Insufferable Neighbour

[caf]

The OP and his girlfriend seem to be hyper and the OP needs to lose his Western aggression.

There are many reasons why this could be happening; maybe the neighbours have some boisterous children and don`t realise the kids are annoying other people, sometimes objects can be blown elsewhere by high winds or they simply just don`t like the OP because he has attitude, that doesn`t go down well in the LOS.

Also it`s easy to become paranoid, every time debries turn up in the garden, the OP is going to blame his neighbours.

As for the lobbing off of tree branches that overhang other properties, I have often cut down some neighbour's branches and vice versa, without causing damage to the main tree, no problem as I have always made the effort to have a mutual understanding with my neighbours. It`s a house holders duty to ensure that branches are trimmed before they begin over hanging the boundries.

I have dogs, they bark, my neighbours dogs bark but none around here is bothered and we enjoy our home without getting stressed.

We get invited to many weddings in the area, social events, I always make the effort to attend and well known and liked here.

Last year my neighbour began making charcoal only a few metres away from my house. We were breathing in toxic fumes for 3 days. I realised that it`s just ignorance on the part of my neighbour, but my family and I intend to stay here for the rest of our lives and have good relationships with the locals. So what's the point of going in with all guns blazing?

So my wife and I went and discussed the situation with the neighbour, all very friendly with a few laughs over a couple of beers. Problem solved, my neighbour moved his burners to another piece of land he owns.

I am very glad and happy that I don`t have any Farang living near me, people that would complain about my dogs, complain that my rose bush is protruding 2 inches over their property and that my fence is the wrong colour.

The common sense way for the OP and his scared girlfriend to deal with this situation is to have a friendly chat with the neighbours, keep in with them, let them believe that you are nice people, remember that this is Thailand, not to be confused with the ways back home.

If this is not possible, than Thailand's not for you.

I wonder if the hard nut avatar is his true charactor?

I was going to post my views on this topic but you have already done it for me. I agree completly with you. The op, unfortunately like many farangs here, has an attitude problem.

The op mentioned he had never spoken to his neighbours who he BELIEVED to be Thai and that he would go and sort them out. Attitude. Attitude. Attitude.

The ongoing problem of course is that this is what is giving the rest of us farangs a bad name.

caf

why do you think farangs have an attitude problem? you think it's ok to be selfish and don't care about other people? then you are WELL suited to Thailand... because that's the way most Thai's are - they have no idea about the concept of 'grenge jai' and just do what they want 'mai pen ra' they don't give a sh*t - so do the same.

Not sure what your point is.

I don't know why many farangs have an attitude problem.

I don't think it's right to be selfish ( aplies to farang and thai )

Big differences between mae bhen rai, not giving a sghit, and greng jai.

And , no, you don't have to do the same. That's a childish response. ( Attitude again ? Don't know )

caf

[caf]

Back to the OP now. I read lots of references to "dumping" and "trash" and implications that this sort of things would never happen/be allowed to happen in farangland. Not true. I can only speak for Australia, but have no reason to think the same does not apply in other jurisdictions.

As has been stated, neighbour#2 has a right to remove tree limbs overhanging his property. The limbs he removes are in fact the property of neighbour#1. Legally he is not only justified, but legally required to, return that property to the owner. This happens in Australia. Common courtesy (in Australia) would be for neigbour#2 to discuss this with neigbour#1 first (and probably make an informal agreement about disposal of the tree material) ... but that is a matter of western courtesy - rather than being the law.

I'm not saying your Thai neighbour is an angel, but as far as the branches go he is probably not "dumping". And as others have already stated the common method for Thai's to "prune" trees or shrubs is anything but a work of art

Thank you Cmbruce,

This is the reply I was looking for. The g/f will be going over there tomorrow to try and clear this matter up.

Reading some of the posts on here about this subject really does hit home how about how ignorant some people can be. I feel sorry for the poster that - for the past two years - has had nothing but grief from their neighbor; I hope this gets ressolved somehow.

