Need Good Advises

[fitadong]

Fellows, I need some good advises from you. I am an Indonesian moslem who lives and work legally in BKK for +2.5 yrs. I had a dispute over silly thing such as parking, with a driver of a tenant in my apartment and he's Thai. He just exploded out of suddent, I even haven't said anything to him, he just scolded at me and almost hit me & my husband, then he said bad things such as "you stupid" and "he can kill moslem". The driver speaks VERY good English, not like other drivers. Aparment mgr and his boss have had him to apology to us in front of his boss, but we're still shocked, unaccepted and frightened. Obviously, the guy's been behaving very well to his boss (double faces?), thus his boss standing on his side and (sort of) accusing us for starting the fight. Apartment mgr (Thai guy) mentioned he actually didn't mean when say stupid and killing, because not understand the meaning (yeah right..). Another shocking one is, the apt mgr told me that is Thai culture to threat killing others when they got angry, though not mean it at all. Wow, shocking! Is it true? I don't think so, been living here for long time, not even once heard that. What should I do for my safety? It's not that I don't want to end the issue although accepting his apology. How can I be sure that he apologized sincerely not faking it in front of his boss to keep his job? I see him everyday sitting in the apartment and come in to the building easily! I feel terribly alone coz no one stand up for us, and I have a 4 yrs old boy for god sake....

Thanks a lot for your time to read and give me your thoughts and advises.

Regards,

Fita

[mahtin]

Sorry to hear of your predicament.

In all seriousness I doubt that we farang can best advise you here.

Good luck.

[slapout]

Lets hope it was one of those bad hair days for the man. Since he apologized maybe that will be the end of it. I would be careful until you are satisfied that he is not still angry, especially as you have a young child. Yes, the Thai can get very angry, very quickly. If he makes any out of place remarks, actions, etc, report it to the police. You have witness to verbal abuse and any insult, verbal or physical is normally handled quickly by police. (when it is not a family matter) Good luck

[NADTATIDA1]

Report it to the Police and inform the tenant that you reported it,might give him something to think about,also tell the apartment owner and manager what you are going to do.

It is probably just talk but you are warning him and covering your arse at the same time.

He sounds like a coward.

[filingaccount]

Start carrying around a recording device (similar to what journalists use). If it happens again, simply press record and let the device capture everything (perhaps while it is you pocket. Test the device if it can record when it is concealed). Then simply play back at an appropriate time. No need for anything else.

I am not familiar with the Thai legal system, so this might be wrong advice and perhaps it is illegal to record people. Also, aggressive people might attack you if they see you record them.

Maybe talk to a lawyer?

[Tonto21]

Hi fita,

you sound like you’re still distressed over the incident, and dare I say from what you have written appear to have lead quite a sheltered life………….Please put things in perspective, did he physically attack you? From what you’ve said he was just bumping his gums! He threatened to kill you!!!! Look! I couldn’t count the number of times I’ve heard someone say; I’m going to kill you” in the heat of a disagreement, (You obviously have never seen an episode of ‘Eastenders’) it’s not just Thailand. OK, if it’s something you’re not used to hearing…….I understand you would have felt threatened. But IMHO, if he was going to make an attempt on your life he would have done it in the heat of the moment! So, he was made to apologize, you don’t think he meant it, he said it to keep his boss happy, you got an apology, right? Has he since made any aggressive gestures, i.e.; brandishing a sword, nun-chucks? Or made any more verbal threats?……………….Move on, let it go, but do be on your guard regarding personal safety, as you should always be.

My feelings are you're as safe as before this incident. My advice would be to let it go, or hire the A Team……Up to you. Good luck.

[maccaroni man]

if i were you i would consider the situation the same way you would in indo, as you know life is not worth much when it comes to the male ego. chances are if he comes at you he will not be alone and it will be from behind. if it was me i would get an off duty cop, pay him 1k or so baht and have him scare the guy streight. i do not believe this will end without being proactive, the driver nees to be made to understand that his life is worth less than yours.

[davyboy]

Hi fita,

you sound like you're still distressed over the incident, and dare I say from what you have written appear to have lead quite a sheltered life………….Please put things in perspective, did he physically attack you? From what you've said he was just bumping his gums! He threatened to kill you!!!! Look! I couldn't count the number of times I've heard someone say; I'm going to kill you" in the heat of a disagreement, (You obviously have never seen an episode of 'Eastenders') it's not just Thailand. OK, if it's something you're not used to hearing…….I understand you would have felt threatened. But IMHO, if he was going to make an attempt on your life he would have done it in the heat of the moment! So, he was made to apologize, you don't think he meant it, he said it to keep his boss happy, you got an apology, right? Has he since made any aggressive gestures, i.e.; brandishing a sword, nun-chucks? Or made any more verbal threats?……………….Move on, let it go, but do be on your guard regarding personal safety, as you should always be.

