Between A Rock And A Hard Place Sin Sod

[rushdentillidie]

I am looking for some advice regarding Sin Sot payments. At the moment my wife and I hoping to have wedding ceremony in April at her village, after getting married in Bangkok last year. Now sin sod was discussed between us a while back and we agreed on a price. Although now after speaking with her parents and people in her village they think that the price should be higher more due to her social status ect.

Now for me to meet this payment would require my to borrow money from my parents, who are not so welcoming about paying for a wife. My wife are now caught up between ourselves and parents. She wants to come to the UK as we planned, but does not also want to upset her parents and is upset about what people will say in the village. The same goes for me, although I would not care what the village people think. But I do care about my wife and what she thinks, and understand what she is saying. So I need to find a way forward

After reading though the forum I noticed that many people have different ideas sin sod, but has anybody experience in dealing with this or any ideas would be a great help.

Regards

[britmaveric]

Don't get married in the village! (problem solved)

PS. SinSot is for show, all dosh should be returned to you. If not then the family is up to no good and should be avoided at all costs.

Edited February 2, 2010 by britmaveric

[haltes]

I paid sinsot on the understanding it would be returned in full to us after the wedding and it was only for face value.

Try to arrange this for yourself.

[anothertorres]

how about being honest with everyone and speak up about you NOT having the money they require. are you too embarrassed? just tell them you don't have the money. if you don't have it, you don't have it. unless you're looking for a loan, i don't know what other solution you are looking for. either way, congrats!

[Gary A]

If your wife can be influenced by her parents, then she is too immature. Forget about a village wedding and just take her to the UK. She is now your wife and should not allow the village or her parents to make her feel guilty.

[lannarebirth]

Any amount that would require a loan is an amount that is too high.

[GuestHouse]

Your wife wants you to show respect to her parents by borrowing from your own parents.

Precisely what part of Isaan is your wife from?

[Farma]

Agreed, any amount that requires a loan is definitely too much.

Is the sinsot going to be returned to you both? If it isn’t how you can afford to take your wife to the UK.

The sinsod gets displayed at the start of the ceremony, then safely packed away and returned in full along with the cash gift envelopes at the end of the ceremony.

A simple solution to keep face in the village would be to bundle all your wife’s gold (add in a couple of fake items as no one inspects it closely) then place a cheque for a large amount and or any land titles with it. The understanding is the cheque will never be cashed.

[yeesipha]

I paid sinsot on the understanding it would be returned in full to us after the wedding and it was only for face value.

Try to arrange this for yourself.

So who pays for the party after the wedding ie drink ,food ,entertainment,sound system,stage etc etc the parents out of there own money .Yes i paid 100,000 bt but that was for everything and i mean everthing was done for that money,personally i didnt think that was bad considering it was a two day event,the parents did not gain financally at all it was all spent on the wedding,the 100,000 bt was also used for face value as well, ie laid out on a silver plate for the whole village to see.So did i get fleeced by my inlaws?Ithink not.

[simon43]

Has anyone got a high social status in an Issan village?

Simon

[GuestHouse]

Has anyone got a high social status in an Issan village?

Simon

Huge 'Baan Farang' and a lots of Chrome on the Fortuna parked in the driveway helps I'm sure.

[Ski_Goong]

Has anyone got a high social status in an Issan village?

Simon

Yes. She could be the daughter of an ex-bargirl who is married to a rich farang. So she might be loaded and well traveled.

(just joking guys....I love these old sin sot rehash)

Ski...

[bangkokrick]

Has anyone got a high social status in an Issan village?

Simon

Thinking he same. Bizarre!

Cheers, Rick

[rgs2001uk]

Apart from, mia farang, what exactly was her high social status within the village?

[Beardog]

Either take her to the UK & marry her or ditch the village wedding. You may want to wait till your in better financial shape anyway. Money for the most part is a one way out the door in Thailand & if you are starting on a shoestring budget it can only get worse.

This is how I did mine. I did the village wedding . The sinsod 5 years ago was a loan which I wrote off for 120,000 baht. The folks have given her (2) 100,000 life insurance policies when they pass. Fortunately her Mom is very smart & has made the funds work for itself & still has capital as I am not really interested in kicking down more than my girl anyway. We never formally got married

and & have been together 6 years & 2 months. If the family has any class they will forgo the sinsod. I would be straight up with them that you have to borrow the funds- that way you will know right from the start what you are in for with the family.