As for everybody else who branded me with an 'attitude' who are sitting comfortably in their houses, living a trouble and stress free life away from neighbors that 'actually might' cause them concerns from time to time, let me ask you this? As I already mentioned, I am not staying there at the moment and this morning my g/f sent me an email saying that our dog had been taken to the vet's as his gums were pale (sign of circulation). Now, i'm not saying this is directly related to them, but if the vet 'was' to find that he ate a tube of glue or rusty nail within the inside of his body which caused him to become sick, at what point then would i be justified to adopt an ATTITIUDE??

What happens if a kid steps on one of these foreign objects and contracts tetnus as a result; would I be allowed to get angry then?

By stopping this nonsense NOW, might prevent my dog from becoming sick, children - or indeed adults -stepping on rusty nais, or my neighbor tresspasing on my property to fish the stream next to my house again.

What do you say? should I just 'let it be' and accept that this is Thailand and the way things are done here because i'm not buying that c#*p.

For the record i'm British; and proud. Oh and one more thing, my castle is wherever i want it to be because I built it, regardless of it being on foreign soil.

Agreed... don't take any of this 'oh the oh so lovely Thai's are perfect and it's YOUR problem' yes we live here, yes we have to adapt and 'fit in' - do we have to be walked over by selfish Thai's? don't think so - just remember many of them are uneducated and caring for others is not in the Thai culture - they will often think they are Buddhist but have no concepton that it actually means 'practising' it (i.e. thinking about others outside of their family circle) - this post will annoy some - sorry - but it's true - you have to accept that living here brings many benefits - but there are downsides too. They probably just don't care - simple as that.

Not sure who is quoting what in this reply.

But, glad you accept a certain level of integration. That does not imply you need to be walked over by selfish Thais

"Caring for others is not a part of Thai culture" Not a valid generalisation in my experience.

"They probably just don't care" Don't follow your reasoning on that. Care to expand? Not saying you are wrong, but you have not proved your point."

caf

[ChiangMaiFun]

The OP and his girlfriend seem to be hyper and the OP needs to lose his Western aggression.

There are many reasons why this could be happening; maybe the neighbours have some boisterous children and don`t realise the kids are annoying other people, sometimes objects can be blown elsewhere by high winds or they simply just don`t like the OP because he has attitude, that doesn`t go down well in the LOS.

Also it`s easy to become paranoid, every time debries turn up in the garden, the OP is going to blame his neighbours.

As for the lobbing off of tree branches that overhang other properties, I have often cut down some neighbour's branches and vice versa, without causing damage to the main tree, no problem as I have always made the effort to have a mutual understanding with my neighbours. It`s a house holders duty to ensure that branches are trimmed before they begin over hanging the boundries.

I have dogs, they bark, my neighbours dogs bark but none around here is bothered and we enjoy our home without getting stressed.

We get invited to many weddings in the area, social events, I always make the effort to attend and well known and liked here.

Last year my neighbour began making charcoal only a few metres away from my house. We were breathing in toxic fumes for 3 days. I realised that it`s just ignorance on the part of my neighbour, but my family and I intend to stay here for the rest of our lives and have good relationships with the locals. So what's the point of going in with all guns blazing?

So my wife and I went and discussed the situation with the neighbour, all very friendly with a few laughs over a couple of beers. Problem solved, my neighbour moved his burners to another piece of land he owns.

I am very glad and happy that I don`t have any Farang living near me, people that would complain about my dogs, complain that my rose bush is protruding 2 inches over their property and that my fence is the wrong colour.

The common sense way for the OP and his scared girlfriend to deal with this situation is to have a friendly chat with the neighbours, keep in with them, let them believe that you are nice people, remember that this is Thailand, not to be confused with the ways back home.

If this is not possible, than Thailand's not for you.

I wonder if the hard nut avatar is his true charactor?

I was going to post my views on this topic but you have already done it for me. I agree completly with you. The op, unfortunately like many farangs here, has an attitude problem.

The op mentioned he had never spoken to his neighbours who he BELIEVED to be Thai and that he would go and sort them out. Attitude. Attitude. Attitude.

