The Letter

[Simbo]

Dear Susan.

I know the councillor said we shouldn't contact each other during our "cooling off period." but I couldn't wait any longer. The day you left, I swore I'd never speak to you again, but that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first to make contact.

In my fantasies, it was always you, who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move, as long as one of us does. Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak louder than our hurt.

And this is what my heart says- - -" There is no one like you, Susan, I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they are not you. They are not even close. Two weeks ago, I met this girl in the Wonder bar and brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but to illustrate the depths of my desperation. She was young, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent iceskating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. Jugs you wouldn't believe and an ass like a tortoise shell. Everymans dream, Right? But as I sat on the couch, being blown by this stunner,

I thought, look at look the stuff we have made important in our lives. It's all so superficial. What does a perfect body mean ?

Does it make her better in bed? well in this case, yes. But you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she havea better heart than my moderately attractive Susan? I doubt it, and I'd never really thought of that before. I don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little.

Later, after I'd tossed her about half a pint of throat yoghurt, I found myself thinking, Why do I feel so drained and empty? It wasn't just her flawless technique

or her sluttish, shameless hunger, but something else, some feeling of loss. Why did I feel so incomplete. And then it hit me.

It didn't feel the same, because you weren't there, Susan, to watch. Do you know what I mean. Nothing feels the same without you. Crikey! Susan, i'm just going crazy without you, and everything I do, reminds me of you. Do you remember Carol, That single mum we met in Jomptien, last year? Well, she dropped in last week with a pan of Tom yam. She said she thought I wasn't eating enough without a woman around. I didn't know what she meant till later, but thats not the real story.

Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing, we are banging away in our old bedroom. And this tarts a total monster in the sack. Shes giving me everything, you know, like a woman does, when she's not hung up about her weight or her career, and whether the kids can hear us. And all of a sudden, she spots the tilting mirror on your mothers old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, so we can watch ourselves. It's totally hot, but it makes me sad too.

We have had this old vanity for 14 years and we never used it as a sex aid.

Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Vicky has a good head on her shoulders and she has been a real friend to me during this painful time. She has given me lots of good council about you and women in general. She is pulling for us to get back together, Susan, she really is.

So we are drinking in the bath, talking about happier times. Here is this teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do is think of how much she looked like you, when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry. And then, it turns out that Vicky is really into the anal thing, and that gets me into thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it, and how that probably fueled some ofthe bitterness between us, But do you see how even then, when I am thrusting inside your sisters cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you. It's true, Susan. In your heart you know it. Don't you think we could start over, Just wipe allthe grievances and start fresh? I think we can. If you feel the same way, please, please let me know. Otherwise, could you let me know where the remote control is.

Love John XXX