Successful Relationships With Thai Women

[TingTawng]

I don't know which country you are from, but I am from the UK. I can guarantee you that many people work away from home and send money home to support their families in the UK. I would lay you odds that just about every Thaivisa member of an age has had to do so at some point in their lives. I would hazard a guess that even you have had to do so in the past too.

I'm also from the UK and I do not recognise the UK you describe. Also you're not even consistent in your comments - before you were saying how independent the west is, and how independent older people are - now you're saying they're just like Thais, relying on money from their children. So, which is to be?

I can also assure you that there are hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of grandparents and extended family members as primary carers for children, in the West.

Again, in an earlier comment you were saying how great it is for grandparents to be independent in the west. You also described Thais as being like westerners in that they only visit family 3 times a year or so. Now you're describing western families as extended. - but before you were championing the independence that a higher standard of living gives people and less reliance on the family.

You seem to have an attitude that Thais are a unique sub-species of the Human Race. They are not, we are all the same. My point is that many of the experiences of people in Thailand have been mirrored by people in the West in the recent past.

I've been in Thailand for 8 years, and I can recognise the differences between Thai culture and western culture - the biggest difference being in that family support is much more essential in Thailand, and there's less reliance on government support. In the west, it's the opposite. So - why do you say I think Thais are a unique sub-species of the human race? It's just a different setup / culture.

In the last 20 years Thailand has started to see the fruits of this capitalist boom too, the people here are starting to live the same lifestyle as the West. They are starting to urbanize, move away from their families, live in condominiums etc etc Give it another 20 years and you will see far more similarities with the West than I think you are prepared to accept.

The problem with responding to you is that you're conviction-based, not fact-based. When I tell you that Thailand have far less reliance on government welfare and far more reliance on immediate family support, you completely ignore this fact, and simply re-state "Thailand is just like the west". I can't keep repeating the same things over and over because you won't listen. The UK is NOT like Thailand in that young people in their 20s and 30s leave their kids in their home village for their grandparents to look after them while they work far away and send money back to the village. And in the UK, middle class couples do not normally have their grandparents move in with them and other family members (as you well know). Please stop trying to put reality through such a distorting lens to make a point.

Edited December 1, 2011 by TingTawng

[ludditeman]

I don't know which country you are from, but I am from the UK. I can guarantee you that many people work away from home and send money home to support their families in the UK. I would lay you odds that just about every Thaivisa member of an age has had to do so at some point in their lives. I would hazard a guess that even you have had to do so in the past too.

I'm also from the UK and I do not recognise the UK you describe. Also you're not even consistent in your comments - before you were saying how independent the west is, and how independent older people are - now you're saying they're just like Thais, relying on money from their children. So, which is to be?

I'm with you TT, you describe exactly the UK I know, TB must be talking about some sub-culture, maybe his family was from Pakistan or he was a squaddie.

I didn't know anyone in the UK that worked away from home and sent money back.

I didn't know any grandparents that looked after their daughters children while the daughter was off working in a bar.

[TingTawng]

I don't know which country you are from, but I am from the UK. I can guarantee you that many people work away from home and send money home to support their families in the UK. I would lay you odds that just about every Thaivisa member of an age has had to do so at some point in their lives. I would hazard a guess that even you have had to do so in the past too.

I'm also from the UK and I do not recognise the UK you describe. Also you're not even consistent in your comments - before you were saying how independent the west is, and how independent older people are - now you're saying they're just like Thais, relying on money from their children. So, which is to be?

I'm with you TT, you describe exactly the UK I know, TB must be talking about some sub-culture, maybe his family was from Pakistan or he was a squaddie.

I didn't know anyone in the UK that worked away from home and sent money back.

I didn't know any grandparents that looked after their daughters children while the daughter was off working in a bar.

I think we've just reached the point where theblether has simply become a contrarian. A few pages back, he said that the west is full of free spirited, independent people who have been emancipated by wealth, and freed from the yoke of the family. But then - just to disagree with my most recent comment - says that the UK is like Thailand - people sending money "back home", and grandparents in full-time custody of grandchildren. The only reaction you can have to that is: <deleted>.