The ongoing problem of course is that this is what is giving the rest of us farangs a bad name.

caf

why do you think farangs have an attitude problem? you think it's ok to be selfish and don't care about other people? then you are WELL suited to Thailand... because that's the way most Thai's are - they have no idea about the concept of 'grenge jai' and just do what they want 'mai pen ra' they don't give a sh*t - so do the same.

Not sure what your point is.

I don't know why many farangs have an attitude problem.

I don't think it's right to be selfish ( aplies to farang and thai )

Big differences between mae bhen rai, not giving a sghit, and greng jai.

And , no, you don't have to do the same. That's a childish response. ( Attitude again ? Don't know )

caf

caf - yes you are completely right - it doesn't matter who you are selfishness is selfishness - but it is my experience that Thais are probably more selfish (in some ways) than farangs (who are in other ways) maybe that is the cultural difference? this is a broad 'generalisation' and in no way is applied evenly to all Thai's - which would be absurd.

[ChiangMaiFun]

Back to the OP now. I read lots of references to "dumping" and "trash" and implications that this sort of things would never happen/be allowed to happen in farangland. Not true. I can only speak for Australia, but have no reason to think the same does not apply in other jurisdictions.

As has been stated, neighbour#2 has a right to remove tree limbs overhanging his property. The limbs he removes are in fact the property of neighbour#1. Legally he is not only justified, but legally required to, return that property to the owner. This happens in Australia. Common courtesy (in Australia) would be for neigbour#2 to discuss this with neigbour#1 first (and probably make an informal agreement about disposal of the tree material) ... but that is a matter of western courtesy - rather than being the law.

I'm not saying your Thai neighbour is an angel, but as far as the branches go he is probably not "dumping". And as others have already stated the common method for Thai's to "prune" trees or shrubs is anything but a work of art

Thank you Cmbruce,

This is the reply I was looking for. The g/f will be going over there tomorrow to try and clear this matter up.

Reading some of the posts on here about this subject really does hit home how about how ignorant some people can be. I feel sorry for the poster that - for the past two years - has had nothing but grief from their neighbor; I hope this gets ressolved somehow.

As for everybody else who branded me with an 'attitude' who are sitting comfortably in their houses, living a trouble and stress free life away from neighbors that 'actually might' cause them concerns from time to time, let me ask you this? As I already mentioned, I am not staying there at the moment and this morning my g/f sent me an email saying that our dog had been taken to the vet's as his gums were pale (sign of circulation). Now, i'm not saying this is directly related to them, but if the vet 'was' to find that he ate a tube of glue or rusty nail within the inside of his body which caused him to become sick, at what point then would i be justified to adopt an ATTITIUDE??

What happens if a kid steps on one of these foreign objects and contracts tetnus as a result; would I be allowed to get angry then?

By stopping this nonsense NOW, might prevent my dog from becoming sick, children - or indeed adults -stepping on rusty nais, or my neighbor tresspasing on my property to fish the stream next to my house again.

What do you say? should I just 'let it be' and accept that this is Thailand and the way things are done here because i'm not buying that c#*p.

For the record i'm British; and proud. Oh and one more thing, my castle is wherever i want it to be because I built it, regardless of it being on foreign soil.

Agreed... don't take any of this 'oh the oh so lovely Thai's are perfect and it's YOUR problem' yes we live here, yes we have to adapt and 'fit in' - do we have to be walked over by selfish Thai's? don't think so - just remember many of them are uneducated and caring for others is not in the Thai culture - they will often think they are Buddhist but have no concepton that it actually means 'practising' it (i.e. thinking about others outside of their family circle) - this post will annoy some - sorry - but it's true - you have to accept that living here brings many benefits - but there are downsides too. They probably just don't care - simple as that.

Not sure who is quoting what in this reply.

But, glad you accept a certain level of integration. That does not imply you need to be walked over by selfish Thais

"Caring for others is not a part of Thai culture" Not a valid generalisation in my experience.

"They probably just don't care" Don't follow your reasoning on that. Care to expand? Not saying you are wrong, but you have not proved your point."

caf

caf - my experience has been different - I have found Thai's can be very caring (for instance) to family Elders - which is a lesson for us all as we have lost that in the West - but, generally, that doesn't manifest outside of that circle - they have very, very little regard to animals, other people (for example whilst driving) and in tellling the truth and putting store in being honest.

