Asian Wife As They Grow Older

[lukeskywalker]

Most topics about Thai females are usually about the younger girls. However, I am interested in knowing, when I do marry an Asian lady, how they mature. Of course I know everyone and every situation is different, and how she treats her husband depends a lot on how he treats her, but are there any comments (I am hesitant to write "generalizations") about changes in their attitudes and/or personalities?

Just for example, even if they are in a good situation, maybe they begin to regret they married a farang for some reason. Or visa-versa. (Remember, this is just an example of what type of advice I'm seeking. Most middle-aged and older Asian ladies I've met have always seem to be nice, but then again, I'm not their husband.

So basically, if she is a good girl to begin with and you marry, does it usually get better or not? The divorce rate in America is so high. I wonder what the rate for Asian/farang couples is?

THX

Luke

[trogers]

The development of any relationship between a man and woman (whatever the culture) is like planting a tree.

Your question pertains to how this tree will turn out a few decades later. My answer is that it will depend on how this tree was planted and nurtured.

The divorce rate in America is so high. Was this rate high during the times of your great grandparents and grandparents? If not, why only in the last few decades? The answer is a change in social norms - social acceptance of co-habitation breaks down the sanctity of marriage.

Thus, divorce rates in Thailand is also high for some groups of people. As they say, "Easy come and easy go".

Edited March 27, 2011 by trogers

[canuckamuck]

If you are prepared to make a real commitment and consider her as part of yourself, and if you marry someone you have real compatibility with, and if you learn the language, and if her close friends are not scammers and bar girls, and if she has some integrity and has also made a real commitment. Then you will have a good shot at being one of the success stories. There are happy long time married mixed couples in LOS.

Quality people make better marriages. It does not matter about middle age or old age.

[lukeskywalker]

If you are prepared to make a real commitment and consider her as part of yourself, and if you marry someone you have real compatibility with, and if you learn the language, and if her close friends are not scammers and bar girls, and if she has some integrity and has also made a real commitment. Then you will have a good shot at being one of the success stories. There are happy long time married mixed couples in LOS.

Quality people make better marriages. It does not matter about middle age or old age.

I don't think I've ever seen more "and"s (8) in a sentence than this one! Hmmmmm......leaves a lot to ponder.

[pjclark1]

A relationship with any woman is always a battle for supremacy.

One will end up in charge, one will be subservient.

If you give your woman the house, the car, the bank account

She will be the one in charge as she no longer needs you.

If you keep you money offshore and just rent everything, you will be the one in charge.

She needs you.

If I'm totally wrong but you have kept your hands firmly on your money, it doesn't matter, you can start again as many times as you like with a younger woman. If you gave it all away, let's face it, you are screwed.

PS

All the BS about nurturing and equality is just that. Guys who are trying to delude themselves that they have a 'good one'. Some women are good, some are bad, trouble is men can't tell the difference between the good and the bad.

Oh yeh, same applies to men, same applies to all nationalities of men and women.

Women delude themselves, their guy is different too!

(sorry girls, we aren't different, in Thailand we all go for a 'massage')

Edited March 27, 2011 by pjclark1

[Mario2008]

I wouldn't pay to much attention to generalizations. Some people are just bitter their marriage broke up and think that every (Thai) woman is the same.

Statistically intercultural relations have a higher failing rate, because of the cultural differences and misunderstanding it causes next to other problems living togethe with someone else brings. It doesn't mean your marriage is going to end too. it means you should be aware of things and deal with it together.

[Digitalbanana]

If you are prepared to make a real commitment and consider her as part of yourself, and if you marry someone you have real compatibility with, and if you learn the language, and if her close friends are not scammers and bar girls, and if she has some integrity and has also made a real commitment. Then you will have a good shot at being one of the success stories. There are happy long time married mixed couples in LOS.

Quality people make better marriages. It does not matter about middle age or old age.

I don't think I've ever seen more "and"s (8) in a sentence than this one! Hmmmmm......leaves a lot to ponder.

There's only 7 which should make you ponder.