Or maybe his comparison is sleight of hand in that perhaps he thinks sending a one-off amount of money to mum or dad is the same as sending your pay cheque week in week out, and maybe he's comparing your grandparents baby-sitting once a week for 2 hours to being the same as your kids actually in the full-time custody of your grandparents (often the case in Thailand). Fact is - and we all know it - there are big differences between family life in Thailand and the UK.

theblether is entrenched in his views - or his convictions as he calls them - so there's not much more to say other than repeat the obvious.

Edited December 1, 2011 by TingTawng

[theblether]

I don't know which country you are from, but I am from the UK. I can guarantee you that many people work away from home and send money home to support their families in the UK. I would lay you odds that just about every Thaivisa member of an age has had to do so at some point in their lives. I would hazard a guess that even you have had to do so in the past too.

I'm also from the UK and I do not recognise the UK you describe. Also you're not even consistent in your comments - before you were saying how independent the west is, and how independent older people are - now you're saying they're just like Thais, relying on money from their children. So, which is to be?

I'm with you TT, you describe exactly the UK I know, TB must be talking about some sub-culture, maybe his family was from Pakistan or he was a squaddie.

I didn't know anyone in the UK that worked away from home and sent money back.

I didn't know any grandparents that looked after their daughters children while the daughter was off working in a bar.

I know many people who have worked away from home and sent money back to their families, including me. No I am not Pakistani, and I am not a squaddie. The relevance of both escapes me. I attended the funeral of a friend who worked 280 miles from his home last week and sent money back every week, he collapsed and died at work. He was with approx. 150 contractors on that single project, the vast majority of whom also worked away from home and sent money back. These men are doing so because in the current economic circumstances they have to move to get work.

People travelling for work is as old as time, family men have moved all over the world in pursuit of work, and sent money back to their families. If you don't understand or realize that then that is a matter for you. Thailand is full of people on Ex-Pat contracts, many of whom are away from their families and sending money home every week/month.

Your next crack about grandparents / bargirls is a disgrace,Do you really always have to bring females down to that coarse level? I've entertained your nonsense enough, and enough is enough.

Anyone wanting a further insight into your mind can review this topic.

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/506945-british-court-jails-pervert-for-thailand-trip/

Your supposedly an intelligent man, in the top 0.2% educationally but your own estimation? However your the guy that asked what is the harm in paedophiles taking photos of naked children........

Disgrace.

[TingTawng]

I know many people who have worked away from home and sent money back to their families, including me. No I am not Pakistani, and I am not a squaddie. The relevance of both escapes me. I attended the funeral of a friend who worked 280 miles from his home last week and sent money back every week, he collapsed and died at work. He was with approx. 150 contractors on that single project, the vast majority of whom also worked away from home and sent money back. These men are doing so because in the current economic circumstances they have to move to get work.

theblether - I think you are taking the phrase "sending money home" way too literally. Yes, in the UK some people work physically far from their home, and then they "send money home" just by the fact they are working and earning money for their wife + kids.

We're not talking about that.

I'm not sure how you could misunderstand this, but we're talking about back to the original home, the village home, the grandparents home, just like the working class migrant workers do in Thailand. The same home that a migrant worker's young kids are living in too, looked after by their defacto custodians, the grandparents. For a lot of migrant workers in Thailand, it's their only home.

If you do mean that workers in the UK send money to their elderly parents, again - that's not the UK I recognise at all. I don't know anyone who is of working age who sends money regularly to their parents - that's just.....well, weird. The whole deal in the UK is you work, then retire on a pension. You said as much a few pages back in this thread and went on about how great that independence is with pensions and escaping the family. Might be your rather equivocal use of the English language here again though.

Edited December 1, 2011 by TingTawng

[ludditeman]

@TT

I agree with you again, when beliefs are threatened, etc, etc .

[theblether]

I know many people who have worked away from home and sent money back to their families, including me. No I am not Pakistani, and I am not a squaddie. The relevance of both escapes me. I attended the funeral of a friend who worked 280 miles from his home last week and sent money back every week, he collapsed and died at work. He was with approx. 150 contractors on that single project, the vast majority of whom also worked away from home and sent money back. These men are doing so because in the current economic circumstances they have to move to get work.

theblether - I think you are taking the phrase "sending money home" way too literally. Yes, in the UK some people work physically far from their home, and then they "send money home" just by the fact they are working and earning money for their wife + kids.

