So Many Broken Families Here

[Mirth]

I know of only 1 case but that is out of 20 foreigners i know so at the moment, % is only 5% and not 90% as OP claimed. And, that guy is jap and still supporting his daughter all the way from Japan. Since he's paying monthly stipends, based on OP % example, i would not know any foreigner doing that.

In my home country, i know a guy who did just that. Pack up and left, no monthly stipends to the newborn son.

Here in Thailand, though they don't talk much about these things, it does happen as well but everything is swept under the carpet.

OP, it goes on everywhere and everyday. It's called parental responsibility and not every adult have that. Kudos to you if you feel that you're unlike your ex drink buddies but frankly speaking, if you're determined to be a good father, simply avoiding these ex buddies of yours don't automatically make you one.

[iono]

Many of the dumped women "go work bar" and the white knight picks up the trash, children included.

So the women is trash because she gets dumped by a guy who wants to run off with a younger women? In my village I can count 5 families that are comprised of step Dads and Moms (just on my block) one of the spouses ran off for a better life (younger, richer, drugs whatever)...but these people found each other and now they and their children live happy lives, farming, teaching, making baskets and would you believe one trashy Thai lady met her Thai husband in the bar scene... Really your comment was the most F'd up thing I've read lately...I'll stick around as I"m sure it can be beat...

[andrewbkk]

I was having a think today and I estimated around 90% of expats/drifters, call them what you will, that I know have split from the mother of their kid(s) I have a little one and couldn't imagine life without seeing her every day. Yet these fellas just carry on as if they don't care, hanging out in grubby beers bars, getting drunk every day with their cronie pals, thinking they are Tom Cruise to the ladies. Some of these blokes still people support their kids (that is the very least they should do IMO) but some don't even bother to do that, they would prefer to spend their money on booze, drugs and whores than support their own flesh and blood. To me they are scum.

I don't give one single solitary Baht to help my son. Why should I?

His mother split from me. She is the cheat. She took a giant wad of cash from me on our tenth anniversary. A few months later, she had an affair with the Football Manager. Then she moved away from this house saying that she wanted "a better life".

And now she's on her own. Her affair didn't work out. And she didn't get her "better life".

But I will never give her money again. She can take care of my son all by herself.

Edited September 24, 2011 by andrewbkk

[hotandhumid]

I was having a think today and I estimated around 90% of expats/drifters, call them what you will, that I know have split from the mother of their kid(s) I have a little one and couldn't imagine life without seeing her every day. Yet these fellas just carry on as if they don't care, hanging out in grubby beers bars, getting drunk every day with their cronie pals, thinking they are Tom Cruise to the ladies. Some of these blokes still people support their kids (that is the very least they should do IMO) but some don't even bother to do that, they would prefer to spend their money on booze, drugs and whores than support their own flesh and blood. To me they are scum.

I don't give one single solitary Baht to help my son. Why should I?

His mother split from me. She is the cheat. She took a giant wad of cash from me on our tenth anniversary. A few months later, she had an affair with the Football Manager. Then she moved away from this house saying that she wanted "a better life".

And now she's on her own. Her affair didn't work out. And she didn't get her "better life".

But I will never give her money again. She can take care of my son all by herself.

andrew - I've read your story on here before and I genuinely feel for you, as you seem like a good guy who would surely have been a good dad. You just picked the wrong woman, but hey, it's happened to the best of us.

May I ask, how much is a 'giant wad'?

Edited September 24, 2011 by hotandhumid

[hotandhumid]

I know of only 1 case but that is out of 20 foreigners i know so at the moment, % is only 5% and not 90% as OP claimed. And, that guy is jap and still supporting his daughter all the way from Japan. Since he's paying monthly stipends, based on OP % example, i would not know any foreigner doing that.

In my home country, i know a guy who did just that. Pack up and left, no monthly stipends to the newborn son.

Here in Thailand, though they don't talk much about these things, it does happen as well but everything is swept under the carpet.

OP, it goes on everywhere and everyday. It's called parental responsibility and not every adult have that. Kudos to you if you feel that you're unlike your ex drink buddies but frankly speaking, if you're determined to be a good father, simply avoiding these ex buddies of yours don't automatically make you one.

I never said it did.

