Do's And Don'ts

[gbt71fa]

Miss Universe does a good job of waiing (sp) on her commercial, or so my gf says. I want to thank everyone here as I am meeting the parents in Feb. in Ban Pong, getting married in August.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

you're right. I am getting good info/intel from this forum and I am hoping that I can put it to good use. I get engaged/meet parents in January and married in May. Good luck to you, sir.

[Mighty Mouse]

When I visited the in-laws for the first time, I took with me a cask of wine that I had brought from Australia.

Her family and neighbours came out of the woodwork to meet me and to have a drink of Aussie wine.

I have other mates who went into the hills to meet their spouse's family. They had to buy almost all of the beer and spirits kept in a local store so as to provide a drink for all the family members and visitors.

Farangs in some of those sleepy hollows are a rare sight, so be prepared to be the centre of attention for the duration of your visit.

[think_too_mut]

Years before visiting GF's family I learned they know nothing about wine. She chilled a bottle of red and drunk it with ice with her friends.

Other tips:

Practice to sit on the floor with legs crossed. You may soon get tired, don't put your legs sideways, that's how women sit.

If you can't sit like that for long time (i.e. most of the day), arrange with your gf to ensure there is a chair or something for you.

As villagers never wear socks, you would be probably barefoot too when inside. You may note glances over your toes - I was told that means women are assessing the size of your dick, told they believed it was proportionate with the toes. Laughed at that but heard of it 2 more times in different places.

Presents: if you are driving, stop at closest Lotus/tesco and let your gf pick something.

Mine usually does not even stop, if she has something for them it's a brum or some inexpensive house item.

Upon arrival we go to the local shops and bring drinks and snacks.

Things like brand name drinks and chocolates won't receive much if any attention. I was always told to keep them for myself and get locals lao khao or beer chang.

For children - let your gf pick, she would know what snacks they like. If there are children in her family, other children from neighbourhood would come in droves.

My gf once brought with us 4 large pizzaz from Pizza Hut and offered to 20+ kids that came to the house to try. They see them on TV commercials all day but have never seen nor tasted them (they had to be microvawe reheated first, 4 hrs from BKK they got cold).

Bring mosquito repelant and toilet paper. If you smoke, bring extra cigs as visitors would like to try one from your pack and you stay dry.

[Gary A]

The best thing to do is to marry an orphan. If you can't do that here are a few pointers: DON'T wai. It looks like a simple thing but it is NOT. To make a good impression smile a lot and don't raise your voice. Dress nicely and give a slight bow to adults you are introduced to. Offer to shake hands with the adult men. Just smile at the children. Take the coward's way out as far as money. Give it to the girlfriend and let her decide how to spend it. You either won't give enough or more likely you will give too much. Decide with your girlfriend how much you want to spend and let her handle it. She will have a big face and you won't have to worry. If she has been previously married or if she already has children there is NO dowry.

[gbt71fa]

Years before  visiting GF's family I learned they know nothing about wine. She chilled a bottle of red and drunk it with ice with her friends.

Other tips:

Practice to sit on the floor with legs crossed. You may soon get tired, don't put your legs sideways, that's how women sit.

If you can't sit like that for long time (i.e. most of the day), arrange with your gf to ensure there is a chair or something for you.

As villagers never wear socks, you would be probably barefoot too when inside. You may note glances over your toes - I was told that means women are assessing the size of your dick, told they believed it was proportionate with the toes. Laughed at that but heard of it 2 more times in different places.

Presents: if you are driving, stop at closest Lotus/tesco and let your gf pick something. 

Mine usually does not even stop, if she has something for them it's a brum or some inexpensive house item.

Upon arrival we go to the local shops and bring drinks and snacks.

Things like brand name drinks and chocolates won't receive much if any attention. I was always told to keep them for myself and get locals lao khao or beer chang.

For children - let your gf pick, she would know what snacks they like. If there are children in her family, other children from neighbourhood would come in droves.

My gf once brought with us 4 large pizzaz from Pizza Hut and offered to 20+ kids that came to the house to try. They see them on TV commercials all day but have never seen nor tasted them (they had to be microvawe reheated first, 4 hrs from BKK they got cold).