We're not talking about that.

I'm not sure how you could misunderstand this, but we're talking about back to the original home, the village home, the grandparents home, just like the working class migrant workers do in Thailand. The same home that a migrant worker's young kids are living in too, looked after by their defacto custodians, the grandparents. For a lot of migrant workers in Thailand, it's their only home.

If you do mean that workers in the UK send money to their elderly parents, again - that's not the UK I recognise at all. I don't know anyone who is of working age who sends money regularly to their parents - that's just.....well, weird. The whole deal in the UK is you work, then retire on a pension. You said as much a few pages back in this thread and went on about how great that independence is with pensions and escaping the family. Might be your rather equivocal use of the English language here again though.

There's no equivocation about it. It is quite clear that the contention is/was that people in the West do not work away send money home to their families. I disagreed with that and pointed out why that contention was wrong.

Ok. so let's say now your point was overly broad, and you specifically meant that people in the West are not in the habit of working away from home and sending money home to their grandparents. On that specific point I agree with you, for the reasons that you stated. So for the purpose of clarity let me tell you what I think of the idea of people in the West working to earn a pension so that they can be financially independent in their old age.

I think it is outstanding, fantastic, superb and long may it continue.

I think you will find that people in Thailand would love to be in the same position. You are making a virtue of poverty, as a rule, people don't want to live in poverty. I certainly do not believe that people in Thailand want to live in poverty.

Your argument is self defeating, because as you state the case of migrant workers sending money home to their villages, elders etc. Why do you think they are migrant workers in the first place? Is it because they want to escape poverty? Of course it is.

The US is the best example of people migrating to escape poverty, millions upon millions of people crossed the ocean in search of a better life, and broadly speaking in the US they found it. The vast majority of the early settlers in the US were from Europe / The West. Well we can't be having that can we? Imagine the horror of realizing that people from the West have migrated for a better life? People from the West are still doing it, the Polish community in the UK are doing it right now, and I know plenty that are earning and sending money back home.

You have a cynical attitude to the dynamic of family life in the West, it makes me wonder as to the state of your upbringing and familial relationships. Family is at the core of Western life, yes for the majority of people, myself included we don't live in each others pockets any more, but in my case and just about every one I know is in the same boat, there is familial interaction on a daily or weekly basis.

However I am not condemning anyone who does not have or currently enjoy that experience. People's lives and circumstances are different.

I am of the opinion that you will refuse to accept point blank that there is no difference between what people in the West seek and people in Thailand seek. I am of the opinion that human nature worldwide is for advancement and self improvement, and I contend that the Welfare State and ability to earn a pension in the West has been an outstanding achievement.

I also contend that people in Thailand would love to have the same thing, and the richer Thailand becomes the more like the West it will become.

Don't rejoice in poverty, don't allocate virtues to poverty that don't exist, and don't kid yourself that Thais are delighted to live in poverty.

The topic is about successful relationships in Thailand.........I think you will find that one of the most attractive attributes a Farang has to a Thai lady is..........his ability to lift her and her family from a life of poverty.

[Jimi007]

What was the topic again? Successful relationships with Thai women. Yes some of us have them, many more probably never had a successful relationship with anyone...

Ah -- perhaps now it's time to debate the philosophical nature or meaning of the term "successful relationship".

I have to agree, a successful relationship produces children (that include both partners DNA), an unsuccessful relationship doesn't.

Once you have produced children, you are merely debating the details and degree of the success.

Sex produces children. A successful relationship involves love, respect, commitment, and caring.

[ludditeman]

Sex produces children. A successful relationship involves love, respect, commitment, and caring.

Nope, that is just two lonely losers seeking companionship.

[elliss]

Go troll elsewhere.

This guy "maiphedmaiaroi" is a real head-case. First he says he's got a wife that sends him big bucks every month while she works in the UK and he stays in Thailand. Then he talks about all his "special" girls. If you're for real, big-guy, you shouldn't be too proud to brag about what a scoundrel you are.

the frrking idiot forget to mention ,

he is EX SS.

