Marriage put off as sinsod not available

[uncle paul]

my cousin married recently and the family had to give 5 million:it was given back.

i never gave a thing, however, the wifes family gave me money!! now i know why they gave me 600 quid lol. i think they got a very good deal hahaha

[snoophound]

Assetts and bank accts are in London????.

50k baht not even a piano???

Come on most people cld get that on a card ,and he cld prob get 40k baht back straight away after the wedding on the lay away plan.

thats not many poonds

you cld get an advance on credit card for that.!!

jeez if you are that short why take on a wife?

QUOTE(sua yai @ 2005-07-26 02:02:28)

I got married on the 15th of this month. Because of heavy expenditure on my property in London, I felt it was best to delay the wedding ceremony and sin sod. Didn't want us strapped for cash in the first few months of marriage.

It took a number of discussions with the family - particularly the mother - and it was agreed to shelve the ceremony until November.

We were allowed to get officially married first though, so my gf/wife was able to move back in with me.

Sin sod's negligible at 50,000 Baht and the option to spread the payments over 6 months. There has to be 10,000 in November though.

A sensible compromise was reached for all, IMO.

He isn't talking about pounds. He lives in Thailand, where 50,000 baht is a ###### of a lot of money.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[Dragonman]

my cousin married recently and the family had to give 5 million:it was given back.

i never gave a thing, however, the wifes family gave me money!! now i know why        they gave me 600 quid lol. i think they got a very good deal hahaha

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I thought I had entered the Twilight Zone for a minute. Then realised you'd already posted this last night. Rough night was it? Still spending the 600 quid?

[mrbojangles]

I don't know but maybe i'm luckier than i thought i was. I got married to my wife in May this year. We went to her parents village outside Chaiyapoon got blessed by Buddhist Monks etc. and had a big party, bought a Pig, loads of beers, food and lots of Marlboro Lights (they love them) All the guests put the string on our wrists and gave us money (we gave it to the wifes mama and papa after). Anyway, the whole thing cost me about 8000 baht. The wife has never mentioned anything about giving money to anyone and the first i have heard of a sinsod is on this site. Now i feel guilty, or is it like Bambi said, it depends on where in Thailand you get married and so the relevance of a sinsod is different. I think this is why it's so difficult to ask generalised questions on this site. People can only give you their own experiences and they may differ totally to your own.

Mr BoJ

[BambinA]

I read from TH forum , well..many TH girls broke up with Farang BFs , coz "Sin Sod" problem ,..obviously girls don't want it , but sometime thier faimilies just stuck with that tradition much ..and no compromise enough... i have no idea ..and it's hard to explain Farang BFs understand about this Dowry stuff

pity on them indeed ..sob sob ..

Bambi (sigh)

Edited July 26, 2005 by BambinA

[expatinasia]

Can't you give the folks an IOU? How about a check?...

[opothai]

there is an awful lot of useful information in this thread for you to glean the information relative to your problem.

if she is truly the girl for you and visa-versa after the visit to the village feel rest assured you will sort something out.

[Ollie]

there is an awful lot of useful information in this thread for you to glean the information relative to your problem.

if she is truly the girl for you and visa-versa after the visit to the village feel rest assured you will sort something out.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

There is indeed - many thanks to all and particularly bambinaa.

I should have probably explained that I'm currently in the UK but am looking to relocate to LOS. Its just going to take some time to make it happen. Keeping tight purse strings on advise of independent financial advisor who's advising on the best way of my managing things. Like many I guess, my money really is tied up in my property but I suppose I could have met the sinsod.

I was interested, based on the various postings elsewhere, to see what the reaction was when I did what I did, also as a fail safe and it seems to have been a family decision to put it back. I only found out the other day! I'd quite reconciled myself to getting wed. I will go with a ring and get some gold when I get to LOS and personally, I was encouraged by the response - it actually makes me feel a bit guilty now!!!

So maybe there will be a happy ending? I hope so. I can't wait to start my new life and to really upset the cynics - I'm gonna buy a property out there as well - and I know where.

Now don't all shout at once!!!!!!!!!!

[OxfordWill]

Just incase nobody mentioned it yet, sinsod is supposed to be for your wife, not her family. Its a sort of insurance against divorce or your death.

[britmaveric]

Just incase nobody mentioned it yet, sinsod is supposed to be for your wife, not her family. Its a sort of insurance against divorce or your death.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Divorce - living in thailand she will win outright there w/settlement and in my eyes worrying about divorce and your demise not a very good way to start out a marriage.

Death - well thats why you have life insurance and a will and testament w/wife as your beneficiary.

