How Much To Pay The Mother In Law?

[Berkshire]

I'd tend to agree that what the WG does and any financial arrangements he may have made is entirely his business. You are under no obligation to do what he does.

One point, however, in this whole money-giving-to-in-laws debate: While I'm no fan of giving "allowances" to in-laws, particularly sisters/brothers/uncles/buffalo, do consider that in situations where the wealth of the farang is considerably more than her side of the family, how many daughters out there could, in good conscious, live a luxurious, burden-free lifestyle, with all the trimmings, knowing that her parents are suffering somewhere in some dirt-floor hut, not knowing where their next meal is coming from. True that it shouldn't be the guy's responsibility to look after her family, but think about it: She would have to be some pretty cold, heartless b**ch to be able to pull that off. Well, that's what her Thai family would think, anyways. Just playing devil's advocate, that's all. May not even apply to this situation, as the MIL seems to have the financial stuff pretty well covered (i.e., WG, alias walking ATM).

[kunash]

so the sister is a WG but your girl is a good girl?

ermm WG = Western Guy not Working Girl - , sorry i guess i should have chosen different initials

[Penkoprod]

I'm a bit confused, here. You are saying you are not married, so why are you mentioning a mother in law??

As in .... "i was expecting to pay a little bit to the MIL."

And, from whom did you recieve this frosty reception that you mentioned, too?

But the gist of it (as others have pointed out) is that this "Western guy" has entered into an arrangement with his wife and her family, and, reading beteen the lines, he no longer feels comfortable with it. Be that for financial reasons, of the fact that the penny has dropped and he realises he is just paying something he dont need to. And now that you are on the scene, he sees a little bit of relief from the situation he got himself into. In other words, you will be paying for HIS big mouth, or as some might say....good intentions. The road to hel_l is paved with 'em

Just a thought you might like to find out...who are you physically going to be handing over your share to, should you fall for agree to all this?. This Western guy or the girls' family direct?

To be perfectly blunt about it, you shouldnt be doing ANY deals to hand over money to your girls family.

Are they struggling to make ends meet, or what? Even if they are, your TG will look after them on an ad hoc basis, or whatever arrangement SHE makes with them. Personally i would keep out of any arrangements for the time being, and take each stage of your relationship with your TG as it comes.

Penkoprod

[sarahsbloke]

I give my MIL 3k a month, not a lot and keeps the wife happy.

MIL lives in the darkest depths, on her own, in her own paid for house, better than having her living with us.

In return MIL is signing the house over to my wife, non-supporting kids inherit nothing.

Youngest daughter supports parents by tradition, if yours isn't the youngest, pay nothing.

If yours is the youngest and you wish to follow tradition, 3kbht is plenty.

If you are not married, pay nothing, no Thai tradition of support for gfs parents.

Just my opinion.

Edited July 1, 2010 by sarahsbloke

[kunash]

The OP is on a UK pension Penk. :cheesy: Sorry, Sorry. wrong topic.

i am retired yes, but i am also the better side of 40

[Caliguy]

This thread needs some prozac.

[thomo]

Other guy's a fool.

Don't be one too.

Tell him you help your missus out when she needs it. That's it.

Edited July 1, 2010 by thomo

[mizzi39]

Here is my suggestion. Pay nothing. The end.

yes my mother like your house keeper you lucky ha papa!

[slapout]

Wish there had been a TV when I got married, sure would have taken the fun out of going through the system which we hear about now.

First post I made was tongue in cheek, my sense of humor. Have given in laws help during the past couple decades but no monthly paycheck, nor to the wife, I might add.One bil brought up the question one time, I just passed along that I would give what the rest of the children did and match the one giving the most. End of bs. Also turned him down for loan.

Never gave gold for anyone in family except wedding band for wife. In the village, few of the people wear a watch much less gold. What they may have had has been sold to get thru rough farm times. Sin sod, none paid, wife's first marriage but she was getting long in the tooth (35 year old). Thai property in her name, no lease back to me, kids to inherit upon her death.

Yes, if marriage went teats up, she could get most if not all the we have in Thailand. She probably could not find funds to maintain or keep it going and we both are aware of this. Probably helped that we knew each other several years prior to marriage and children and actually set down and discussed what worked out to be about 80% of the questions thrown out on TV.

