Cheap Charlie

[Asiacat]

Cheap Charlie

Randolph Cohen a licensed money lender and pawn-shop owner counted out the £500 he had agreed to lend Charles Anderson and accepted the customer’s Jaguar XK8 Convertible with log book and keys as security for the short term loan.

At a fortnightly interest rate of 5% which translated into a whopping 355% APR the shop’s proprietor was used to dealing with the desperate rather than the affluent. However with a car worth over £30,000 as security for a £500 loan it wasn’t a risk and after all business was business.

Charles took the money and then made his way to the nearest tube station for the ninety- minute journey to London’s Heathrow Airport where he was booked on a flight to Thailand for a well deserved two week break.

As soon as he had checked in and reached the departure lounge for flight BA009 direct to Bangkok Charles began surreptitiously scanning his fellow passengers. He was looking for single male travelers who could be on their way to Pattaya. He needed to find two he could share a taxi with once he had arrived in the Thai capital.

Charles always prided himself on being able to do with one dollar (or whatever the local currency happened to be) what others routinely needed two or three to do. His own code of ethics meant he would never steal or cheat anyone but that did not stop him from being creative, inventive or to cherry-pick in the way that he spent his money.

Once on the plane Charles located his economy class aisle seat and settled back for the 12 hour non -stop flight.

Ten hours into the flight Charles awoke and carefully studied his diary. He had marked all the regular free buffets in red. Misty’s on Wednesday, Champagne and Shark on Fridays and Secrets on Sundays. At these bars Charles would be able to pick up a meal for the price of a draught Chang and still be able to drink the Chang to boot.

When the plane touched down at Suvarnabhumi Airport at 15:40 Thai time Charles had his hand luggage packed and was one of the first to disembark he half ran and half walked the three hundred metres or so to the Thai immigration desks and then rather than join the queue he just waited .

Once the other passengers had reached the immigration queues Charles set to work. Asking each single male traveler “Are you going to Pattaya?” and if the answered in the affirmative the second question was “Do you want to share a taxi?” After asking eight travelers Charles had his two frugal cohorts and told them to meet him after they had cleared customs.

Once the three of had regrouped some forty minutes later Charles told his new found acquaintances to follow him to the departure hall ignoring the touts and taxi stands in the arrivals hall.

Charles knew that a taxi driver dropping someone off who had travelled from the coastal resort would me more likely to accept a lower than the going rate fare in preference to returning to his base in what would be otherwise an empty taxi.

The occupants of each taxi stopping at the arrivals hall were greeted with Charles’s single question “Have you come from Pattaya?” He found what he was looking for at the fifth attempt. Charles offered 900 baht for the privilege of sharing the taxi driver’s return trip to Pattaya which was gratefully accepted.

Three hundred baht each he told his new-found acquaintances for what others will be paying B1500 for.

Charles had already pre- booked his room B3200 for two weeks in the Canterbury Tales guest house on Soi Chaiyapoon. Whist planning his trip on the net he had seen that Dave the proprietor was offering rooms for B5,500 for a month and figured that he may be willing to let a room for half that period for a little over half the price. He had emailed Dave with his offer of B3, 000 for two weeks and wasn’t surprised when Dave replied saying that he would accept B3, 200. He always let them come back with a request slightly higher than his original offer. It was psychological he understood that. He had to let the other party feel that they had achieved a small victory.

His first purchase after checking into his temporary home was a six pack of bottled water for 25 baht from a shop a couple of doors up from The Canterbury Tales. No point in paying 7 baht a bottle for water from 7/11 put it in the fridge tonight and they will be ice cold come tomorrow morning. And besides that he could refill all six bottles for a total of 5 baht from the aqua water machine around the corner on Soi Bukheaw.

He was disappointed to see that the Friendship supermarket on Pattaya Tai no longer stocked the Walking Street Journal. Fourteen copies and thus fourteen free drink vouchers for Living Doll ago-go would have saved him another B700 over the course of his holiday.

Charles had each night’s drinking carefully mapped out. Tonight it was Baby Doll (45 baht), Fun room (45 baht), Misty’s (50 baht provided he got there before 10 p.m.) plus a free buffet which served as Charles’s main evening meal. Lady drinks - no way, and as for tipping wasn’t that just a place in China?