Bring mosquito repelant and toilet paper. If you smoke, bring extra cigs as visitors would like to try one from your pack and you stay dry.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

thanks for the info. I can't sit on my legs or even cross them because I was hurt a little durring the war a few years ago. That is really the only time they bother me. I went to a temple with her and I pretty much had to crawl out because I tried to sit on them. Oww. Will they be insulted if I just sit on my tush if I tell them why I can't sit like they do?

[sbk]

Of course not, disability is always a good reason.

I have to say I disagree heartily with the advice to not "wai". It is an integral part of Thai culture and to try to do it will only show your good heartedness. Certainly no one will think you foolish for trying to show respect.

[daleyboy]

Dont worry about sitting on your legs or crossed legged, as long as you are not pointing your feet at anyone it isnt a problem. I always just sit with my legs outstretched to one side because i find it more comfortable, dont listen to the person who said this is just for women, do what is comfortable for you and doint point feet and you wont have any problems

[gbt71fa]

Dont worry about sitting on your legs or crossed legged, as long as you are not pointing your feet at anyone it isnt a problem. I always just sit with my legs outstretched to one side because i find it more comfortable, dont listen to the person who said this is just for women, do what is comfortable for you and doint point feet and you wont have any problems

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

thanks to dalet and sbk for information. I can walk around and just fine. I can even run like heck if I'm motivated enough but siting on my poor knees is not something I want to contemplate. My GF keeps trying to show how to wai properly so I will pick it up eventually.

[NordicMan]

Do learn to wai and make sure to wai grandma, mom, and dad immediately upon meeting them. A little courtesy goes a long way.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Thanks for that advice. I have to admit it feels incredible awkward for me to wai-I'm not sure why. But I will give it a go because they would be expected to shake hands with my family if they meet them. It is all bout respect. One more question: How far down do I wait? I don't want to look likeke a git and have my GF embarrassed.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

My wife rehearsed with me many times before I met her parents in the village the first time. I was told the tip of my fingers should be around eye level for the parents, and bow my head a little when i did it (like the #3 choice). And smile. It felt a bit awkward - but as you say, they're expected to shake hand with us if they come to farangland.

I'm 32. With her younger brother (24), I'll wai with my fingers below my chin, and he calls me pee. Same with her 29 year sister.

As a foreigner, nobody expect you to do it perfect - showing effort in trying to do it their way will give you a lot more credit than doing a perfect western handshake.

And be prepared to feel like an animal in the zoo. All the neighbour kids will come and look at you. Hardly anyone can speak English. You'll sit their and a steady stream of people will come to look at you, and you have no clue what they're saying and you can't talk back to them. Your gf may want to chit chat with other people and leave you alone with the guys - you may want to have her by your side to act as a translator.

Have some drinks with dad and his buddies, but don't get pissed.

The fried bugs doesn't taste bad at all. For grasshoppers, you'll take off all the intestines, legs etc. You're left with just the skin, which is deep fried... the only taste is from the frying oil. A bit like chips/crisps, just different shape. Try to eat at least one - the local people think it's very nice if you can do like them. get your gf to prepare it (pull off the legs, head etc.)

In my experience, the food is easy to eat. In the village, I usually eat only sticky rice, fried chicken and fried fish every day - for breakfast, lunch and dinner. My wife says her parents are very happy that I can eat the same food as them. I stay away from Som Tam and other very spicy things, but it's nice to try just once in front of them (even if your face turns red and you cough like you're about to die).

-NM

[andym528]

If she has been previously married or if she already has children there is NO dowry.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

While often the case, there is NO absolute rule about it.

[gbt71fa]

Do learn to wai and make sure to wai grandma, mom, and dad immediately upon meeting them. A little courtesy goes a long way.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Thanks for that advice. I have to admit it feels incredible awkward for me to wai-I'm not sure why. But I will give it a go because they would be expected to shake hands with my family if they meet them. It is all bout respect. One more question: How far down do I wait? I don't want to look likeke a git and have my GF embarrassed.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

My wife rehearsed with me many times before I met her parents in the village the first time. I was told the tip of my fingers should be around eye level for the parents, and bow my head a little when i did it (like the #3 choice). And smile. It felt a bit awkward - but as you say, they're expected to shake hand with us if they come to farangland.

