What Would You Do To Thai Ex-wife

[beerdog]

1. if your ex-wife says " if I divorce my foreign hasband I would get 40 millions" in front of her daughter and of people.

2. And also asks her daughter to sell cosmetics for her at school.

3. She asks us to take kids out next days. We say let's discuss it tomorrow. When the kids say goodbye to her she tells them I'll taking you out tomorrow and come to pick you up tomorrow morning.

and etc....

these are so many many things about what she does and what she says that may mislead to her children. Should we tell her something that she shouldn't say in front of children.

[MikeyIdea]

How old are the kids?

[sarahsbloke]

In answer to 1), I would be tempted to say very loudly and in public.

'Pooying ha gin poot mai dee'

But it's not very polite, and as everyone on this forum will be quick to point out, I give very bad advice.

Edited April 27, 2010 by sarahsbloke

[beerdog]

How old are the kids?

girl is 14, boy is 8

[beerdog]

In answer to 1), I would be tempted to say very loudly and in public.

'Pooying ha gin poot mai dee'

But it's not very polite, and as everyone on this forum will be quick to point out, I give very bad advice.

my Thai is poor do not know what that sentence means..so I wouldn't say that to her just in case she may kill me..

[MikeyIdea]

14 and 8 years old is more than enough, they understand more than you think, all children do

Of course you must tell the mother that she confuses the children, if she still continues (which she will) then just concentrate on the children. If they like you, then what the mother does and says will sooner or later give them a negative impression of the mother, if they like her more than you, then it could be a bit of the opposite (in which case you nicely without using personal attacks have to hint to them what is right or wrong and morally correct). They will sooner or later appreciate that you teach them what is good behaviour

"if I divorce my foreign hasband I would get 40 millions" in front of her daughter and of people." 14 and 8 is old enough to just ask the kids: Do you think that is correct? Make a joke of the stupidity of the comment

"She asks us to take kids out next days. We say let's discuss it tomorrow. When the kids say goodbye to her she tells them I'll taking you out tomorrow and come to pick you up tomorrow morning." Who does the children want to go with?

The kids are old enough to understand and know what is going on. The effect of (more often women than men) doing that is probably not positive in the long run anyway. I would not be quiet, but I would work on being nice to the kids and they will choose and understand anyway

[beerdog]

14 and 8 years old is more than enough, they understand more than you think, all children do

Of course you must tell the mother that she confuses the children, if she still continues (which she will) then just concentrate on the children. If they like you, then what the mother does and says will sooner or later give them a negative impression of the mother, if they like her more than you, then it could be a bit of the opposite (in which case you nicely without using personal attacks have to hint to them what is right or wrong and morally correct). They will sooner or later appreciate that you teach them what is good behaviour

"if I divorce my foreign hasband I would get 40 millions" in front of her daughter and of people." 14 and 8 is old enough to just ask the kids: Do you think that is correct? Make a joke of the stupidity of the comment

"She asks us to take kids out next days. We say let's discuss it tomorrow. When the kids say goodbye to her she tells them I'll taking you out tomorrow and come to pick you up tomorrow morning." Who does the children want to go with?

The kids are old enough to understand and know what is going on. The effect of (more often women than men) doing that is probably not positive in the long run anyway. I would not be quiet, but I would work on being nice to the kids and they will choose and understand anyway

Thank you for the advice.

When I know their mom confuses her kid I would be angry and think how could a mother says or does wrong thing to her kids. Maybe I should change it and just simply give them some points as you said they are old enough to understand that.

[Dakhar]

I suggest you move your assets out of Thailand, and the next time she says she will get 40 million, just let her know 50% of zero is zero.

She is flexing her muscles in public trying to make u feel small & above all, in front of your children. You have the power, and I hope it is all in the bank, so just move it to Singapore etc, and put her on an allowance. (that is if u want to stay with her in the first place)

[MikeyIdea]

One advice: I've had enough of being quiet, it eats on you in the long run. Just being quiet and accept doesn't taste good at all. I thought I could turn my back to it, accept that the mother said stupid things forever but I couldn't. I don't think anyone can, or should.

I thought about what to do and came up with that my daughter is the only important thing, I should put my effort on her. Why waste effort on someone who is not important (any longer)?

Concentrate on the kids, they are the important ones in the long run anyway. They will give you so much happiness back if you just try to be the best father you can

[beerdog]

I am sorry to confuse you guys..I am the kids' aunt..not their father. I just used my dog's name to register.

