Head Or Heart, Love Or Lust?

[PeaceBlondie]

That killing the goose that laid the golden egg syndrome comes from a judgment call on the part of the one who's taking the golden eggs, and it's a misjudgment. But who among us has perfect judgment? In a cross-cultural arrangement, who can discern the limits of their partner as well as they can discern someone from their own background?

I'm searching, half-heartedly, for a gay Thai to take care of me in every way. The one I left behind in northern Thailand swears he'd do it, but I'm not there now. We shall see.

As our new member did, I was married and half my money went to my wife, but she didn't work much at all, outside the home or within it. At the end, I was paying her a thousand dollars a month to have sex about twice a month, and be my best friend. Perhaps I should have hired a maid, babysitter, and prostitute to perform the tasks she wasn't performing.

[orchis]

denial, cynicism or bankruptcy;

any other alternatives?

[Ijustwannateach]

Luck, perhaps?

It does seem to be a recipe for stability if one sets limits on oneself only to date those Thais who are already self-sufficient, assuming you can verify quickly that their money is not from other boyfriends or gambling consortiums, etc., etc. Nothing is foolproof!

"Steven"

[DUMPSTER]

I don’t think luck comes into a relationship. You choose someone to enter into a relationship with. Each partner will have their agenda as to where they want that relationship to go. Each will have certain issues to go through and lessons to learn. Everything is sweet until one of the partners wants to go in a different direction. Now maybe their can be compromises along the way but as each compromise takes place the relationship gets weaker until finally a separation takes place. This can take 1 month, 1 year, 10 years or if a successful compromise is achieved then a relationship can last a lifetime.

[toptuan]

Getting back to our original poster's dilemma...

For another, so far unstated reason, I'm concerned that our love-sick/lust-sick farang is now sending all the daily SMS's and emails while the Thai half has become less energetic. IMHO, any time there's an overbalance on one side or the other in demonstrations of affection, it starts to smack of an emotionally dependent relationship. Whether it's true or not, that's the appearance to the "less-energetic" half, which results in a huge emotional turn-off (clinging-vine syndrome).

I submit that I think he should cool down and let the Thai guy do some of the initiating at this point. If the Thai guy doesn't respond, then it's a good indicator that the relationship isn't headed anywhere anyway, and/or that our farang friend is in fantasy land. But, if the Thai guy picks up where the farang dropped the ball--good sign. Then respond, but in balance.

I've been on both sides of the vine ("clinger" and "clingee"). Neither is very pretty, nor emotionally healthy. With me it was a major battle of mind over emotions to break free. And I still don't always successfully wage that war. Good luck.