How To Fit-In In The Village

[warni]

I have lived in a small village 45kms from Korat for over 7 years.

Obviously being yourself is important but that surely applies wherever you live.

I am 60 so I only Wai those older than me and those of a high social standing like the local doctor, teachers etc. If you go around Wai-ing all and sundry they will think you are a nutter

My advice would be....

Smile a lot.

Learn some Thai and say bai nai (where are you going) when you see someone going out and bai nai ma (where have you been) when you see them coming back. This works wonders.

Give to your local temple and school. Help those in dire need and the elderly.

Never loan money in the village, Thais dont understand the word "loan" and you certainly dont want the friction you will cause when you insist on your money back.

Most importantly live in the village for a few months before you build your dream home. Village life is not for everyone.

Chok Dee

You are talking wise

Edited September 18, 2010 by warni

[jazzbo]

'Being yourself' doesn't necessarily mean that your dream home has to be the new village McMansion.

[Dave the Dude]

Obviously being yourself is important but that surely applies wherever you live.

I am 60 so I only Wai those older than me and those of a high social standing like the local doctor, teachers etc. If you go around Wai-ing all and sundry they will think you are a nutter

I think you are right on many aspects but 'being myself,' to me, means treating everyone equal. I do not think I am anything special nor do I not think doctors,teachers (for example) are of a higher social standing.

Just my 2 satangs worth.

[nev]

Obviously being yourself is important but that surely applies wherever you live.

I am 60 so I only Wai those older than me and those of a high social standing like the local doctor, teachers etc. If you go around Wai-ing all and sundry they will think you are a nutter

My advice would be....

Smile a lot.

Learn some Thai and say bai nai (where are you going) when you see someone going out and bai nai ma (where have you been) when you see them coming back. This works wonders.

Give to your local temple and school. Help those in dire need and the elderly.

Never loan money in the village, Thais dont understand the word "loan" and you certainly dont want the friction you will cause when you insist on your money back.

Most importantly live in the village for a few months before you build your dream home. Village life is not for everyone.

Chok Dee

You are talking wise

Agree about the money loaning i have a few unpaid back loans,but i still loan out around our home to help familys we know they pay back,but people who dont pay back never get a second chance.

Also add do not build a Mcmansion if things go tits up you cannot take it with you or get any money back.

To fit in like mentioned before be yourself show respect do not get drunk and abusive.

My latest problem inlaws wanting me to buy a small siam kubota i put 30,000 down they pay the rest for this they do the work on our farms only pay for benzene,i said we only have 13 rai this year so not worth it, but next year we have 33 rai so i will consider it then after the neice has paid back the 10000 baht she stole from me plus the 10000baht i just lent the family to go work bangkok plus the 10000 baht uncle borrowed 15 months ago gets paid back,plus my wife gets back her gold from the gold shop they have pawned,as i would not lend no more money,she had to hand over the gold,yes they pay the intrest,but i know what will happen like last time we got a big pay out from the farm we had to buy the gold back.

Now this is village life being falang supposed to help but when we get shit on we have to say no sometimes,me saying no to the tractor has been fun sis's husband has been ignoring me(that a good thing)no longer comming around stinking of lao kao wanting to borrow car to go drive to his friends to drink more lao kao and show off the car.

[ballpoint]

1. Learn the language. There have been endless posts over the years by people complaining that they never fit in, and then mentioning that they don't speak Thai. How do you think a, say, Polish immigrant who refused to learn English would fit into a small town in the UK/US/Australia/NZ? For a small village you really need to also make the effort to learn the local dialect too, be it Khmer, Isaan Lao, Suay or whatever.

RE:Poles in UK - not the best example

plenty of poles in my street who dont speak English, rely on the member of their family who does for their handouts

But that was my whole point. Yes, these people will always be Polish, but if they made an effort to speak the local language then they'd be accepted a whole lot quicker. Yes, we will always be farangs, but if we make the effort to learn the local language and traditions then we too have a good chance of being accepted. (Although I do realise there will be people everywhere who will never fully accept immigrants living in their community). I had a perfect example of this yesterday when some of the wife's relatives, who live about 100km away, came to visit my mother in law. I went around to wai the elders and one of the distant cousins, who'd never met me before, made a comical remark about "the farang". I instantly replied in Khmer with a comment about bloody Laharnsai (the amphur they live in) outsiders being dazzled by the bright lights of our village, which brought guffaws of laughter and enough slaps on the back to permanantly straighten my spine, and we sat and talked and laughed for the remainder of their visit. And, I know some of the know it all Thai bashers here won't believe this, none of them asked to borrow any money.

