Older Men, Younger Women

[rrose070]

OK, I'll keep this short. It'll probably ignite a s***storm and be closed soon anyway. But I personally think it is a beautiful thing that a fat man, a man with no legs, a relatively poor man (by American standards) or a man with an obvious disability, can find whatever passes for true love, or at least happiness and companionship, in Thailand, which he would have far less chance of finding in his home country. Sorry mods, I know you closed that last thread, but I've got feelings on this and wanted to share. You may close this now, if you wish.

[gotlost]

I whole heartedly agree with your assessment.

[Ulysses G.]

Especially the part about fat guys!

[rrose070]

Wel, perhaps plump would have been a better word choice, but I wrote in a hurry. No offense meant!

[PeaceBlondie]

AGREED.

[Ulysses G.]

I have no problem with non-abusive honesty.

[Loaded]

Older men have been marrying younger women in just about every society throughout human history. Pragmatism has been a far stronger influence than our western notion of 'love' in most relationships.

[tonititan]

In your title you mentioned "older men, younger women." But you talked about how beautiful it is that less desirable foreign men can find "true love" here - no mention of age difference. I'm just wondering, is it the age difference you are defending, or the whole idea of foreign guys coming here for finding a partner?

[PeaceBlondie]

Speaking of gays, I know a guy who was in the closet for 67 years. He moved here, came out, and met a uni grad, employed, age about 33. He's been his partner for nearly ten years.

[Slaps]

AGREED.

This is me before I lost weight

[Slaps]

And this is me now

[rrose070]

Tonitian,

Just the whole idea. Everybody wins, right? Not specifically the age difference issue - although age difference seems pretty common. I just know that I'm so happy my baby brother, who uses a "puff and blow" wheelchair, has found someone to love him, give him children...I don't see anything wrong with it at all. I would come here to find love, if I didn't have it already.

[rrose070]

I mean, if I was a man. I think the chances for women are a bit more sparse.

[uptheos]

Speaking of gays, I know a guy who was in the closet for 67 years. He moved here, came out, and met a uni grad, employed, age about 33. He's been his partner for nearly ten years.

I bet the sun hurt his eyes.

Great!! Sounds like he found true happiness at last and long may it continue.

[KarenBravo]

I mean, if I was a man. I think the chances for women are a bit more sparse.

Try Kenya, Tanzania and many Carribbean islands. It's like Thailand, but, for older women.

Edited April 21, 2010 by KarenBravo

[rrose070]

Um, and who said I was older?

[eek]

Do people always think its an evil thing? Personally i dont think so.

Like most things, there is no black and white. All depends on each relationship. In the UK my ex was 6 1/2 years younger than me, we were together for a very long time. No one ever noticed an age difference though thankfully. I wonder if i would have felt differently or more awkward if people commented on that.

Do guys (or women) have to deal with negative comments regarding the age difference?

----

rrose070, as a side-note, you may notice the other thread was closed down because members were not being civil to one another and the subject was off-topic. The topic of age differences in relationship was not the reason the thread was closed down. So, lets hope this thread will remain civil and stay open!

[rrose070]

Thanks, Eek. This is a topic that has interested me for a long time (my husband, also farang, is 15 years older than me) but it's not just the age difference - it's everybody having a chance at happiness...

[eek]

I mean, if I was a man. I think the chances for women are a bit more sparse.

Try Kenya, Tanzania and many Carribbean islands. It's like Thailand, but, for older women.

I dont think women are short of male attention here at least from the local guys. I guess it depends on what both parties want really. Of course there are great differences of age that stay get together and stay together out of real attraction and love, but more often its because the older party is more financially secure and that can be a large part of the attraction for someone younger. Most men dont mind this, but i think most women have a harder time feeling like an ATM. I could be wrong though, just my thoughts on it.

Are there any much older women with much younger guys here? I imagine so..just havent seen much of it myself. Would be interesting to hear that perspective.

[rrose070]

I haven't noticed it a lot either. Ladies?

[Nio]

What is the purpose of this post?

You must have some hidden agenda for you to actually write this.

You act like Thailand is the only place on earth this happens?

Have you ever traveled around in 3rd world countries?

This is not unique to Thailand what so ever.

Fat, skinny, rich, poor who really cares.

Every country in the world is exactly the same.

You will find it all in any country you visit.

Old with young, skinny with fat etc. Even in your own country

So why does this deserve a post?

You try to stereotype Thailand that this is only unique .

This subject has been hammered to death

If old and young, rich and poor, fat and skinny want to get together, whose business is it except their own?

Stereotyping Thailand as something it is not is wrong no matter what you think

Edited April 21, 2010 by Nio

[tonititan]

Are there any much older women with much younger guys here? I imagine so..just havent seen much of it myself. Would be interesting to hear that perspective.