I'm 32. With her younger brother (24), I'll wai with my fingers below my chin, and he calls me pee. Same with her 29 year sister.

As a foreigner, nobody expect you to do it perfect - showing effort in trying to do it their way will give you a lot more credit than doing a perfect western handshake.

And be prepared to feel like an animal in the zoo. All the neighbour kids will come and look at you. Hardly anyone can speak English. You'll sit their and a steady stream of people will come to look at you, and you have no clue what they're saying and you can't talk back to them. Your gf may want to chit chat with other people and leave you alone with the guys - you may want to have her by your side to act as a translator.

Have some drinks with dad and his buddies, but don't get pissed.

The fried bugs doesn't taste bad at all. For grasshoppers, you'll take off all the intestines, legs etc. You're left with just the skin, which is deep fried... the only taste is from the frying oil. A bit like chips/crisps, just different shape. Try to eat at least one - the local people think it's very nice if you can do like them. get your gf to prepare it (pull off the legs, head etc.)

In my experience, the food is easy to eat. In the village, I usually eat only sticky rice, fried chicken and fried fish every day - for breakfast, lunch and dinner. My wife says her parents are very happy that I can eat the same food as them. I stay away from Som Tam and other very spicy things, but it's nice to try just once in front of them (even if your face turns red and you cough like you're about to die).

-NM

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Thanks for the info, I will use it. The food can't be as bad as...I'll take that back. I would eat a live bug right now just to be in Thailand and not where I work now. I am envious of many of you. So long as I don't have to eay any bug legs...

[daleyboy]

Lol you will be on all the nasties when you get over to Thailand, mmmmmm bugs, raw pigs blood, dog and cat testicles, snake intestines

[think_too_mut]

Dont worry about sitting on your legs or crossed legged, as long as you are not pointing your feet at anyone it isnt a problem. I always just sit with my legs outstretched to one side because i find it more comfortable, dont listen to the person who said this is just for women, do what is comfortable for you and doint point feet and you wont have any problems

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I was not saying how I feel comfortable. It was about what Thais told me.

Apply the rule "this is how I feel comfortable" and what happens upcountry?

Probably, nothing tangible. Maybe some gossip going around that I care nothing of but my gf does.

[think_too_mut]

The fried bugs doesn't taste bad at all.  For grasshoppers, you'll take off all the intestines, legs etc.  You're left with just the skin, which is deep fried... the only taste is from the frying oil.  A bit like chips/crisps, just different shape.  Try to eat at least one - the local people think it's very nice if you can do like them.  get your gf to prepare it (pull off the legs, head etc.)

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Did they really present you with the bugs?

It's not their everyday's food, they could have played a trick and had you on.

In my case, my gf told the family what I like and that food (Thai food, a few dishes I like) was there, no surprises. At the porch, they have a round table with benches and all was ok.

Oh, another thing. 6:10 am every morning there was a broadcast of some news, very loud, emanating from the pole mounted communal loudspeakers. Unbearable. Hope that practice has ceased. A village can get noiser than BKK. The 10 million city can be quieter than a village.

[mrbojangles]

Oh, another thing. 6:10 am every morning there was a broadcast of some news, very loud, emanating from the pole mounted communal loudspeakers.

Did it happen at night as well? It's usually the Monks from the local Wat. In my experience anyway.

As for sitting, i've always been told to sit with my legs out to one side. Farangs look absolutely stupid and uncomfortable trying to sit like Thai's. There is no offence as long as you don't point your feet.

