fact that those were a couple of isolated incidents over a very long period of time (9 months I believe he said). While she may very well have been cheating on him or lying to him on those couple of incidents, that does not support the blanket statements and assumptions you are making about her, her character and her motives.

How many of us have gone out with other girls or to the gogo bars and lied to our girlfriends about it? Does that mean we love our girlfriends any less? No it isn't moral or right to lie to your loved one in that way - but rare instances like that do not automatically nullify any chance that the persons feelings were genuine, it is just human nature - especially in Thailand. Genuine monogamy seems to happen here less than in any country I have ever been to - both with women and men.

Edited January 8, 2010 by DegenFarang

[anchan42]

I am married. We both work and she, Thai wife, control all the money. She has my ATM card and pays all the bills including my monthly allowances. I can ask for more if needed (often refused by unarguable good reason, I might add) . She also gives money to our parents on monthly basic. I am happy about all of that and know that if I want to change, I can just talk to her.

"I can ask for more if needed" <deleted>! Never understood this way of thinking with you guys letting the missus control funds and what not. Does she also wipe your bottom?

OP, she's a digger and is always gonna think of number one and family... just move on and think yourself lucky you never ended up married etc.

I have to agree with you, but the more l read, it looks like a hoax post. Hope not.

Why a hoax post?

Why is it illogical to believe that somebody doesn't let you down when you trust them and in turn when you expect the worst to be surprised when you get the worst.

We obviously are two different kinds of people.

One of my friends told me once that he used to believe that you should tell your wife every thing. I felt sorry for him and said I still believe that. He then felt sorry for me.

Every relationship is unique and I think you have to have yours in the ways that you both can live happily with.

[coronadian]

if i may can i ask you 2 questions!

1 where did you meet her.

2 where is she from.

i understand if you do not wish to reply. none of my business.

1) Saw her one day selling in the street shop, eventually bought something in a stall next to hers, and she asked me if i want to buy for my girlfriend. I told her I don't have one :-) Then a few more days later I saw her there again and she remembered me and greeted me nicely, asking if i had a girlfriend by now who i could buy somethign for. Finally I asked if she has a boyfriend and she said no, then I ask for her number. The next day I called her and asked if she wanted to go have a drink, I didnt know where the f* anything was so finally we met at khoasan road. She came with her sister and a friend (I think she was scared going alone, but I dont know, anyways the sister I was almost immediatly introduced to).

2) Isaan (I know the province), she told me the town and showed me on google earth, but frankly I'll be damned if i remember the village's name.

I dont want to pin point exactly in case one of her friends are reading this. I dont think she would like me spilling these things out to the world.

For those who care there is some development, I'm not giving up just yet. I'm willing to give this another chance.

[DegenFarang]

Both the way you met and the fact that she brought two people with her point to her being on the 'good girl' side of the pendulum. It's not a guarantee by any means but it's a good sign.

Her being from Isaan isn't a great sign, thats where most of the bar girls come from and basically anybody in Bangkok from Isaan came here to make money. It's not an indictment and there are certainly lots of girls who are of good character and intentions from Isaan - but from a statistical standpoint, it's more likely she's a 'good gir' if she were from Chiang Mai or Bangkok or something.

The place she told you in Isaan is likely a very large city and wouldn't reveal much - I would not name her moobarn (village) but I doubt thats the name she gave you. It was likely:

Surin

Korat

Ubon

Khon Kaen

Kalasin

Udon Ratchatani

Probably spelled some of those wrong and there are others but all of those are very large cities with a ton of smaller villages around them, which is where most of the girls actually come from, not those cities.

Edited January 8, 2010 by DegenFarang

[coronadian]

Both the way you met and the fact that she brought two people with her point to her being on the 'good girl' side of the pendulum. It's not a guarantee by any means but it's a good sign.

Her being from Isaan isn't a great sign, thats where most of the bar girls come from and basically anybody in Bangkok from Isaan came here to make money. It's not an indictment and there are certainly lots of girls who are of good character and intentions from Isaan - but from a statistical standpoint, it's more likely she's a 'good gir' if she were from Chiang Mai or Bangkok or something.

The place she told you in Isaan is likely a very large city and wouldn't reveal much - I would not name her moobarn (village) but I doubt thats the name she gave you. It was likely:

Surin

Korat

Ubon

Khon Kaen

Kalasin

Udon Ratchatani

Probably spelled some of those wrong and there are others but all of those are very large cities with a ton of smaller villages around them, which is where most of the girls actually come from, not those cities.

Hehe, no, the province starts with an S (but its none of the named) but she also told me the village. I saw it on the map, but as I said I dont remember, i think it was 3 words those in latin script.

