Ozzy Squadie's Letter Home

[khunlungphudhu]

Dear Mum & Dad,

I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin' on the property - tell them to get in bloody quick smart before all the Army jobs are gone!

I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don't hafta get outta bed until 6am. But I like sleeping in now, cuz all you gotta do before brekky is make ya bed and shine ya boots and clean ya uniform. No bloody cows to milk, no calves to feed, no feed to stacknothin'!!

Blokes haz gotta shave though, but its not so bad, coz there's lots a hot water and even a light to see what ya doing! At brekky ya get cereal and milk, fruit, bacon and eggs, and toast made from real fresh sliced bread. There's no kangaroo steaks, possum stew and damper like wot Mum makes.

You don't get fed again until noon, and by that time all the city boys are usually buggered because we've been on a 'route march' - geez its only as far as the walk to the windmill in the back paddock!! This one will kill me brothers Doug and Phil with laughter. So far, I've won a prize trophy and a medal for shootin' - dunno why. The bullseye is as big as a bloody possum's bum and it don't move and its not firing back at ya like the Johnsons did when our big scrubber bull got into their prize cows before the Ekka last year! All ya gotta do is make yourself comfortable and hit the target - it's a piece of p@ss!! You don't even have ta load your own cartridges - they come in little boxes and ya don't have ta steady yourself against the rollbar of the roo shooting truck. Sometimes ya gotta wrestle with the cityboys and I gotta be real careful coz they break easy - it's not like fighting with Doug and Phil and Jack and Boori and Steve and Muzza all at once like we do at home after the musterin'. Turns out they reckon I'm not a bad boxer either and it looks like I'm the best the platoon's got. In ten fights so far I've only been beaten by this one bloke wots from the Support Engineers

- he's 6 foot 5 and 15 stone and three pickhandles across the shoulders and as ya know I'm only 5 foot 7 and eight stone wringin' wet. Anyway, I fought him till the other blokes carried me off to the boozer.

I can't complain about the Army, its been real beaut so far. As I said tell me brothers to get in quick before word gets around how bloody good it is and all the available places in it get taken up.

Your loving daughter,

Jill

[Jai Dee]

Excellent!!!

[TizMe]

Your loving daughter,

Jill

Best joke I've read in quite a while. Love it. roflmao.

[mnoorsapl]

lol..

[Boatabike]

Kept me going right till the end loved it.

[gburns57au]

Aussies.....big mean and tough....and thats just the shielas.......

[chaiyapoon]

Great punch line!!

[apdare]

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