New Take On Thai/farang Marriage?

[mca]

When my missus told her mum that she had a farang boyfriend, her mum said it was ok as long as I wasn't a shorts and singlet backpacker. When I turned up at her village on the back of her dads bike, dressed in shorts and a t-shirt, she looked me up and down, sucked air through her teeth and turned her back on me.

You could have said to her mum " Sucking your teeth at me? I'd expected better than to be picked up on a bloody motorcycle"

[JohanV]

John

Its refreshing to hear such a positive thread on this section of the forum.

You are a lucky man, indeed not to be 'screwed' by a greedy family. So am I by the way.

I have absolutly no experience with internet dating other than seeing a number of farangs locally, both fail and succeed. Having read every post here, I truly believe that the most common factor that can cause problems is that us farangs rush things. We come over here and meet village folk that might have no previous experience of Farangs and our funny ways (yes, we do have them!). We splash money and alcohol around, so the locals think we can be for ever 'the life and soul of the party.' We talk about grand homes and /or Business schemes to impress the GF & family. Then b@gger off to who know were, until the next time!

Thanks Dave - but I have been screwed, in my first Thai marriage I lost everything I owned.

But - as they say - a wise man is a man who made many mistakes. I've learnt. And I guess it helps that I met my present wife at a time when I was flat broke

And.. I totally agree with what you say about Farang behaviour.. What bugs me is the sharp difference I see ( or think I'm seeing ) between Farang attitude towards children ( their own, that is ) here and home in the west. Who would want their kids to have a piss-bad relationship with their grandparents, growing up hearing all respectless jokes, insinuations and generalisations "sigh.. this is Thailand, you know" etc about half their bloodline ? Most westerners I know ( in Europe ) actually makes quite an effort to create good family relationships when they marry, and of course there are stumble-blocks and conflicts, but it is common sense to try and deal with it in one way or another, if nothing else for the sake of the kids. Whereas, as soon as westerners arrive to Thailand, it seems to be more a matter of not giving a dam_n about it, possibly just cutting off the relationships with any in-laws or declaring them annoying idiots - leaving all the pressure on the Thai spouse and a very possible identity crisis-to-come in the kids...

I think this kind of relations should be handled strictly on a person-to-person level rather than being based on cultural generalisations. With that I mean to say that I believe that any bl**dy Farang coming here marrying a Thai woman should as a minimum requirement have the ability and common sense to learn to communicate in a fruitful way with his in-laws, knowing perfectly well that he chooses to marry cross-culture. If that basic requirement can't be met, I see no hope for any offspring of such a relationship in terms of self-confidence, cultural identity and such. Trash relations create trash people, simply put, and who wants a family like that ?

So, if it is so hard to stand Isaan manners ( or non-manners ), why in heaven's name get married here at all ? Get yourself a short-time GF, relax and chill out. I wouldn't be surprised if quite a lot of those Farangs goes back to their home countries and spills bitter comments about the immigration going on there, such as: "Those muslims, if they want to move to <insert your home country here> they should learn to adapt to our culture and get rid of those burkas" ( for example ).

Now, to me, that's rather despicable.

I'm quite sure almost none of the guys complaining about their in-laws here would have liked growing up having their father talking disrespectfully about their maternal grandparents on a daily basis, endlessly throwing out sarcastic comments about them to his beer-buddies...

Sorry for the rant, but I felt the point needed to be made.

Cheers

Edited May 7, 2010 by JohanV

[torrenova]

When my missus told her mum that she had a farang boyfriend, her mum said it was ok as long as I wasn't a shorts and singlet backpacker. When I turned up at her village on the back of her dads bike, dressed in shorts and a t-shirt, she looked me up and down, sucked air through her teeth and turned her back on me. 7 years down the track and we still don't get along.

So why in heaven's name did you wear that outfit on the first meeting with your in-laws ?

Would you have done the same if invited to a first meeting dinner in a western family ?

You might have noticed ( on second thought, maybe not.. ) that dress-code is of value here in Asia. When I met my in-laws first time I made the effort to put on a suit. I learnt some polite phrases in Isaan and tried my best to be really really respectful. I also had a Buddha amulet around my neck and LookTung in my MP3player. 7 years down the track we get along very well and are the best of friends. If you respect your wife you have to respect her cultural roots as well, don't you think ?

That is truly sad, you putting on a suit, some corny buddha trinket and Thai crap masquerading as music on your MP3 player. And what did they wear ?

[Dave the Dude]

That is truly sad, you putting on a suit, some corny buddha trinket and Thai crap masquerading as music on your MP3 player. And what did they wear ?

Andy, I will expect you to dress like that next time you come round my house.

I promise to look Impressed

[mca]

When I met my in-laws first time I made the effort to put on a suit.

I did that the first upcountry village wedding I went to. Christ I was wet behind the ears back then.

[JohanV]

That is truly sad, you putting on a suit, some corny buddha trinket and Thai crap masquerading as music on your MP3 player. And what did they wear ?

They wore what they wanted to wear. I was visiting them, not the other way around.

If they had flown over to Sweden to see my family I'm sure they would have thought about what to wear as well.

Exactly what is sad with that ?

And, it's not a 'corny Buddha trinket' - it was a sign of respect. Like wearing a necktie. Sometimes people do that, and it's not sad, it's culture.