[tigerfish]

Both the way you met and the fact that she brought two people with her point to her being on the 'good girl' side of the pendulum. It's not a guarantee by any means but it's a good sign.

Her being from Isaan isn't a great sign, thats where most of the bar girls come from and basically anybody in Bangkok from Isaan came here to make money. It's not an indictment and there are certainly lots of girls who are of good character and intentions from Isaan - but from a statistical standpoint, it's more likely she's a 'good gir' if she were from Chiang Mai or Bangkok or something.

The place she told you in Isaan is likely a very large city and wouldn't reveal much - I would not name her moobarn (village) but I doubt thats the name she gave you. It was likely:

Surin

Korat

Ubon

Khon Kaen

Kalasin

Udon Ratchatani

Probably spelled some of those wrong and there are others but all of those are very large cities with a ton of smaller villages around them, which is where most of the girls actually come from, not those cities.

Hehe, no, the province starts with an S (but its none of the named) but she also told me the village. I saw it on the map, but as I said I dont remember, i think it was 3 words those in latin script.

hope its not sahkon nakon or your in real shit. has she ever expressed a strong desire towards dogs!

[coronadian]

Both the way you met and the fact that she brought two people with her point to her being on the 'good girl' side of the pendulum. It's not a guarantee by any means but it's a good sign.

Her being from Isaan isn't a great sign, thats where most of the bar girls come from and basically anybody in Bangkok from Isaan came here to make money. It's not an indictment and there are certainly lots of girls who are of good character and intentions from Isaan - but from a statistical standpoint, it's more likely she's a 'good gir' if she were from Chiang Mai or Bangkok or something.

The place she told you in Isaan is likely a very large city and wouldn't reveal much - I would not name her moobarn (village) but I doubt thats the name she gave you. It was likely:

Surin

Korat

Ubon

Khon Kaen

Kalasin

Udon Ratchatani

Probably spelled some of those wrong and there are others but all of those are very large cities with a ton of smaller villages around them, which is where most of the girls actually come from, not those cities.

Hehe, no, the province starts with an S (but its none of the named) but she also told me the village. I saw it on the map, but as I said I dont remember, i think it was 3 words those in latin script.

hope its not sahkon nakon or your in real shit. has she ever expressed a strong desire towards dogs!

I'm intrigued, what do the good people of sahkon nakon do with their dogs? Please dont tell me it is what I'm almost fearing it is.

[tigerfish]

Both the way you met and the fact that she brought two people with her point to her being on the 'good girl' side of the pendulum. It's not a guarantee by any means but it's a good sign.

Her being from Isaan isn't a great sign, thats where most of the bar girls come from and basically anybody in Bangkok from Isaan came here to make money. It's not an indictment and there are certainly lots of girls who are of good character and intentions from Isaan - but from a statistical standpoint, it's more likely she's a 'good gir' if she were from Chiang Mai or Bangkok or something.

The place she told you in Isaan is likely a very large city and wouldn't reveal much - I would not name her moobarn (village) but I doubt thats the name she gave you. It was likely:

Surin

Korat

Ubon

Khon Kaen

Kalasin

Udon Ratchatani

Probably spelled some of those wrong and there are others but all of those are very large cities with a ton of smaller villages around them, which is where most of the girls actually come from, not those cities.

Hehe, no, the province starts with an S (but its none of the named) but she also told me the village. I saw it on the map, but as I said I dont remember, i think it was 3 words those in latin script.

hope its not sahkon nakon or your in real shit. has she ever expressed a strong desire towards dogs!

I'm intrigued, what do the good people of sahkon nakon do with their dogs? Please dont tell me it is what I'm almost fearing it is.

tasty!

[coronadian]

hope its not sahkon nakon or your in real shit. has she ever expressed a strong desire towards dogs!

I'm intrigued, what do the good people of sahkon nakon do with their dogs? Please dont tell me it is what I'm almost fearing it is.

tasty!

Puhh....Ok, I thought something else there ;-) hel_l I would probably try it.

Edited January 8, 2010 by coronadian

[Brunus]

For those who care there is some development, I'm not giving up just yet. I'm willing to give this another chance.

It's up to you. I wouldn't do it if I was you.

Just an advise about money. Don't spend on this girl more than you can afford to lose. Believe me this is a very good advise.

[bunneh]

This board cracks me up.