Overlooked the earth shaking questions of virginity (either one of us), build a house for mother, buffalo seemed more robust and healthy then, no vehicle to buy, if there had of been everyone except me rode motorbike. Oh, for the good old days to return?????

[saraburioz]

farang ting tong...

This is 2010 and you don't have to pay for a Thai girl anymore...

Sure there are ones you can pay for but there is also an abundance of "normal" Thai girls.. educated/single/financially independant just waiting on the sidelines like wall flowers to be picked up...

Find them in the gym / sports clubs not in your local massage or go go bar....

Anyone who pays for a Thai wife and family with all the information at hand now on the internet is just bonkers... IMHO..

Anyway upto you...makes interesting reading....

Well said.

SAdly, there's hundered of such idiots near where I work.

Get off that fkn pink cloud of Thailand before you fall off.

If you married an Isarrn girl with the condition that you pay the mother in law money then cut your losses - admit you were fooloish and stop paying a single baht - you give us normal farang who married wealthy women a bad name.

[Penkoprod]

Well said.

SAdly, there's hundered of such idiots near where I work.

Get off that fkn pink cloud of Thailand before you fall off.

If you married an Isarrn girl with the condition that you pay the mother in law money then cut your losses - admit you were fooloish and stop paying a single baht - you give us normal farang who married wealthy women a bad name.

The thing is, though, the OP ISN'T married to any Thai girl...unless this "thai girlfriend" he keeps referring to is his Mia Noy, and his wife is sat at home somewhere else.

The only mother in law that i can see in this story is the one that some other Western guy married the daughter of, and who happens to also be the mother of the OPs girlfriend

The same Western guy thats trying to shaft the OP and get him to pay something towards the upkeep of someone who isn't related to him (the OP) in any way, shape or form.....**yet**

To the OP.......my honest opinion as to what to 1st off is to give this Western dude two things. A smack in the mouth, folllowed by a VERY wide berth.

**Should your relationship with your TG develops into something where marriage is a strong possibility, then thats the time to be discussing these things.**

If you listen to this Western guy you would already be commited to paying 500,000 Baht in Sin Sod....which, as others have pointed out shouldnt come into it these days. Give him the flick and things will fall into place as to what you should and shouldn't be doing

I think your girlfriend is seeing it better than you are, tbh by saying "upto you"

Seems you have a "good 'un" there at least.

Penkoprod

Edited July 1, 2010 by Penkoprod

[thomo]

very lucky family huh? if they didn't sell their daughters to farang they wouldn't have a huge house and pension.

With full health care too.

Not bad. almost worth selling a daughter for huh.

[dumball]

The only suggestion I have is not to pay any money , buy them the MEANS to make money for themselves IF they work , as has been mentioned , how did they manage before ? That is what I set up for my extended family and it has worked well for them , on occassions when funds get low , my wife helps out from her monthly budget , the onus is on her to stretch the budget , this is better for all concerned over the long haul , it is called 'Self sufficiency' .

[thomo]

my wife helps out from her monthly budget , the onus is on her to stretch the budget , this is better for all concerned over the long haul , it is called 'Self sufficiency' .

Don't think self sufficiency covers paying a woman to live with you, who then gives your money to her family as they need it.

It is easy to con yourself though, so don't feel too bad.

[slapout]

Doubt if any of us are really qualified to be judge of someone's choices/actions/life style as right or wrong, until it crosses legal,social accepted behavior. Because I did it one way, others do it their way, if your satisfied/happy, continue on, if not, make a change. I have found that individual/families look at the same situation from different perspectives, thus the end result expected is quite varied. Most of us consider our wife.girl friend as unique, so why not her family? If someone gives a comparative opinion or judgment, the deciding factors need to be similar, if not the same.

[dumball]

Some of you guys do not read posts as they are written , I said " Helps the family out when they NEED it " a far , far cry from when they want it , there are no drunks,smokers, gamblers in my wifes family , I never have nor never will hand out money in an indiscriminate manner , that is why they were supplied THE MEANS to a reasonabnle life style , not a walking ATM to set them up in even a modicum of luxury . They have become busy most of the time taking advantage of the diversity of income making , but the selling of natures bounty has its seasons , a pig can only bear so much 'Fruit' and sewing clothes is also on and off . Should more westerners take this type of approach to aleviate poverty , many more would benifit by the money generated in the villages . To scoff on a forum is very easy , but shows traits of inanity , to hastily misread posts is further proof of this trait especially in response to a serious poster who actually got off his ass and did something positive for a change .