Edited July 27, 2005 by britmaveric

[Nam Kao]

>>>> In my case they (family) kept all teh money and still keep asking for more (monthly) in addition to asking for car, new house and set them up in a business. Do not live in the same village/city as the family either. A recipie for further money sucking.

A2354. I hope you tell those leaching ####### to go #### off

Blood sucking Vultures.... sorry i get steamed

regards

nam

Edited July 27, 2005 by Nam Kao

[Nam Kao]

>>>Divorce - living in thailand she will win outright there w/settlement

Brit, if she tries to divorce, tell her your going out to the store for a minute

and pull a fast runner to Cambodia

[OxfordWill]

Just incase nobody mentioned it yet, sinsod is supposed to be for your wife, not her family. Its a sort of insurance against divorce or your death.

Divorce - living in thailand she will win outright there w/settlement and in my eyes worrying about divorce and your demise not a very good way to start out a marriage.

Death - well thats why you have life insurance and a will and testament w/wife as your beneficiary.

Ok but regardless, that's what sinsod is traditionally for. There is no tradition associated with sinsod where the family gets paid for the daughter, it's a 'starter package' for the wife (and husband, but comes from the husband primarily) incase of accidents post-marriage.

[britmaveric]

Unfortunately some Parents see it has a payment to them and there lies the problem!

[a2396]

Just incase nobody mentioned it yet, sinsod is supposed to be for your wife, not her family. Its a sort of insurance against divorce or your death.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

This idea makes some sense, but in my case the dowery went to pay off the house mortgage, which is in Mama and her (wife's) sisters name. I protested this to my wife but she did not want to "rock the boat". In my opinion, the family views her as a conduit to the farang ATM (me).

[meemiathai]

..and  it's  hard to explain  Farang BFs understand about this  Dowry stuff

Bambi (sigh)

Farangs ain't ever goin' to understand this! At least not before they understand what poverty is! Not before they understand what a society is like without social security! Not before they understand what it's like when one has no money to buy medicine when one's ill!

I really don't understand, why bother to have a farang/thai marriage if something as trivial as a "sin sod" is such a massive problem? You want a good wife that could make your life happy and you don't want to pay!?

If you feel the family is trying to rip you off instead of just making living easier, then don't give!

I am really curious and would like to ask, do farang couples really not care about their family after they get married? Do they expect themselves to support their families if the parents themselves do not have the ability to? Are you not happy to sacrifice a little to see others that your wife care about happy?

Anyway this is all off topic. To the OP, I would say if you don't feel confident enough about you GF and have to ask here, you are not yet ready for marriage.

[meemiathai]

Just incase nobody mentioned it yet, sinsod is supposed to be for your wife, not her family. Its a sort of insurance against divorce or your death.

This idea makes some sense, but in my case the dowery went to pay off the house mortgage, which is in Mama and her (wife's) sisters name. I protested this to my wife but she did not want to "rock the boat". In my opinion, the family views her as a conduit to the farang ATM (me).

Not all families are like that. But I hope people can also see that it is understandable that the wives' families, as individuals who also need money to survive will look for all ways to make money. It's a matter of how one balances it.

I have seen thai girls and families ripping off farangs and this is something I don't like. But it is also the responsibility at some point for the farang himself to decide when is enough and leave.

[pnustedt]

I have seen thai girls and families ripping off farangs and this is something I don't like. 

It's not just farangs that get ripped off. My step daughter is getting married in November to a work colleague (they work in a bank) - a dowery has been offered to my wife (Bt250,000) but the natural father (Chinese) is claiming it.

A hotel has been booked for the reception, it is custom for guests to bring an envelope, and the natural father is claiming all the envelopes too!

Wife has bought gold for them and I was concerned that he would get his hands on that but apparently they will be keeping it in the bank.

Last I heard he had been "uninvited"!

[WhiteShiva]

I am really curious and would like to ask,  do farang couples really not care about their family after they get married?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

They do indeed - that why there is no need for a payment to the parents upon marriage!

Do they expect themselves to support their families if the parents themselves do not have the ability to?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

No quite sure what you meant here, but I am pretty sure the great majority of farang will take care of their family, including parents - if needed.

Are you not happy to sacrifice a little to see others that your wife care about happy?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I think some people have a problem with "happiness" being defined as a very, very (!) large chunk of money. The equivalent of several years salary, in some cases.

Let's turn this around a bit - perhaps the sin sot is common in Thailand because Thai men have a reputation for leaving (pregnant) wife and/or children behind and then moving on to greener pastures?

Afterall there doesn't seem to be a law here regarding child support.....

In most western countries, you pay an arm and a leg in child support. Hence by definition - sin sot should not be requested from farangs, if the marriage is registered at a western embassy....