And - regarding 'thai crap masquerading as music' - I'm a professional musician and record producer since 30 years. I had LookTung in my MP3

because i was learning to play it. I actually play it live sometimes. Together with house, rock, classical music and other stuff I play, too.

Do you seriously think there's any difference in 'musical quality' between LookTung and - say - mainstream hip hop, or perhaps country & western ?

There's good and bad of every music style, always more bad than good. I'm currently getting into chinese stuff, going to do some dance remixes of

chinese artist when I'm back in London in July, working together with a number of British artists. Is there anything wrong with that ?

I think your attitude is just plain rude and totally disrespectful towards Thais and Thai culture.

Why do you live here if you view this culture as 'crap' and 'corny' ?? I'm sure you can find some small-minded respectless little corner of the world where you can fully enjoy life as you prefer it. You might possible be better off elsewhere . Think about it.

Jeeezzzz

[bprinceuk]

That is truly sad, you putting on a suit, some corny buddha trinket and Thai crap masquerading as music on your MP3 player. And what did they wear ?

They wore what they wanted to wear. I was visiting them, not the other way around.

If they had flown over to Sweden to see my family I'm sure they would have thought about what to wear as well.

Exactly what is sad with that ?

And, it's not a 'corny Buddha trinket' - it was a sign of respect. Like wearing a necktie. Sometimes people do that, and it's not sad, it's culture.

And - regarding 'thai crap masquerading as music' - I'm a professional musician and record producer since 30 years. I had LookTung in my MP3

because i was learning to play it. I actually play it live sometimes. Together with house, rock, classical music and other stuff I play, too.

Do you seriously think there's any difference in 'musical quality' between LookTung and - say - mainstream hip hop, or perhaps country & western ?

There's good and bad of every music style, always more bad than good. I'm currently getting into chinese stuff, going to do some dance remixes of

chinese artist when I'm back in London in July, working together with a number of British artists. Is there anything wrong with that ?

I think your attitude is just plain rude and totally disrespectful towards Thais and Thai culture.

Why do you live here if you view this culture as 'crap' and 'corny' ?? I'm sure you can find some small-minded respectless little corner of the world where you can fully enjoy life as you prefer it. You might possible be better off elsewhere . Think about it.

Jeeezzzz

Nice one JohanV, very well put

[JohanV]

Nice one JohanV, very well put

Thanks. Some things just have to be said sometimes, I guess.

BTW, I just noticed torrenova is banned now, so I guess he can't give me any sarcastic replies on that one..

Cheers

[Dave the Dude]

BTW, I just noticed torrenova is banned now, so I guess he can't give me any sarcastic replies on that one..

Look again....Its a joke.

There are many interesting opinions and experiences held here by members, so don't completely write-off Torrenova quite yet.

He's a clever bloke who does not own a pair of 'Rose tinted glasses' IMHO

Edited May 10, 2010 by Dave the Dude

[JohanV]

Look again....Its a joke.

There are many interesting opinions and experiences held here by members, so don't completely write-off Torrenova quite yet.

He's a clever bloke who does not own a pair of 'Rose tinted glasses' IMHO

Dave..

I have to admit I didn't get that joke. I thought you weren't allowed to name member groups like that..

But that's all good to me. I've never been a fan of banning people, so I consider that good news.

As regards to Torrenova, I have seen quite a lot of witty and intelligent posts by him in several threads on this forum.

So, I'm perfectly aware that he is not a troll or an idiot or such. All respect to that.

However, I still think the sarcastic reply he posted here was worth the reply I gave it.

We all have bad days sometimes, and perhaps he had one.

Cheers

Edited May 10, 2010 by JohanV

[Dave the Dude]

Dave..

I have to admit I didn't get that joke. I thought you weren't allowed to name member groups like that..

But that's all good to me. I've never been a fan of banning people, so I consider that good news.

As regards to Torrenova, I have seen quite a lot of witty and intelligent posts by him in several threads on this forum.

So, I'm perfectly aware that he is not a troll or an idiot or such. All respect to that.

However, I still think the sarcastic reply he posted here was worth the reply I gave it.

We all have bad days sometimes, and perhaps he had one.

Cheers

Nice reply JohanV

Respect

[Svenn]

I'm 25, my ubon girl is 27, ex bargirl, and neither of us give a dam_n what some third-world, 'class-conscious' jeen-thai in isaan or some shiny suburb of bkk thinks about us. I'll be making more money than all of 'em soon, m'lady's gotta 10 year visa to the US, and we've been to more countries over our relationship than the travel channel. Her 'family', which consists solely of a lone grandma that i've never seen without a smile on her face, adores me, and I, the meek nerd from amereega, don't need anything else

[losworld]

Tell her you are Thai from the waist down. If she needs proof jump in a cold pool of water then pull down your pants.

[kevozman1]

So your girl's mum does not like foreigners. So what,

the World is full of relationships where the mother

dis approves of her daughters partner.

If you and your girl love each then it will work out.

If it was me and my girl's mum had that attitude

then I would give mama a wide berth. Lets be

honest she probably is not worth meeting anyway.

[Loz]

Life is a crap shoot. Why should hooking up with a lady be any different?