Potential Son-In-Law

[ianh68]

I'm looking ahead to the time when my Thai step daughter gets married. I'm reading that it is customary for her future husband to move in to the family home. I'm not sure how I feel about having a new person under the same roof as I approach my dotage. I'd be very grateful for comments from anyone with experience of this happening.

[slapout]

I would find new reading material. Of a dozen marriages of near and far family, attended over the years, I have not seen any new married couple move in with the girls parents. I am sure it happens but would not think this is the norm.

[Goinghomesoon]

It's always been accepted among my Thai in-laws that once the youngest daughter married, she & her hubby would live with her mother. In reality they moved to Bangkok to work for a few years, to save enough for a house. Now they have moved back to the village as planned and are running a small business there. They have pulled down Mum's single big house and are building 2 smaller houses on the land. Mother-in-law gets a new house plus someone to look after her as she ages, and they get childcare for their young daughter. No signs yet of discontent, but they haven't been there long.

Ian I would imagine you'd want a part of the house partitioned off for your own sanity. Part of the reason my Isaan MIL is very pleased with her arrangement is because she is still going to have her own living space.

[gotlost]

It would be a cold day in hell in my household to have this happen.

[jdinasia]

Things ARE changing in Thailand. A lower birth rate means fewer people are staying/moving into the family compound/house. Different cultures inside of Thailand have different rules about it. My "sis-in-law" from an upper middle class "Thai" family had a small nice house built for her and her new husband in her mother's family compound. Her husband is Ch/Thai and they had an apartment kitted out in his family's building. They LIVE in their own place 4-5 Km from either set of parents.

[onnut]

It would be a cold day in hell in my household to have this happen.

Agreed, I would never let a thai bloke move into my house. I don't care who he is married to.

My sister inlaw lives with us and her boyfriend walked in once and just started flicking through the tv while I was watching it!!!! Needless to say that he never came back again.

If you let him move in then lock your belongings up. Hide your booze and screw everything else down. Because they seem to think as they live there, everything is for the taking!

[AGareth2]

^ too right!

[ianh68]

Thanks guys. All this wouldn't happen (even if it did) for a few years yet, daughter's still in her teens, but I thought it best to lay down a marker with the wife. I told her our daughter is welcome to live with us as long as she likes until she gets married but after that she gets her own place.

[bina]

Thanks guys. All this wouldn't happen (even if it did) for a few years yet, daughter's still in her teens, but I thought it best to lay down a marker with the wife. I told her our daughter is welcome to live with us as long as she likes until she gets married but after that she gets her own place.

as someone said, depending on if they are thai/chinese, thai/udon thai/khmen, etc... in hubby's town the men join the wifes' familys, in other towns, the women go to the mens' families and anyhow, in a large proportion of issan families the married age men are off working overseas or elsewhere in thailand anyhow, and daughters stay with mothers or MILs to help wiht kids, and then the mothers may fo off to work also... in muslem thai friend's family her duagher went to live with kon kean hubby's family in bangkok, but spends her days with muslem side of family also as live close by. she will not go to kon kaen, no way, no how.

city people are probably very different. btw, here too, daughters tend to stay near parents town, village or neighborhood, as makes life easier financially. son in laws have to just deal with the in laws.

bina

israel

[harrry]

I told my daughter aa a teenager that she could move out when she felt ready to but the door had a one way lock. She stayed till she got her education and then left.

[mkawish]

Nowadays, for practical biz reasons, many who married, men or women, would be gladly and gratefully accepted into the family side who owns sustaining biz.

Several Thai friends, males and females, also gratefully moved in with their life partners' family circle to help out the other family biz.

All of which seem to make practical senses if all parties concerned concede to such arrangement mutually benefiting all concerned.

Well, it is only a minority view, it seems, among many tv readers.

[MikeyIdea]

ianh68, remember that you are asking westerners and that you therefore are NOT getting Thai values in the answer. You get the answer you want because you choose to ask people who of course will answer what you want

This differs very much. Think like this and you will understand better what is the driving force behing what is "the norm" - No newly married couple wants to move in with the parents of either party, if it happens then it is normally out of necessity or thinking about the future. If the newly married couple (Thai and Thai/Chinese) have to live with the family, then traditionally it has been with the wifes side. This is no stricter than that if the husbands side is more suitable, then good, let's choose that

What advice do you want Ian? The Thai view or the view to make it easy to say what you want to say

[ianh68]

It's obviously horses for courses. I wasn't asking for advice, I just wanted to hear from other farangs who had been down the road before me. "Not sure how I feel" in my original post was code for "really don't want it". I understand the Thai view but that doesn't mean I have to automatically accept it, especially if I am the main financial player.

I'm retired so I have no business for any son-in-law to help out with. We live just outside Bangkok and I suspect things will turn out similar to Harrry. At that point the wife and I will move to Nong Khai.

[MikeyIdea]

OK, fair enough

A small contribution (5,000 bath per month) for a limited time (the first 1-3 years perhaps) could help the new couple to build up their home, that could be a nice gesture - compromise

[ianh68]

OK, fair enough

A small contribution (5,000 bath per month) for a limited time (the first 1-3 years perhaps) could help the new couple to build up their home, that could be a nice gesture - compromise

Interesting point, thanks, I'll give it serious consideration. I already said I'd stump up 100,000 Baht for the wedding (believing it's best to set the cap in advance rather than wait for the bills to come in). Plus with any luck there'll be sin sot for them from the groom's family.

[MikeyIdea]

OK, fair enough

A small contribution (5,000 bath per month) for a limited time (the first 1-3 years perhaps) could help the new couple to build up their home, that could be a nice gesture - compromise

Interesting point, thanks, I'll give it serious consideration. I already said I'd stump up 100,000 Baht for the wedding (believing it's best to set the cap in advance rather than wait for the bills to come in). Plus with any luck there'll be sin sot for them from the groom's family.

Weddings always go over budget 100,000 is nice of you, that will be appreciated

Everything is up to the economical situation. Newly married couples want their own place, helping them a bit is a nice gesture that will be remembered. I would prefer spacing money out, the young are normally not that good at spending wisely as we old guys are