Saw Wa Dee Krap

[deejah]

i have been reading and meditating on and off for years

but feel like an absolute beginner

before i search the internet for the best forum for (no-)self improvement

i thought i would start here, as thai visa is and was my first and only forum

in my many decades on the earth

and thorough many fantastic and spiritual experiences

i realized that i have never had a clear/empty mind, ever, at all, or for only a split second

it is time for me to reach out to others with similar interests

and hope to get some feedback support and fellowship

in my journey

a journey of values that have little or nothing to do with the everyday outside world

or what we are taught and learn in society and culture

in fact aux contraire

i know what i want lies inside of me

but i feel alone in my path

and, well, like i am not really getting anywhere

or if i am progressing, evolving, developing, it is a very very slow process

so that's my 25 satang for today

thanks for reading

[deejah]

75 views

thoughts, feelings, reflections, feedback, conversation???

anyone????

[huli]

75 views

thoughts, feelings, reflections, feedback, conversation???

anyone????

I was a bit intrigued by your posting and sent you a pm yesterday. I don't see any reply from you so far. I imagine that is because you didn't get it. I thought that would be the preferred venue for a conversation versus a public forum.

[Xangsamhua]

What specifically do you want to discuss, Deejah?

Your personal history sounds interesting ("many fantastic and spiritual experiences" over "many decades"), but you feel you are getting nowhere. Nowhere towards what? That might be a good place to start.

Myself when young did eagerly frequent

Doctor and Saint and heard great Argument

About it and about: but evermore

Came out by the same Door as in I went.

(Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam, XXVII)

Maybe there's nowhere to seek and find. Perhaps just where you are now in its fullness and depth is Buddha-nature, just waiting for you to find it. You might like to have a look at Shunryu Suzuki's Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind to clarify this and perhaps to be affirmed in who and where you are right now.

You feel like an absolute beginner. That may in fact be a condition for enlightenment.

Again, what are your specific questions and insights, Deejah?

[fabianfred]

I also love the Rubaiyat..

"'tis all a chequer board of nights and days,

where destiny with men for pieces plays,

hither and thither moves and mates and slays,

and one by one, back in the closet lays."

to the OP... your first sentence..."i have been reading and meditating on and off for years

but feel like an absolute beginner".....

it is the 'on and off' which is why you feel you have made no real progress.

If we try to boil a kettle and keep unplugging it it will never boil.

Intensive practice is the key.....which is why intensive retreats are the best.

[Jawnie]

Your original post has some inconsistencies, but not to worry. They are that you've been on a path for years and had many spiritual experiences...but no progress. This is pretty contradictory. Since you'er looking for feedback, I'll provide a few thoughts. Since you've been practicing on your own, it's likely that you've made very little progress - sorry to say it. It is always advisable to associate yourself with some form of sangha, or group of dharma practitioners, and especially if they group is headed by a legitimate master. So, I think that's the next step for you - associating with a functioning sangha. It could be a Thai sangha, but there are others, though if you're in Thailand, that's all you'll find. The point is that it's nearly impossible to make real progress on your own, you need a teacher. There is a type of person in Buddhism who is able to progress on their own without a teacher, but my guess is that you aren't one of them, otherwise you wouldn't be here asking. Hope this doesn't sound to harsh.

[deejah]

great stuff

i have been put in my place

thanks folks

mak mak

lately i am finding my chi and center

i have a chilling and deep connection with nature

i am only beginning to grasp

does anyone else have this know this feel this

i think it is very special

recently i felt compelled to follow words of the toa

and lo and behold

it is all about noticing nature and the nature of things!!!

also big wow

i read susziki ZMBM decades ago!!!

this has stuck with me

all these years from that book:

to have no opinion and to mind your own business

[Xangsamhua]

great stuff

i have been put in my place

thanks folks

mak mak

lately i am finding my chi and center

i have a chilling and deep connection with nature

i am only beginning to grasp

does anyone else have this know this feel this

i think it is very special

recently i felt compelled to follow words of the toa

and lo and behold

it is all about noticing nature and the nature of things!!!

also big wow

i read susziki ZMBM decades ago!!!

this has stuck with me

all these years from that book:

to have no opinion and to mind your own business

Looks like you're on the right track, Deejah.

Re the "deep connection with nature" (not sure about the "chilling" bit), I had this sense strongly, of a real connectedness with nature, 20+ years ago during a time of some anxiety (had just put quite a bit of money into a business). But it went away and hasn't really ever come back with anything like that intensity.

I think it was what Maslow referred to as an"oceanic", mystical or nature experience. It was actually very nice to go out running with this embracing sense of oneness with nature. As emotional equilibrium was regained, however, the non-duality was lost and the world became an "I - other" place again.

Some years later I took up the classic position of sitting and looking at the waves rolling in from the Pacific and tried to recapture that sense, but it didn't happen.

[onionluke]

I also love the Rubaiyat..

"'tis all a chequer board of nights and days,

where destiny with men for pieces plays,

hither and thither moves and mates and slays,

and one by one, back in the closet lays."

to the OP... your first sentence..."i have been reading and meditating on and off for years

but feel like an absolute beginner".....

it is the 'on and off' which is why you feel you have made no real progress.

If we try to boil a kettle and keep unplugging it it will never boil.

Intensive practice is the key.....which is why intensive retreats are the best.

I also love the Rubiyat and it reapears every now and then , thank you .

Come fill the glass

and in the fire of spring

the winter garment of repentence fling.

[beautifulthailand99]

My gift to you Onion Luke Chok Dee

[Jawnie]

And this is why we go to very public internet chat rooms and forums, asking for feedback, to tell people this?

...to have no opinion and to mind your own business