Titter ye may

but that is why you pay

and pay

and pay .

Get smart , remain solvent .

[imaneggspurt]

farang ting tong...

This is 2010 and you don't have to pay for a Thai girl anymore...

Sure there are ones you can pay for but there is also an abundance of "normal" Thai girls.. educated/single/financially independant just waiting on the sidelines like wall flowers to be picked up...

Find them in the gym / sports clubs not in your local massage or go go bar....

Anyone who pays for a Thai wife and family with all the information at hand now on the internet is just bonkers... IMHO..

Anyway upto you...makes interesting reading....

Absolutely true, but we don't know what the OP and his wife look like and how old they are. An ugly 50 year old trying to pick up a nice white office maiden might have a problem. However, there are plenty of old maids out there who are still open to offers and who still have decent jobs. Maybe too much effort? But way less problems in the long term.

The FIL cockfights. Great job. He's really working hard.

its usually young guys that keep bringing up the age difference as it seems they are jealous, however its not just thailand where an old fart can get a bird ! .....

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/3038287/Oldest-dad-feeling-fine-at-79.html

[MikeyIdea]

How much to pay?

Most people who don't know what they are talking about will say that all Thai families take advantage of a farang husband, those who know say that some do it. I have been married twice in Thailand and neither family ever asked for a single bath, I helped them a bit anyway because I respect them, of course.

How about the family? Do they deserve respect? If they do then you should help them, if they do not deserve any respect, then don't or pay very little. If you don't pay anything then it is likely that the wife will help out anyway. If that happens, quietly estimate how much she is helping them with and if it is reasonable then respect your wife for finding a middle-way solution that includes respecting you. If it's too much, then let her know that. It is normal for Thai men to help and support the wife's family a bit, perhaps the wife should think that she deserves someone better than the farang husband she has if her family is good and the man still won't accept to help then them a bit. It's all about respect. A few / couple of thousand bath per month is not unusual and it is well invested money I think, if the family is good.

Your case I think 3,000 to 4,000 bath per month should be the correct amount. The one who is an idiot is the first husband who pays WAY too much. That is not your problem though, you respect your way, what he does is his problem. I would recommend the other guy to half what he pays today

Never think that paying the family a couple of thousand bath per month is the family taking advantage of you, that's rubbish. Everything is of course up to where the family lives, how old they are, ability to work, money, all of that. Family members of working age stopping to work because you pay them are not showing you respect. Good sign that less should be paid of course. If the 60 year old father of your wife is still working as a construction worker then perhaps you could respect him more if he's good. It's of course all depending on your money situation too, if you're short on money, then the wife should respect that you, your wife and your child is the most important thing and pay as little as ever possible, if you're making good money, then pay more. Many westerners are plain stupid and pay way too much, that's why this is a problem in the first place.

Nicely discuss with the wife - 2 way communication please - what is her and her parents expectations? Tell her your expectations. Settle for 3,000 to 4,000 thousand per month

You have a spoilt family because of the stupidity of the other farang, that could be a difficult situation.

And thell the other stupid farang that you recommend him paying half of what he does today...

Good Luck

[Chunky1]

farang ting tong...

This is 2010 and you don't have to pay for a Thai girl anymore...

Sure there are ones you can pay for but there is also an abundance of "normal" Thai girls.. educated/single/financially independant just waiting on the sidelines like wall flowers to be picked up...

Find them in the gym / sports clubs not in your local massage or go go bar....

Anyone who pays for a Thai wife and family with all the information at hand now on the internet is just bonkers... IMHO..

Anyway upto you...makes interesting reading....

Absolutely true, but we don't know what the OP and his wife look like and how old they are. An ugly 50 year old trying to pick up a nice white office maiden might have a problem. However, there are plenty of old maids out there who are still open to offers and who still have decent jobs. Maybe too much effort? But way less problems in the long term.

The FIL cockfights. Great job. He's really working hard.

its usually young guys that keep bringing up the age difference as it seems they are jealous, however its not just thailand where an old fart can get a bird ! .....