[TingTawng]

(Some quotes in italics since they only allow so many quote boxes)

There's no equivocation about it. It is quite clear that the contention is/was that people in the West do not work away send money home to their families. I disagreed with that and pointed out why that contention was wrong.

Ok. so let's say now your point was overly broad, and you specifically meant that people in the West are not in the habit of working away from home and sending money home to their grandparents.

It's as I thought - you somehow skipped over the pages of conversation about extended family, grandparents requiring support etc and then zoned in on the phrase "sending money home" and went on your obscure tangent about how breadwinners in the UK spend their earnings on their wives and kids. Well, thanks for the insight, theblether. I suppose you will say next that people in the UK also eat food, breathe and sleep. Where do you learn all this stuff?

On that specific point I agree with you, for the reasons that you stated. So for the purpose of clarity let me tell you what I think of the idea of people in the West working to earn a pension so that they can be financially independent in their old age.I think it is outstanding, fantastic, superb and long may it continue.

I think you will find that people in Thailand would love to be in the same position. You are making a virtue of poverty, as a rule, people don't want to live in poverty. I certainly do not believe that people in Thailand want to live in poverty.

Again, we've gone over this before. Don't you remember? We had this conversation about 3 pages back. You said your bit, I said mine. I think your view of elderly Thai people living in their own little retirement complexes on their own as pretty depressing, lonely and unfulfilling. Most elderly Thai I know want to be near their grandkids and family. Yeah, I know - it's weird isn't it? Also, remember I said the bit about how you confuse independence with having to be on your own? Yeah, all that again. Then I said my bit about where the west is headed, the unsustainability of their economic systems etc. It's about where we are going, not where we have been. I'd love to have this discussion with you in 2 year's time, then 5 year's time, then 10 year's time.

Your argument is self defeating, because as you state the case of migrant workers sending money home to their villages, elders etc. Why do you think they are migrant workers in the first place? Is it because they want to escape poverty? Of course it is.

If they wanted to escape, they'd not send any money back home. They'd spend that money on themselves and an apartment and truly "escape" their original home. If migrating for the purpose of work is a sign of poverty, then the west is also poor, since so many people move to where the work is.

The US is the best example of people migrating to escape poverty, millions upon millions of people crossed the ocean in search of a better life, and broadly speaking in the US they found it. The vast majority of the early settlers in the US were from Europe / The West.

You have a cynical attitude to the dynamic of family life in the West, it makes me wonder as to the state of your upbringing and familial relationships. Family is at the core of Western life, yes for the majority of people, myself included we don't live in each others pockets any more, but in my case and just about every one I know is in the same boat, there is familial interaction on a daily or weekly basis.

Well, that's a sentimental view of the west. Enjoy the memories, but it doesn't reflect recent history. When I mention the last 4 years and where US and Europe is headed, you ignore those comments. You should only care about where things are going, not where they were. Especially when talking about economic models that can't be sustained.

I have a very good relationship with my family back in the UK, and maybe that's why I am arguing for the family here, and less for your view of independence. I think I'm more of an exception though - a lot of people don't have strong ties with their families in the UK anymore - some people don't (to all intents and purposes) even have a family. They've become isolated, with many reliant on the government. This is the wonderful, independent life you talk about. I suppose you could look at it like that, but there's more to life than just money. There are intangibles that can't be measured, but are important nonetheless to human happiness. It's a pity you do not seem to realise this, and instead view physical independence (as in, living alone) as the zenith of human happiness.

theblether: I am of the opinion that you will refuse to accept point blank that there is no difference between what people in the West seek and people in Thailand seek. I am of the opinion that human nature worldwide is for advancement and self improvement, and I contend that the Welfare State and ability to earn a pension in the West has been an outstanding achievement. I also contend that people in Thailand would love to have the same thing, and the richer Thailand becomes the more like the West it will become.

You are misrepresenting what I am saying. I am saying that western culture and Thai culture have differences, and they are manifested in what we value the most. You think Thai people all want to live alone in little condo complexes to experience independence. I think that speaks only about your shallow (and literal) view of independence.