My feelings are you're as safe as before this incident. My advice would be to let it go, or hire the A Team……Up to you. Good luck.

Eastenders, A Team? Get real man you watch too much TV!

Grow up and act your age!

:rolleyes:

[eek]

Inflammatory post removed.

The OP is requesting help and advice. Posts of an inflammatory nature will be deleted and a warning issued.

[Chonburiram]

Don't worry,nothing will happen

[Heng]

Yeah, people never get beaten down/killed here for no reason whatsoever.

[Jiu-Jitsu]

Shall I tell you what you really should do? It's all about face. If you make him lose more and even worse, lose his job...it could well escalate.

If you really want to be sure that nothing will happen, take note of the saying; "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer".

Buy some fruit and go together with your child to give it to him. Getting your child to give it to him together with a little wai will work wonders. Not only will he gain face, but it shows to everyone that you understand the Thai way. Now he has no more reason to simmer with anger and for you to feel in danger.

He will be hard pressed to be ungracious to a respectful young child. he will lose his face if he does.

[woralak]

Shall I tell you what you really should do? It's all about face. If you make him lose more and even worse, lose his job...it could well escalate.

If you really want to be sure that nothing will happen, take note of the saying; "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer".

Buy some fruit and go together with your child to give it to him. Getting your child to give it to him together with a little wai will work wonders. Not only will he gain face, but it shows to everyone that you understand the Thai way. Now he has no more reason to simmer with anger and for you to feel in danger.

He will be hard pressed to be ungracious to a respectful young child. he will lose his face if he does.

I go along with that,very good advice,

[Tonto21]

Shall I tell you what you really should do? It's all about face. If you make him lose more and even worse, lose his job...it could well escalate.

If you really want to be sure that nothing will happen, take note of the saying; "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer".

Buy some fruit and go together with your child to give it to him. Getting your child to give it to him together with a little wai will work wonders. Not only will he gain face, but it shows to everyone that you understand the Thai way. Now he has no more reason to simmer with anger and for you to feel in danger.

He will be hard pressed to be ungracious to a respectful young child. he will lose his face if he does.

Hi Jiu-Jitsu

Yep! got to admit it, that’s better than my advice. “Dam” Lol

If the OP is still fearful of recriminations, this being Thailand, I like this answer!It could work to the OP advantage in the long run.

Nice one.

[Chonburiram]

Shall I tell you what you really should do? It's all about face. If you make him lose more and even worse, lose his job...it could well escalate.

If you really want to be sure that nothing will happen, take note of the saying; "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer".

Buy some fruit and go together with your child to give it to him. Getting your child to give it to him together with a little wai will work wonders. Not only will he gain face, but it shows to everyone that you understand the Thai way. Now he has no more reason to simmer with anger and for you to feel in danger.

He will be hard pressed to be ungracious to a respectful young child. he will lose his face if he does.

That's exactly what you shouldn't do!

May I refer you to our member onnut, he is the specialist for any parking affairs here on Thaivisa...

[borisloosebrain]

Shall I tell you what you really should do? It's all about face. If you make him lose more and even worse, lose his job...it could well escalate.

If you really want to be sure that nothing will happen, take note of the saying; "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer".

Buy some fruit and go together with your child to give it to him. Getting your child to give it to him together with a little wai will work wonders. Not only will he gain face, but it shows to everyone that you understand the Thai way. Now he has no more reason to simmer with anger and for you to feel in danger.

He will be hard pressed to be ungracious to a respectful young child. he will lose his face if he does.

That's the most sensible advice yet.

As for going to the cops it will only make him lose face again and that could be very counter productive

It's all about face

Let him gain it rather than lose it.

[IanForbes]

Shall I tell you what you really should do? It's all about face. If you make him lose more and even worse, lose his job...it could well escalate.

If you really want to be sure that nothing will happen, take note of the saying; "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer".

Buy some fruit and go together with your child to give it to him. Getting your child to give it to him together with a little wai will work wonders. Not only will he gain face, but it shows to everyone that you understand the Thai way. Now he has no more reason to simmer with anger and for you to feel in danger.

He will be hard pressed to be ungracious to a respectful young child. he will lose his face if he does.

I agree with others, that is good advice. It is a male ego thing, and some male Thais have nothing other than their ego. I learned a long time ago to agree with bullies and make them laugh at your expense. It takes away their power. However, it might not be a bad idea to report it to the police as back up, but ask them not to proceed with any investigation. Any investigation by the police will just escalate the problem and make the Thai man more angry. Angry Thai males don't act with reason and don't fear the results of their own stupid actions.

