The Lone Ranger and Tonto are camping in the desert, set up their tent and are asleep.

Some hours later, The Lone Ranger wakes his faithful friend.

"Tonto, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Tonto replies, "Me see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?" asks The Lone Ranger.

Tonto ponders for a minute...

"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Chronologically, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What it tell you, Kemo Sabi?"

The Lone Ranger is silent for a moment, then speaks: "Tonto, you <deleted> idiot, someone has stolen our tent."

Nice on Jai try this one:

A man gets on a plane and takes his seat, only to realise that the occupant of the seat next to him is a parrot. The plane takes off and after some minutes a stewardess approaches.

"Can I get you anything, sir?" she asks the man.

"Yes, I'll have a coffee, please, when you have a minute.Thank you."

"And for you, sir?" she asks the parrot. "A double whisky and coke, bitch, and make it quick, I'm thirsty!" demands the parrot

The stewardess returns a few minutes later with the parrot's drink, which he snatches without a word.

"Excuse me," says the man, "but I ordered a coffee".

"Did you, sir? I'm sorry, I'll get you one straight away." By which time the parrot has finished his drink.

"Anything else for you, sir?" the stewardess asks the parrot.

"Yeah, I want another double whisky and coke, tart. And hurry up, bitch, I can't wait all night!"

Again the stewardess returns with the parrot's drink and without the coffee. Naturally the man thinks the only way he is going to get any service is to adopt the attitude of his fellow passenger.

"Listen here you stupid slapper," the guy says to the stewardess, "I want my bloody coffee and I want it now, you cow!"

Two minutes later the stewardess returns, but his time with two enormous security guards, who proceed to manhandle the man and the parrot to the back of the plane, open the door and eject them from the plane.

As they hurtle uncontrollably towards earth from 6 miles up the parrot turns to the man and says, "You're a bit of a cheeky bastard for someone who can't fly, aren't you!"

Den

"You're a bit of a cheeky bastard for someone who can't fly, aren't you!"

that's great denby45.. lol..

The Lone Ranger and Tonto are camping in the desert, set up their tent and are asleep.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Didn't we read the same ###### joke, only with Sherlock Holmes and Watson, only last week?

Sorry, Jai Dee, you're usually the tops with humor, but this is a definite repeat....

Tonto places his ear to the ground and says, "Buffalo Come."

Lone Ranger says to Tonto, "How can you tell?"

Tonto says, "Face sticky."

Didn't we read the same ###### joke, only with Sherlock Holmes and Watson, only last week?

Sorry, Jai Dee, you're usually the tops with humor, but this is a definite repeat....

I will try not to plagiarise again Mike...

Tonto says, "Face sticky."