I’ve been thinking about this for a while and wasn’t sure how to word it without it sounding wrong, but here goes.

Living in Thailand has changed how I look at relationships. Not overnight, and not in some dramatic way, but gradually over time.

Back home, things felt more fixed. People settled into a certain pattern — similar age, similar background, similar expectations. Here, it feels different. The range of relationships you see is much wider, and the expectations don’t always line up the same way.

I’ve met guys who’ve been happily married for years, both to Western partners and Thai partners. I’ve also seen relationships fall apart, sometimes quickly, sometimes after a long time. Same as anywhere, really.

But I have noticed that some people seem to rethink what they want after living here for a while. That could be lifestyle, finances, age differences, or just a shift in priorities.

I’m not saying one way is right or wrong. Just that being here seems to open up different choices, and not everyone handles that the same way.

Curious what others think.

Have you found your views on relationships changed since living in Thailand?

Sounds like another thinly veiled rent versus own topic. Certainly not the first and definitely won't be the last.

No, still look at them the same. Here it's more about money, being a poorer country than the US. Less independence, more absent fathers where the women need a better provider. More and more looking to western men because of the lack of forced support after a child is born. Children largely forgotten after they reach age 10 or so, which leaves the women looking for themselves first, and any children still with them, a provider. Women are still women all over, but with this money thing, they're actions are different.

The more independent they are, the less they'll need a man for that cash. This makes their thinking different as far as how they look at men in general.

Being a Buddhist country, they are looked at more inferior than in much of the west, although misogyny is everywhere, but not as much as having that being a starting point when a girl is born with that thinking. Knowing they'll be subservient from the beginning, and seeing how western women are more independent, are looked at more equal in many cases, they also want that, and the only way that'll happen is with a western man.

Here the age difference is higher, which has many not able to relate to their partners, being from a different generation entirely. Communication being the most important thing after trust, and having that not happen because of the differences in ages, has the relationship becoming a caretaker one instead of a partnership, although not in all cases, depending on the individuals and age difference. The closer in ages the better, in all relationships between a man and woman.

I have a younger girlfriend, although she's in her 40's, so is not only intelligent, but has been around enough to know more about that age level, and what to expect from men. It's still in the provider stage, as I help her in her life when I see she needs it, rather than just giving her money for the hell of it. When I return to the west soon, if she doesn't eventually follow, I will again look for someone closer to my age, that has taken good care of herself all along, and is from the same generation so we can relate better, seeing the money won't be a factor nearly as much as here.

9 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

I have a younger girlfriend, although she's in her 40's, so is not only intelligent, but has been around enough to know more about that age level, and what to expect from men. It's still in the provider stage, as I help her in her life when I see she needs it, rather than just giving her money for the hell of it. When I return to the west soon, if she doesn't eventually follow, I will again look for someone closer to my age, that has taken good care of herself all along, and is from the same generation so we can relate better, seeing the money won't be a factor nearly as much as here.

Here, money gives you access to a woman 30 years younger. There, forget it. Even with a bit of money, unless you have F-U money, you'll be hard pressed to find somebody, even your own age, in good shape who wants to be with you. You will spiral into incel life.

I think it is we who change as we get older. Some prefer the availability of young women, others like the comfort of being two, and some chase one or the other and never being satisfied whatever they do, and being economical set, helps wherever you are when it comes to women, what matters is the woman you find. Her feeling of value against your value. Not talking about pros, that's another League

6 minutes ago, BilllyGOAT said:

Here, money gives you access to a woman 30 years younger. There, forget it. Even with a bit of money, unless you have F-U money, you'll be hard pressed to find somebody, even your own age, in good shape who wants to be with you. You will spiral into incel life.

I'll be looking for a woman in her 50's, as there's a much better chance of her being in good shape than one my age of almost 70. She'll be old enough to understand our generation and likely had enough life experience to know she wants a decent man this time around, seeing she'll be single for a reason. Besides a widow of course.

4 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

I'll be looking for a woman in her 50's, as there's a much better chance of her being in good shape than one my age of almost 70. She'll be old enough to understand our generation and likely had enough life experience to know she wants a decent man this time around, seeing she'll be single for a reason. Besides a widow of course.

