Thinking Of Not Sending My Son To School This Year

[joequinn]

My son will be 4 in August and we had planned to start him in school next month – we have even bought the uniforms. My wife and I have been thinking about it though, and we are considering waiting until next year. This is partly selfish because he is our first child and we want to have more time with him, but it is also because I feel that he is going to have long enough time in school. We were planning on starting him in anuban 1, but wonder if we would be better waiting until next year. He socialises with other kids already and my wife has thought him his Gaw Gai and ABCs. We both work from home so can spend a lot of time with him. What do other people think? Would delaying another year until he is almost 5 be a bad idea?

[venturalaw]

Have you considered homeschooling - which it sounds like you already started on at least on a limited basis? I heard that there are homeschooling websites based in Bangkok. I haven't checked, but plan to when my little one approaches school age.

[g00dgirl]

I think it would be the best choice you can make, not to send your child to school that early.

A young child needs his family and trusted persons the most, children learn from people they trust and know, by observing their parents, family, older children, grandparents, neighbors.

Your child, without a doubt, is learning right now, every day. He learns what he is interested in at any given moment. He imitates what you do, talks to you, listens to you and the people he knows. He learned how to walk and climb, how to listen and talk, without a teacher making him do so. He learned because that is what children naturally do, without being forced or coerced. And they enjoy it (until they start school).

What would happen if you put him in school? He would be told to stop doing whatever he is doing or playing, to pay attention to whatever everyone is supposed to do. The message for him will be, what I want to learn or do is not important, not good. He will be asked to do things that don't make sense to him, things where he doesn't know why he needs to do them. He will not learn as much from doing those things. He will be with children of the same age, there is a lot more rivalry and the natural environment where older children are there to intervene and to serve as role models is not there (unless maybe in a Montessori or somewhere with mixed age groups).

He would not have as much contact to you and especially to older children to observe and imitate and make sense of the world. He would need to build a trusting relationships to the teacher, depending on the teacher more or less successfully, teachers also change.

There will not be as much attention to his needs as you can give him at home. One teacher and many students as opposed to in your case 2 parents and one child. Children learn and explore when their other needs are met. If they are hungry, thirsty, hot, cold, getting sick, tired, have to pee, it can all distract them and stop them from doing something until the need it met. The needs are more likely not to be met or not as quickly as they would at home with parents and people who know him well.

Socializing in school, what does it mean, being told to stop talking to friends, be quiet, listen, stop running around. A young child needs to move for the body to develop and to be healthy. It is unnatural for a young child to sit still on a chair for longer periods every day.

I could go on ..

You can read about unschooling to become aware of a lot of problems associated with school.

[lopburi3]

Total nonsense in my view. If you do not have him attend school you risk him starting behind and remaining there. Most good such schooling is fun and learning games/relationships and are helpful and not places to sit in a chair and have there minds put in little box's (as the song) all day.

[gregb]

Given that our twins are just about to turn 1, school is still a ways off, but my wife and I talk about this constantly. Many around here recommend sending the children to school once they turn 2. Two? I think that is a bit absurd myself. I didn't start school until I was 5, and I turned out just fine. Could have waited longer as far as I'm concerned. Was #1 in my class until I got to university. It didn't hurt me at all that I didn't have 3 extra years on indoctrination into whatever society considers to be an appropriate product.

Conventional schools today are mostly an assembly line for turning out citizen units that have been programmed with the correct mannerisms to support the establishment. It is questionable whether such programming really helps them at all. Whether or not your child excels at school is largely up to the child. The time at which you start formal education in the state sponsored system is most irrelevant in my opinion. Of course, if you never bother to teach them to read, then expecting them to pick it up later in life is somewhat unreasonable, but as long as they have the basics, then the optimal time to teach the advanced work is whenever the child is ready and willing to hear it. At 4, your son is still a sponge. I know my boy and girl are. If you simply spend a few hours every day teaching them how to read, and simple math, and they otherwise have peers their age to interact with, I don't see any reason to send them to a state sponsored school just yet.

Let them grow up the way they were meant to grow before you start the indoctrination process. They'll be good social automatons soon enough. Let them be themselves for now. Teach them at home until you feel incapable of teaching them any more.

[Flatouthruthefog]

<br />Have you considered homeschooling - which it sounds like you already started on at least on a limited basis? I heard that there are homeschooling websites based in Bangkok. I haven't checked, but plan to when my little one approaches school age.<br />

<br /><br /><br />

I tend to agree and choose a few truths from 2 other posters here.