[downtown]

^i think we've got crossed wires here. i agree with you. i was making the point that the poles opposite me make no attempt to integrate, whereas muggins here can read and write in Thai, probably better than maybe 90 % of foreigners who've lived in LOS for many years.

[Mossfinn]

That's my 2 cents worth anyway.

And worth every cent, thank you

[Loz]

I speak Thai about 70 % and understand about 50 % so I know when I'm being "ripped off

Best line of the thread.

So you speak 20% more than you understand. That could lead to some confuion couldn't it?

what if they rip u off using the 20% u speak but don't understand.

[jazzbo]

Half the money I spend on advertising is wasted; the trouble is I don't know which half.-- Attributed to John Wanamaker, USA Department store magnate (1838-1822)

As for the Thais above, their problem is that they do not know which part is the 20%.

[mca]

My latest problem inlaws wanting me to buy a small siam kubota i put 30,000 down they pay the rest for this they do the work on our farms only pay for benzene,i said we only have 13 rai this year so not worth it, but next year we have 33 rai so i will consider it then after the neice has paid back the 10000 baht she stole from me plus the 10000baht i just lent the family to go work bangkok plus the 10000 baht uncle borrowed 15 months ago gets paid back,plus my wife gets back her gold from the gold shop they have pawned,as i would not lend no more money,she had to hand over the gold,yes they pay the intrest,but i know what will happen like last time we got a big pay out from the farm we had to buy the gold back.

Now this is village life being falang supposed to help but when we get shit on we have to say no sometimes,me saying no to the tractor has been fun sis's husband has been ignoring me(that a good thing)no longer comming around stinking of lao kao wanting to borrow car to go drive to his friends to drink more lao kao and show off the car.

Living the dream mate. Living the dream.

Edited September 28, 2010 by mca

[barrybankruad]

I have been living near my village for 6 years on and off and full time since I retired a year ago.

I am still having a problem learning Thai due to being old and partly deaf which doesn't help.

I go to the usual collection of shops around the village and visit the Saturday markets and I pay about the same as everybody else does.

I also wave and smile to the kids I see when I am on my motorbike, also Thai people that I know from around here and most of them wave and smile back.

I can get through most situations with a combination of mangled Thai and English and the odd phone call to my wife.

I used to live and work in BKK a few years ago but now I only go there if I really have to.

I enjoy village life but that said it is not for everyone.

I am just looking out of my window at 5 or 6 birds happily drinking the dogs water while the dog is just lying there looking at them.

Good one Billd!

[stoneyboy]

Learning to speak Thai may be a starting point,it works wonders in my village,being able to hold a conversation with people really goes a long way,and i love the look on peoples faces when i start asking them questions,they just dont expect it.Lets be honest the language barrier is the main reason that life in a village can be very lonely,the Thais love to surround you with people,never want you to be alone,but what good is this if you can not strike up at least some conversation with them.

[sarahsbloke]

I think almost all the advice given on the first page of this thread is totally wrong.

1) Never wai anyone, you are telling them you are their social inferior which is clearly wrong as they all know you are rich and educated. Initiating a wai just indicates you are a fool. I pretty much only wave to Thais now ...... apart from MIL who does get a wai.

2) Do not learn the language, or do learn it but never let on. Then when those difficult situations occur where someone is trying to sell you their daughter (or the daughter jumps in for a direct sell) you can just pretend not to understand. (and what language are you going to learn, they don't speak central Thai in the village, and nobody teaches the local language anyway)

3) Never lend or give anyone money, that includes your wife, else they just think you are stupid with money. Have you ever seen a Thai village man give his wife or anyone else money EXCEPT ..... it is OK to give the pretty little 17YO girl money, all the other Thai guys do too. (I did up the age of the girl quite a bit so as not to offend the Mods sense of decency)

4) Always carry around a large bottle of SangSom, this avoids you having to pay for everyone elses drinks, they see you already have a bottle and also you don't need to drink their Ci-Seep. But you can let them have a glass from your bottle.

5) You will never fit in, so don't try, go your own way.

And who cares about what the poles do ....... apart from their dancing, which can be of interest.

Edited December 12, 2010 by sarahsbloke

[MeMock]

Well sarahsbloke, you sound like a right barrel of laughs don't ya.

Keep burying your head in the sand, ignorance is bliss.