[bina]

However, I am interested in knowing, when I do marry an Asian lady, how they mature

are u buying a dog or a donkey? how do they mature? well, some large breeds of dog get chronic illness and die at an earlier age. donkeys age really well, but become slightly bed temepered when they hit really old age, and there usefullness decreases also.

a mature tree bears more fruit, if u water and fertilize properly. men, in general, become uglier, their tempers get shorter and nastier. they have increased problems with their libido and prostate. in general, young boys are boring, mature men are ok, and old men, except for my hsuband, well, whatever was wrong with them in their youth, just gets worse as they get older. i think women get mellower.

are u buying a plant or marrying a woman u love? what kind of question is that?

bina

[machans88]

However, I am interested in knowing, when I do marry an Asian lady, how they mature

are u buying a dog or a donkey? how do they mature? well, some large breeds of dog get chronic illness and die at an earlier age. donkeys age really well, but become slightly bed temepered when they hit really old age, and there usefullness decreases also.

a mature tree bears more fruit, if u water and fertilize properly. men, in general, become uglier, their tempers get shorter and nastier. they have increased problems with their libido and prostate. in general, young boys are boring, mature men are ok, and old men, except for my hsuband, well, whatever was wrong with them in their youth, just gets worse as they get older. i think women get mellower.

are u buying a plant or marrying a woman u love? what kind of question is that?

bina

I don't know about that i think most women age a hell a lot worse than men,i have been back to a few old school reunions,and most of the attractive girls from the past are old and haggard,i think men age a lot better than woman.Even old actors hold their looks ,while older actresses go down hill.Now to throw the cat amongst the pigeons,and i have a thai partner,i think asian woman look younger than their western counterparts before the age of forty,but age quite faster afterwards.

But looks aren't always what attracts us to women

[bina]

i wasnt talking about looks. looks seem to matter less as people get older. its definately personality that interests me as people get older... and men seem to lose theirs with age. they seem to loose their memory, get shorter tempered, more idiosyncratic, self concerned, and, for those that were in positions of power like managers, as they get much older, when they lose much of their physical abilities, adn there is a large difference between what they are used to being/doing/giving orders, and what they can actually do, their egos go heywire.

i can see it from here. all the big wigs that ran our village, have become sluggish, cranky, crotchety old men. the women however, may have lost their looks, but they still maintain their daily routines, and since most of them were never in high ranking jobs, their egos dont fall apart when they have to step aside for younger people.

ive met more spunky sparky old ladies with interesting personalities then ive met men , and i meet lots and lots of people in my line of work.

bina

[lukeskywalker]

Thanks. These are the typical replies I was expecting. It is good to know that there are no real generalizations and that it is couple and individual dependent. I think there is no real way to know for sure how a person will age, but it is safe to say that if you treat your partner with the respect they deserve, and they reciprocate of course, the relationship will stand a much better chance as looks go away and is replaced by attraction by friendship, companionship and, most importantly, love.

BTW, I'm not marrying a plant or buying a woman.

Here is a joke that I received, pretty funny:

World's shortest fairy tale

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?"

The girl said, 'NO!'

And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.

The end

[JurgenG]

Oh yeh, same applies to men, same applies to all nationalities of men and women.

Women delude themselves, their guy is different too!

(sorry girls, we aren't different, in Thailand we all go for a 'massage')

When a man marries a woman, he hopes she will never change.

When a woman marries a man, she expect him to change.

Both are wrong.

[David006]

However, I am interested in knowing, when I do marry an Asian lady, how they mature

are u buying a dog or a donkey? how do they mature? well, some large breeds of dog get chronic illness and die at an earlier age. donkeys age really well, but become slightly bed temepered when they hit really old age, and there usefullness decreases also.

a mature tree bears more fruit, if u water and fertilize properly. men, in general, become uglier, their tempers get shorter and nastier. they have increased problems with their libido and prostate. in general, young boys are boring, mature men are ok, and old men, except for my hsuband, well, whatever was wrong with them in their youth, just gets worse as they get older. i think women get mellower.

are u buying a plant or marrying a woman u love? what kind of question is that?

bina

ouch!! Just when I was thinking I was better looking, more laid back and mellow..55555....libido/prostate?...TBA 555. useless..hugh?

..wouldn't say my old mum is "mellow" by any stretch!

...stupidly told the wife the other day that she was getting older...now THAT WAS ugly! 55

[billd766]

I have known my wife for 18 years this year and we have been married for 11 of them.

She has put on a bit of weight though probably by having our son 6 years ago.

She no longer is the woman of 29 with long black hair and a wonderful figure but there is some gray in the hair now and it disappears every so often at the hairdressers.