You think this, because you don't see any difference between Thai and western cultures. I don't believe you know much about Thailand at all, based on the comments you've made in this thread.

theblether: Don't rejoice in poverty, don't allocate virtues to poverty that don't exist, and don't kid yourself that Thais are delighted to live in poverty.

The fact you have to exaggerate my points shows you have lost the argument. Thailand is on a much more sustainable, stronger economic footing than the west is. I can't believe you refuse to comment on the troubles over the last 4 years, the UK's deficit now DOUBLED (Osborne's latest admission) and likely DECADES of stagnation and high unemployment ahead with no manufacturing base in the UK.

An educated Thai person in his 20s has MUCH MUCH MUCH more chance of a good life in Thailand than an educated UK citizen in his 20s in the UK. Thailand offers much more affordable housing, more job prospects, and a better education to begin with. They have a surplus they can use, strong currency (giving them options), and are now a major part of the world manufacturing economy. And none of this negates the Thai culture that involves the extended family (as I've mentioned before, my own middle class housing estate is full of them). In fact, I'd argue that it's Thai culture that actually has helped give them their current standing.

theblether: The topic is about successful relationships in Thailand.........I think you will find that one of the most attractive attributes a Farang has to a Thai lady is..........his ability to lift her and her family from a life of poverty.

And who is the cynic now? If that is the sole reason for a Thai woman to have a relationship with a farang, then I pity the farang involved. I hope it's not you

Edited December 3, 2011 by TingTawng

[TingTawng]

theblether, let me try and some up my comments here:-

Thai culture and western cultures are different. You think all cultures are malleable and are completely shaped by money. Absolutely not true.

From my experience, Thai culture is very strongly family orientated, to the point they call cousins "brothers" and "sisters", and even lifelong neighbours are "cousins". You attribute this completely to poverty, and you say that given the money, family members would shoot off in different directions, all living their condo-life somewhere and looking only after themselves and being all the happier for it. I think there's much more to Thai culture than simply poverty dictating everything, because young Thai people have the opportunity to run off and have had the opportunity to run off for decades now - but they still see their original home as home, and talk about "kahp bahn" when they go back to the village, and send a lot of money back there too, and furthermore, often meet up with their KIDS who live there. In a sense, they're mixing their culture with modern life, but modern life isn't replacing it.

Also, I don't think it's useful to use money soley as a measurement to independence. I lived for 3 years in Japan - ten years ago when it was still the 2nd richest country on the planet, with incomes a lot higher than UK averages - and in my experience they live worse lives than the average Thai person does. In Japan, there's little time for family life, tiny apartments, long commutes, long office hours, stress. This is not independence - in fact, it's very repressive. They have money though, so what gives? It's culture again.

In regards to independence, it's very very hard to escape being dependent on something regardless of whether you live in Thailand, UK, Japan or wherever. I've mentioned this before already though...we depend on a lot of things - economies working out, currencies not collapsing, our health, our employer not going bust, and yes - maybe even our family. Independence is an illusion. You depend on several things working just perfectly today, and so do I, and so does everyone else.

Edited December 3, 2011 by TingTawng

[Scully]

left her for a hooker, better off without him.

There are two types of hooker, those who "need" to support a family and the "majority" who enjoy the lifestyle.

You mention religion however looking at your avatar height of 5 feet must help.

I could never touch and never will touch a bar girl (knowingly) it's something I would never do. It would be like throwing a sausage down Sukhumvit.

[PattaniMan]

The topic is about successful relationships in Thailand.........I think you will find that one of the most attractive attributes a Farang has to a Thai lady is..........his ability to lift her and her family from a life of poverty.

And who is the cynic now? If that is the sole reason for a Thai woman to have a relationship with a farang, then I pity the farang involved. I hope it's not you

OK -- so why do you think Thai women want farang boyfriends / husbands?

[theblether]

The topic is about successful relationships in Thailand.........I think you will find that one of the most attractive attributes a Farang has to a Thai lady is..........his ability to lift her and her family from a life of poverty.

