Latindancer Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 I have been told that there are regional differences in Sin Sod, from........ the parents keeping it........ to giving it back the next day......... to none at all.....etc etc. But I have also been told that around Udon Thani (or perhaps north of there ), the custom is for the parents to KEEP the sin sod. I can understand this, to a certain extent, as they are por farmers. Does the custom vary in this area itself ? PLEASE.......if you're going to post a reply like " only idiots pay it anyway" or something negative like that, kindly DON'T POST. I want specific information. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slapout Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 You ask for specific information about something that varies by region, family, economics of the family,ladies social history/background, etc. I would guess you are not interested in hear say. Sorry I have yet to meet an individual with the personal experience to give the specifics as you request. You could join the crowd and believe what the potential partner tells you and the terms the parents stipulate, instead of being a doubting Thomas. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
transam Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 Forget what you have been told. If you have money and want to impress the lady then cough up. If you have no money tell your lady that, and if she still wants you then you've cracked it. Nothing to do with regions, or perhaps to a point, more to do with keeping customs alive in some, but if you no money then your lady can arrange the custom of locals seeing money but you get it back next day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LazarusEffect Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 Mine is from Bangkok, her parents aren't wealthy but they do well for themselves. I got half back of what I gave, as was agreed before the ceremony. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nam-thip Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 Don't worry yourself about sin sods and if it varies from region to region as it's got nothing to do with us foreigners as it's a Thai custom. When a farang is asked for sin sod it then becomes a "SCAM" cleverly engineered by your Thai tilac!! Many Thai females with farangs have had more than one sin sod as it can be a nice little earner for the future 'out-laws' whoops i meant in-laws!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheWalkingMan Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 Don't worry yourself about sin sods and if it varies from region to region as it's got nothing to do with us foreigners as it's a Thai custom. When a farang is asked for sin sod it then becomes a "SCAM" cleverly engineered by your Thai tilac!! Many Thai females with farangs have had more than one sin sod as it can be a nice little earner for the future 'out-laws' whoops i meant in-laws!! Quite true. Some of the ladies have made a career of getting sid sod from as many chaps as possible. TheWalkingMan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bagwan Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 Is this a case of putting the horse before the cart? Are you going to be charged sin tax, oops, sin sot or not? Until that is sorted anything here is a waste of electrons. Ask your lady to find out what the state of play is. If the future in laws want to see some folding stuff - and maybe keep some or all - then we have a ball game. It seems the choice then is between upfront money or staged payments. If it is the former it will develop into stage payments sooner or later anyway. Tactics 1. Say all your money is tied up in equities and/or property. With the state of the markets it would be financial suicide to sell off assets right now. You are living from hand to mouth. 2. If you pay sin sot make clear that you cannot afford to offer any further financial support. You will need big bucks to keep your wife comfortable and to make sure that any little ones that come along are well catered for. Explain to your Miss Wonderful that you are concerned that they will act true to form and squander the lot. Then in their old age when they need money for medicines etc you will be unable to help them and this will cause you great sorrow. 3. Try the cheque move. Explain that you are concerned about your personal safety, and that of the dosh, by carrying a large sum on your person. Asking for an escort from Thailand's finest is a big no-no since it practically guarantees that you will be mugged. BiB will of course be in on the move. Be over generous in writing the cheque since you will of course have only 10 baht in the account. A fast getaway might be a good idea here if they want to cash it. I am very much in the don't pay camp. The whole thing smacks of white slavery and since there is no Sale of Goods Act here, it is a very dodgy investment. Perhaps you might counsel the family that it is time that Thailand moved forward into the 20th century, after all the word democracy is on everybody's lips. Old customs must die if entry is to be made into a brave new world. Pensioning off the buffalo and acquiring a tractor goes hand in hand with dispensing with old customs that have no relevancy in this day. I think that if you are on good terms with your future in laws, showing respect and interest in them by bringing small gifts when you visit, you have a much better chance of escaping yet another example of Thai extortion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wallaby Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 I'm sad to say that it doesn't seem like you are getting the answer to your question. Perhaps some people can't read. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