On the other hand I am no longer the "hansum" man I once was as I have also put on weight and lost more of my hair than I thought (and there wasn't a lot to start with).

She is still a dam_n good cook and only closed her shop and restaurant last year as customers with real money grew fewer and those with the "Can I have XXXXX and I will pay you when my salary comes" grew more and more.

I am getting a little shorter tempered and she just sort of smiles and tells me that I have told her that a million times before. I probably have and forgotten but a million times?

She is a bit more crabby in the mornings until her body is kick started by a coffee and during the run up period it is a bit like poking a dragon with a short stick and I can't run fast any more.

She is maturing more gracefully than I am but that is only because I am on my 3rd childhood and enjoying life with our son much as I did with his stepbrother in the UK at his age except that I know that there are things I could do then that I can't do now.

Am I glad that I married her?

Too right I am and I wouldn't trade her in for a younger model either (unless somebody wants to make me a really good offer).

As for going back to a Western wife, no way.

Edited March 29, 2011 by billd766

[lukeskywalker]

I have known my wife for 18 years this year and we have been married for 11 of them.

She has put on a bit of weight though probably by having our son 6 years ago.

She no longer is the woman of 29 with long black hair and a wonderful figure but there is some gray in the hair now and it disappears every so often at the hairdressers.

On the other hand I am no longer the "hansum" man I once was as I have also put on weight and lost more of my hair than I thought (and there wasn't a lot to start with).

She is still a dam_n good cook and only closed her shop and restaurant last year as customers with real money grew fewer and those with the "Can I have XXXXX and I will pay you when my salary comes" grew more and more.

I am getting a little shorter tempered and she just sort of smiles and tells me that I have told her that a million times before. I probably have and forgotten but a million times?

She is a bit more crabby in the mornings until her body is kick started by a coffee and during the run up period it is a bit like poking a dragon with a short stick and I can't run fast any more.

She is maturing more gracefully than I am but that is only because I am on my 3rd childhood and enjoying life with our son much as I did with his stepbrother in the UK at his age except that I know that there are things I could do then that I can't do now.

Am I glad that I married her?

Too right I am and I wouldn't trade her in for a younger model either (unless somebody wants to make me a really good offer).

As for going back to a Western wife, no way.

Excellent post. Thanks.

[MeatFeast]

men, in general, become uglier, their tempers  get shorter and nastier. they have increased problems with their libido and prostate.  in general, young boys are boring, mature men are ok, and old men, except for my hsuband, well, whatever was wrong with them in their youth, just gets worse as they get older. i think women get mellower.

...

and men seem to lose theirs with age. they seem to loose their memory, get shorter tempered, more idiosyncratic, self concerned, and, for those that were in positions of power like managers, as they get much older, when they lose much of their physical abilities, adn there is a large difference between what they are used to being/doing/giving orders, and what they can actually do, their egos go heywire

I am 72. I retired as the CEO of a company you have heard of. I find your post remarkably derogative and offensive, but at the same time sad.

I guess not many people would look at my wife as the dish she was when we met in Sakon Nakhon, 53 years has taken its toll, but when I wake up beside her in the morning I see the most beautiful woman that has ever lived, the mother of our 4 daughters.

I have a widespread network of friends; none of them fit the description you draw. Sure, most of us suffer from enlarged prostates and we have all learned to live with failing libido to various extents, but as you get older you tend to become mellower and more forgiving. None of my friends makes derogatory comments about anyone anymore. The short temper we had when we were younger is long gone, nowadays we praise every hour we get to spend with our wives, each day we can play with our grandchildren, and a wayward shot on the golf course creates n other emotional sensations than a smile on the faces of your friends. You see, we have nothing to prove to ourselves anymore, there’s not enough time to spend with our loved ones, why bother about golf?

But the one thing I have noticed with getting older is that you tend to become mellower and more forgiving. None of my friends makes derogatory comments about anyone anymore because we have learned that it has the potential to make people sad, something you will hopefully learn as you get older.

[slapout]

Meat; makes a sensible response to what looked like a somewhat biased opinion.

There does not seem to be a measure or generality that works real well with human male or female. We sag a different places, go through mood changes at different times, probably look at domestic and business in an entirely different light, look for satisfaction from different perspectives, etc.

