School For A Problem Child?

[p_brownstone]

My girlfriends’ 9 year old son – American / Thai - is currently enrolled in the English Program at an Assumption school here in Bangkok.

He is developing behavioural problems, starting out with simple not paying attention in class (talking with friends and general disruption of class) on to stealing from home and schoolfriends and now he is in trouble for joining with a gang and beating another student at the school – he is now threatened with expulsion if any other problem arises.

We have looked at sending him to the Assumption Boarding School in Sriracha – not a school specifically for problem children I know, however he will be under constant supervision by trained teachers there. (His mother works in Bangkok so at the moment there is a lack of supervision for several hours after school is over, that I believe is a significant factor contributing to his current behaviour.)

Does anyone know of a specialist school near Bangkok which can handle and correct behavioural problems in children, preferably, but not essentially, a Boarding school?

Patrick

[tim armstrong]

Hi Patrick,

I am not up to date with schools around Bangkok, but I do understand the problem, as we have a boy a bit like that in our family. The private system here seems mainly dedicated to extracting money from high achieving families, with some exceptions. These seem to be mainly found amongst Catholic schools,particularly where Jesuits are involved, as education is their mission.

The De La Salle system has many schools in Thailand, and if you can get this boy into one, they do pay a lot of attention to learning problems, have well qualified teachers, and are not generally expensive for private schools.They are usually boarding schools. The key is to find the right combination of teachers that can discipline as well as encourage this young man. Not an easy task. If he is sports minded, that may also be a way to 'tame' him. I've taught teachers about learning in many Thai schools. Contrary to other views, I think they generally work hard and try their best. But the system, their own learning and awareness of teaching methods is very limited.

If you can find a school where some of the teachers have lived o/s or have done some training in another country, then investigate it. But first it's the teachers, not the school that's important.

If you are observant and mindful, when you go into any school, you will soon get a sense of how it functions. If you get an indifferent response from staff, the whole place is probably like that.

Unfortunately, money talks in Thai education, so be prepared to dig deep. Best regards.

[MikeyIdea]

This is a bit hard but I still think I should write it

The kid is 9 years old: If he's got severe behavioural problems at school at that age = violence and stealing, then that indicate to me that the problem is at home more than at school (as you also partly say). Sending him to a boarding school is a work around, not a solution. I don't think it's going to work because the underlying problems causing the behaviour are still there, they certainly didn't get smaller because the child was sent away from the family that he would have needed more than he got in the first place. Replacing parents even more but with (better trained) strangers this time?

Sorry for the hard words

I can highly recommend Dr Nalinee Cherwanitchakorn at Bangkok Hospitals child psychiatric clinic, she is very good and can advice well. Parents and child need training for a long term solution

Good Luck

[GarryP]

Isn't this type of behaviour supposed to be a cry for attention? Is he acting out because he is lacking attention at home and this is the only way he can get it? The kid is feeling neglected at home so joins a gang where he feels wanted. Amateur psychology on my part but from the very lttle information given it seems to fit.

I sincerely hope you get things sorted out, but don't think changing schools is the answer.

[tim armstrong]

This is a bit hard but I still think I should write it

The kid is 9 years old: If he's got severe behavioural problems at school at that age = violence and stealing, then that indicate to me that the problem is at home more than at school (as you also partly say). Sending him to a boarding school is a work around, not a solution. I don't think it's going to work because the underlying problems causing the behaviour are still there, they certainly didn't get smaller because the child was sent away from the family that he would have needed more than he got in the first place. Replacing parents even more but with (better trained) strangers this time?

Sorry for the hard words

I can highly recommend Dr Nalinee Cherwanitchakorn at Bangkok Hospitals child psychiatric clinic, she is very good and can advice well. Parents and child need training for a long term solution

Good Luck

While there may indeed be problems at home. both parts of his life need to be dealt with. Its not productive to constantly blame parents for kids poor social behaviour at school. Surprise, surpise, kids learn at least 50% of what they know - from their peers, not their parents. 9yr old boys still generally think in black and white terms, and copy behaviour. If their parents are working, most of their daily experiences happen with other kids - at school. For sure, tension or indiference at home, and not enough time spent by parents with kids on 'kid stuff' is not helpful. But first, understand the behaviour,and the day to day life of the boy, and find some good mentors in teachers. Don't just assume this boy is 'sick' or has a problem and send him to a psychiatrist.