[Dag]

OP should stop mixing with the degenerate crowd.

Of all the expats I know, not one has abandoned their kids. Some are separated, but they support them.

I used to know one guy even that supported his son financially, but was not allowed to ever see him....go figure.

[Mirth]

Just read your latest post. You suffered the same fate as the Jap guy mentioned in my post. I strongly believe you guys will make great dads if the spouse knew her place and responsibility. Am afraid these kind of things are happening daily as well but they just give different excuses. In my case, my MIL is trying very hard to break up my family cos there's another guy who is giving her millions when her own children ignores her. Hence, she wants my wife to divorce and marry that guy. Reason and rumor she's spreading now is that i have a mistress which i don't.

Honestly, i was angry initially but now, i pity her for being buddhist, for being almost 70 and for everything she had done or going to do.

I was having a think today and I estimated around 90% of expats/drifters, call them what you will, that I know have split from the mother of their kid(s) I have a little one and couldn't imagine life without seeing her every day. Yet these fellas just carry on as if they don't care, hanging out in grubby beers bars, getting drunk every day with their cronie pals, thinking they are Tom Cruise to the ladies. Some of these blokes still people support their kids (that is the very least they should do IMO) but some don't even bother to do that, they would prefer to spend their money on booze, drugs and whores than support their own flesh and blood. To me they are scum.

I don't give one single solitary Baht to help my son. Why should I?

His mother split from me. She is the cheat. She took a giant wad of cash from me on our tenth anniversary. A few months later, she had an affair with the Football Manager. Then she moved away from this house saying that she wanted "a better life".

And now she's on her own. Her affair didn't work out. And she didn't get her "better life".

But I will never give her money again. She can take care of my son all by herself.

[Khun ?]

How does the OP live in Thailand with such feelings.

Farangs should go to Thailand and have their companion give them money to send back to their family in their country.

If they get work they should send that back home while their thai partner takes care of most of the expenses.

This is how the thais operate if they go to their companions country. It is all one sided for thais in most of the relationships with foreigners. Their laws are even set up to facilitate this behaviour for the most part.

How many thais go to live in foreign countries with their partner and are expected to take care of support their partners

families? Do you consider them dead beats if they don't help in monetary ways or don't bring gobbs of cash with them to hand out. Thais do for their own first and have no interest in doing for their partners families well being.

It is a one sided deal with thais and foreigners almost all of the time.

How can you live in such society that you despies so much.

[Thongkorn]

I was having a think today and I estimated around 90% of expats/drifters, call them what you will, that I know have split from the mother of their kid(s) I have a little one and couldn't imagine life without seeing her every day. Yet these fellas just carry on as if they don't care, hanging out in grubby beers bars, getting drunk every day with their cronie pals, thinking they are Tom Cruise to the ladies. Some of these blokes still people support their kids (that is the very least they should do IMO) but some don't even bother to do that, they would prefer to spend their money on booze, drugs and whores than support their own flesh and blood. To me they are scum.

I don't give one single solitary Baht to help my son. Why should I?

His mother split from me. She is the cheat. She took a giant wad of cash from me on our tenth anniversary. A few months later, she had an affair with the Football Manager. Then she moved away from this house saying that she wanted "a better life".

And now she's on her own. Her affair didn't work out. And she didn't get her "better life".

But I will never give her money again. She can take care of my son all by herself.

I thought it takes two to make a baby, and belive it or not you are then the parants for your life and theres, how can you call him your son when you dont want him.

[Dag]

Awesome attitude Andrew of Bangkok........father of the year material for sure.

[nocturn]

my daughter lives with me. wouldn't have it any other way.

[mightyharriss]

Awesome attitude Andrew of Bangkok........father of the year material for sure.

Was thinking that myself...... that;s his son... no matter what the mother has done

[hotandhumid]

Let's not jsut dismess andrew as vermin here, he has said on here before that his ex took him for 14 million baht, so I guess he feels she has enough money for his son.

[HeavyDrinker]

Or he was in the SAS...

[StreetCowboy]

I enjoy putting the boot into people as well. Its a lot easier if you can avoid understanding their problems, for fear of engendering empathy. I can';t really imagine my wife waltzing off with another man wealthier than me, but I hope my arrogance would not preclude any sympathy from my peers here were it to occur.