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/3038287/Oldest-dad-feeling-fine-at-79.html

just dont do a paternity test.

[thomo]

that is why they were supplied THE MEANS to a reasonabnle life style , not a walking ATM to set them up in even a modicum of luxury .

The only difference, is the one you've invented to make the truth easier for yourself.

[hawthorne]

a fool and his money are easily parted...enough said

[IanForbes]

Just consider it a charity to a worthy cause. Most Isan families can use a little more money and us wealthy foreigners should help the cause.. Many people donate to charities, why don't you? :lol:

Of course, if you want to be a miserly skinflint like the rest of the gang here then just join the Cheap Charlies club and moan about it on thaivisa . It keeps the rest of us laughing.

[spud1]

I wonder what the percentage of men donating funds to the family are truely happy with this arrangement.Paying them to little or to much will not buy respect.

[dumball]

My post ,which seems to have been taken completely out of perspective , said nothing about paying support to an extended family ., it pertained to 'Self sufficiency' , which it is obviouse to me , certain posters have diffulculty to perceive , given modest means they are able to work for themselves and make their OWN living from their OWN labours . It is not about a monthly stipend which will never allow them to get out of holding out their hands for a steady supply of easy cash to waste as they wish , it is all about 'Doing it for themselves ' . Those wishing to cause an unneccessary argument , please go elsewhere and incite some-one else , this fish is not taking the bait .

[Atmos]

Reading through these posts there are so many variables; I'll add ours to the mix.

GF's mum is long-widowed but has substantial income from a large farm, which of course is seasonal and to a degree weather dependent. We pay her electricity and water charges plus her monthly life-insurance policy totally between 1500-1700 baht per month. If she lives to 70 (64 now) an amount is paid out that I guess ultimately may be left to the children.Doubt I'll see any personally, not an issue.

2 of the other 4 children contribute similar amounts except for one who's not earning - in nursing training, and one who is useless. So she gets maybe 5k 'extra' per month.

I don't believe she 'needs' this money but it's accepted as the thing to do, ie children seen to support. She gave some back to us in May to take the kids on holiday which i thought a very nice gesture.

My parents - now long deceased - never had any need for financial support from their children - but if asked of course I would have, Who wouldn't? Myself and 2 of my 3 brothers helped our sister out when her husband did a runner leaving her with 4 kids under 5 (1 x twins if you want to know), but this was 'needed' $ not 'expected'

[lazygourmet]

Mother in law is having businesses in Germany and she sends to her daughter 5,000 euros monthly... which is not even THB 200,000, at the present exchange rate!

Should I be upset... No... But we have expensive habits...

[neverdie]

I must be the tightest nastiest guy in Thailand. My inlaws get jack all from me. I have lent them money previously & they have paid me back or should I say, are in the process of paying me back. There might be Thai ideas and Thai customs but guess what, I'm not Thai.

Anyway, when they get really old I might knock up a couple of huts at the back of my land (if I get stupid enuf to buy some) somewhere and take care of them, perhaps put them to work dehusking rice or something.

There is no free lunch at my place.

[Royk]

I don't usually get involved with discussions like this but I would like to clarify something. Traditionally, the parents are taken care financially by the son(s) of the family. If the family doesn't have a son, normally the daughter(s) would have to take care of them instead. In many case, the duty falls to the oldest of the offspring alone. That's one of the reasons why the oldest often get the biggest share of the inheritance. Anyway, the obligation is their alone, not yours. You may help your wife in supporting her aging parents voluntarily. There is nothing wrong with that. Many people do it but it's not a duty or compulsory for you. You have already paid that by paying SidSod. They should not demand this support from you.

Best regards,

Roy

[GrahamF]

You should tell your girlfriend and anyone else concerned that you are sending money to your mother and father back home (or any other family member still living) and that you cannot afford to support anyone else other than your girlfriend and yourself.

[yeesipha]

OP what you have got to ask yourself,,if you fell on hard times,had jack shit,would they the MIL +FIL take care of you.(food ,somewhere to stay etc)Only you will no the answer to this.If YES then why

not bung them something per month,look at it this way, it keeps the misses happy,and is kind of an insurance policy at the same time .

Some years ago i had everything and lost most of it,now the people i took care of, WERE there to pick me up,dust me off and get me back on track .