Please Can Anyone Help With My Step Daughter

[snoopar1]

Dear all

Hi there hope you are all well. I am new to this please excuse me i just really need some help and advice i really am at a loss and do not know what else to do, this maybe a long one please bear with me.

My partner and i have been together 4 years, prior to this my partner married a Thai lady and left to come back to England after finding out some things. They have a daughter together who is now 7 years old. Since being back in the UK we have sent vast amounts of money and whenever we have wanted to visit his daughter she would move and not tell us where they were, we had many calls for big hospital bills and emergency's. His ex wife finally agreed that being in the UK was best for there daughter as we could support her better and his daughter wants to come. Last year we were arranging this when we had a call from his ex wife stating that she wanted a big amount of money for a gambling debt and if we could not send it she would kill there daughter a threat we took seriously. What would you not do for your daughter? Well he did something he shouldn't of and ended up in prison last year. Since then i have tirelessly tried everything i can to bring his daughter to the UK, something his ex wife says she wants but she never does anything i ask or turns her phone of for weeks at a time and wont return emails.

My questions are many i am sorry.

How do i obtain a copy of his daughters birth certificate? It was not registered with the embassy.

What do i need to complete a passport application?

Can i legally bring her back here, her dad is a British citizen as am i.

I am trying desperately to obtain a copy of there marriage certificate something she keep's promising to fax but doesn't do. My partner paid to register it with the GRO office but having done a trace they cannot find it and he cannot remember the name of the office they married at in Bangkok.

I have sat up night upon night trying to figure this mess out, i do not have allot of money due to my partner being in prison and paying to support his daughter and live myself. I have emailed every office i can think of and they pass me to another one and so on no one seem's to listen or give me the advice i need.

Please can someone answer even one of my questions? I am starting to feel really depressed about the whole thing and do not know where to turn next, i am tired and cannot cope with the worry of her safety any more, she gets sick all the time and i feel so helpless.

Thank you for listening to me x

[vont]

Sent you an email.

Respond if you like.

Whatever you do, stop sending her any more money for the time being.

It seems like you are being taken advantages of big time.

Sorry about the desperate move taken by your partner.

Keep a clear head always, so you can solve this problem intelligently, ok?

[Mario2008]

The father needs to pay child support. Under Thai law the typical ammount is between 3,000 and 6,000 baht a month, plus the parents would share the medical and educational cost.

It seems the child is British and doesn't need a visa for the UK, if it travels with a British passport. A Thai passport can only be obtained with approval of both parents. Not sure what the rules are for a Biritsh passport.

You say ex-wife. Are they divorced? If they are divorced they will have returned the wedding certificates, as that is required. Instead one gets a divorce certificate. marriage and divorce is entered into a computer database, which can be consulted by any amphur. Any amphur should be able to give a copy from the entry into the wedding register. If they are still married, the father has full parental rights.

If they are indeed still married, both parents hold custody over the child. Legally he can just take his child away from Thailand, (Thailand doesn't have any parental kidnapping laws) but that will only mean a shift of the legal battle and might not be in his favour. You yourself cannot bring the child to the UK without permission. If you do, you might risk being charged with kidnapping.

A Thai judge will always consider the interest of the child and the Thai courts are reluctant to grant a parent sole custody. Normally that is only done if the other parent is incapable of taking care of the child or a danger to the child.The father being in jail will not be looked favourably upon by any judge, Thai or British. And till he is out of jail he is not able to take care of the child and thus by default it will be very unlikely that he will recieve sole custody before he is free again.

In custody battles I always advise to keep a diary of what the mother does (says and pays etc) to document the other party is not taking good care and the father is.

Do consider the child in all this and what she wants and is best for her. The father might now be a complete stranger to her. Children don't have a good memery, till they are about 4 years old.

[MikeyIdea]

I agree with everything Mario2008 says and emphasise;

Do NOT move the problem to England by doing something stupid like taking the child against a parents will or without getting written or video confirmation that the parent agree to do it

The most common custody scenario after a divorce is that both parents still keep shared custody of the child. An Amphur will provide information about marriage / divorce / custody status of Thai citizen no problem. Copy of Thai birth certificate required

Stop paying money now. Replace whatever you paid with 100 bath per day and not a bath more regardless of what the parent threatens with. Continue to pay 100 bath per day also if you are told that the child is dying because of a car accident and the hospital is throwing her out on the street because they can't pay (bullshit, government hospitals don't)

Keep evidence of all correspondance, keep recording every single phone conversation, keep diary, gather evidence first, perhaps for a year even, then go to court in Thailand

[snoopar1]

thank you so much for your answers and help. My step daughter is now 7, she remembers her dad well and has always wanted to live here, i spoke with her on the phone last week where she again insisted she wants to live in the uk with her dad and me.