And who is the cynic now? If that is the sole reason for a Thai woman to have a relationship with a farang, then I pity the farang involved. I hope it's not you

OK -- so why do you think Thai women want farang boyfriends / husbands?

You've started some bun fight with this topic PattaniMan and good to see you back!! You go right ahead and talk to TingTawng, I'm away to have a long conversation with a brick wall.

[PattaniMan]

The topic is about successful relationships in Thailand.........I think you will find that one of the most attractive attributes a Farang has to a Thai lady is..........his ability to lift her and her family from a life of poverty.

And who is the cynic now? If that is the sole reason for a Thai woman to have a relationship with a farang, then I pity the farang involved. I hope it's not you

OK -- so why do you think Thai women want farang boyfriends / husbands?

You've started some bun fight with this topic PattaniMan and good to see you back!! You go right ahead and talk to TingTawng, I'm away to have a long conversation with a brick wall.

In all fairness, I think Khun TingTawng raises a few valid points. But he does seem to go off a bit on strange and irrelevant tangents.

After reading through this thread again, it is clear that none of us are behavioural psychologists or social anthropologists. Sure, we've all read a few books and we all know how to use Google. But ultimately none of us has sufficient experience or data at hand to say conclusively what makes for a successful relationship with a Thai woman. The best we can do is to learn from our own experiences, and perhaps to learn from the experience of others.

I think it was Mr Ludditeman who said that farangs only ever get the "dregs". He claimed that farangs generally get the older women and the divorcees with children and the sex workers. He said that Thai men do not:

1. marry girls over the age of 25

2. marry divorced women who've got children

3. marry prostitutes

And to a large extent, he was right. That said, I think his use of the word "dregs" was misjudged.

So, when a "normal" Thai girl / woman is in the market for a farang, what does she want? These are my experiences:

Thai women DO want:

1. a farang who is tall.

2. a farang who is educated.

3, a farang who is clean and well dressed.

4. a farang who speaks some Thai -- the more the better!

5. a farang who enjoys Thai food.

6. a farang who is well mannered and polite.

7. a farang who is faithful, caring and loving.

Thai women do NOT want:

1. a farang who is overweight.

2. a farang who is more than 15 years older than herself.

3. a farang who drinks and smokes.

4. a farang who has tattoos.

5. a farang who disrespects Thai culture.

6. a farang who is ill at ease with Thai men.

7. a farang who dislikes children.

8. a farang who gambles.

9. a farang who appears to be a playboy.

10. a farang who might be considered "farang baa" or "farang kee-nok" or "farang nee-sai mai dee".

In my experience, "normal" Thai women actually want little more than a man who can take on the role of boyfriend / husband / lover, and stepfather. They want a man to make them feel desirable and wanted, and they want a man who can be a (kind of) father to their children.

In all of this, money is much less important than some people on this thread have suggested.

Then again .......... these are only my own experiences.

[theblether]

So basically what you are saying PattiniMan is that Thai women are the same as women the world over???

Who would have thought???

[PattaniMan]

So basically what you are saying PattiniMan is that Thai women are the same as women the world over???

Perhaps. Leaving aside the crud and the peasants and the whores, most Thai women seem to me to be perfectly decent femmes with admirable standards and ambitions.

There's another thread going on right now about men who prostitutes. It's quite silly. Poster after poster posts garbage.

What almost everyone fails to see is that the issue in almost all cases is not about the woman. Au contraire, the issue in almost all cases is about the man.

Decent men get decent girls -- and their relationships work. The crap gets the crap -- and their relationships fail.

[theblether]

So basically what you are saying PattiniMan is that Thai women are the same as women the world over???

Perhaps. Leaving aside the crud and the peasants and the whores, most Thai women seem to me to be perfectly decent femmes with admirable standards and ambitions.

There's another thread going on right now about men who prostitutes. It's quite silly. Poster after poster posts garbage.

What almost everyone fails to see is that the issue in almost all cases is not about the woman. Au contraire, the issue in almost all cases is about the man.

Decent men get decent girls -- and their relationships work. The crap gets the crap -- and their relationships fail.