[H2oDunc]

I know that in these days it is not politically correct but for me it boils down to a lack of discipline / punishment and nothing else. if he sees he can get away with just doing what he wants then believe me he is just going to carry on doing it till the consequences of his actions outweigh the punishment. Back in the UK children have learned they are basically untouchable at school and more so now even in the home. When you have no discipline you have anarchy. You cannot give your children a good thrashing like I used get to get my mother but you can take away his computer or computer time or play station etc and remove any financial treats he gets.

[MikeyIdea]

This is a bit hard but I still think I should write it

The kid is 9 years old: If he's got severe behavioural problems at school at that age = violence and stealing, then that indicate to me that the problem is at home more than at school (as you also partly say). Sending him to a boarding school is a work around, not a solution. I don't think it's going to work because the underlying problems causing the behaviour are still there, they certainly didn't get smaller because the child was sent away from the family that he would have needed more than he got in the first place. Replacing parents even more but with (better trained) strangers this time?

Sorry for the hard words

I can highly recommend Dr Nalinee Cherwanitchakorn at Bangkok Hospitals child psychiatric clinic, she is very good and can advice well. Parents and child need training for a long term solution

Good Luck

While there may indeed be problems at home. both parts of his life need to be dealt with. Its not productive to constantly blame parents for kids poor social behaviour at school. Surprise, surpise, kids learn at least 50% of what they know - from their peers, not their parents. 9yr old boys still generally think in black and white terms, and copy behaviour. If their parents are working, most of their daily experiences happen with other kids - at school. For sure, tension or indiference at home, and not enough time spent by parents with kids on 'kid stuff' is not helpful. But first, understand the behaviour,and the day to day life of the boy, and find some good mentors in teachers. Don't just assume this boy is 'sick' or has a problem and send him to a psychiatrist.

I do not assume that the kid is sick. Regarding if the child has a problem or not: The OP thinks that the child has a problem that needs to be dealt with, that's why he posted here, I agree with him, so do you I think. My recommendation was a bit hard, I know that the OP will feel a bit hit and I that's also why I said sorry for the hard words.

I do certainly not recommend to send the child off to a psychiatrist, that would be a more or less useless action to take. Read carefully and you will see that I recommend both the parents and the child to go to training, no one is sick but both parents and child need training. The main point is IMO that there is no one-sided solution to the problem... Most child psychatrists don't deal with sick people, they advise and train parents and children

This is based on my own experience: A good child psychiatrist can give good and helpful advice to both parents and child, parents normally need minimum half the time (not the opposite way around) in order to help their child better. Isnpt that what we all as parents want to be able to do?

[MikeyIdea]

I know that in these days it is not politically correct but for me it boils down to a lack of discipline / punishment and nothing else. if he sees he can get away with just doing what he wants then believe me he is just going to carry on doing it till the consequences of his actions outweigh the punishment. Back in the UK children have learned they are basically untouchable at school and more so now even in the home. When you have no discipline you have anarchy. You cannot give your children a good thrashing like I used get to get my mother but you can take away his computer or computer time or play station etc and remove any financial treats he gets.

Discipline I certainly agree with, punishment I don't as it focuses the child more on the bad than the good. It should be natural consequence and it should be as closely related to the issue that needs to be addressed as possible.

[Mario2008]

One major contributor to this kind of behavior of children is neglect and boredom. Reason why children of well to do families commit crimes as violent street robberies, despite the fact they have money.

[MikeyIdea]

One major contributor to this kind of behavior of children is neglect and boredom. Reason why children of well to do families commit crimes as violent street robberies, despite the fact they have money.