Our boy underwent 'home schooling' as, of course, all very young children do and it went smoothly with my wife and I, grandma, and 2 older neices.

At 3 he started at a local(semi rural)kindergarten, then attended another in the city and is now in the Anubarn 3 of a big school at 5.5 years. He has been very happy in all and I can promise you there has been no 'law and order' or 'sitting still' in any of them. Plenty movement, fun, games (learning through playing and learning to get along with others - vital) and only one worry. The first place was a little overcrowded (kids) and under-staffed (staff!) so supervision was a bit lax. Some over-aggressive play and too many minor injuries from falls.

I think 5 is a perfectly acceptable age to start school, provided the child has already been given enough time and encouragement (and inter action with others of the same age) at home base.

But I would never advocate home schooling at later ages. Not only does it not form a foundation for the evil necessities of passing exams and good resume (cv) later in life, it can lead to social (and unsocial) problems.

A western friend in Thailand has 2 boys who have been home schooled by Mum here for several years. The eldest has rebelled, demanded to be sent back to his own (western) country and at 17 is a trainee bar tender. The youngest, at 14, is still very firmly attached to Mum. Far too much so, in my view.

There is a middle path.

[andrewbkk]

Total nonsense in my view. If you do not have him attend school you risk him starting behind and remaining there. Most good such schooling is fun and learning games/relationships and are helpful and not places to sit in a chair and have there minds put in little box's (as the song) all day.

Gotta agree. Kids love school. Way better than staying at home.

[g00dgirl]

Gotta agree. Kids love school. Way better than staying at home.

Children who don't go to school don't necessarily stay at home all day. They have more time to do various things with their parents, like traveling, day trips, visiting family, being outside, swimming, exploring nature, helping in the garden, caring for animals ...

Even while at home, they are exposed to daily routines, family live, preparing food, housework, meals with the family, caring for smaller children, the elderly and babies, all skills that are getting less well known because children are isolated from real life in school especially if the school day only ends at 4 or 5 pm followed by homework.

If a young child asks to go to school and enjoys it then it's fine. Half-day would be preferable.

Not all kids love school.

Even teachers regard school itself as punishment, after all an unruly child is occasionally punished by staying late.

A 2 or 3 year old who is dropped off at nursery pre-school kindergarden, whatever you call it, and cries terribly because the separation from the parents is unwanted and unnatural surely does not enjoy being at school. This child is losing a lot of trust in the stability of his life and relationship to the parents and it can manifest itself throughout life.

[notbritish]

A cheap pre-school with few activities restricted to a single room might be bad for kid, but in LOS they are a lot of pre-school around 60-100k baht per term which are world class and have every possible activity. If a kid prefers to stay home over this, he has some kind of chemical imbalance or it's because you let him watch too much of his precious TV.

I would rather go to our kid's preschool than stay home myself. Learning Thai, playing with other children with amazing toys,soccer, swimming, good food, a good nap, singing and stories, arts.. I envy them.

A basic pre-school might be a bad idea though, It's just prison for kids. They need a place that light their eyes up when you cross the door.

[venturalaw]

I tend to agree and choose a few truths from 2 other posters here.

Our boy underwent 'home schooling' as, of course, all very young children do and it went smoothly with my wife and I, grandma, and 2 older neices.

At 3 he started at a local(semi rural)kindergarten, then attended another in the city and is now in the Anubarn 3 of a big school at 5.5 years. He has been very happy in all and I can promise you there has been no 'law and order' or 'sitting still' in any of them. Plenty movement, fun, games (learning through playing and learning to get along with others - vital) and only one worry. The first place was a little overcrowded (kids) and under-staffed (staff!) so supervision was a bit lax. Some over-aggressive play and too many minor injuries from falls.

I think 5 is a perfectly acceptable age to start school, provided the child has already been given enough time and encouragement (and inter action with others of the same age) at home base.

But I would never advocate home schooling at later ages. Not only does it not form a foundation for the evil necessities of passing exams and good resume (cv) later in life, it can lead to social (and unsocial) problems.

A western friend in Thailand has 2 boys who have been home schooled by Mum here for several years. The eldest has rebelled, demanded to be sent back to his own (western) country and at 17 is a trainee bar tender. The youngest, at 14, is still very firmly attached to Mum. Far too much so, in my view.

There is a middle path.

Children who don't go to school don't necessarily stay at home all day. They have more time to do various things with their parents, like traveling, day trips, visiting family, being outside, swimming, exploring nature, helping in the garden, caring for animals ...