About her mother's bad record is very long and still keep happening..I try to make it short..if it's too long skip it..

1. before divorce, she told my niece (was 7 or 8) to go to grandfather's office to steal money. after divorce, she came and stole again. She got caught by survillance camera as well.

2. my niece had very close relationship with the mother before divorce. After divrce we agreed she can see the kids once a month, but she never show up to see her kids until the boy was 6 (she left when boy was 8 months old). The last 2 year she only showed up onec a year for the kids' birthday at school without inform us and told them how busy she is and how hard she works so she didnt have time to see them. She also told my niece that she wanted come back, but we did not let her come back.

3. When my nephew first saw her, he felt a little bit like she is stranger to him. After few times of visiting, we all could tell that the boy was happy he had a mom. when she brought birthday gift to school and told him "I will get a new place soon then you can come to live with me". When she divorced she just wanted money to leave and she agreed to give us the children custody.

4. currently, this is her second foreign husband.

5. The weird thing happened on last Friday, she asked our employee "if she can park her friend's car at our place". The employee said ok first then tell us when she was on the way. Her daughter got in the car when she came and chat with her. When I asked my niece why she park here? My niece just say "I dont know. that's her friend's car."

Next day, my niece went to her place for weekend and took her back on Sunday. She took my niece back and went crosse street told my brother(there are lots of peoploe for BBQ) about school stuff and then said "actually, the car is not my friend's car. it's mine. She told one of our Thai friend that you can use my car to take your daughter and my daughter to school if you want.

She said the "40 millions" stuff at the BBQ too.

The points are 1. What's her purpose to lie and to park the car at our place? Why my niece also help her mom to lie to me about the car?

2. The kids seems happy to spend weekend with their mom. Because she would take them shopping for junk food, ice cream, toys, etc. This is different from what we usually give them rules or dont do this.. dont do that. The kids would grow up and we cannot stop them to see their mom becasue of her confused behaviors. But We would tired of correcting what mother say or what she does someday.

[MikeyIdea]

What would I do?

Stealing money… People often wait for too long with many things when relationship and care for children goes wrong, I am the same. When the situation gets bad, then one perhaps should act for the childrens sake. I didn’t but was lucky and managed to improve my situation anyway. The money theft should have been reported to the police and evidence kept. It’s just either a minimum 400 bath and no more than 1000 penalty or, nothing. But… the paper is good to have. That evidence would have been very useful even today. As it is now, no evidence, nothing to talk about. Unless you give the mother another opportunity and capture the theft on video.

“After divrce we agreed she can see the kids once a month” Married or not? I assume married and that custody was formally arranged with signatures and witnesses. Is it sole custody and father takes care of children or shared custody and father takes care of children? Big difference because the children are old enough to speak for themselves, they can request to change caretaker if it’s shared custody. Sole custody and in theory no but in practice yes.

Money is important for some, why come when you have money or the looks to easily get more and at the same time have fun? Looks is like money, it doesn’t last forever The boy is glad he has a mother and I am too, he is also 8 years old and understands reasoning. The father should tell him that he is glad that the mother has come back again, and that he shall continue to stay with the father. Extra attention and affection for a week before saying it is a good idea. Extra attention and affection will be needed anyway from now on. Good for the kids anyway.

“Parking” So that the kids hear it, tell the mother that she cannot park there. Don’t talk about it to the kids anymore. They know…

“She told one of our Thai friend that you can use my car to take your daughter and my daughter to school if you want.” Time to stomp some authority. No she can’t. A legal father with sole custody can refuse mother to take children to school, shared custody and if mother wants increased time with the children then she gets it when father decides it is suitable for the kids, not school days when it impacts home work etc. Regardless of sole custody or not, a father cannot refuse a mother visitation rights, it will look very bad. It is therefore important to keep evidence that father discussed increase of visitation for the mother. The mother currently has one time per month, does the mother wish to increase it to 4 times per month, at times when it doesn’t affect the childrens schooling and after arrangement only of course? Good, let’s agree to that then. If the mother doesn’t like that, then she can go to court and request what she wants. A friend taking the kids to school? What a stupid comment, she has no right to do that if the father does not agree. So typical. She needs to be told her place! She decided to leave her children and she is therefore secondary to the father, that she now wants more contact didn’t make her equal. Most mothers aren’t rich, a good way to control mothers visitation is normally using money. Alimony for wife is zero in Thailand (according to law), alimony for children (if mother partly take care of them) is a hundred bath per day and child for young ones, probably a bit more for teenagers… I think that I myself will have to tell the mother of my daughter, “You can come if you have money” one day. That will limit time she can spend with the kids anyway

Purpose

“What's her purpose to lie and to park the car at our place?” Of course… she is like many women are, hates to be ditched, does everything to act like / show that it never happened, wants to show that she is back in control again, hates to be ignored. Main purpose: Just to show that she is back in control again I would think Show-off would be another important reason. She needs to be told her place, money does it best I would think. Legal minimum… No money? The father cannot allow the mother to take the children out if she doesn’t have money to buy them food, what will the mother give them to eat? I will probably have to tell my daughters mother that one day, and I will.