I think we are veering way off topic here interesting how people see things - I shall try and remember how 'caring' some can be when they park that motorbike on the pavement and no one can walk

But we are... where we are - and I do accept that's the way it is - Thailand has many more benefits to my life or I would not be here.

[eek]

There are selfish people everywhere. Thats not me being a "Thai apologist", thats me being realistic. Often it can depend on where you live too. Im sorry for anyone that has to live next door to inconsiderate neighbours.

Maybe some more practical solutions would be a good idea, rather than bickering. Unfortunately though, i dont have anything more to suggest the OP that what others have. Best of luck. :/

[slapout]

To the op, It has to be Thai to Thai if your girlfriend is not up to screaming nasty comments and even insults (call them hilltribe, etc) then your probably stuck. This might be the opportunity for a new business venture 'Rent a mouth' I know a couple in our moo baan who could fit the bill. Not sure how we could approach them, in a way that they would not use their unique talent on us. Women seem to work best for some reason, just look for a loud, overbearing, older hag and offer a days wage for a 30 minute face to face confrontation.

[caf]

Reading some of the posts on here about this subject really does hit home how about how ignorant some people can be. I feel sorry for the poster that - for the past two years - has had nothing but grief from their neighbor; I hope this gets ressolved somehow.

As for everybody else who branded me with an 'attitude' who are sitting comfortably in their houses, living a trouble and stress free life away from neighbors that 'actually might' cause them concerns from time to time, let me ask you this? As I already mentioned, I am not staying there at the moment and this morning my g/f sent me an email saying that our dog had been taken to the vet's as his gums were pale (sign of circulation). Now, i'm not saying this is directly related to them, but if the vet 'was' to find that he ate a tube of glue or rusty nail within the inside of his body which caused him to become sick, at what point then would i be justified to adopt an ATTITIUDE??

What happens if a kid steps on one of these foreign objects and contracts tetnus as a result; would I be allowed to get angry then?

By stopping this nonsense NOW, might prevent my dog from becoming sick, children - or indeed adults -stepping on rusty nais, or my neighbor tresspasing on my property to fish the stream next to my house again.

What do you say? should I just 'let it be' and accept that this is Thailand and the way things are done here because i'm not buying that c#*p.

For the record i'm British; and proud. Oh and one more thing, my castle is wherever i want it to be because I built it, regardless of it being on foreign soil.

Agreed... don't take any of this 'oh the oh so lovely Thai's are perfect and it's YOUR problem' yes we live here, yes we have to adapt and 'fit in' - do we have to be walked over by selfish Thai's? don't think so - just remember many of them are uneducated and caring for others is not in the Thai culture - they will often think they are Buddhist but have no concepton that it actually means 'practising' it (i.e. thinking about others outside of their family circle) - this post will annoy some - sorry - but it's true - you have to accept that living here brings many benefits - but there are downsides too. They probably just don't care - simple as that.

Not sure who is quoting what in this reply.

But, glad you accept a certain level of integration. That does not imply you need to be walked over by selfish Thais

"Caring for others is not a part of Thai culture" Not a valid generalisation in my experience.

"They probably just don't care" Don't follow your reasoning on that. Care to expand? Not saying you are wrong, but you have not proved your point."

caf

caf - my experience has been different - I have found Thai's can be very caring (for instance) to family Elders - which is a lesson for us all as we have lost that in the West - but, generally, that doesn't manifest outside of that circle - they have very, very little regard to animals, other people (for example whilst driving) and in tellling the truth and putting store in being honest.

I think we are veering way off topic here interesting how people see things - I shall try and remember how 'caring' some can be when they park that motorbike on the pavement and no one can walk

But we are... where we are - and I do accept that's the way it is - Thailand has many more benefits to my life or I would not be here.

I agree your reply, Chiangmaifun. A very balanced response, if I may say so

caf

[Toolz]

Posts: 1,856

Can we purrlease ... not mess up the quotes. Nesting a conversation five levels deep to add a few words is one thing; messing it up is another ...