astral Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 Several unhelpful posts have been removed. Sorry I cannot help you with regional variations. In my case the money was for show, and was returned to me after the ceremony. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wallaby Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 (edited) Perfectly reasonable to ask a question and request people to answer spcifically the question and not to get off track. Sin Sod threads are a dime a dozen so why would the OP want to rehash the same old stories. Just answer his question. Why ask the moderator to suspend or terminate you, why not just leave. Edited January 11, 2011 by Wallaby Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chalky Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Not sure if it's regional but our version (Thung Yai in Nakhornsrithammarat) is to have a lucky number (advised by parents) presented at (ceremonial ) wedding and all of it is returned to us. I have also been told that I can show it in cash or as a cheque. The contributions from the wedding guests will be used to pay for the cermonies and parties, balance of course from me/us. Good luck and have a great day, rest of your life. :jap: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forethat Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 (edited) North, south, east, west - only idiots pay them. Only idiots make comments like that and try to hijack threads made by people with a genuine problem......TROLL I originally asked quite kindly and politely. Don't you have anything better to do with your time than trying to wind people up ? I take it you already paid, huh!? She from Udon Thani, huh? I understand you're getting wound up. Personal affection or love doesn't recognize any regional differences, my best advice is that you start by contemplate that before transforming a prosperous marriage into a discussion regarding your obligations and cultural/traditional options in a possible financial transaction. Or to put it frank - if you don't trust her and her parents (obviously you have doubts) there's no ground for marriage, if she and her parents are trying to scam you there's no ground for marriage. Are you telling me you need to identify a geographical location where this logic doesn't apply? Can't help you. Edited January 11, 2011 by Forethat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Latindancer Posted January 11, 2011 Author Share Posted January 11, 2011 (edited) Every case is different. She is quite an educated person, originally from a rice-farming district ( where parents still live ) but now a teacher. She's about as transparent as they come, too. According to her, there are regional differences about Sin Sod and in her area, the dad keeps it. They're not asking for much, but I'm stuck in Australia now, jobless. And I just hate the feeling of perhaps being used. "Forethat"......don't bother replying.....you obviously have an axe to grind. I won't be responding to your posts. Edited January 11, 2011 by Latindancer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
transam Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Every case is different. She is quite an educated person, originally from a rice-farming district ( where parents still live ) but now a teacher. She's about as transparent as they come, too. According to her, there are regional differences about Sin Sod and in her area, the dad keeps it. They're not asking for much, but I'm stuck in Australia now, jobless. And I just hate the feeling of perhaps being used. Very convenient her dad lives in the road that pockets a payment . As l said before if she has been married there is NO payment unless you want to, and SHE knows that. IF your having probs back home then tell her and see what happens. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wallaby Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 (edited) Op, have to agree, if she has been married before she has already had her go at the sin sod. No payment is required. If you want to give her father/brother some money it's up to you. But NO payment for sin sod needed. And I won't dictate how you should ask a question. Edited January 11, 2011 by Wallaby Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
transam Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 (edited) Just a thought. Your lady could have used her job security to borrow money to keep little Jonny out of prison and the '' sin sod '' will get her out of trouble. PS. Remember, in their eyes we are ALL millionaires. Edited January 11, 2011 by transam Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kropotkin Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 The OP asked for regional differences. How about this one. Belgian marries Chanthaburi woman. In Belgium, regional tradition is NO sinsod. In Chanthaburi, YES sinsod is regional tradition, father asks for 5.000 euro ......555 you read that right, euro! Belgian says NO WAY, it is against my culture, and i thought you guys use baht. Result: Sin sod was never mentioned again / happily married with blessings from all / no one ever asked for money again - not even in baht..... Educate them about the modern world! Do not let them dis-educate you with stories of regional differences in how to be backward. I ended up with a wonderfull wife AND a wonderfull family in law - i would not change them for my belgian family. But maybe i was just lucky? And.....there is only a 4 years age difference between me and my wife. Buying a young girl is a different story, in that case, you could pay a normal purchasing price, and NOT call it sinsod, if you do not like that word. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bagwan Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 I had a girlfriend, not from PFP scene, from Kamphaeng Phet who was keen to marry me. Told her parents that she was going to get married again and they asked for 2 million. I hadn't even contemplated marriage let alone raised the subject. I refused and the question went to and fro, me maintaining a stout resistance. The price went down to 20K but I was obdurate. Her parents said that they didn't want me in their family, I said I had no intention of joining. She departed in high dudgeon when she found that the house I was buying wasn't in her name. Phew - lucky escape. My wife, also no contact with the PFP scene, comes from Buriram and sin sot was not mentioned. I suspect that her widower father was only too pleased to get her two young children off his hands and into my hair. Six years later he asked for 200K as he had an urgent need and I hadn't paid sin sot. We listened to his story, decided it was BS and refused. He then threw a wobbly - and his toys out of the pram. We moved all the livestock off the farm we had bought and he worked, we allowing him to keep the proceeds, and then sold the farm from under him. The new owner told him to move out, so he was left homeless, potless and with no income. Being an old fashioned sort of guy I believe in earning the money and she gets to spend it. In the world that I live in, having grandiose plans for a life together when the reality is that I have no income and don't know when I will have one, is a recipe for disaster. I would hope that a lady with her head screwed on would contemplate what sort of future she would be letting herself into. If I was a member of the fairer sex, beans on toast three times a week doesn't sound all that appealing. I would put any idea of nuptials out of my head until I can see what lies ahead. Just my opinion. You, of course, will follow your heart or your head. I hope it works out for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rgs2001uk Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Various things for the OP to ponder. 1. Someone is telling him porkies ref the sin sot. 2. The family obviously have no respect for him by asking for it. 3. Since when is the drunken brothers failure to accept personal responsibility anything to do with the OP. 4. If the girlfriend was worth her salt she would stamp out this nonsense now, the fact is she hasnt, and may well be involved. 5, The OP is now unemployed, may well be time for his future in laws to step up to the plate and start sending him money each month to tide him over. 6. The OP should take control of the situation and tell the girl he loves her too much, he doesnt want her or her family to lose face by having everyone in the village think she married a buffalo for paying the sin sot. 7. This has so many red flags I wouldnt even be considering marriage, send her a "dear somcahi" letter. 8. What exactly is this girl bringing to the marriage? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kropotkin Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 How much age difference? If 10 years or more, we are talking about a bussines deal, and 555 theOP is off topic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soutpeel Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 II have a sneaking suspicion that my Sin Sod ( asked for my gf who has been previously married) is needed to pay for her alcoholic brother's car accident and consequent damage to a house. Not sure yet. Don't know how long ago it happened, but I think dad needs money. The phrase "follow the money" ( or at least the need for it ) keeps popping into my mind. Hows this for a bit of negativity...you are being stitched up...."Previously married"....No Sin Sot applicable under Thai tradition, Your loving GF knows this....Run rabbit. Once she find out you are unemployed she may bail away....not a good business proposition on her part.. Have fun... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bina Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 actually there are regional and familial differences between khmer (buriram) and korat and other areas : who has to give, how much, how important a first time wife is compared to a previously divorced wife, economic status etc. my husband's family didnt ask for sin sot, nor for any other monetary anything; they paid full up for the wedding and gold for present to me .. muslem thai family, the father had to give a dowry. muslem thai lady's khmer man's engagement ended in a fiasco as family refused to pay sin sot for her, she had been previously married and had a daughter. they also didnt like the fact that she was muslem and citified. husband also says it really depends on the specific family, and what u all decide to do. up2u. speaking thai and being in the area and not by remote control certainly helps u learn about the family from others in the town/village. i was told i was marrying in to a good if very poor family. i know most deep dark secrets. hubby makes the decisions about whether any money should be given or not. rgs gave a good list to read through. use your higher head. and there is enough info on sinsot to read through on this forum, to make a book. read read and re read. and to all the posters, keep the thread pleasant and civilized as i know u all can do. bina israel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kropotkin Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 So basically, there are no regional differences - and no acceptable cultural differences. Only differences in greed and backwardness. At least, that was my experience. Buddhist thought for the day (sarcasm?): Civilization is a thin layer of varnish. But at least, some areas in the world have that varnish. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