This pattern repeated itself for the whole of his two week holiday. After studying the Pattaya Trader’s list of go-go draught beer prices and his own astute observations whilst out each night he had an encyclopedic knowledge of Pattaya drink prices, happy hour times and regular free-buffets. In addition he would dutifully check the Pattaya Secrets message board business section for any one-off parties any of the bars were holding. Carefully planning his route and spending so as to maximize the return on his precious currency.

After an exhausting but enjoyable two week stay Charles returned to London and immediately went back to Mr. Cohen’s pawn shop to repay the principle of £500 plus £25 interest.

Just out of interest the owner asked “ You don’t appear short of a few bob. Why did you need to take out a loan in the first place?” “Do you know anywhere else I could park a Jaguar convertible in secure parking in central London for two weeks for just £25?” replied Charles.

[Beechboy]

Point taken. Enjoyable story, but some coming to LOS have to think like Charlie.

What a miserable existence.

I think I would rather stay at home.

[syd barrett]

His first purchase after checking into his temporary home was a six pack of bottled water for 25 baht from a shop a couple of doors up from The Canterbury Tales. No point in paying 7 baht a bottle for water from 7/11 put it in the fridge tonight and they will be ice cold come tomorrow morning. And besides that he could refill all six bottles for a total of 5 baht from the aqua water machine around the corner on Soi Bukheaw.

Better to scavenge local litter bins and get used plastic mineral water bottles and fill them for just 1 baht per 1.5 litres on Soi Xzyte.

P.S. I also ask fellow passengers on the plane to share a taxi from Bangkok to Pattaya.

[tracer5050]

funny at least

[raybingham]

Made me smile, didn't see the punch-line coming

[Basil B]

Two fairy tales in two days...

But I have one question as to your nationality, are you a Brit with little imagination or just another Brit knocker?

[basjke]

Made me smile, didn't see the punch-line coming

However that is a joke which is doing the rounds for decades.

[Chaimai]

Made me smile, didn't see the punch-line coming

However that is a joke which is doing the rounds for decades.

In that case, it has by-passed me for a couple decades.

(as have many other things )

[Damacles]

Liking your short stories Asiacat, keep 'em up

And I wouldn't look at it as Brit knocking Basil I very much doubt that's even crossed his mind....maybe the next one could be about a Zimbabwean and the Zimbabwean knocker post can have an airing!

[basjke]

Made me smile, didn't see the punch-line coming

However that is a joke which is doing the rounds for decades.

In that case, it has by-passed me for a couple decades.

(as have many other things )

If that's the case then you definately must be a B........Ok lets forget it

[Carib]

Didn`t see it coming, good one.

[EarthAlien]

Thoroughly enjoyed this read. I was waiting for some calamity at the end regarding the Jag back in London but quite the reverse and an unexpected conclusion.

Very entertaining and well written. If this is an original works (even if the actual writing and not the content per se) then I'd say you should do a lot more of it because you have talent!

Keep 'em coming!

[CHdiver]

Made me smile, didn't see the punch-line coming

However that is a joke which is doing the rounds for decades.

¨

So there are no Rooms At Canterbury Tales for 3200 Baht for two weeks either. That would make it a rumour, according to Thai Visa Rules thats not allowed.

MODS please close this thread

I did enjoy the Story btw.

[William Osborne]

Two fairy tales in two days...

But I have one question as to your nationality, are you a Brit with little imagination or just another Brit knocker?

whats with the angry face bit close to home

anyway, enjoyed the story.. made me laugh

[Chaimai]

Two fairy tales in two days...

But I have one question as to your nationality, are you a Brit with little imagination or just another Brit knocker?

Lighten up, it was just a humourous story.

[473geo]

Two fairy tales in two days...

But I have one question as to your nationality, are you a Brit with little imagination or just another Brit knocker?

Lighten up, it was just a humourous story.

Yep and the surname gives away the origins........

[Rimmer]

One contentious post deleted.

[Basil B]

Two fairy tales in two days...

But I have one question as to your nationality, are you a Brit with little imagination or just another Brit knocker?

Lighten up, it was just a humourous story.

May be I was a little harsh, was as said by others very entertaining just felt we could have done with out the British element to the story we do not need it with a few of our out there who have the ability to score spectacular home goals, I think if you read the news yesterday you know who I am talking about.