To answer the OP's question, I don't think you are the typical stupid Farang from the story you posted. To me, it just seems like you were in a relationship and it didn't work out between the two of you, which you will have to move on. That's that. No one is ever stupid in love, either that or we all are, IMHO. She might have cheated on you at the end, or from the very beginning, but why would her being Thai make a difference? I'm sure you'll find girls of other nationalities that would do the same thing.

Believe me, some of the comments on here proves to be "the typical stupid Farang" more than yours will ever be.

[t.s]

wait a minute here, i think you are the guy who was banging my girlfriend!!!!

you better be joking.....whats her (nick-)name?

Yes, I am joking. it was too easy, sorry.

[coronadian]

Just an advise about money. Don't spend on this girl more than you can afford to lose. Believe me this is a very good advise.

This is very good advice in general and applies to everything.

This board cracks me up.

To answer the OP's question, I don't think you are the typical stupid Farang from the story you posted. To me, it just seems like you were in a relationship and it didn't work out between the two of you, which you will have to move on. That's that. No one is ever stupid in love, either that or we all are, IMHO. She might have cheated on you at the end, or from the very beginning, but why would her being Thai make a difference? I'm sure you'll find girls of other nationalities that would do the same thing.

Believe me, some of the comments on here proves to be "the typical stupid Farang" more than yours will ever be.

I'm honoured you would register to this forum to tell me that :-)

[DegenFarang]

She probably doesn't have a new boyfriend now. She just needed to get over you and have you stop calling. Most Thai women think Farangs are all rich ... and by Thai standards most are.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH A WOMEN WANTING FINANCIAL SECURITY?

WHAT IS WRONG WITH A WOMEN BEING ATTRACTED TO A SUCCESSFUL MAN?

You losers who constantly see all Thai girls as money hungry whores need to grow up and get some self-esteem.

There is nothing wrong with a man wanting a GF or wife that doesn't need to be supported financially or who feels they should contribute very little financially to her or her family ... absolutely nothing wrong with this BUT you are truly a loser if you want to see the girl (in a poor country with little opportunity to make money legally for females) as some evil creature because she wants a man who will take care of her and her parents who raised her.

Relationships don't always work out and I am truly sorry for what you are going through. Sadly many Thai women are shy and have problems expressing their needs BUT she did tell you what she needed and either you didn't listen or care or you couldn't afford to take care of her and her family the way she hoped. If it is a matter of not having the funds then it still may have worked but lying is not uncommon (especially in Thai culture to avoid conflict) and she probably felt you had the money but just didn't think she or her family were worth spending it on.

Consider your GF was also probably VERY embarrassed having a farang BF and having to work for what was no more than 200 bhat a day.

This by ALL means doesn't sound like a situation where she was after your money. Thailand may have cheap rent for a crummy apartment but sending her 10k Bhatt or about $300 US ... how long were you gone? Was she supposed to live on 10k for a month or more? You left her when she had no job ... how scary that must have been for her.

Maybe I am wrong but folks who are unable to step into somebody else's shoes to think of their feelings are clearly self-centered folks.

My gut tells me you could easily get this women back if you can commit to take care of her financially. And offer the parents some funds to not just help them but help make her proud and show her parents she is well and has a good BF who will take care of her. By the way ... do you know the Thai culture and what is expected if you married her in terms of paying off the parents?

You should also ask yourself what did she do for you during this relationship? Who cleaned? Who brought you food and drink? Who took care of you? What did she do to take care of you? Or maybe don't think about this and be like others who post and believe a Thai GF should wait on them hand and foot but have no reward and be forced to sell food on the street to have a few bucks in their pocket and feel even the slightest bit of security financially if you were to leave her as you kind of did a few times.

Even if she was out selling sexual services those nights she was out ... why did she stay with you? Maybe she wanted the money to save face and not look like a complete idiot for being with a "rich" farang but being more poor (in terms of money in her pocket) then she was before she met you.

It is very easy for a Thai girl to be poor and she doesn't need a Farang BF to remain poor. How can she feel secure and loved by a man who is able to travel the globe but can only afford to give her $330 to live on and pay all the bills when he heads off on international flights???

Please don't take my post wrong as I really do feel for your situation and feelings and highly respect your coming to this board to get advice and answers but WE are all a bunch of dumb farangs here too for the most part and my frustration is directed at some of the responses --- not your original post. I am also concerned that you will become like many of these losers here who have predetermined notions of all Thai girls based on a bad relationship or two or three or even four. Since when does every relationship work in any country? Oh but then again maybe that is why they left their homeland and thought finding some poor girl in Thailand would be the answer because she would have to worship them and take a few left over crumbs and be happy even though she might be 20-years younger.