I wouldn't say I've noticed it a lot, but I do have a few female friends here who are dating younger guys.

Personally, that's my goal. Marry a younger guy so there's more of a chance that we can die at the same time. I appreciate older guys for that maturity/stability factor, but I don't want to be with a guy 15 years older than me and then spend 20+ years living alone after he croaks.

[rrose070]

Nio,

I apologize if you feel I was trying to stereotype. I was simply rejoicing - and by no means do I think that Thailand is the only place this happens. But, you're right - it has been hammered to death. I'll shut up now.

[tonititan]

Tonitian,

Just the whole idea. Everybody wins, right? Not specifically the age difference issue - although age difference seems pretty common. I just know that I'm so happy my baby brother, who uses a "puff and blow" wheelchair, has found someone to love him, give him children...I don't see anything wrong with it at all. I would come here to find love, if I didn't have it already.

Thanks for clarifying. I was just trying to understand.

That's great for your brother. I do agree that it is a beautiful thing when someone can see through a disability and love the person for who they are. I'm not trying to be offensive, just curious...do you think that your brother's partner truly loves him and does not care about the disability? Or do you think she enjoys the caretaker role that she likely assumes on some level? Or is there any possibility of it being about money or another superficial reason? I'm just wondering what it is about Thailand specifically that made it easier for him to find a companion (in your opinion).

[doppa]

agree with nio, for what its worth my last partner in the uk, was 16yrs younger than me, and as one friend said to me' you've either got a big c***k, or loads of money' to which i replied , both.[ havn't really, but wasnt going to let him know that, both accounts before you ask]

[Greenside]

Do people always think its an evil thing? Personally I dont think so.

I don't think many people actually think it's "evil", but a big age difference brings out the cynicism in a lot of folk for many and varied reasons, some of which in my experience have to do with their own mid/late life relationship situation. It's temptingly easy for people to subscribe to the stereotypical view of relationships of the kind we are talking about but as usual, generalisations don't work and at the end of the day it's down to the actual people involved - their aspirations, past experiences, generosity and spirit. Gay, straight, old or young.

Do guys (or women) have to deal with negative comments regarding the age difference?

Knowing looks, wink, wink, nudge, nudge - know what I mean? Say no more....

Incidentally, the scene in the West Indies is, as someone posted, the reverse of here in Asia. Many women of all ages find at least temporary partners from amongst the local beach guys but it doesn't often go further than that. Given that many of the women are beyond natural child bearing age, the prospect of starting a new family is not very realistic and so settling into a domestic life either out there or back at home is less likely. You could claim that there's a strong element of sexism at work but the immigration authorities take a lot of convincing that the 28 year old boyfriend of a 60 year old woman is not seeking to relocate to Europe for economic reasons whereas a couple where the woman is the younger may well be starting a family or planning to (or saying they're planning to!). I saw a good TV prog about this a few years ago.

[rrose070]

Dang Doppa, I was just going to ask you out until I read the end of your post!

[rrose070]

Tonitian,

They began before he was diagnosed (MS) and he was making a good living as a chef. I had my doubts initially, but she's seen him thru..must be about 10 years of on-and-off again near-complete disability...and once he couldn't work anymore, she's stayed with him through some very lean times. I couldn't respect or admire her more. So perhaps it began as one thing, but it's proven out over time...

[WinnieTheKhwai]

Um, and who said I was older?

You're 22 right?

Do guys (or women) have to deal with negative comments regarding the age difference?

I'll let you know when our daughter hits teenage. I kind of look forward to it. (The Mrs. is only a couple years younger than I am. )

To be completely honest, I don't really feel that age difference is even the deciding factor in any comments, positive or negative. I think the perceived social background weighs in a lot more. I could hang out with some of the younger/cuter girls from teh office and it'd be just fine. But if I were to import one of Pattaya's finest then I'm not so sure I wouldn't harvest significantly more raised eyebrows. EDIT: This of course applies to Thai people's perceptions; foreigners, and tourists specifically, get all kinds of crap in their pink little heads, I can't begin to worry about what they may or may not think.. Bless em.

Edited April 21, 2010 by WinnieTheKhwai

[tonititan]

Well, I do think it is a very different scenario if your brother found love before his disability developed than if he met the woman afterwards. So really, he was not even one of the men you described in your original post, yeah?

I think the real point here is that she stuck with him. I could be way off base on this, but I don't think that was any more likely to happen in Thailand than in his home country. I would go as far as to say that it might even be more likely to happen at home where the woman might not depend on the man to provide for her. Some partners can deal with it, and some just can't, and personally I don't imagine it's anything unique about Thailand that made your brother's partner stay.

She sounds like a great woman for your brother. Best of luck to him!