highchol Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 (edited) To answer OP mine was 20k, first marriage for both us, same age, central thailand, parents middle class. well before internet days ( 19 years ) so no chance to consult others on the subject. The money was purely for show and the parents actualy added extra for ''the show''. The money was returned ( not the extra though ), i never asked for it back prior to or after the marriage. Edited January 11, 2011 by highchol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dansat Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 To all the people saying say this and say that to try to get out of paying sin sod please stop.. Its as simple as this. There is no really point for a Farang to marry a thai girl in the first place, it makes to sence what so ever. But if you are set on marrying a Thai girl and she even says about paying sin sod. Find the nicest way you can to tell her to F off out of your life for good. That is the only way to solve a Sin Sod problem rip off. After you have told your Thai sin sod asking gf to F off. Wait for 5 mins and the next Thai girl looking for a Farang boyfriend will be along.. Its like a merry go round that never stops here.. Marry a thai girl... you must be joking right ?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moonrakers Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Marry a thai girl... you must be joking right ?? And why would that be then? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FarangBuddha Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Don't worry yourself about sin sods and if it varies from region to region as it's got nothing to do with us foreigners as it's a Thai custom. When a farang is asked for sin sod it then becomes a "SCAM" cleverly engineered by your Thai tilac!! Many Thai females with farangs have had more than one sin sod as it can be a nice little earner for the future 'out-laws' whoops i meant in-laws!! How many "out-laws" did you accumulate before you figured this out Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FarangBuddha Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Many Thai females with farangs have had more than one sin sod as it can be a nice little earner for the future 'out-laws' whoops i meant in-laws!!Quite true. Some of the ladies have made a career of getting sid sod from as many chaps as possible. Yes, you cynics are correct, a Thai lady, and her parents, get one bite at the apple. By custom, it is paid for a virgin on her first marriage. (However, even among most Thais now, I think the most most men/parents generally hope for is that she has never been married before ) It is true that many farangs don't know this, or are so in love with their girl and are affraid of loosing her, that they pay again on second marriages but this is definitely not the tradition. If one does not want to assist any one of these ladies in this "career," all one has to do is to decline to pay when marrying a divorced/widowed woman. If she subsequently leaves the relationship, then you know where her head was all along. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Latindancer Posted January 12, 2011 Author Share Posted January 12, 2011 (edited) Thankyou for your enlightening replies, gentlemen. Food for thought indeed. I currently only suspect and infer that the pig-headed insistence for payment is for the only thing I know about.....the brother's accident. And as someone suggested, it may well have been HER who used her job to get the loan......if there was one. I'm inclined to pay, because it's not a HUGE amount by any means (40,000 + 10,000 for my half-share of the wedding costs ), but I'm skint, jobless and in Australia, currently being flooded out (swam through out living room today......not kidding ). Lived in same condo as her for 8 months last year, and she's as honest and transparent as they come ( and I'm cynical about women....Thai women in particular ). And I've lived in Asia for 6 or 7 years. But of course this doesn't mean that they're NOT thinking "the rich farang can pay".... Edited January 12, 2011 by Latindancer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clausewitz Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 How much age difference? If 10 years or more, we are talking about a bussines deal, and 555 theOP is off topic. My wife: almost 25 years younger than me. Japanese ex-beauty contest winner, well off family who gave us a million yen plus paid all wedding expenses and threw in a honeymoon. She earns a high salary, like me, here in bangkok. Not sure where the business deal came in though? And there have been more than a few woman 10 years younger and more than me, that lust and cry for my embraces. \ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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