Every morning when I wake up, I thank the powers that got me to the wake up stage, yes things that 30 years ago, could bring on a verbal or physical set to, are now walked away from or around.

I have found that what used to be classified as boring, waste of time, etc, can now bring joy, if not to me, to others. A sense of humor, the ability to ask questions (listen to answers), make few judgments (unless asked), admit your physically and mentality out of date at times, and complement those who are younger, more fit, and better looking than you and you may be surprised at how the world can look different than it used to.

[mikecwm]

A relationship with any woman is always a battle for supremacy.

One will end up in charge, one will be subservient.

If you give your woman the house, the car, the bank account

She will be the one in charge as she no longer needs you.

If you keep you money offshore and just rent everything, you will be the one in charge.

She needs you.

If I'm totally wrong but you have kept your hands firmly on your money, it doesn't matter, you can start again as many times as you like with a younger woman. If you gave it all away, let's face it, you are screwed.

PS

All the BS about nurturing and equality is just that. Guys who are trying to delude themselves that they have a 'good one'. Some women are good, some are bad, trouble is men can't tell the difference between the good and the bad.

Oh yeh, same applies to men, same applies to all nationalities of men and women.

Women delude themselves, their guy is different too!

(sorry girls, we aren't different, in Thailand we all go for a 'massage')

Some good advice here - especially about keeping control of the money.

Thanks for your thoughts.

[doglover]

World's shortest fairy tale

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?"

The girl said, 'NO!'

And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.

The end

AMEN!!!

[IanForbes]

There always seems to be LOT of generalities in these posts. But, if you stand back and analyze life you WILL notice certain patterns that seem to hold true. Daughters tend to turn out like their mothers before them... but again, that is a generality and there are always exceptions.

The one thing I have noticed that seems to hold true is ACTIVE people who lead interesting lives tend to hold off old age far better than others with a more sedentary life. That is true for both men and women. I know several slender, active women in their eighties who are still world travelers and fun to be with. But, none of them are Thai. But, that's probably because the Thai women never had the opportunity or the interest to do so. And that seems to be the cause of a poor education. I see lots of Thai people (male and female) who won't walk an extra 100 feet if they don't have to. I don't expect any of them will age well.

Over my 15 years of coming to Thailand I've met the mothers of many of my Thai girlfriends. Without exception they were all over weight women who did nothing but sit at home and look after their grand children. I'm not going to post pictures, but you can take my word for it that not one of them would attract me physically in either their looks or their manner. I'm not saying it can't happen, but it just seems to be the way it turns out. If you are raised with the patience to sit around and do nothing then chances are that you will not only be an uninteresting person, but you probably won't age well either. It seems to be the way of the Thai culture. Thai families seem to have children with the understanding that the children will look after the parents when they get old. When you don't have the financial means to live an active life then chances are that you will grow old far quicker than someone who has outside interests and leads an active life... other than just cooking and watching television.

As someone already mentioned, Thai women tend to stay young looking longer, but then age rapidly as they get older. I often wonder how that fat old lady ever spawned that lovely young woman. But, I do KNOW why those western guys with the big belly hanging over their belt got that way. It was just a case of sloth and an inactive life. At least the old Thai women have an excuse. You can't go running around town to the beauty parlour and tennis court when you are looking after your young grand kids 24-7.

[aussiebebe]

I met my Thai wife eight years ago, I'm now 39, she's 40 and we've been married for 5 years. I agree very much with the comment above regarding how women look a lot younger for longer but then age rapidly after a certain point. I think many marriages and relationships deteriorate when couples stop communicating and that's bad enough with couples who share the same mother tongue, but with Asian/Farang couples it's more pronounced. My wife is quite fluent in English but there is still a huge gulf; the subtle things, the nuances, and humor. I've struggled to learn Thai and this personal failing has ever more accute implications with the passing of time. It's a strange feeling for me, I know my wife would love to hear me say everything I feel in Thai and it must feel for her like something is missing.

[Forethat]

A relationship with any woman is always a battle for supremacy.

One will end up in charge, one will be subservient.

If you give your woman the house, the car, the bank account

She will be the one in charge as she no longer needs you.

If you keep you money offshore and just rent everything, you will be the one in charge.

She needs you.

If I'm totally wrong but you have kept your hands firmly on your money, it doesn't matter, you can start again as many times as you like with a younger woman. If you gave it all away, let's face it, you are screwed.