“The kids seems happy to spend weekend with their mom” Good, then I would be OK too.

“But We would tired of correcting what mother say or what she does someday” You are underestimating the kids Sure, 8 and 14 and they would want that, if it’s only weekends then it won’t hurt them though. What’s more important is the kids reasoning long-term, teach them good ways and explain why, and let the mother give them junk food if she wants.

“Why my niece also help her mom to lie to me about the car?” You niece is the 14 year old child, right? A shrewd mother would have no problems manipulating a child. She doesn’t see much wrong in it I suppose. I would not be quiet about the obvious, actually I would shortly tell the 14 year old child what was wrong and why, then leave it at that. And concentrate on doing the best I can for her. The teenager will choose herself, if she doesn’t choose wisely, then I’ll have to do a better job teaching her. Or limit the mothers time more, money should be very limited already, if it isn’t already.

“dont do this.. dont do that.” How old are you? I’m 46…

I recommend to read a wonderful book “How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber. It’s a book filled with common sense and good advise how to improve communication with kids. The kids will really appreciate increased skills there and will get more attached to the father. That’s the best weapon the father possible can have. The more the kids like the father, the more his role model will matter compared to the mother. B2S, AsiaBooks and Kinokunya all have it in both English and Thai.

“tired of correcting what mother say or what she does someday” Help the kids to correct it themselves Trust them, if you spend enough effort on it, they will

I like your dogs name… Read the book and let me know what you think, you’ll find it more difficult than you think to change probably Good for the kids

Mikey

Same name as one of my dogs actually but I got my nickname before…

[somtampet]

The comment has nothing to do with education,this is a woman who wants your money,same as european women.She is very clever and nothing wrong in wanting to fleece the farang lol

[MikeyIdea]

The comment has nothing to do with education,this is a woman who wants your money,same as european women.She is very clever and nothing wrong in wanting to fleece the farang lol

Agree, money and control. Best way to fight it is Legal Minimum Of Money and No Money No Kids

Addition:

And both kids are old enough to understand that if the mother doesn't have money to buy food for them when she wants to have them, then the father cannot allow them to go with the mother

Edited April 29, 2010 by MikeyIdea

[beerdog]

The comment has nothing to do with education,this is a woman who wants your money,same as european women.She is very clever and nothing wrong in wanting to fleece the farang lol

Agree, money and control. Best way to fight it is Legal Minimum Of Money and No Money No Kids

Addition:

And both kids are old enough to understand that if the mother doesn't have money to buy food for them when she wants to have them, then the father cannot allow them to go with the mother

really appreciate the advice and your patience to read the post. I will find the book too. Thank you

[souvenirdeparis]

In answer to 1), I would be tempted to say very loudly and in public.

'Pooying ha gin poot mai dee'

But it's not very polite, and as everyone on this forum will be quick to point out, I give very bad advice.

no,everybody would say " stop trying to pull this knife off his skull and rush him to hospital " or " som nan na " according to sides

Edited May 2, 2010 by souvenirdeparis

[souvenirdeparis]

( useless since I read the second post ; first one is rather misleading)

Edited May 2, 2010 by souvenirdeparis

[souvenirdeparis]

there's no way you can change her mind after more than 14 years.

She comes to take care of her kids ; she doesn't mistreat them ; she does her very best to spend quality time with them by taking them to the shopping mall for sweetened cholesterol .

Of course she 'll talk silly, she is in a complex situation that overrides her systems ; your brother iniated this situation by marrying her .

The kids understand perfectly what goes on , nobody needs point to them their mother is not in the same intellectual league as dad to the effect of humiliating them . Try to imagine someone talking to you about your own mother this way.What you have to bear in mind is that kids who've been abandoned and don't knowabout their father/ mother , feel acute pain all the time and have dreadful nightmares etc .ask someone who works in a home for such.