Even while at home, they are exposed to daily routines, family live, preparing food, housework, meals with the family, caring for smaller children, the elderly and babies, all skills that are getting less well known because children are isolated from real life in school especially if the school day only ends at 4 or 5 pm followed by homework.

If a young child asks to go to school and enjoys it then it's fine. Half-day would be preferable.

Not all kids love school.

Even teachers regard school itself as punishment, after all an unruly child is occasionally punished by staying late.

A 2 or 3 year old who is dropped off at nursery pre-school kindergarden, whatever you call it, and cries terribly because the separation from the parents is unwanted and unnatural surely does not enjoy being at school. This child is losing a lot of trust in the stability of his life and relationship to the parents and it can manifest itself throughout life.

Two interesting posts. When it comes to children, one-size certainly does not fit all. I agree that a mix of homeschooling and attending an institution where children are exposed to scholastic competition is superior to choosing exclusively one methodology or another.

Edited April 13, 2011 by venturalaw

[Boo]

my 2 main issues with home schooling is the risk of the child not having the normal level of socialization, esp in Thailand where there are so few homeschoolers & also that many parents don't actually do any of the activities that one poster suggested (lazy homeschooling) or that they don't have the necessary skills to teach to a level necessary for the child to be on par with children in the school system.

I don't doubt that homeschooling works well for many families & that it offers a alternative to the usual route but I also don't believe it to be the best option for the majority

[chivo]

if you have the time and patience to give to the child, you can teach things at home, and build your bonds.

you could consider a kids playgroup for a couple hours a week to build socialization.

there is this 'achiever mom' mindset out there that kids need to get drilled into success and memorization learning so young, so aggressive, doesnt sound happy to me.

i didnt start kindergarten until 5, and first grade until six, and i turned out fine (carreer-wise anyways!)

this bit about sending kids to school at 2 or 3 is rather severe in my opinion.

i'd rather have a happy curious kid than a trained-seal kid who can recite the list of all the presidents ever.

[TravelerEastWest]

A cheap pre-school with few activities restricted to a single room might be bad for kid, but in LOS they are a lot of pre-school around 60-100k baht per term which are world class and have every possible activity. If a kid prefers to stay home over this, he has some kind of chemical imbalance or it's because you let him watch too much of his precious TV.

I would rather go to our kid's preschool than stay home myself. Learning Thai, playing with other children with amazing toys,soccer, swimming, good food, a good nap, singing and stories, arts.. I envy them.

A basic pre-school might be a bad idea though, It's just prison for kids. They need a place that light their eyes up when you cross the door.

A great post - I agree.

Schools are more fun than staying at home - plenty of time to be with the family on the weekends and holidays.

A big mistake to keep kids at home if you have a good school available. From 2 of they go.

[aussiebebe]

As you both work at home, starting your son later in school sounds like a great idea, you are lucky to have such a wonderful opportunity and most parents would do the same if they could. The principle reasons for Pre-Kindergarten is usually that the parents work and the only drawback of a child starting later is not learning to make friends and share, but your son has plenty of friends already by the sounds of it. As long as he isn't pampered, you can teach him everything he'd learn at school, there are plenty of fantastic free websites like Starfall which even have their own curriculum for home learning.

Edited April 21, 2011 by aussiebebe

[Carry]

Well it is a question I struggle with too, we live on an island several schools around all of them public and the private one on the mainland is ridiculous expensive....

What do you do?

I hear many things about Thai education, going back to my home country means separation from my partner and am not sure that breaking up the family just for education does my kid the world of good...

But I spoke to the local English teacher...and couldnt make out a word she was saying I am not kidding...well that worries me and besides that I want my kid to learn to read and write my native language.

My neighbour has a 4 year old that got a slap on the wrist for talking when she wasnt supposed to in class...I think that is very harsh espec. for kids in kindergarden!

I am drawn to homeschooling so I can teach my kid my language and at a level she would be getting when going to school in europe.

BUt I do think that the aspect of going to school is important too....not easy to know whats right!

[HaleySabai]

"Total nonsense in my view. If you do not have him attend school you risk him starting behind and remaining there"

Yes, Total Non-sense! don't let your child be a victim of your own insecurities and fears of the future. This trend to hike the kid off to school as early as 2yrs old is insane. From birth to 6yrs is a unique period of divine-leisure where the child's natural intelligence and curiosity is free to develop. School too early is starting the process of conformity(especially in Thailand).... Home schooling is a very basic and fundamental action that all parents should take interest in.

[jazzbo]

Given several of the posts above, I think that home schooling is an option for the parent who is concerned that -- should their child go to school and spend time in animated discussion with their fellow school/play-mates -- they will then realize what a total nut-case they have for their non-Thai parent.