I think your a wee bit pejorative with how you put that, and it has been known for decent men ( and decent women for that matter ) to end up with crap partners. Anyway the field of human emotions is a complex and interesting place. I'm going for a beer

[rgs2001uk]

In all fairness, I think Khun TingTawng raises a few valid points. But he does seem to go off a bit on strange and irrelevant tangents.

After reading through this thread again, it is clear that none of us are behavioural psychologists or social anthropologists. Sure, we've all read a few books and we all know how to use Google. But ultimately none of us has sufficient experience or data at hand to say conclusively what makes for a successful relationship with a Thai woman. The best we can do is to learn from our own experiences, and perhaps to learn from the experience of others.

I think it was Mr Ludditeman who said that farangs only ever get the "dregs". He claimed that farangs generally get the older women and the divorcees with children and the sex workers. He said that Thai men do not:

1. marry girls over the age of 25

2. marry divorced women who've got children

3. marry prostitutes

And to a large extent, he was right. That said, I think his use of the word "dregs" was misjudged.

So, when a "normal" Thai girl / woman is in the market for a farang, what does she want? These are my experiences:

Thai women DO want:

1. a farang who is tall.

2. a farang who is educated.

3, a farang who is clean and well dressed.

4. a farang who speaks some Thai -- the more the better!

5. a farang who enjoys Thai food.

6. a farang who is well mannered and polite.

7. a farang who is faithful, caring and loving.

Thai women do NOT want:

1. a farang who is overweight.

2. a farang who is more than 15 years older than herself.

3. a farang who drinks and smokes.

4. a farang who has tattoos.

5. a farang who disrespects Thai culture.

6. a farang who is ill at ease with Thai men.

7. a farang who dislikes children.

8. a farang who gambles.

9. a farang who appears to be a playboy.

10. a farang who might be considered "farang baa" or "farang kee-nok" or "farang nee-sai mai dee".

In my experience, "normal" Thai women actually want little more than a man who can take on the role of boyfriend / husband / lover, and stepfather. They want a man to make them feel desirable and wanted, and they want a man who can be a (kind of) father to their children.

In all of this, money is much less important than some people on this thread have suggested.

Then again .......... these are only my own experiences.

Lets cut to the chase, they want a buffalo, or farang mai roo reuang.

these are only my experiences,

1, many Thai woman married to Thai fat knackers.

2.agree most have an age difference of 3-8 years.

3.what about the many who are married to many Thai men who drink and smoke?

4.lets not forget the many Thai men who have tattoos, known as sak yant.

5.What exactly is Thai culture?

6. Mant Thai men are ill at ease with other Thai men, once the normal pee nong status has been sorted all Thais know their place in the pecking order that is a surname based society/patronage sysytem.

7. oh in other words a sucker who doesnt know most Thai men wont take on a woman with children in tow?

8. as oppossed to the many Thai men and women who gamble, or len pai?

9. you mean he doesnt yet know the difference between a gig and a mia noi and mia luang?

10. as oppossed to a Thai man who might be considered, jai dam, jai ron? or a farang who, roo mot mai dee, in other words a farang who knows too much and wont be taken for a mug/ride ?

[PattaniMan]

I'm going for a beer

Yeah -- me too.

Edited December 3, 2011 by PattaniMan

[Bagwan]

Why is the onus on the women to learn English? Why not learn Thai if you are interested in developing a long term relationship. It broadens your horizons too.

It is a matter of the return on an investment. What is the point of somebody getting on in years learning a language that lacks both vocabulary and finesse? There is the realistic possibility of dying before becoming proficient and in any case the period of time in which one can converse freely tends to be limited. My wife didn't speak a word of English when we met but now she can make herself more than adequately understood without the benefit or otherwise of schooling, whereas my Thai remains basic. Rather than spend (waste?) my time improving my Thai I prefer to teach the kids in our extended family English and Mathematics. Somewhat analogous to the choice of handing out food parcels or teaching land husbandry and how to fish don't you think?

[TingTawng]

OK -- so why do you think Thai women want farang boyfriends / husbands?

In all of this, money is much less important than some people on this thread have suggested.

So according to you, Thai women do not really consider money when dating/marrying farangs?