[TokyoT]

I really don't understand, why bother to have a farang/thai marriage if something as trivial as a "sin sod" is such a massive problem?  You want a good wife that could make your life happy and you don't want to pay!?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

If it is indeed trivial then the Thai part of the family should have no problem with no sin sod. Why should one have to pay to have a good wife and happy family? If you feel that payment is the only way to obtain a good wife and happy life than I pity you.

If you feel the family is trying to rip you off instead of just making living easier, then don't give! 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

This is the main struggle that I think many Farang have with this issue. Since there seems to be no firm guideline it is difficult for a Farang to determine if the wife’s family is trying to rip them off. Loving and trusting one’s wife is not the same thing as loving and trusting the in-laws. Especially when you read an open forum like this and see some of the ranges of sin sod that have been asked for and/or paid. And some of the replies that indicate no or little sin sod some times even come from Thai people.

Typical response seems to be “pay what you feel comfortable with” – the problem becomes that in order to get “comfortable” with a number most Farangs have to be able to rationalize the amount, and this is difficult with little firm guidelines. Especially when a payment system like this not part of the Farang current culture.

I am really curious and would like to ask,  do farang couples really not care about their family after they get married? 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Of course Farang couples care about the families. But Farang couples also do not want to simply support the entire extended family. They work hard for the money and do not want to simply give it away to every uncle, aunt, cousin that drops by.

Do they expect themselves to support their families if the parents themselves do not have the ability to? 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Key word here is ability. I think that most Farangs have no problem helping out family, but they do have a problem with able body family members sitting around on their duff with the hand out to the Farang. If they have the physical and mental abilities to work they should work and not expect the Farang to pay the bills. Same same - here as in Farang land. No one should feel they are above putting in a full days work.

Are you not happy to sacrifice a little to see others that your wife care about happy?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Key word here is little. Who’s definition of little do you want to use? The “cheap charley” farang? The good-hearted Thai family? The unknowing farang? The lazy lying Thai family? The honest hard working farang? The unknowing Thai family?

All of these groups exist, and the problems is determining which one you fit into, and which one your new Thai family fits into.

[Ollie]

As I started this thread, I thought I'd give an update.

I was met by the G/F on arrival and had a few days in BKK, including time to buy gold chains and rings, then travelled to her family home, staying in the nearest hotel for 2 nights. On the 2nd day, I gave gold and the sinsod and we exchanged rings in a simple, but very genuine ceremony at her home.

It was a quiet affair, with some great food, a few drinks and a few family and friends present.

Haven't been to the Amphur yet - that comes next, so what we did was known - I was told and have had confirmed by an article from a Thai lawyer in the Hua Hin Observer - as the Khongman.

Incidentally, it turns out that the sinsod was affordable after all.

So's all well that ends well.

Now to buy the home and relocate for good.....

[Pink Mist]

All the best then Ollie

[Khutan]

So how much was the sin-sod ?

[The Skipper]

They should hold off on the ceremony if the cash is not going to be shown, that's a big deal.

Do you want the neighbors and relatives to think she is marrying a bum?

I can't believe how cheap some people can be.

[Rinrada]

Personally sounds like BS. I'd be very weary if I were you. They understood the circumstances prior now all of a sudden things change?

Sinsod in my view point is rubbish. Why should you pay for who u marry? Too bloody demeaning to sell your daughter off. That being said all dosh given to the parents is supposed to be given back, but from what you stated in your post worries me.

Faire enough you help the reles out with dosh now and then after you are married, but prior forget it.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Brit....

Agree

[pnustedt]

So's all well that ends well.

Now to buy the home and relocate for good.....

Congrats Ollie I wish you and your wife good luck and happiness for the future.

[seonai]

My Thai husband paid 500 baht for me........... any comments !!!?????

Seonai

[dereklev]

My Thai husband paid 500 baht for me........... any comments !!!?????

Seonai

Yes, you should nominate him for an award in the "Cheap Charlie" thread! !

[mrbojangles]

My Thai husband paid 500 baht for me........... any comments !!!?????

Seonai

Yes, you should nominate him for an award in the "Cheap Charlie" thread! !

No Derek, he's Thai. And so therefore a "Cheap Thai-lie"

Seonai, I hope he's had his money's worth

[seonai]

Mr Bojangles...... moneysworth...... HHHHmmmmmm. No comment just yet..... Lucky in one way tho, I can get a marriage visa easliy and the family haven't ever asked for so much as a bean..... very traditional...... the woman holds the purse strings.... and the family would beat my husband should he do anything wrong..... but that might just be MY Thai family.....

Seonai