You are in your 20's and sounds like she may be young 20s. How many healthy 20 year old girls in any country don't want to go out and have fun? Have nice cloths? Have money to spend? You sound like you want to settle down and she might want to too but she also wants to have fun before she gets old and if she is going to settle down, she wants to do it with a man she knows will take care of her financially and that she will not one day be left with nothing if you leave. Consider if she takes care of her parents a bit now too that she will have them to turn to if you did leave her.

Bottom line is you are both young, from different cultures, have communication problems and often are forced to be seperated ... this is were the problems are coming from.

And I kind of am missing something about you going to Loas when you come back ... Even most poor Thai girls will prefer to be poor in Thailand and not Loas.

So how much do you send back to Isaan every month? And what salary do you pay your girlfriend?

[khundon]

Another one bites the dust.

[TheJoker12]

So the OP asks "Am I just a typical stupid farang" and anyone who tells him that he is, should be ignored and must be on yaba?

This kid really is totally delusional. She randomly goes out drinking without telling you and doesn't come home even on your birthday. What were you, sitting there at the kitchen table wearing an apron holding onto the cake you baked yourself looking at the door and holding the phone hoping that this time she would call?

sounds like one of those isaan music videos, but in reverse!

Joker what you seem to be ignoring is the fact that those were a couple of isolated incidents over a very long period of time (9 months I believe he said). While she may very well have been cheating on him or lying to him on those couple of incidents, that does not support the blanket statements and assumptions you are making about her, her character and her motives.

How many of us have gone out with other girls or to the gogo bars and lied to our girlfriends about it? Does that mean we love our girlfriends any less? No it isn't moral or right to lie to your loved one in that way - but rare instances like that do not automatically nullify any chance that the persons feelings were genuine, it is just human nature - especially in Thailand. Genuine monogamy seems to happen here less than in any country I have ever been to - both with women and men.

Sorry, I would never let a woman treat me this way and I can't respect any man who does. Once is all it would take, but then again, I would be able to tell in advance if she was that type of girl and would have never even been in a relationship with her in the first place.

[cognos]

Deganfarang you tell this guy that thai women are such great liars in one sentence, and then go on to say how the "old guys" will tell you blah blah blah. You need to go look in the mirror boy. And Im not an old man for your info, just tired of you slagging others then trying to act like your such an understanding thai lover.

You noticed the double standard too?? signed: min mak mak

for the fellow.. realize most of us have had their hearts "ripped out" by some of their first encounters with Thai women..TIME will heal your wounds..then..as others have said..GO BACK, learn from your mistakes, LEARN the culture, and find a better one..they ARE there.. signed: empathy is everywhere, and so are the jaded cynics

[cognos]

And its not like I have nothing.

But are you prepared to share what you've got?

First of all, I shared with her everything while I was there. I dont know but I think I spend way more on her than on myself. I have no problem with that. I shared everythign with her sister, her niece. When we went out to eat together or something I usually offered to pick up the bill. Also her younger sister who visisted for a few weeks. With that I mean food, take her go places, no problem. I have no problem with that.

Second, if we were to get married, of course I'll share everything I have. But when we are not, do you really expect me to give her my pin number? I kept a bit of cash around the house etc, usually around 30k or so. She had many chances to take a thousand or whatever, I even told her she can take some if she wants to buy something. But she never did, she always asked me.

I gave my gf my pin number, ( i was in canada and she was in Phuket) and for the 18 months prior to marriage she never abused the privelege..she took out about 10,000 B per month...

HOWEVER, as insurance, at first, I only put a maximum of about 60,000 B in the account. WHY?? well, i trusted her, but heard SO many stories of rip offs in TV..it turned out my trust in her was VALID

signed: nothing ventured, nothing gained

[cdnmatt]

I actually have to agree with several of the members here, and say it (unfortunately) sounds as though this is the fault of the OP. I'm sorry, but you were in a relationship with this lady for a year, and you didn't realize that helping her family back home financially was a very important aspect of her life? That's just the way of life here.

For example, take my better half. The family isn't rich, but they're fine. They have a little farm, mama has about 40 chickens, grandpa has 7 buffalos (had to sell a few to pay for little brothers medical bills), step-dad has a little convenience store that also serves food, etc. Day to day basis, they're fine. However, none of these things exactly come with lucrative pension plans, so when the children are old enough to start bringing in money, assuming they're not going to school or something, they're expected to help financially.

You shouldn't ever get yourself involved in a serious relationship with a Thai from Issan, unless you're willing to contribute to the family a little bit. And no offense, but after a year of being together, you should have known that.

[TheJoker12]

lol @ all the isaan money senders showing up with their 2 cents. blind leading the blind.