[sinbin]

My eldest daughter started playschool at two & a half. It was the best decision we made. Before she was shy and withdrawn because of locals touching and staring at her, but not any more. We also have twins who will be 2 years & 1 month next month. They have just been accepted for the same school next month. We have no hesitations in sending them.

[Carry]

Where Im from toddlers go to preschool two mornings a week when they're 2 years old and 3 mornings when they're 3 years old, they play learn basic things with kids same age...fair enough good thing but in Thailand soem kids go to school 5 full days [8 till 5]days a week on the age of 2,5 and learn to read and write amongst many other things and playing is not really one of them....sick brain who is telling me that that is a good thing, because it is not!

Talked to a Thai parent the other day and the teacher had complained that her boy was not paying attention well enough....no kiddin'!

Kids should go to school, nothing harmful in that but def. not on such an early age!

Edited May 1, 2011 by Carry

[Nawtier]

My kids started at 3yo. The older boy was the first and I hesitated in wanting him to go so young. I started at 5yo and figured there was no way I wanted my kid to endure an extra 2 years of school for nothing.

How wrong I was ......we started him at 3 as we had a great Montessori school a 1 minute walk behind our house......he loved it and it was very good for him. He was reading a lot at 4yo.

Now he is 9yo and simply loves school and never wants to stay home. We are able to use the threats of staying home from school as punishment. Apart from the normal learning at their current school, they have a great range of after school hours clubs and activities which they join in 4 nights a week. They love it.

So good was the experience for him that we started our girl at 3yo also and she is the same now, loves it. In fact due to circumstances at the new school we moved to 2 years ago, she is now 6yo and will be in grade 3 come this August. If she can keep this up and finish school life 2 years early, she will be extremely lucky.

My kids are certainly not conformed by going to school early, anything but that in fact. We were also and still are both stay at home parents, so at first when the boy started it was a very selfish thought to keep him home with us for another year or 2. They need to develop outside just the home and parents environment and it worked out very well for our kids.

[Nawtier]

in Thailand soem kids go to school 5 full days [8 till 5]days a week on the age of 2,5 and learn to read and write amongst many other things and playing is not really one of them....sick brain who is telling me that that is a good thing, because it is not!

Kids should go to school, nothing harmful in that but def. not on such an early age!

Read my post above......complete opposite to your thoughts and proof of what it can be like.....a great experience for them.

They both went 5 days a week from 3yo.......they loved it....they learnt all the good basic stuff....but believe me they spent more time playing than not......but also while playing if the games are right and fun...they can also be learning a lot.

It does of course depend on the school and teachers.

For various reasosn I had to send my daughter to a Thai school for 3 months and my son went to a bilingual...more thai than english for 6 months....they were both horrible schools and I would never do that again, I would keep them home instead.

It had a positive experience though, they learnt the difference between a crap school and a good one...they appreciate their current school very much.

[sinbin]

Thanks Nawtier, your post #20 really explains thing how I wanted to say things. 'Carry', I think you have the wrong times, '8 'til 5'. School for 2.5 year old children is 08:30 'til 15:00 with dinner and a sleep period within that. No specific sleep time is imposed and no pressures are put on the child to conform. Also there is no pressure on the parents to send them 5 days a week, it's up to them. But once the children get to liking it, just try and not send them every day.

[Carry]

I double checked it, school for all ages is 8 to 5 here...which I think is ridiculous for kids so young.

Fi

ne your toddler goes a few days [half days] or even 5 if it can function as a daycare for some parents and sure they learn while playing and all that.

And its wonderful if your kid loves it and handles it well but not whole days and no learning with books as they do here! and although Im sure they play a lot too and yes the kids have a nap in the afternoon imo ti be actually writing and reading that age is way to young it requires them to sit and listen for more than a little bit and not many of the young ones seem able to do that and they shoudnt have to that age! Thai parents are very proud and convinced their child will be smart when it grows up due to going to school so young.

Surely they do it with the best intention.

Not my kid...

Going to kindergarden that age is fine, starting school at 4 is fine but anything but playing at the age of 2 is just not fine in my book.

But than again every parent should decide what their kid is up to on which age.

[Nawtier]

I double checked it, school for all ages is 8 to 5 here...which I think is ridiculous for kids so young.

you double checked wrong then.

My kids go to school from 8 till 3.30.

[Carry]

Well I dont know where your kids go to school but the school nearest to where we live has these hours, I would def. consider it when the hours would be 8.30/3.30

Edited May 3, 2011 by Carry