SC

[Moonrakers]

I enjoy putting the boot into people as well. Its a lot easier if you can avoid understanding their problems, for fear of engendering empathy. I can';t really imagine my wife waltzing off with another man wealthier than me, but I hope my arrogance would not preclude any sympathy from my peers here were it to occur.

SC

You strike me as a man that is above things as trivial a money,

[geriatrickid]

I was having a think today and I estimated around 90% of expats/drifters, call them what you will, that I know have split from the mother of their kid(s) I have a little one and couldn't imagine life without seeing her every day. Yet these fellas just carry on as if they don't care, hanging out in grubby beers bars, getting drunk every day with their cronie pals, thinking they are Tom Cruise to the ladies. Some of these blokes still people support their kids (that is the very least they should do IMO) but some don't even bother to do that, they would prefer to spend their money on booze, drugs and whores than support their own flesh and blood. To me they are scum.

I don't give one single solitary Baht to help my son. Why should I?

His mother split from me. She is the cheat. She took a giant wad of cash from me on our tenth anniversary. A few months later, she had an affair with the Football Manager. Then she moved away from this house saying that she wanted "a better life".

And now she's on her own. Her affair didn't work out. And she didn't get her "better life".

But I will never give her money again. She can take care of my son all by herself.

And because of this you punish your child? Was your child responsible for this? Don't you have any concern for your son, who is also a victim?

You are sowing the seeds for a time when you will have a change of heart and look to make contact with your son. When that happens and he asks you why you abandoned him and made no effort to help all those years ago, what will you say? Sorry kid, but I hated your mum and you were collateral damage?

Have you considered taking steps to help your son without going through the ex? Surely, here are grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins that know right from wrong, or is everyone supportive of the concept of punishing a child for the failings of the adults? I don't doubt that the circumstances of the situation do not allow for giving money to the ex, but there has to be a better way than tossing the child in the trash.

[HeavyDrinker]

Does Money worry you Moony?

[Moonrakers]

Does Money worry you Moony?

A bit

But that's only because I don't have lots of it. By 'lots', I mean enough to give me a year or 2 'breathing space'.

After that, it's all relative

[StreetCowboy]

I enjoy putting the boot into people as well. Its a lot easier if you can avoid understanding their problems, for fear of engendering empathy. I can';t really imagine my wife waltzing off with another man wealthier than me, but I hope my arrogance would not preclude any sympathy from my peers here were it to occur.

SC

You strike me as a man that is above things as trivial a money,

I trust that I would have to stoop to pick up money,

I trust that I could make an effort to understand my fellow;s woes before I put in the boot, though of course, when we are motivated by fear or shame, sometimes we feel we cannot do what we should.

I wish that my actions were adequate to avoid fear and shame; though perhaps then I would feel lonely on TV

SC,

[andrewbkk]

Let's not jsut dismess andrew as vermin here, he has said on here before that his ex took him for 14 million baht, so I guess he feels she has enough money for his son.

A troll post designed to provoke a retort from Andrewbkk.

Grow up dude. Get a life. And stop being so bloody childish.

[HeavyDrinker]

But the thing is some of the best people I have ever met have been lowly English Teachers, "only here for the women"

Some of the biggest tosspots I've met here have been "expats" at the British Club, FCCT etc.

I know where I'd rather drink...

[Moonrakers]

But the thing is some of the best people I have ever met have been lowly English Teachers, "only here for the women"

Some of the biggest tosspots I've met here have been "expats" at the British Club, FCCT etc.

I know where I'd rather drink...

+1

[andrewbkk]

I was having a think today and I estimated around 90% of expats/drifters, call them what you will, that I know have split from the mother of their kid(s) I have a little one and couldn't imagine life without seeing her every day. Yet these fellas just carry on as if they don't care, hanging out in grubby beers bars, getting drunk every day with their cronie pals, thinking they are Tom Cruise to the ladies. Some of these blokes still people support their kids (that is the very least they should do IMO) but some don't even bother to do that, they would prefer to spend their money on booze, drugs and whores than support their own flesh and blood. To me they are scum.

I don't give one single solitary Baht to help my son. Why should I?