[sinbin]

I think almost all the advice given on the first page of this thread is totally wrong.

1) Never wai anyone, you are telling them you are their social inferior which is clearly wrong as they all know you are rich and educated. Initiating a wai just indicates you are a fool. I pretty much only wave to Thais now ...... apart from MIL who does get a wai.

2) Do not learn the language, or do learn it but never let on. Then when those difficult situations occur where someone is trying to sell you their daughter (or the daughter jumps in for a direct sell) you can just pretend not to understand. (and what language are you going to learn, they don't speak central Thai in the village, and nobody teaches the local language anyway)

3) Never lend or give anyone money, that includes your wife, else they just think you are stupid with money. Have you ever seen a Thai village man give his wife or anyone else money EXCEPT ..... it is OK to give the pretty little 17YO girl money, all the other Thai guys do too. (I did up the age of the girl quite a bit so as not to offend the Mods sense of decency)

4) Always carry around a large bottle of SangSom, this avoids you having to pay for everyone elses drinks, they see you already have a bottle and also you don't need to drink their Ci-Seep. But you can let them have a glass from your bottle.

5) You will never fit in, so don't try, go your own way.

And who cares about what the poles do ....... apart from their dancing, which can be of interest.

F*** me, and I thought it was only me that had sense on this forum. Sahrasbloke you fall down on one thing, don't give them any SongSom. You feed a stray, you'll never get rid of it.

[Thaddeus]

You feed a stray, you'll never get rid of it.

Very true, and most times you end up with a loyal friend for life.

[SanukJoeII]

I think almost all the advice given on the first page of this thread is totally wrong.

1) Never wai anyone, you are telling them you are their social inferior which is clearly wrong as they all know you are rich and educated. Initiating a wai just indicates you are a fool. I pretty much only wave to Thais now ...... apart from MIL who does get a wai.

2) Do not learn the language, or do learn it but never let on. Then when those difficult situations occur where someone is trying to sell you their daughter (or the daughter jumps in for a direct sell) you can just pretend not to understand. (and what language are you going to learn, they don't speak central Thai in the village, and nobody teaches the local language anyway)

3) Never lend or give anyone money, that includes your wife, else they just think you are stupid with money. Have you ever seen a Thai village man give his wife or anyone else money EXCEPT ..... it is OK to give the pretty little 17YO girl money, all the other Thai guys do too. (I did up the age of the girl quite a bit so as not to offend the Mods sense of decency)

4) Always carry around a large bottle of SangSom, this avoids you having to pay for everyone elses drinks, they see you already have a bottle and also you don't need to drink their Ci-Seep. But you can let them have a glass from your bottle.

5) You will never fit in, so don't try, go your own way.

And who cares about what the poles do ....... apart from their dancing, which can be of interest.

You collected a bunch of cr@p I must say, but everyone to his own opinion.

In a next post I will give my experience how I got fit in into the village, here my reaction on this one:

1. Wai is a form of respect and always returned accept by monks and royals. I agree to not wai many people, not even your MIL, but in a social gathering you might not be able to wai first as the official (important) people will come to you and wai you which you have to answer with a wai. Easy as that, if you fit in they are happy to see and wai you.

2. Hiding behind "don't understand" is a foolish thing, Thais are very clever to make you aware of what they mean. Better reject propositions in their language, clear for all, don't forget to smile when you refuse.

The local language is called Lao, directly related to Lao from Lao country. It makes huge impression if you speak Lao, I do and still people are pleasantly surprised when they hear me talk Lao. You can learn it by buying a book "how to learn Lao" or get it from the internet, easy. Lao is a nice language and I find it easier than Thai, if you also control the different pronunciation you're a winner and easily fit in.

3. Nearly correct imo, only forget about Thai boys giving money to cute girls, they don't, are very stingy and prefer to buy lao kao and/or cigarettes with their friends.

4. Instead of your carrying around a bottle of Sang som, giving the impression of being an alcoholic, you can easily spend a small bottle of lao kao and be the farang of the month, costs 50 Baht...You don't have to drink yourself to be a nice guy.

5. You will fit in and go your own way at the same time. Many good points raised already by other posters. Main thing is "be positive", that results in greeting people, smiles (you ever found out how many people smile to you when you just have a little smile on your lips? I learned it here, it is a wonderful communication tool and it costs nothing).

So far my reaction.

Cheers

Joe

[billd766]

I think almost all the advice given on the first page of this thread is totally wrong.