Amen

Patrick, It was from my own experience that I recommend training for both parent and child. I put in a serious effort trying to be the best parent I can and yet I found that a good child psychatrist could give me good advice that I could use to be a better parent. I thank her for that and advice others to do the same

Good Luck

[tim armstrong]

This is a bit hard but I still think I should write it

The kid is 9 years old: If he's got severe behavioural problems at school at that age = violence and stealing, then that indicate to me that the problem is at home more than at school (as you also partly say). Sending him to a boarding school is a work around, not a solution. I don't think it's going to work because the underlying problems causing the behaviour are still there, they certainly didn't get smaller because the child was sent away from the family that he would have needed more than he got in the first place. Replacing parents even more but with (better trained) strangers this time?

Sorry for the hard words

I can highly recommend Dr Nalinee Cherwanitchakorn at Bangkok Hospitals child psychiatric clinic, she is very good and can advice well. Parents and child need training for a long term solution

Good Luck

While there may indeed be problems at home. both parts of his life need to be dealt with. Its not productive to constantly blame parents for kids poor social behaviour at school. Surprise, surpise, kids learn at least 50% of what they know - from their peers, not their parents. 9yr old boys still generally think in black and white terms, and copy behaviour. If their parents are working, most of their daily experiences happen with other kids - at school. For sure, tension or indiference at home, and not enough time spent by parents with kids on 'kid stuff' is not helpful. But first, understand the behaviour,and the day to day life of the boy, and find some good mentors in teachers. Don't just assume this boy is 'sick' or has a problem and send him to a psychiatrist.

I do not assume that the kid is sick. Regarding if the child has a problem or not: The OP thinks that the child has a problem that needs to be dealt with, that's why he posted here, I agree with him, so do you I think. My recommendation was a bit hard, I know that the OP will feel a bit hit and I that's also why I said sorry for the hard words.

I do certainly not recommend to send the child off to a psychiatrist, that would be a more or less useless action to take. Read carefully and you will see that I recommend both the parents and the child to go to training, no one is sick but both parents and child need training. The main point is IMO that there is no one-sided solution to the problem... Most child psychatrists don't deal with sick people, they advise and train parents and children

This is based on my own experience: A good child psychiatrist can give good and helpful advice to both parents and child, parents normally need minimum half the time (not the opposite way around) in order to help their child better. Isnpt that what we all as parents want to be able to do?

Admittedly,I don't know whats available in the private sector in Bangkok in this area, but I would be surprised if there were not educational or clinical psychologists available who will have an extensive range of options to help both parents and the boy change their behaviour. This is an issue about behaviour in the first instance, not about some underlying pathological condition. The psychiatrist is not the place to start, although they may become involved later.

[MikeyIdea]

This is a bit hard but I still think I should write it

The kid is 9 years old: If he's got severe behavioural problems at school at that age = violence and stealing, then that indicate to me that the problem is at home more than at school (as you also partly say). Sending him to a boarding school is a work around, not a solution. I don't think it's going to work because the underlying problems causing the behaviour are still there, they certainly didn't get smaller because the child was sent away from the family that he would have needed more than he got in the first place. Replacing parents even more but with (better trained) strangers this time?

Sorry for the hard words

I can highly recommend Dr Nalinee Cherwanitchakorn at Bangkok Hospitals child psychiatric clinic, she is very good and can advice well. Parents and child need training for a long term solution

Good Luck

While there may indeed be problems at home. both parts of his life need to be dealt with. Its not productive to constantly blame parents for kids poor social behaviour at school. Surprise, surpise, kids learn at least 50% of what they know - from their peers, not their parents. 9yr old boys still generally think in black and white terms, and copy behaviour. If their parents are working, most of their daily experiences happen with other kids - at school. For sure, tension or indiference at home, and not enough time spent by parents with kids on 'kid stuff' is not helpful. But first, understand the behaviour,and the day to day life of the boy, and find some good mentors in teachers. Don't just assume this boy is 'sick' or has a problem and send him to a psychiatrist.

I do not assume that the kid is sick. Regarding if the child has a problem or not: The OP thinks that the child has a problem that needs to be dealt with, that's why he posted here, I agree with him, so do you I think. My recommendation was a bit hard, I know that the OP will feel a bit hit and I that's also why I said sorry for the hard words.