Charity & helping out anyone is solely up to the giver. There is a whole pinned section on the top of general forum(Sin- Sod)

Best be a man about your affairs & be straight up with the family or you will probably wind up the families yo-yo. More sad stories about the sick Buffalo ETC. ETC. I would think it would be pretty tacky to require you to tap out & start a marriage in debt for them. regardless of their customs-you have to look out for yourself. If they are to keep the funds I would just live with the girl till they chill out on the monetary demands. One less hassle you need going into the start of a marriage.

Good luck on whatever avenue you pursue!

[t.s]

Has anyone got a high social status in an Issan village?

Simon

I was wondering that myself.

Between a rack and a hardon indeed.

[Thongkorn]

I asked my wife what she wanted to do, When we got married, Have a party or what, She said Why should i spend money on people who have not helped me,When i wanted help nobody help me, So i payed for her mothers room 36000 baht a year, a bargain, because neither one has once asked for anything, and would not. We stay with her mother 2 months a year and i don't have to pay for a hotel.

[lannarebirth]

So, you had an agreement and the other party has reneged on it. You're married already so the parents have let you off the hook from fulfilling your prior agreement. Take your wife and go home is my advice. If that causes a problem, better you learn it early on. Good Luck.

[powderpuff]

You're already married. Her family's greed is already making your relationship with them akward.

Tell wife you've thought it over & you have no wish to pay off people who haven't helped you.

If you want to keep on giving the 36k a year - your decision.

This is bull.

[sanook2me]

A full UK school education versus an Isaan school education....

Who should be paying who?

[steelepulse]

Borrow the money from her parents, and seeing as a sin sod is expected to be returned, tell them to keep the money that they loaned you. Sorted.

If they don't have the money and don't plan on returning the Sin Sod to you, write a big phony cheque that will never see the bank, yet give them big face.

[thunder30101]

All I can say in this post is F. U. to the people making negative blanket comments about Issan people. Come up and visit sometime if you would like to discuss this ANYTIME !

[anothertorres]

hahahahahahahahahahahahahah. i love this place.

[Loz]

I live in Issan. There are some hi so Thainese people here too. Well, they think they are. Some have more than one Fortuner. Some have very pale skin, some even lose successful bars to gambling debts (just like on television!) but NONE have ever married a falang man!

Sin sod should be cut in half. Cut off the Sod, and you are just left with SIN.

need any further explanation?

[a2396]

If your wife can be influenced by her parents, then she is too immature. Forget about a village wedding and just take her to the UK. She is now your wife and should not allow the village or her parents to make her feel guilty.

My experience here is that many, if not most of these women are influenced by their parents, at any age. Age has nothing to so with it. If anything, the younger ones may be more likely to ignore parental dictates. The OP's story is certainly lamentable "broken record" here.

[mca]

I live in Issan. There are some hi so Thainese people here too. Well, they think they are. Some have more than one Fortuner. Some have very pale skin, some even lose successful bars to gambling debts (just like on television!) but NONE have ever married a falang man!

One of the (if not the richest) families in KK had a western son in law.

[Loz]

The fact that you know if this marriage is merely fact of how unusual it is. Wouldn't you agree? After all, if it were par for the course it would never have made it to the falang grape vine.

[way2muchcoffee]

Would you care to share the amount agreed on previously and the new amount requested? It might help give us a sense of the true situation.

Some things to consider:

1) Your wife will be influenced by her parents, probably until they die. Most Thai women are, and very few are truly independent.

2) It is not uncommon for Thai men to borrow money from their parents to help with the Sin Sod and wedding costs.

3) It is not uncommon for most of the Sin Sod money to be kept by the wife's parents, but it is better if they return most or all of it.

[sanook2me]

Borrow the money from her parents, and seeing as a sin sod is expected to be returned, tell them to keep the money that they loaned you. Sorted.

If they don't have the money and don't plan on returning the Sin Sod to you, write a big phony cheque that will never see the bank, yet give them big face.

I remember somebody else posting about using one of them big charity comedy cheques they wave about on TV game shows...

Just write what ever amount in Baht and keep waving it about in the air...you could even use them big foam hands too hold it with like Kenny Everet used to use

Job sorted.... massive cheque = massive face !

[mca]

The fact that you know if this marriage is merely fact of how unusual it is. Wouldn't you agree? After all, if it were par for the course it would never have made it to the falang grape vine.

First hand knowledge actually. And to be sure definitely not par for the course as you said.

(To be honest if I had enough westerners I could be bothered to socialize with and listened to their grapevine I'd most probably be surprised as to how many retired multi-billionaires and ex-wet work teams sent to assassinate Saadam Hussein there were out there. And me a lowly member of the SBS!)