1) Never wai anyone, you are telling them you are their social inferior which is clearly wrong as they all know you are rich and educated. Initiating a wai just indicates you are a fool. I pretty much only wave to Thais now ...... apart from MIL who does get a wai.

2) Do not learn the language, or do learn it but never let on. Then when those difficult situations occur where someone is trying to sell you their daughter (or the daughter jumps in for a direct sell) you can just pretend not to understand. (and what language are you going to learn, they don't speak central Thai in the village, and nobody teaches the local language anyway)

3) Never lend or give anyone money, that includes your wife, else they just think you are stupid with money. Have you ever seen a Thai village man give his wife or anyone else money EXCEPT ..... it is OK to give the pretty little 17YO girl money, all the other Thai guys do too. (I did up the age of the girl quite a bit so as not to offend the Mods sense of decency)

4) Always carry around a large bottle of SangSom, this avoids you having to pay for everyone elses drinks, they see you already have a bottle and also you don't need to drink their Ci-Seep. But you can let them have a glass from your bottle.

5) You will never fit in, so don't try, go your own way.

And who cares about what the poles do ....... apart from their dancing, which can be of interest.

You collected a bunch of cr@p I must say, but everyone to his own opinion.

In a next post I will give my experience how I got fit in into the village, here my reaction on this one:

1. Wai is a form of respect and always returned accept by monks and royals. I agree to not wai many people, not even your MIL, but in a social gathering you might not be able to wai first as the official (important) people will come to you and wai you which you have to answer with a wai. Easy as that, if you fit in they are happy to see and wai you.

2. Hiding behind "don't understand" is a foolish thing, Thais are very clever to make you aware of what they mean. Better reject propositions in their language, clear for all, don't forget to smile when you refuse.

The local language is called Lao, directly related to Lao from Lao country. It makes huge impression if you speak Lao, I do and still people are pleasantly surprised when they hear me talk Lao. You can learn it by buying a book "how to learn Lao" or get it from the internet, easy. Lao is a nice language and I find it easier than Thai, if you also control the different pronunciation you're a winner and easily fit in.

3. Nearly correct imo, only forget about Thai boys giving money to cute girls, they don't, are very stingy and prefer to buy lao kao and/or cigarettes with their friends.

4. Instead of your carrying around a bottle of Sang som, giving the impression of being an alcoholic, you can easily spend a small bottle of lao kao and be the farang of the month, costs 50 Baht...You don't have to drink yourself to be a nice guy.

5. You will fit in and go your own way at the same time. Many good points raised already by other posters. Main thing is "be positive", that results in greeting people, smiles (you ever found out how many people smile to you when you just have a little smile on your lips? I learned it here, it is a wonderful communication tool and it costs nothing).

So far my reaction.

Cheers

Joe

Pretty much how I get on in the village except mine is in central about 65 km southwest of Khampaeng Phet and they don't speak so much Lao, more hill tribe.

But the people really are nice and friendly.

[longstebe]

Pretty much the same for me, always smile and say hello.

I started playing football with the younger crowd untill I had to go back overseas, started building up a good rep with the lads.

Being the oldest at 35 was a little weird but a lot of fun in the end.

Like one of the other guys have said, don't let them think your a push over.

You will never stop some people talking behind your back, that goes for anywhere.

[jaideeguy]

What are the do's and don't for a "falang" to get accepted in a small Isaan village ?

Is it possible anyway ? Any success story ?

The OP asked

Just mind your business and let the wife do all the connecting. Warn her to be friendly, but avoid getting too close with the locals.

You'll get invited to loud drunken parties and my rule is to come early, pay respects and leave early.........life is too short for 'baby talk' with Thai drunks.

Been in a small village in the north [small villages are all the same same] and I have no enemies [that I know of, except for another 'sticky, stuck up falang' that the locals don't respect].

just smile, donate moderate thb in the many envelopes that you will receive for wat donations, birthdays, funerals etc.....don't spoil them.

[sinbin]

You feed a stray, you'll never get rid of it.

Very true, and most times you end up with a loyal friend for life.

A loyal friend is someone who doesn't benefit fron the union.

[Thaddeus]

You feed a stray, you'll never get rid of it.

Very true, and most times you end up with a loyal friend for life.

A loyal friend is someone who doesn't benefit fron the union.

So, received friendship is not a benefit then?

What a callous and shallow outlook on life you truly have.

Did you know that people who are happy tend to live longer than those who are miserable, do you spend most of your day sucking the lifeblood out of others.