I do certainly not recommend to send the child off to a psychiatrist, that would be a more or less useless action to take. Read carefully and you will see that I recommend both the parents and the child to go to training, no one is sick but both parents and child need training. The main point is IMO that there is no one-sided solution to the problem... Most child psychatrists don't deal with sick people, they advise and train parents and children

This is based on my own experience: A good child psychiatrist can give good and helpful advice to both parents and child, parents normally need minimum half the time (not the opposite way around) in order to help their child better. Isnpt that what we all as parents want to be able to do?

Admittedly,I don't know whats available in the private sector in Bangkok in this area, but I would be surprised if there were not educational or clinical psychologists available who will have an extensive range of options to help both parents and the boy change their behaviour. This is an issue about behaviour in the first instance, not about some underlying pathological condition. The psychiatrist is not the place to start, although they may become involved later.

Most child psychatrists do not work with sick children, they work with giving advice and training...

[p_brownstone]

Thank you for all the responses but may I point out – with respect – the Title and import of my Post.

"School for a Problem Child?"

I am not seeking psychobabble amateur opinion on the possible source of the problem ......... “cry for attention”, “neglect and boredom”, etc. etc..

The problem already exists - I have my own opinion as to the cause, I also have my own opinion as to the best solution – I may be wrong, I may be right, however I am the person in the position to decide what that solution will be.

I am simply asking for information on schools which may provide the discipline which I believe will go a long way to begin to solve the childs’ problems.

Patrick

[bina]

just out of curiousity, when moving a child from school to school in thailand, does the new school not ask for any kind of testing including didactic/psychological/psychiatric testing... and btw, psychiatrists are a good place to start as they quickly can test for any organic/pathological situations and rule any out, in which case it becomes a behavioral solution needed and not medical... so an actingout 9 yr old may indeed need a different /better school but iw ould assume that the new school would want to know why/reasoning behind the move ...

sometimes removing a child from one environment to an other does indeed improve the situation. as to the OP, while u know and understand the situation i guess, you certainly would want some professional evaluation before moving the boy so as not to waste your money on a solution that might not really be the solution i.e. pay lots of money for a private school and then have the boy kicked out or suspended due to 'bad behavior'; etc...

food for thought anyhow, and also, as others have pointed out, and from what ive heard, the christian oriented shcools have a good reputation. the question is do u want this boy to be raised in a non secular atmosphere?

bina

[Mario2008]

Schools get the old schools records, but there is no psychological testing of students. At least not at normal schools. Some schools might require a child to do an entrance test, but that is to see if they have the required level.

[tim armstrong]

Thank you for all the responses but may I point out – with respect – the Title and import of my Post.

"School for a Problem Child?"

I am not seeking psychobabble amateur opinion on the possible source of the problem ......... “cry for attention”, “neglect and boredom”, etc. etc..

The problem already exists - I have my own opinion as to the cause, I also have my own opinion as to the best solution – I may be wrong, I may be right, however I am the person in the position to decide what that solution will be.

I am simply asking for information on schools which may provide the discipline which I believe will go a long way to begin to solve the childs’ problems.

Patrick

Hi Patrick,

Yes the discussion did get off the track a little. But it is important that you do consult appropriate agencies and individuals. At his age, and given what has happened, he needs an adult who he can trust, and listen to. Some teachers are good at this, some not so.He probably does need discipline, but he firstly needs to be understood.

I am not speaking from 'psychobabble, amateur opinion', as I have 35+ years professional, mainstream health and education experience working with extremely difficult behaviour in both chidren and adults.

[MikeyIdea]

Hi Patrick,

Yes the discussion did get off the track a little. But it is important that you do consult appropriate agencies and individuals. At his age, and given what has happened, he needs an adult who he can trust, and listen to. Some teachers are good at this, some not so.He probably does need discipline, but he firstly needs to be understood.

I am not speaking from 'psychobabble, amateur opinion', as I have 35+ years professional, mainstream health and education experience working with extremely difficult behaviour in both chidren and adults.

Tim, excellent post