I don't think I've ever bonked a woman that age. I'd be surprised if I could rise to the occasion, unless of course I viewed it as being some kind of kinky fetish. Like cougar porn. 😬🤣

Just now, BilllyGOAT said:

I don't think I've ever bonked a woman that age. I'd be surprised if I could rise to the occasion, unless of course I viewed it as being some kind of kinky fetish. Like cougar porn. 😬🤣

Lot of very pretty 50's women out there, and the single ones are either loons or had a bad partner and would appreciate one that would treat them well, and be faithful.

1 minute ago, fredwiggy said:

Lot of very pretty 50's women out there, and the single ones are either loons or had a bad partner and would appreciate one that would treat them well, and be faithful.

Damaged goods. Sounds wonderful. Send me a postcard from heaven. 🤣

Here is my mailing address:

69 Soi Nana, Bang-Kok, Thailand 10110

4 minutes ago, BilllyGOAT said:

Damaged goods. Sounds wonderful. Send me a postcard from heaven. 🤣

We're all damaged goods in one way or another. Either you started out damaged because of your parents, or you became damaged because of living with those types. Or you got lucky in your choice of partner and they were normal. Adjusting is the hard part. Hopefully it'll be a long time to send that postcard, as I have quite a lot to do beforehand.

I don't find any difference between TH or USA, dating or relationships, short or long.

A lot of it is economics, responsible people, or not, as plenty of single parent families in both USA & TH. Millionaires in USA & TH, get to have perks of being.

Here, some foreigners are millionaires, THB millionaires, but still millionaires to the average Thai gold digger or someone just appreciative of a better life. Same as USA, just need to work out which that person is. Eyes open, and it's easy.

Mine weren't for wife #3, but I didn't really care ... at first 🙄

All relationships fall under, childhood sweethearts, love at 1st sight, an acquired taste with tolerance, or mental, if not spoken arraingment.

I think we all weigh the pros & cons, when it goes beyond a certain point. IF clear thinking with the right head.

One thing for sure, for those who never had a proper relationship, or very few ones with good or horrible experiences, have a buffet of the same here! So of curse it changes someones mind for the better or worse. Nobody is the same, and everyone have to learn one way or the other, or not at all.

1 minute ago, fredwiggy said:

Hopefully it'll be a long time to send that postcard

I meant "heaven" figuratively as in send me a postcard when you are over there living with your 50-year-old granny of your dreams.

Anyway, I added my mailing address for you above, in case you get the urge.

7 minutes ago, BilllyGOAT said:

I meant "heaven" figuratively as in send me a postcard when you are over there living with your 50-year-old granny of your dreams.

Anyway, I added my mailing address for you above, in case you get the urge.

This is the kind of "granny" I'm talking about, just for one possible..

IMO all relationships are transactional, either here or in the West. However, there are key differences in attitudes.

In the West, it's a culture of equality and entitlement, brought about by family law division of assets equally when a relationship breaks down.

In Thailand, men are empowered by economic inequality. Defacto relationships are not recognized in Thai law.

In the West, sex is a negotiation. In Thailand, it's part of "taking care".

The divorce rate in Western women skyrockets after age 70, and it is mostly initiated by them. Too late, they realise the price of their freedom is loneliness, because men who have done the Asian pivot have much better options.

4 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

This is the kind of "granny" I'm talking about, just for one possible..

IME Thai women do spend a lot of their time taking care of themselves.

3 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

IMO all relationships are transactional, either here or in the West. However, there are key differences in attitudes.

In the West, it's a culture of equality and entitlement, brought about by family law division of assets equally when a relationship breaks down.

In Thailand, men are empowered by economic inequality. Defacto relationships are not recognized in Thai law.

In the West, sex is a negotiation. In Thailand, it's part of "taking care".

The divorce rate in Western women skyrockets after age 70, and it is mostly initiated by them. Too late, they realise the price of their freedom is loneliness, because men who have done the Asian pivot have much better options.