[MeMock]

Well sarahsbloke, you sound like a right barrel of laughs don't ya.

Keep burying your head in the sand, ignorance is bliss.

sarahsbloke is right on the money

the other thing he did not mention is dont buy a house

the thais will screw you one way or the other whatever village you are in

govoner, how can you talk for every village in Thailand? Been to them all? Have you been to mine? Of course not. Just because you have scummy family or neighbours doesn't mean that everyone else does as well.

[sinbin]

You feed a stray, you'll never get rid of it.

Very true, and most times you end up with a loyal friend for life.

A loyal friend is someone who doesn't benefit fron the union.

So, received friendship is not a benefit then?

What a callous and shallow outlook on life you truly have.

Did you know that people who are happy tend to live longer than those who are miserable, do you spend most of your day sucking the lifeblood out of others.

If someone offered me friendship I look for an ulterior motive as to why he would want to do that. Saves getting stabbed in the back later. Been stabbed to often by so called friends.

[billd766]

Well sarahsbloke, you sound like a right barrel of laughs don't ya.

Keep burying your head in the sand, ignorance is bliss.

sarahsbloke is right on the money

the other thing he did not mention is dont buy a house

the thais will screw you one way or the other whatever village you are in

govoner, how can you talk for every village in Thailand? Been to them all? Have you been to mine? Of course not. Just because you have scummy family or neighbours doesn't mean that everyone else does as well.

I don't think he has been to my village either.

As far as I can remember out of the 20 or 30 odd farangs I know fairly well here in Thailand only one has not bought his Thai wife a house, possibly as he is not married to her.

I must have made a mistake 17 years ago in falling in love with my (now) Thai wife and buying her a house or two and land and divorcing my UK wife who actually got the house and land etc in the UK.

It has only taken 17 years for someone who speaks in generalisations to tell me I was wrong and stupid.

I am so sorry that I didn't recognise the error of my ways before.

I bow and scrape before your superior powers.

Up in the village where I live to my knowledge no Thais have screwed me yet though most of them have been friendly and helpful.

[bifftastic]

You feed a stray, you'll never get rid of it.

Very true, and most times you end up with a loyal friend for life.

A loyal friend is someone who doesn't benefit fron the union.

If someone offered me friendship I look for an ulterior motive as to why he would want to do that. Saves getting stabbed in the back later. Been stabbed to often by so called friends.

Yes, suspicion and mis-trust, that's the way to go. It's well documented that attitudes like yours lead to life-long happiness and a general feeling of warmth. Wow you're making me feel all fuzzy

I can understand why you'd be suspicious of anyone who wanted to be your friend, I'd certainly view them with suspicion.

What you're saying is, "why would someone want to be my friend? It can only be for an ulterior motive" That is self-loathing, you don't see any value in yourself, so why would anyone else?

Hey, who knows? Maybe you're right.

[cardholder]

[quote name='sinbin'

If someone offered me friendship I look for an ulterior motive as to why he would want to do that. Saves getting stabbed in the back later. Been stabbed to often by so called friends.

Suspicious, bigoted AND cynical.

Nice combination

[govoner]

[]Keep burying your head in the sand, ignorance is bliss.

you mean to say you know of no falangs who have been ripped off in your village

like you say ignorance is bliss

govoner, how can you talk for every village in Thailand? Been to them all? Have you been to mine? Of course not. Just because you have scummy family or neighbours doesn't mean that everyone else does as well.

Edited December 15, 2010 by govoner

[MeMock]

That's correct govoner. None. Zero. Zip.

Not ignorance but actual fact.

Maybe it is time to think about why it is you who seems to have these problems.

[sinbin]

Very true, and most times you end up with a loyal friend for life.

Yes, suspicion and mis-trust, that's the way to go. It's well documented that attitudes like yours lead to life-long happiness and a general feeling of warmth. Wow you're making me feel all fuzzy

I can understand why you'd be suspicious of anyone who wanted to be your friend, I'd certainly view them with suspicion.

What you're saying is, "why would someone want to be my friend? It can only be for an ulterior motive" That is self-loathing, you don't see any value in yourself, so why would anyone else?

Hey, who knows? Maybe you're right.

I like to think I'm pragmatic.

"solving problems in a realistic way which suits the present conditions rather than obeying fixed theories, ideas or rules". Taken from Cambridge Dictionaries Online.

Why does this forum have so many self appointed psychoanalysts on it, compared to others ?

Edited December 16, 2010 by sinbin