[bunta71]

Stepping backwards into the story.... I had heard a similar version dealing with having the local mechanic do some scheduled work, oil change for an example while you travel and by golly, (American old dude slang) it works! My local mechanic even drops us off at the bus station and picks us up without charge. An added dimension is that doing this while away, never are we without a car when home.I am probably going to whatever hel_l they have here for taking advantage and so can anyone else.

[Hssl]

Hang this is the same 'story' that was printed in the 'Pattaya Trader' a few months ago

[Damacles]

Hang this is the same 'story' that was printed in the 'Pattaya Trader' a few months ago

Well I don't get the Pattaya Trader so it was good to be able to read it here . If you're implying the OP 'lifted' it, perhaps, perhaps not - maybe s/he wrote it for there also. If not, perhaps a credit due but really it doesn't change my life either way

[PhilHarries]

Nice little yarn, like the previous, and I don't care whether they are original nor concern Brits.

It's just a shame that someone saw fit to post a deletable response to such an innocuous thread. Thanks to the Eraser aka Rimmer.

[Asiacat]

Hang this is the same 'story' that was printed in the 'Pattaya Trader' a few months ago

Yes it was me who entered it. I won B1,500 with it. I just thought I'd share it with a different audience.

[Damacles]

Hang this is the same 'story' that was printed in the 'Pattaya Trader' a few months ago

Yes it was me who entered it. I won B1,500 with it. I just thought I'd share it with a different audience.

Good for you Asiacat - do more

[Asiacat]

Hang this is the same 'story' that was printed in the 'Pattaya Trader' a few months ago

Yes it was me who entered it. I won B1,500 with it. I just thought I'd share it with a different audience.

Good for you Asiacat - do more

I've won the Pattaya Trader Short Story competition a few times.

For this particular story I lifted the punchline from a similar joke I had read elsewhere. The rest of it is based on someone I know. He comes to Pattaya for three months at a time and does everything he can to avoid spending cash (he's the same in England).

The only thing incongruous about the story is that the guy I know would never pay 30,000 pound for a car. He drives a fifteen year old banger in England.

He is also rumoured to have around half a million quid in the bank but is the tightest person I have ever met. The ironic thing is , is that he has scrimped and saved all his life and will continue to do so and when he dies someone else will get to spemd his money.

[tropo]

The main problem with this story is that it would seem that Charlie came all the way to Thailand just to drink and eat. There's no mention of female company. I was waiting for his ingenious way around this expense. He could have saved a lot of money by staying at home in England.

Still funny though.

[gmac]

The main problem with this story is that it would seem that Charlie came all the way to Thailand just to drink and eat. There's no mention of female company. I was waiting for his ingenious way around this expense. He could have saved a lot of money by staying at home in England.

Still funny though.

Pattaya may be famous for it's ladies but not all need to partake of them to have a good time. Drinking and eating in Pattaya is still far preferable to doing it in England to my mind...even on the cheap!

[Asiacat]

The main problem with this story is that it would seem that Charlie came all the way to Thailand just to drink and eat. There's no mention of female company. I was waiting for his ingenious way around this expense. He could have saved a lot of money by staying at home in England.

Still funny though.

Let me work on it.

I once heard a story, probably apocryphal, about a guy who took two girls back to his room for the night only to awake to find they had done a runner prior to getting paid but had taken the gold chain he had left prominently in the room.

It was a copy that he'd paid 50 baht for at the local market. I could probably weave a paragraph along these lines into the story.

[Ulysses G.]

The main problem with this story is that it would seem that Charlie came all the way to Thailand just to drink and eat. There's no mention of female company. I was waiting for his ingenious way around this expense. He could have saved a lot of money by staying at home in England.

Still funny though.

If you play your cards right, the girls of beach road are most affordable.

[neverdie]

The main problem with this story is that it would seem that Charlie came all the way to Thailand just to drink and eat. There's no mention of female company. I was waiting for his ingenious way around this expense. He could have saved a lot of money by staying at home in England.

Still funny though.

If you play your cards right, the girls of beach road are most affordable.

No doubt you are speaking from experience UG, a well travelled road for you, perhaps?