[ukrules]

There really are some sad individuals on this board. Flowers or fruit ? Almost unbelievable.

I suggest that if he ever so much as looks at you in the wrong way again you literally kick the shit out of him or pay some police thugs to do it for you.

[CarlBkk]

There certainly are some shrinking violets here. A driver (a driver, not even a tenant) blew his top and acted aggressively to a woman, and people think she should get her 4 year old to take some fruit and wai the monster?! LOL! Oh yes, that'll really make him feel ashamed of his outburst.

He's got angry, it was days ago, he was made to apologise, people there know what he did, it's finished. UNLESS there is still a dispute with the parking - is it resolved now without communicating with him, if so how? At the moment no need for police reports, but I'd say if the apartment manager thinks YOU were in the right about the parking (and he is to decide) then the driver has no say and cannot bully you. Yes, he may be boiling inside but any Thai was from now on just pretend that he's not there. They wouldn't so much as aknowledge his existance. If he seems threatening again make sure your husband has a weapon and sticks near you, and get the police to visit him.

[onnut]

ummmm! this is how you deal with it.

True Story.

i used to live close to Silom in a small apartment block, with my wife and 1 car. one night I was out on the town and when I got home about 3am my wife was sitting on the bed looking pretty scared. she showed me a note that went something like this written by the french guy down the hall.

if you park your car in my space again you stupid bitch I will smash the windows put you in the car and burn it. if you dont believe me just try to park in my space again bitch.

I went ballistic! couldnt believe it. I went looking for his car right there and then, I was going to smash and burn it. I was so angry. lucky for me I could not find his car. so I went back home and slept off the booze!

next morning my wife says she will go to the police and I just laughed!!!! they wouldnt help.

I have a good Thai friend who knows many police so I called him and asked if he could rustle up a good cop who would scare the <deleted> out of this frog. he came round and read the note, went red in the face and asked for this guys address. then he said he would take care of it and we should forget about it.

two days later the apartment maids were talking and my wife over heard her saying the french guy is gone, he just went. and she was glad because he was rude to the other staff there.

then the apartment owner called me and told me that if I have a problem with another tennant I should call her to sort it out because what happened in the carpark scared her staff. I just said I dont know what you are talking about but she kept on!! I was a little nervious about what had happened but still had no idea.

next day a huge Thai guy came into my office and said hey Onnut, the french guy, he is sorted. and put his hand up into the shap of a gun!!!!!!!!!!!!! :blink:

I crapped myself all the way home! all I wanted was for him to get a scare!!

i called my Thai friend and asked what happened and he said dont worry, he is ok but you will never see him again. 4 Thai cops went into the apartment block knocked on his door and when he answered they pushed him down and stuck a gun in his mouth and told him not to pick on women!!!!

Love it, he moved out and I hope learned a lesson.

[moe666]

Onnut how come youdidn't use this tactic aganist the flower pot ladies.

[ukrules]

i called my Thai friend and asked what happened and he said dont worry, he is ok but you will never see him again. 4 Thai cops went into the apartment block knocked on his door and when he answered they pushed him down and stuck a gun in his mouth and told him not to pick on women!!!!

Now that's more like it.

[elliss]

Sorry to hear of your predicament.

consider buying a tazer gun price 1500 bht ..

and carry it around with you ...for your protection .

just in case , he bothers you again .

[mogoso]

I don't defend either the Thai guy bothering the OP or the French guy bothering another posters wife, but in both cases, in a crowded city, it seems they were parking in someone else's space for their own use. Wouldn't it be proper not to use what doesn't belong to you. It would be the neighborly, respectful and legal thing to do.

[Heng]

The flower/fruit thing, fighting with pretty much the bottom rung of local society... from the local point of view pretty much just confirms your place in the local hierarchy. If you're 'better,' then you simply will most likely never have any of these issues, as these issues will steer their way clear of you. Given, easier said than done.

[anothertorres]

don't be such a scaredy cat, get killed!

[Heng]

LOL

[thaifkrlim]

The OP described himself / herself as moslem, which is a farang description

[mrtoad]

Onnut how come youdidn't use this tactic aganist the flower pot ladies.

My thoughts as well.

Come on Onnut, we want to know? You are the parking dispute expert.

[TAWP]

I don't defend either the Thai guy bothering the OP or the French guy bothering another posters wife, but in both cases, in a crowded city, it seems they were parking in someone else's space for their own use. Wouldn't it be proper not to use what doesn't belong to you. It would be the neighborly, respectful and legal thing to do.

More likely, much like the 'Grumpy expat', 'they' like a spot to be 'theirs' but there is no such thing as 'theirs', just a large selection of spots and their 'favorite ones'.