Try encouraging her for the kids' sake ; don't look down on her in front of the kids.

as to the car belonging or not to her, who cares ? simplifying situations is typical of my own ex conversation , it does get on my nerves but in fact is not lie but seems to be allowed in small talk.Car is an arrangement in her couple.

I have similar troubles with my ex and the son.

I have decided long ago my son comes first ( anyway we're in France so she got custody etcetc and I got blasted by the judge of course but I have him with me a lot , about three days a week) we live two streets away only )so I swallow my pride and bear as much as a fellow can bear.Kid is happy with her and understands perfectly her limitations - as well as mine . I'm not perfect either.

Now I'd like to know, can't the father post for himself? I mean, what does HE think about it all?

Edited May 2, 2010 by souvenirdeparis

[beerdog]

there's no way you can change her mind after more than 14 years.

She comes to take care of her kids ; she doesn't mistreat them ; she does her very best to spend quality time with them by taking them to the shopping mall for sweetened cholesterol .

Of course she 'll talk silly, she is in a complex situation that overrides her systems ; your brother iniated this situation by marrying her .

The kids understand perfectly what goes on , nobody needs point to them their mother is not in the same intellectual league as dad to the effect of humiliating them . Try to imagine someone talking to you about your own mother this way.What you have to bear in mind is that kids who've been abandoned and don't knowabout their father/ mother , feel acute pain all the time and have dreadful nightmares etc .ask someone who works in a home for such.

Try encouraging her for the kids' sake ; don't look down on her in front of the kids.

as to the car belonging or not to her, who cares ? simplifying situations is typical of my own ex conversation , it does get on my nerves but in fact is not lie but seems to be allowed in small talk.Car is an arrangement in her couple.

I have similar troubles with my ex and the son.

I have decided long ago my son comes first ( anyway we're in France so she got custody etcetc and I got blasted by the judge of course but I have him with me a lot , about three days a week) we live two streets away only )so I swallow my pride and bear as much as a fellow can bear.Kid is happy with her and understands perfectly her limitations - as well as mine . I'm not perfect either.

Now I'd like to know, can't the father post for himself? I mean, what does HE think about it all?

becasue the dad does speak English...

[hardy1943]

I suggest you move your assets out of Thailand, and the next time she says she will get 40 million, just let her know 50% of zero is zero.

She is flexing her muscles in public trying to make u feel small & above all, in front of your children. You have the power, and I hope it is all in the bank, so just move it to Singapore etc, and put her on an allowance. (that is if u want to stay with her in the first place)

I would close the bank account, grab the kids,buy us a plane ticket and let her figure it out what hit her.

Edited May 3, 2010 by hardy1943

[souvenirdeparis]

there's no way you can change her mind after more than 14 years.

She comes to take care of her kids ; she doesn't mistreat them ; she does her very best to spend quality time with them by taking them to the shopping mall for sweetened cholesterol .

Of course she 'll talk silly, she is in a complex situation that overrides her systems ; your brother iniated this situation by marrying her .

The kids understand perfectly what goes on , nobody needs point to them their mother is not in the same intellectual league as dad to the effect of humiliating them . Try to imagine someone talking to you about your own mother this way.What you have to bear in mind is that kids who've been abandoned and don't knowabout their father/ mother , feel acute pain all the time and have dreadful nightmares etc .ask someone who works in a home for such.

Try encouraging her for the kids' sake ; don't look down on her in front of the kids.

as to the car belonging or not to her, who cares ? simplifying situations is typical of my own ex conversation , it does get on my nerves but in fact is not lie but seems to be allowed in small talk.Car is an arrangement in her couple.

I have similar troubles with my ex and the son.

I have decided long ago my son comes first ( anyway we're in France so she got custody etcetc and I got blasted by the judge of course but I have him with me a lot , about three days a week) we live two streets away only )so I swallow my pride and bear as much as a fellow can bear.Kid is happy with her and understands perfectly her limitations - as well as mine . I'm not perfect either.

Now I'd like to know, can't the father post for himself? I mean, what does HE think about it all?

becasue the dad does speak English...

he does NOT speak English I presume .

The best you could do for the kids would be to befriend the lady and go out about town altogether ; she sounds exasperating but not the bad sort. you seem to live in quite another social sphere, but keep in mind she is no murderess or jailbird or drug addict , in Europe it's she would have custody and your brother would have to pay alimony through the nose .Who knows, someday you could spend a week end in Pattaya

altogether.