PS

All the BS about nurturing and equality is just that. Guys who are trying to delude themselves that they have a 'good one'. Some women are good, some are bad, trouble is men can't tell the difference between the good and the bad.

Oh yeh, same applies to men, same applies to all nationalities of men and women.

Women delude themselves, their guy is different too!

(sorry girls, we aren't different, in Thailand we all go for a 'massage')

Well, if you ask for my personal opinion I'd say you're probably better off living alone than getting mixed up in any kind of relationship with women (a steady relationship that is). Living in a relationship according to the principles you describe above is pretty much guaranteed to end in utter and complete disaster, at least that's what I think.

A relationship must be built on trust; what you describe is not even as good as a breeding ground for deception and defiance - your starting point is total accusation.

I'll probably get suspended for mentioning it, but I would like to wish you good luck in developing a sustainable relationship with a woman – you'll need it. That's just an opinion, but as I said; I'll probably get suspended for it…

[Forethat]

My wife is not at the age where she'd be referred to as old (other than by younger brats in their 30's), but I've known her long enough to notice and experience the direction in which she's maturing. That said, this probably doesn't apply to all Thai women, but my wife is most definitely ageing with flair. She's never upset, she's never cranky, she hasn't gained weight and doesn't spend a fortune on Italian shoes any more. Her increased involvement in charity reflects her diminishing focus on herself in favour of others, and she spends more and more time exercising.

Physically, she's more or less the same person as when we met, but mentally I'd say she's developed more than myself, and overall she mirrors my general perception of ageing (regardless of men or women) which says that with age comes wisdom, emotional control, empathy and mindfulness. You only have to look at this forum, some of the best advices and thoughts are shared by members who have reached a certain age, and they usually display a level of patience which you rarely see amongst younger members. Older people are simply smarter by being nicer. Similarly, a lot of aggressive crap tends to get generated by younger members (reluctantly, in this aspect I have to admit I too counts as young).

I've seen far too many posts in this thread that focuses on negative sides of ageing women and men, especially the their looks, but my personal view on this is that looks is secondary to mind - and from that perspective an overwhelming majority of old people I know tend to grow more and more beautiful the older they get. Hopefully, I'll develop the same looks myself one day...

Someone mentioned that true ugliness is defined by someone who makes derogatory comments about others looks and behaviour, and with respect to that comment I conclude that there are some serious examples of extremely ugly people in this thread.

Edited April 7, 2011 by Forethat

[swisstouristpattaya]

Why do you want get married when you can stay together anyway.

Marriage is only to get citizenship or us green card.

If over 50 you can stay here relax with your girlfriend. If not just be patient.

sent from tapatalk :-)

[mallyrd]

A relationship with any woman is always a battle for supremacy.

One will end up in charge, one will be subservient.

If you give your woman the house, the car, the bank account

She will be the one in charge as she no longer needs you.

If you keep you money offshore and just rent everything, you will be the one in charge.

She needs you.

If I'm totally wrong but you have kept your hands firmly on your money, it doesn't matter, you can start again as many times as you like with a younger woman. If you gave it all away, let's face it, you are screwed.

PS

All the BS about nurturing and equality is just that. Guys who are trying to delude themselves that they have a 'good one'. Some women are good, some are bad, trouble is men can't tell the difference between the good and the bad.

Oh yeh, same applies to men, same applies to all nationalities of men and women.

Women delude themselves, their guy is different too!

(sorry girls, we aren't different, in Thailand we all go for a 'massage')

Speak for yourself pal.

[crazygreg44]

Thanks. These are the typical replies I was expecting. It is good to know that there are no real generalizations and that it is couple and individual dependent. I think there is no real way to know for sure how a person will age, but it is safe to say that if you treat your partner with the respect they deserve, and they reciprocate of course, the relationship will stand a much better chance as looks go away and is replaced by attraction by friendship, companionship and, most importantly, love.

BTW, I'm not marrying a plant or buying a woman.

Here is a joke that I received, pretty funny:

World's shortest fairy tale

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?"

The girl said, 'NO!'

And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.

The end

wrong- left the toilet seat DOWN when takin the leak ! Or was this person the Woman ?

[Hooters]

Thai woman age dreadfully as do most Asian women in general. They get FAT.

Ever seen a skinny mamasam?