Glitterman Speaks About [Q] Glittermans Loy Grathong Special.

[glitterman]

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The Almighty and Powerful Wizard is back yet again and gives you;

PARABLE 76869084575487669878776574576744967845 Parable of 'The cheese from the moon'....yet again.

.........And so, slowly cycling along Pattaya Beach road one day, the Golden Glitterman did happen to see many Thai people clad in gold costumes. The Golden Glitterman smiled and said,

"Good to see everybody is finally dressing just like me. I do not follow fashion, I set it...Ha ha ha."

Suddenly six gold clad ladies did happen to come running towards the Golden One shouting,

"Save us O Great Golden One for we are traditional Thai dancers, and one of owah dancers is sick, too much dlink last night. We have show tonight, we need you to dance wiv us."

And the girls did hold up a face mirror for the Great Golden One to look into and kiss repeatedly, and then the girls did say.

"Behold, for you are legend."

The Golden One gave that beautiful Goldenman smile, kissed the face mirror repeatedly and said,

"Fear not traditional Thai dancers, for as you know I am the Great Golden Glitterman, and upon your stage I shall dance. Michael Jackson and I have a lot in common. My Moon cheese made him Moonwalk."

The dancers looked puzzled and scratched their heads.

..............That night a large audience sat before a large stage.

"You will be our second act on the stage." said the show manager.

"Great," replied the Golden One, "It will be wonderful, the best show I have ever given. I will just prepare myself ready for the show."

So the golden One started to do annoying star jump exercises and running on the spot to warm up.

The show began, the music played and onto the stage walked the first act. Fifteen traditional Thai dancers stood in a line, shuffling slowly to the music. After one minute they all very slowly lifted their right leg. then a few seconds later they all very slowly put it down, and very slowly lifted their left leg........

"oh dear!" Said the Golden One peering at that first act from behind the stage, "I had forgotten just how slow and boring traditional Thai dance was. Hardly a dance, more a stance. The only thing worse than having to sit through one of those shows would be reading one of these parable, or watching paint dry."

The Golden One then peered at the audience who had by now all fallen asleep. All except for one man, a living statue, who was entirely covered in a green bronze paint, and sitting with a big grin on his face the living statue clapped in very slow motion. A flurry of rain then fell upon the sleeping audience.

After the first act had painfully finished the show manager looked at the Golden One and the six Thai dancers and said,

"Okay, okay, you on now, go go go."

On to the stage walked the six Thai dancers with the Golden One at the end who had a huge smug grin upon his face.

"F##k me!" said one man in the audience with a bottle of beer, "Its f#####g Liberache."

The Golden One jumped off the stage, raced towards the man, grabbed hold of his beer bottle and said,

"Smile please its later than you think." Then the Golden One bashed the man over the head with his beer bottle saying, "Alcohol will be the death of you. Put out the light then put out the night for thy light hath doth extinguished." The man slumped forward and fell off the chair to the floor.

The Golden One then quickly jumped back onto the stage. The music started and the show began. The dancers all very slowly lifted their right leg, then they all very slowly put it down. Then they all very slowly lifted their left leg.......

"Okay, here goes, get a load of this." Said the Golden One, and he started dancing just like Michael Jackson. The audience starred in wide eyed amazement at the jumping sliding Golden One, and the Thai dancers tried their best to carry on with their routine dance. But the Golden Ones Jumping caused a spotlight on a stand to topple over and break upon the stage. The broken light bulb coming into contact with the earlier rainfall, which electrified the stage, causing the Thai dancers to suddenly wildly jump around. The audience now broke out into a huge round of applause, all except the living statue, who stood up and walked of in a huff. After five minutes of this the audience gave a standing ovation.

"God works in mysterious ways." Thought the Golden One.

...............Later that night the Golden One decided to put a floating good luck offering onto the sea.

"Oh my gosh, oh my golly," Swore the Golden One. "All the Floating offerings are all sold out. Never mind I have an idea."

So the Golden One popped into a 7/11 shop to buy a large sponge cake. But while he was waiting in the line to pay for his sponge cake a Thai lady jumped in and pushed in front of the Golden One.

"typical." Said the Golden One, "Apart from spitting on walking areas it seems your second favourite national pastime is pushing in front of felangs in 7/11 or Family Mart shops. As you like pushing in so much, here is one for you."

The Golden One then shoved the Thai lady hard and she fell face first onto the rotating hot sausage grill. Grilling her face with dark parallel lines. The Golden One then ran out of the shop with a big grin on his face and a sponge cake in his hands.

..............In the sea the Golden One rested the sponge cake onto the seawater. Then he placed a mouse trap, modified with razor blades on top of the sponge cake. Then baited the trap with a one Baht coin and a piece of cheese from the Moon. then attached a fishing line to the sponge cake and gently pushed the sponge cake out to sea. His cake floated away, joining the mass of floating good luck offerings with their one Baht coins and wading baht snatchers.

"Time for a bit of sea fishing," Said the Golden One, "Any second now."

'SNAP!'.........."AAARRRGGGHHH!"

A young riff raff rascal with a pocket full of one baht coins screamed and held up his fingerless hand, the blood spurting out from the stumps.

"Ha, ha ha," Laughed the Golden One reeling in his catch, "fishy fingers for tea, I do love Loy Grathong, such fun."

AMEN.

Coming sooner or later, another one.

The Royal Glitterman hath Spoken.

[smokie36]

Nice twist of ketchup with the fish fingers......gory!

[Theo007]

Smoking too many magic mushrooms again!

[473geo]

Ah having another laugh at the expense of the old TVisa moaners members........the bit about the queue jumping in 7/11.....

Good read Glitterman..a bit of thought went into this one

[cobra]

Glitter's off his meds again,

[chops]

Is it any surprise a tourist magnet like Pattaya attracts egomaniacs/attention whores like Glitterman? They must love the attention they get from the tourists.

[coutsa]

Its been too long great Glitterman.... I am glad it was the mooncheese that gave hime the moon walk!

[soihok]

Thanks James, that was funny.

Put a smile on my face for the rest of the day

[actiondell4]

LOL, The 7/11 bit is funny,your right.

Thanks again Glitterman.

[foxxx]

greatest troll evar