Medical Developments For Men

[Jai Dee]

BEYOND VIAGRA:

With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer the manufacturer, is bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men in today's society.

DIRECTRA:

A dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions when they got lost, compared to a control group of 0.2 percent.

PROJECTRA:

Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to actually finish a household repair project before starting a new one.

CHILDAGRA:

Men taking this drug reported a sudden, overwhelming urge to perform more child-care tasks - especially cleaning up spills and "little accidents."

COMPLIMENTRA:

In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle. Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new clothing.

BUYAGRA:

Married and otherwise attached men reported a sudden urge to buy their sweeties expensive jewelry and gifts after talking this drug for only two days. Still to be seen: whether the drug can be continued for a period longer than your favorites store's return limit.

NEGA-VIAGRA:

Has the exact opposite effect of Viagra. Currently undergoing clinical trials on sitting U.S. President.

NEGA-SPORTAGRA:

This drug had the strange effect of making men want to turn off televised sports and actually converse with other family members.

FLATULAGRA:

This complex drug converts men's noxious intestinal gases back into food solids. Special bonus: Dosage can be doubled for long car rides.

FLYAGRA:

This drug has been showing great promise in treating men with O.F.D. (Open Fly Disorder). Especially useful for men on Viagra.

PRYAGRA:

About to fail its clinical trial, this drug gave men in the test group an irresistible urge to dig into the personal affairs of other people. Note: Apparent overdose turned three test subjects into "special prosecutors."

LIAGRA:

This drug causes men to be less than truthful when being asked about their sexual affairs. Will be available Regular, Grand Jury and Presidential Strength versions.