His mother split from me. She is the cheat. She took a giant wad of cash from me on our tenth anniversary. A few months later, she had an affair with the Football Manager. Then she moved away from this house saying that she wanted "a better life".

And now she's on her own. Her affair didn't work out. And she didn't get her "better life".

But I will never give her money again. She can take care of my son all by herself.

And because of this you punish your child? Was your child responsible for this? Don't you have any concern for your son, who is also a victim?

You are sowing the seeds for a time when you will have a change of heart and look to make contact with your son. When that happens and he asks you why you abandoned him and made no effort to help all those years ago, what will you say? Sorry kid, but I hated your mum and you were collateral damage?

Have you considered taking steps to help your son without going through the ex? Surely, here are grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins that know right from wrong, or is everyone supportive of the concept of punishing a child for the failings of the adults? I don't doubt that the circumstances of the situation do not allow for giving money to the ex, but there has to be a better way than tossing the child in the trash.

OK -- those are comments and observations worth replying to.

It goes like this. Isaan. A massive inferiority complex. Someone was forced due to poverty to leave school at 15; someone went to Oxford. Insane jealousy. A desire to control and manipulate.

It's taken me a whole year to realize that you can't win in these situations. You just can't. The child becomes a pawn.

My son's mother knows what she is. She is the liar and the cheat and the thief.

If she gets back together with Andrew, it is because Andrew has forgiven her. And if that happens, she is absolved of guilt.

But if it does not happen, she knows that she will forever be the cheat.

And if she is the cheat, her hatred will pour out in ways that most of you guys simply can't imagine.

Sure, you've all heard the horror stories. But have you actually experienced them first hand?

The only way to move forward -- in fact, the only way to retain a semblance of sanity -- is to let the past go.

[Moonrakers]

Andrew

All you keep telling us is the hatred towards you ex.

It's all about you, you, you, you, you your ex, you, your ex, you your ex you you you and your ex.

There's something missing in the equation, what is it?

Edited September 24, 2011 by Moonrakers

[WilliamCave]

Nope, don`t see it. Hasn't been my experience at all.

Solution? Get new friends and stop hanging around `wrong`uns`.

I agree with you Regine, In the project I live in there are about 20 westerners here and most are happly married for many years. I do see what the poster is talking about when i talk to the men and find out most of the girls they were married to come from shall I say certain establishments.

I agree find new friends hehe

[ludditeman]

It's taken me a whole year to realize that you can't win in these situations. You just can't. The child becomes a pawn.

My son's mother knows what she is. She is the liar and the cheat and the thief.

If she gets back together with Andrew, it is because Andrew has forgiven her. And if that happens, she is absolved of guilt.

But if it does not happen, she knows that she will forever be the cheat.

And if she is the cheat, her hatred will pour out in ways that most of you guys simply can't imagine.

Sure, you've all heard the horror stories. But have you actually experienced them first hand?

I have experienced this first hand, and I agree with you.

Under these circumstances, the child can only have one parent and never see the other.

Else the woman would never allow any sharing and the child would become a weapon to beat him with.

It doesn't have to be a case of 'hating the ex', but more a case of survival for the man and the child.

[Moonrakers]

I've experienced it first hand myself only in my case, I was the child.

If my misses and/or the law ever stole my girl from me, and if I was forced to, I'd wait and wait until my daughter was old enough to make her own decisions.

Man the fuc_k up and stop making excuses.

Edited September 25, 2011 by Moonrakers

[Forethat]

I don't give one single solitary Baht to help my son. Why should I?

His mother split from me. She is the cheat. She took a giant wad of cash from me on our tenth anniversary. A few months later, she had an affair with the Football Manager. Then she moved away from this house saying that she wanted "a better life".

And now she's on her own. Her affair didn't work out. And she didn't get her "better life".

But I will never give her money again. She can take care of my son all by herself.

I am sure there's an underlying reason for your way of thinking. I understand you're not giving her money to help her support your son; maybe she doesn't need it, maybe she is financially well off and can give your son the education and care he deserves?

This isn't all about money, at least it wouldn't be for me.

[Moonrakers]

The only way to move forward -- in fact, the only way to retain a semblance of sanity -- is to let the past go.

Did the kid (your son) get a say in this decision?