As long as the transaction doesn't involve money and is healthy for both.

Divorce rates are high everywhere, and some women hold onto a bad partner a long time because of finances, houses or children, then look at freedom as a positive thing, until they miss that partnership, if it wasn't so bad. It's always better to have a partner as you age, as long as they're on the same page.

You might have a better option in Thailand, but you're paying for that in cash and not intimacy and companionship, unless again the ages are close. I'm sure many women here tolerate their men , hoping they'll pass soon, so they can live alone with what they've been bought.

1 hour ago, The Cobra said:

Curious what others think.

Have you found your views on relationships changed since living in Thailand?

In the west thought it was all about love, happily married for 30 years, she said she was happily married for 10 years. Odd, I never noticed her unhappiness until the last 6 months.

In Thailand, started thinking it was all about money, happily married 16 years, wife claims to be happy, but who can know?

The Thai marriage based on money is a fraction of the cost of the western marriage based on love. Not to mention the sex is about when I want sex, not about when she is in the mood (which in the west was almost never).

The one that loved me for myself never wanted to have sex.

The one that married me for payment is always available for sex.

This makes no sense to me, life is odd!

Just showed up in my feed at facebook. Broken man in Thailand, he got som real experiences,

Well, I blocked him for coming back in to my feed, but look him up if you want to see for yourself. It is a never ending feed of influencers from and around Pattaya. Blokking do no thelp much really, because once you touched it, it sticks with you.

5 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

IME Thai women do spend a lot of their time taking care of themselves.

Yes, until they hit 50 or so, then they lose it fast. Not all, seeing they're less likely to get fatter, but more and more each year with the western diet influence many adopt. I see many women here who are my age and look 15 years older, because of that sun. Their legs stay in better shape than their western counterparts, from all the daily squatting Thai women do. The smart ones are the ones who cover up head to toes every time they're outdoors, especially farm working

12 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

You might have a better option in Thailand, but you're paying for that in cash and not intimacy and companionship, unless again the ages are close. I'm sure many women here tolerate their men , hoping they'll pass soon, so they can live alone with what they've been bought.

I found it exactly the opposite,

The one I pay (20 years younger) demands intimacy and companionship.

The one that loved me for myself (same age) avoided all intimacy,

2 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

In the west thought it was all about love, happily married for 30 years, she said she was happily married for 10 years. Odd, I never noticed her unhappiness until the last 6 months.

In Thailand, started thinking it was all about money, happily married 16 years, wife claims to be happy, but who can know?

The Thai marriage based on money is a fraction of the cost of the western marriage based on love. Not to mention the sex is about when I want sex, not about when she is in the mood (which in the west was almost never).

The one that loved me for myself never wanted to have sex.

The one that married me for payment is always available for sex.

This makes no sense to me, life is odd!

Very easy to see if a woman is happy or not. if you treat them well from day one till day forever, they'll be happy all along, besides the normal mood swings they'll have. If a woman says she's not been happy all the years, either she's that way all the time, or there wasn't any communication going on, letting them do most of the talking and actually listening when they do. Women always give clues when they're not happy, but many men won't listen or ignore them. My ex here rarely talked, and though she wasn't very fluent in English, it wasn't that but her depression and negative personality she' has with everyone.

Yes, it costs less here, and it all depends on what you want. If you're satisfied not talking with a younger woman and only look to her as sex, and she's happy because she's getting the money, then you both have it made, but money doesn't buy most happiness. That's a real transaction of the money kind, and not trading support and emotional for providing and care. Eventually you'll not be looking at the sex as so important, and she'll still be getting the money, so it can last. She can always cook and keep the house clean.

1 minute ago, fredwiggy said:

As long as the transaction doesn't involve money and is healthy for both.

Divorce rates are high everywhere, and some women hold onto a bad partner a long time because of finances, houses or children, then look at freedom as a positive thing, until they miss that partnership, if it wasn't so bad. It's always better to have a partner as you age, as long as they're on the same page.

You might have a better option in Thailand, but you're paying for that in cash and not intimacy and companionship, unless again the ages are close. I'm sure many women here tolerate their men , hoping they'll pass soon, so they can live alone with what they've been bought.