[BambinA]

(not sure that has anyone put it already or not)

Do - try to learn about simple Thai conversation alil bit , that can make people in LOS impress with you

Bambi

[gbt71fa]

(not sure  that has anyone put it already or not)

Do - try to learn about simple  Thai conversation  alil bit , that can  make people in LOS  impress with you

Bambi

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I already have a program on thai language and I'm just learning the basics-the most important, sor far-

chan cow mai chi

burr torrosop burr alrigh (er or something like that)

pom ruk koon (a big hit)

pom kit teun koon (another popular favorite)

[sbk]

"mai cow jai" is "I do not understand"

"cow jai mai?" is "do you understand?"

Best to stick with the "Mai cow jai"

Another good one is "katord kap" means "excuse me"

[Explorer]

You know what?

When you try to talk Thai to Thais, they would smile or laugh (i always get the laughter part ) anyway it is good as it would tend to break some ice during the "meeting". But don't over do it

Explorer

[meadish_sweetball]

You know what?

When you try to talk Thai to Thais, they would smile or laugh (i always get the laughter part  ) anyway it is good as it would tend to break some ice during the "meeting". But don't over do it 

Explorer 

ํGet used to people laughing at you, and learn to not be upset about it. Thai people laugh all the time, and some people get extremely offended with this. It is, however, normal and a way of releasing tension (and having a bit of fun at your expense).

It's often awkward to know people are talking about you but not knowing what you're saying. In my experience though, being able to eavesdrop if I dont blow my cover showing I speak Thai, most of the talking about you is so innocent you start to almost feel ashamed for having believed they said much nastier things.

[NordicMan]

The fried bugs doesn't taste bad at all.  For grasshoppers, you'll take off all the intestines, legs etc.  You're left with just the skin, which is deep fried... the only taste is from the frying oil.  A bit like chips/crisps, just different shape.  Try to eat at least one - the local people think it's very nice if you can do like them.  get your gf to prepare it (pull off the legs, head etc.)

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Did they really present you with the bugs?

It's not their everyday's food, they could have played a trick and had you on.

In my case, my gf told the family what I like and that food (Thai food, a few dishes I like) was there, no surprises. At the porch, they have a round table with benches and all was ok.

Oh, another thing. 6:10 am every morning there was a broadcast of some news, very loud, emanating from the pole mounted communal loudspeakers. Unbearable. Hope that practice has ceased. A village can get noiser than BKK. The 10 million city can be quieter than a village.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

They were eating the bugs already and just asked if I wanted to try one. -They seem to eat some once in a while, not every day, but at least a few times per week as snacks along with the drinks. I don't feel like eating the brown bettle-like bugs, but the grasshoppers are ok. After pulling off the legs, head, wings, intestines etc. there is nothing left except the empty shell of the body.

They usually sit on outside in the back yeard, on the square platform, and neighbours and others come over to chit chat every evening.

Wife's dad is the "mayor" or whatever they call it in the village, so he's broadcasting the news every morning. I'm sleeping through it anyway, so doesn't bother me.

And oh, that's in Roi Et. I guess there are differences between the regions.

-NM

[think_too_mut]

They were eating the bugs already and just asked if I wanted to try one.  -They seem to eat some once in a while, not every day, but at least a few times per week as snacks along with the drinks.  I don't feel like eating the brown bettle-like bugs, but the grasshoppers are ok.  After pulling off the legs, head, wings, intestines etc. there is nothing left except the empty shell of the body.

They usually sit on outside in the back yeard, on the square platform, and neighbours and others come over to chit chat every evening.

Wife's dad is the "mayor" or whatever they call it in the village, so he's broadcasting the news every morning. I'm sleeping through it anyway, so doesn't bother me. 

And oh, that's in Roi Et.  I guess there are differences between the regions.

-NM

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

The regions and people differ, as anywhere. My gf's family would not do that to me. They would do some money asking but no bugs.

[steveromagnino]

Regarding the "wai"

You "wai" elders first. It is a sign of respect, you you will earn respect by learning to do it properly. Bear in mind that you are bothering to get serious about a woman; surely it cannot be hard to spend 2 minutes learning how to do this properly.

Instruction above was about right.

You do not Wai people younger than you, until they wai you first. If you are say 30, then anyone younger should wai you; when they do, you can wai back.

If they are really young, like under say 10, you don't need to wai at all, just smile is enough.