[BOOKEMDANO]

As the original poster of this thread I would like to just say thank you to 'everybody' who has contributed to this appeal for help; albeit, just a few useful suggestions but I guess this is just the way these threads develop into something more personal.

A fact of life is that in most cases we can never choose our neighbors, friends are a different story. If I didn't warm to one particlur person, for whatever reason, I can simply decide that I no longer wish to remain in contact with said 'ex-friend'; with neighbors you dont get that luxury.

I am suprised nobody has mentioned 'respect' within these pages. Some of you talk about a selfish attitude Thai's have to others outside their family circle but this word 'respect' is something I would associate with the majority of Thai's. Maybe respect only steams to elders, the monarchy and Buddha, but for the most part I see Thai's as pretty respectful people myself.

I fail to see how education - or lack of it - has to do with lobbing branches over my fence? Right and wrong need simply apply here, and throwing those branches over simply reflects on this blokes inability to see the difference. Hence my offer to go around there and show him the error of his ways - not western style - but my style. I do however, apoligize to those of you who think I have a 'western attitude' but is this really true? I simply see this as some ignorant fool of a neighbor has thrown back over the wall my property my branches who - as a result - upset my g/f. I am simply responding in a perfectly natural way of wanting to defend her, aswell as my house from this happening again. (I am talking about the glue and nails here too guys)

So, my g/f has not been able to see this neighbor as our dog has been in the vets (seizure of some kind) and has been in contact, thanks to some of you, with the village head. Something that might take him a lifetime to sort out but hey, this comes as no suprise right?

[Donnyboy]

Something that might take him a lifetime to sort out but hey, this comes as no suprise right?

grease his palms with some perks, and things may move quicker, just a thought

[ChiangMaiFun]

As the original poster of this thread I would like to just say thank you to 'everybody' who has contributed to this appeal for help; albeit, just a few useful suggestions but I guess this is just the way these threads develop into something more personal.

A fact of life is that in most cases we can never choose our neighbors, friends are a different story. If I didn't warm to one particlur person, for whatever reason, I can simply decide that I no longer wish to remain in contact with said 'ex-friend'; with neighbors you dont get that luxury.

I am suprised nobody has mentioned 'respect' within these pages. Some of you talk about a selfish attitude Thai's have to others outside their family circle but this word 'respect' is something I would associate with the majority of Thai's. Maybe respect only steams to elders, the monarchy and Buddha, but for the most part I see Thai's as pretty respectful people myself.

I fail to see how education - or lack of it - has to do with lobbing branches over my fence? Right and wrong need simply apply here, and throwing those branches over simply reflects on this blokes inability to see the difference. Hence my offer to go around there and show him the error of his ways - not western style - but my style. I do however, apoligize to those of you who think I have a 'western attitude' but is this really true? I simply see this as some ignorant fool of a neighbor has thrown back over the wall my property my branches who - as a result - upset my g/f. I am simply responding in a perfectly natural way of wanting to defend her, aswell as my house from this happening again. (I am talking about the glue and nails here too guys)

So, my g/f has not been able to see this neighbor as our dog has been in the vets (seizure of some kind) and has been in contact, thanks to some of you, with the village head. Something that might take him a lifetime to sort out but hey, this comes as no suprise right?

Education has everything to do with it - if people are not taught right from wrong and respect for neighbours etc. how can we expect them to understand? show me the boy and I'll show you the man - anyway good luck with your 'respectful' neighbour - you'll need it.

[uptheos]

note to self: continue to NEVER live next to a Thai

Difficult in Thailand but nice thought.

When I built my house smack bang on a plot of land surrounded by Thai owned houses, I was indeed apprehensive. For the most part I would say they have been quite considerate, except two houses along that have the caged barking dogs. As far as rubbish goes, everyone uses one of those municipality black bags and places it at the designated pick up point.

No problem with loud music yet, but I'm sure someone will tell me to turn it down one day!

I've had worse neighbours in the UK.