Her mum keeps emailing saying she wants her daughter to come to the uk as she cannot take care of her and keeps having to leave her in the village with her mum, i ask her to provide me with necessary info and then i hear no more from her. We have always paid prob a little to much we pay £80 per week.

She will now not tell me where they are living and i dont know how to track her down, they are still married and we want her to give us a copy of the marriage certificate but she never sends it i dont know which office to obtain a copy from?

The constant worry and stress of not knowing where she is gets to much, thank you again for your help x

[pete_r]

Her mum keeps emailing saying she wants her daughter to come to the uk as she cannot take care of her and keeps having to leave her in the village with her mum, i ask her to provide me with necessary info and then i hear no more from her. We have always paid prob a little to much we pay £80 per week.

£80 per week is definitely too much. If she sends her daughter to the UK, she will lose that, and for most in Thailand £80/week is just too good to give up, whatever she says in her e-mails.

For some perspective, a factory worker in Bangkok or Rayong (the main industrial regions) earns 1200-1500 Bahts/week basic salary, perhaps 2000 Bahts/week with overtime, meaning 12 hours a day 6 days per week. That works out to £40/week. Currently with her daughter she can get twice that amount for free.

Conclusion, you need to reduce how much you send, but be prepared for complaints and emotional blackmail such as hospital/school/... bills to pay. Request her to send a (readable) photo or scan of the invoice, and have someone who can read Thai confirm that it was for the daughter.

[Mirth]

thank you so much for your answers and help. My step daughter is now 7, she remembers her dad well and has always wanted to live here, i spoke with her on the phone last week where she again insisted she wants to live in the uk with her dad and me.

Her mum keeps emailing saying she wants her daughter to come to the uk as she cannot take care of her and keeps having to leave her in the village with her mum, i ask her to provide me with necessary info and then i hear no more from her. We have always paid prob a little to much we pay £80 per week.

She will now not tell me where they are living and i dont know how to track her down, they are still married and we want her to give us a copy of the marriage certificate but she never sends it i dont know which office to obtain a copy from?

The constant worry and stress of not knowing where she is gets to much, thank you again for your help x

1) You solve and accomplish nothing oceans apart.

2) Do you or your husband know anyone who can do the weekly disbursing of allowance for you here? Reason being, that same person can vouch the well being of the kid weekly. Same goes for emergencies.

3) This kind of issues usually take large sum of money to settle. Put aside your emotional feelings and start thinking sly and crafty, you will know how this game is being played and you will be able to make better judgement and decisions.

4) The sad truth is the kid is currently an ATM card while you are the machine. The documents you want can be obtained within a week and usually free unless you want them translated and verified true copies by the MFA here which you will need to. The ex wife ain't going to do any of those cos no sane person will chuck their ATM if not offered a better choice which brings us back to point 3 above.

5) This thing can end up real messy so best you talk to your husband first. The idea is you have to know how to play the game.

Wishing you the best of luck and sorry to read about your husband. Heads up, be strong and the best will come to you.

Edited May 16, 2011 by Mirth

[podgey]

Scam artists are unethical

[Mario2008]

thank you so much for your answers and help. My step daughter is now 7, she remembers her dad well and has always wanted to live here, i spoke with her on the phone last week where she again insisted she wants to live in the uk with her dad and me.

Her mum keeps emailing saying she wants her daughter to come to the uk as she cannot take care of her and keeps having to leave her in the village with her mum, i ask her to provide me with necessary info and then i hear no more from her. We have always paid prob a little to much we pay £80 per week.

She will now not tell me where they are living and i dont know how to track her down, they are still married and we want her to give us a copy of the marriage certificate but she never sends it i dont know which office to obtain a copy from?

The constant worry and stress of not knowing where she is gets to much, thank you again for your help x

Any amphur can give a copy of the entry into the marriage register, if the marriage is not older than about 10 years. Since then they are online. if the marriage is much older, one can get the copy from the amphur where they got married. (I'm not sure about the exact year in which they started to register it in an online database).

A copy must probably applied for in person or with a power of autorney.