If they are a Monk, then you should wai first although I cannot immediately think why you would necessarily be meeting monks. If you are needing to sit in a seat because you cannot sit on the floor and you wish to sit at the same level as a Monk, then perhaps you can apologise first (since you should be sitting lower).

The words "Kor (rhymes or, law, saw) Toet (rhymes with boat, moat, goat) Krab" (rhymes with cup, pub) will go a long way...anytime you are not sure what is going on, say that and smile...everyone will like you. Especially in the middle of nowhere in the provinces, there are not that many farang visitors, so you are a bit of a novelty. There are also a LOT of idiot farang going to some of these villages, and some of the villagers have wised up to that; learn a bit of Thai, have manners, and you will learn what genuine love and respect some of the villagers have for someone they just met.

Salt of the earth, some of them.

[simon43]

Don't forget that if you are travelling up to Issan, then everyone will speak Issan, not Thai! I struggled to learn some Thai for the first family visit and then found that they all spoke Issan And in spite of believing that all Issan people speak Thai, I found that this most definitely was NOT the case! Anyone over about 50 years in the village struggled to speak Thai. Parents spoke some Thai, grandparents spoke none, everyone conversed in Issan and most people seemed unwilling to speak in Thai to me!

Happily, that was some time ago and I can understand some Issan and speak Thai ok. So I just remind the younger ones to speak Thai to me and I struggle to speak a little Issan with the older ones!!

[BambinA]

Don't forget that if you are travelling up to Issan, then everyone will speak Issan, not Thai! 

like ..when eat something and say " saab eeh lee derrrrr" (very yummy)

(ahhh just few words of issaan language i can say )

Edited November 4, 2005 by BambinA

[sbk]

OP is going to Phitsanulok, not Isaan. The bug thing and sticky rice probably won't be such a big problem.

And explorer is right, don't overdo speaking Thai since you can't reall speak it. But to try to speak a little would be a good idea. Shows you care enough to try.

And Stevero, since he's getting married I really hope he is older than 10

[BambinA]

OP is going to Phitsanulok, not Isaan.

Do - try to eat local food (seem Phitsanulok doesn't have too strange food) that your future wife's family prepare for you ..well just try ...i reckon they try to do their best to prepare it... but from different culture,custom..etc so u might get some strange food... just do it and try it.. they will be happy

i had farang BF .. and brought him to my Grand mom's home ( Nakhon Sawan) ..so he tried to eat all (some kind of TH food has nasty smell as Num Prik Kapi (shrimp paste) and Cha-Omm) ) seem he tried to eat it badly lol ..(and finally he loves it)

but just something... small thing ...not a big deal... u can make people around you get impressive with u

[BambinA]

DO - prepare yourself to meet many people in family-relative (with many questions) ..obviously in eastern countries as TH , we re Extended family we stay as big family ..so dont feel upset if you see many people around u (diff from farang ..mostly is Nuclear family) .. you may be lost your private time ..

[gbt71fa]

OP is going to Phitsanulok, not Isaan. The bug thing and sticky rice probably won't be such a big problem.

And explorer is right, don't overdo speaking Thai  since you can't reall speak it. But to try to speak a little would be a good idea. Shows you care enough to try.

And Stevero, since he's getting married I really hope he is older than 10

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I am 34 and she is 22...yeah!

[gbt71fa]

OP is going to Phitsanulok, not Isaan.

Do - try to eat local food (seem Phitsanulok doesn't have too strange food) that your future wife's family prepare for you ..well just try ...i reckon they try to do their best to prepare it... but from different culture,custom..etc so u might get some strange food... just do it and try it.. they will be happy

i had farang BF .. and brought him to my Grand mom's home ( Nakhon Sawan) ..so he tried to eat all (some kind of TH food has nasty smell as Num Prik Kapi (shrimp paste) and Cha-Omm) ) seem he tried to eat it badly lol ..(and finally he loves it)

but just something... small thing ...not a big deal... u can make people around you get impressive with u

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

thanks for the info BambinA...bitchin' avatar by the way, not as cool as the penguin slap but cute.