Rent A Friend

Can you imagine "rentafriend" among some of the expat community in LOS? It'd be like going through a minefield blindfolded being led by Stevie Wonder who'd just hit a bong.

You land jet lagged and shattered at the airport to be met by Dave. Dave, by his own admission within 10 seconds of meeting him, is a " bit handy if it all kicks off " If you were to be polite you would say it appears he has partaken of a small glass of sherry. The truth being he's absolutely shitfaced. You have a niggling feeling that you've seen Dave's face before. Then it all comes back. "CrimeWatch" circa 1996. Post Office job. Basildon. Essex. You're only slightly comforted by the fact that you recall it wasn't Dave but his accomplice who actually shot the old lady behind the counter. Dave merely shouted " Give the old bitch both barrels mate!"

After a long night of Dave escorting you around the " tourist attractions " of Bangkok ( A night where you can fuzzily recall Dave headbutting a katoey, getting a kicking from a group of motorcycle taxi lads, him threatening you with a blade and asking if you were " That c*nt Steve Jenkins from D Wing " and buying meth from a skanky whore) you wearily stagger to your hotel. Only to be woken 2 hours later by Dave trying to kick your door in screaming that you'd " Stolen his stash " and how he was " Going to gut you like a pig"

Happy holidays!