You are making completely unwarranted assumptions about me, I will let that go.

Your statement " It's always better to have a partner as you age, as long as they're on the same page." does not work at ages close together Who can look after me better in old age, someone my own age, or someone 20 years younger than me? It's 50:50 whether I end up looking after her instead.

My Thai GF has a vested interest in keeping me alive as long as possible.

4 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

I found it exactly the opposite,

The one I pay (20 years younger) demands intimacy and companionship.

The one that loved me for myself (same age) avoided all intimacy,

If it works for both sides, and you know she's happy, you have nothing to worry about.

8 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

Yes, until they hit 50 or so, then they lose it fast. Not all, seeing they're less likely to get fatter, but more and more each year with the western diet influence many adopt. I see many women here who are my age and look 15 years older, because of that sun. Their legs stay in better shape than their western counterparts, from all the daily squatting Thai women do. The smart ones are the ones who cover up head to toes every time they're outdoors, especially farm working

My GF is 59, looks about 35. I guess I got lucky.

She freaks out if she hits 43 kg.

12 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

Very easy to see if a woman is happy or not. if you treat them well from day one till day forever, they'll be happy all along, besides the normal mood swings they'll have. If a woman says she's not been happy all the years, either she's that way all the time, or there wasn't any communication going on, letting them do most of the talking and actually listening when they do. Women always give clues when they're not happy, but many men won't listen or ignore them. My ex here rarely talked, and though she wasn't very fluent in English, it wasn't that but her depression and negative personality she' has with everyone.

Yes, it costs less here, and it all depends on what you want. If you're satisfied not talking with a younger woman and only look to her as sex, and she's happy because she's getting the money, then you both have it made, but money doesn't buy most happiness. That's a real transaction of the money kind, and not trading support and emotional for providing and care. Eventually you'll not be looking at the sex as so important, and she'll still be getting the money, so it can last. She can always cook and keep the house clean.

You've made at least 3 unhappy.

I've only made 1 unhappy.

Who's the fool that keeps completing the same actions, and expecting a different result each time?

1 minute ago, Lacessit said:

You are making completely unwarranted assumptions about me, I will let that go.

Your statement " It's always better to have a partner as you age, as long as they're on the same page." does not work at ages close together Who can look after me better in old age, someone my own age, or someone 20 years younger than me? It's 50:50 whether I end up looking after her instead.

My Thai GF has a vested interest in keeping me alive as long as possible.

This wasn't about you but in general. Growing old together is always a good thing, even if you can't take care of them as well as you'd like. No one knows who will go first, unless you're 30 years apart in age, where you can be pretty sure it's the older partner. People who grow old together usually live the longest, and sadly, when one dies, the other usually follows soon afterward, which means something.

3 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

This wasn't about you but in general. Growing old together is always a good thing, even if you can't take care of them as well as you'd like. No one knows who will go first, unless you're 30 years apart in age, where you can be pretty sure it's the older partner. People who grow old together usually live the longest, and sadly, when one dies, the other usually follows soon afterward, which means something.

It depends on whether you believe in emotional connection, or basic statistics.

1 minute ago, BritManToo said:

You've made at least 3 unhappy.

I've only made 1 unhappy.

Who's the fool?

I didn't make anyone unhappy. They came into the marriage that way, and are still the same, besides the one who died from all the prescription drugs she was taking her doctors ordered for her. Where did I call you a fool? I said in this marriage, if you're both happy, that's working. If your first wife was unhappy for 20 out of 30 years, that's on you. Unless she was also mentally ill all along and was only going through the motions because of the children. I remember what you've said all along about the kids and not having a relationship, and that's not your wife's fault. I wasn't there and can only go by what you've said here, which is something you also should do.

6 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

My GF is 59, looks about 35. I guess I got lucky.

Wife is knocking on 50, and looks 30 ish.

Me, 71 and look like a 70 yr old.

3 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

You've made at least 3 unhappy.

I've only made 1 unhappy.

Who's the fool?

3 couldn't keep up and make me happy

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