[rebo]

Do it as the Thais do:

Everytime we've thrown our trash over the wall into neighbour's property they simply order their maid to collect it and put it in their garbage bag. Done in 5 mins ...

[schmutzie]

This is also a neighbour issue, although not in CM but BKK. Interested to hear what people think...

We have just rented a house in a moobaan.

On our right hand side is a single middle-aged lady who is a relative of our landlord. She has been kind since day one and talks to my girlfriend regularly and even tries the odd English sentence with me.

On our left hand side is a Thai family - mother, father, daughter, son and his wife, I believe.

First comment to my girlfriend when we moved in was: Oh, you have farang. They're no good.

Excellent...

First contact with the son was when he came over one night because we had woken him up. Sometime between 11pm and midnight. We apologised and I said to my girlfriend I thought it was a bit over the top to bother to get dressed and then walk over because he'd heard a door or window being slammed. Annoying yes, but not actually continuous noise.

I asked my girlfriend to strike up a friendly tone and apologise at some point. When she did, the mother said she didn't have any problems as she was sleeping in another room. The son said something about "actually having to go to work during the day". Now, something may have been lost in translation but to me that was quite insulting. As if to say we're just no good lay-abouts.

Next up, we were eating dinner one night and the mother came to the front yard and asked us to please be more quiet as her son had now threatened to move out because of the noise we were making...(Note: We don't have a TV or radio. We don't play music. We don't have parties or people coming and going. We don't go out and come home late. We did sometimes stay up late, or I would, say 2-3am. but just browsing internet and making coffee or tea...)

Apparently it was also possible for her to hear when we open and close cupboards in our kitchen as it is next to her bedroom. She then said they'd had issues with the previous tenant, also farang, who'd come home late and would shower and sing at 1 or 2am. And that they'd written letters to complain about her to someone or other.

At that point I started to get pissed off. Clearly I have not rented a house to tip-toe around and be forced to go to bed when it suits my neighbours.

I said to my girlfriend that we should simply put them on ignore and just try and be polite. And also inform the landlord that we were having some issues - just to preempt that family getting to him first and giving him their version.

The final straw was yesterday evening. My girlfriend was walking the puppy, and encountered the mother who started asking her why she was so thin and did she have HIV (!). Many people were around so you can imagine how embarrassed my girlfriend became. However, her short temper got the better of her and she countered why she thought it was any of her business how skinny she was and did she need to know everything about us.

Some other lady later confessed to my girlfriend that not many people like our neighbouring lady.

The father, an older man, always says hello in the morning. The son I never see anymore. We still try to be quiet. We haven't called the landlord.

It's easier for me to just ignore them as they don't speak English. But I'm not happy about someone giving my girlfriend a hard time just because she lives with a farang. We don't, AFAICT, have issues with other people in the moobaan. We smile to them and they smile back.

I'm tempted to rant something at them in English even if they don't understand, but it's unlikely to produce anything. I think they just find it hard to accept that they now have another farang living next door after 4-5 months of our house being empty. Or that lady just have some sick sense of humour.

BTW, all this stuff about non-confrontation I don't buy. It's true that aggression is counter-productive in Thailand, but that doesn't mean that you should just allow other people to take the piss. Thai or not Thai.

[Ulysses G.]

This all sounds very strange. In general - at least in the city - Thais do not complain about noise as it is situation normal in most places that they live. I can remember my neighbors turning on a stereo full blast or yelling and screaming about this or that or blowing up M80s at 6AM on a pretty regular basis.

I do not envy your situation.

[caf]

I don't usually agree with Ukysses but I think he is right on this . It does sound strange

Why not try talking to the old man. You may just find out if there is a different issue here. Thais are rarely direct but talking quietly and calmly may tell you what is really wrong. As the elder person he will have more clout in possibly resolving your situation.

"The father, an older man, always says hello in the morning. "

"I'm tempted to rant something at them in English even if they don't understand, but it's unlikely to produce anything. " You are right, it will make mattersc worse. Don't even think that way.

Hope this gets sorted for you.

caf

[Ulysses G.]

I don't usually agree with Ukysses but I think he is right on this .

I guess I must have been wrong after all.