I've said it a number of times in other threads - women (around the world) tend to marry up, and a precondition for most women is safety and protection, of which money is a proxy. It's not black and white, of course, and I know that theblether loves to polarise and exaggerate my points, but it would be dishonest for anyone here to say money is not important - as silly as saying looks are not important for a man (generalising here). After certain preconditions are met, of course personality and character are important - it would be kind of hard living with someone you don't get on with.

Edited December 4, 2011 by TingTawng

[TingTawng]

Thai women DO want:

1. a farang who is tall.

2. a farang who is educated.

3, a farang who is clean and well dressed.

4. a farang who speaks some Thai -- the more the better!

5. a farang who enjoys Thai food.

6. a farang who is well mannered and polite.

7. a farang who is faithful, caring and loving.

Thai women do NOT want:

1. a farang who is overweight.

2. a farang who is more than 15 years older than herself.

3. a farang who drinks and smokes.

4. a farang who has tattoos.

5. a farang who disrespects Thai culture.

6. a farang who is ill at ease with Thai men.

7. a farang who dislikes children.

8. a farang who gambles.

9. a farang who appears to be a playboy.

10. a farang who might be considered "farang baa" or "farang kee-nok" or "farang nee-sai mai dee".

This is the list Thai women want you to think they want (this is the list any woman wants you to think they want). But it does miss the "provider" status which I would put as a precondition. These points after that.

Edited December 4, 2011 by TingTawng

[TingTawng]

theblether, funny to see you generally agree with most of my points on another thread (about troubles with the Euro), but disagree with them on this thread.

Edited December 4, 2011 by TingTawng

[lovelaos]

After reading this, I have come to the conclusion that all farang living in Thailand are mental.

[GreenSnapper]

Thai women DO want:

1. a farang who is tall.

2. a farang who is educated.

3, a farang who is clean and well dressed.

4. a farang who speaks some Thai -- the more the better!

5. a farang who enjoys Thai food.

6. a farang who is well mannered and polite.

7. a farang who is faithful, caring and loving.

Thai women do NOT want:

1. a farang who is overweight.

2. a farang who is more than 15 years older than herself.

3. a farang who drinks and smokes.

4. a farang who has tattoos.

5. a farang who disrespects Thai culture.

6. a farang who is ill at ease with Thai men.

7. a farang who dislikes children.

8. a farang who gambles.

9. a farang who appears to be a playboy.

10. a farang who might be considered "farang baa" or "farang kee-nok" or "farang nee-sai mai dee".

This is the list Thai women want you to think they want (this is the list any woman wants you to think they want). But it does miss the "provider" status which I would put as a precondition. These points after that.

One more point:

Thai women don't want a Beta male. Like PataniMan.

Beta males only have provider status, but are disrespected otherwise.

[PattaniMan]

OK -- so why do you think Thai women want farang boyfriends / husbands?

In all of this, money is much less important than some people on this thread have suggested.

So according to you, Thai women do not really consider money when dating/marrying farangs?

No, not in my experience.

Factors such as appearance, cleanliness, confidence, and a positive attitude take precedence.

[Forethat]

I don't know which country you are from, but I am from the UK. I can guarantee you that many people work away from home and send money home to support their families in the UK. I would lay you odds that just about every Thaivisa member of an age has had to do so at some point in their lives. I would hazard a guess that even you have had to do so in the past too.

I'm also from the UK and I do not recognise the UK you describe. Also you're not even consistent in your comments - before you were saying how independent the west is, and how independent older people are - now you're saying they're just like Thais, relying on money from their children. So, which is to be?

I'm with you TT, you describe exactly the UK I know, TB must be talking about some sub-culture, maybe his family was from Pakistan or he was a squaddie.

I didn't know anyone in the UK that worked away from home and sent money back.

I didn't know any grandparents that looked after their daughters children while the daughter was off working in a bar.

I totally agree withTT and ludditeman.

One have to be blind not to recognise the differences in the social aspects of western and Thai culture.

In the western culture a child is prepared to be able to support him/herself, whereas in Thailand a child is prepared to support the parents. Sometimes I get the impression the child exists for this purpose alone.

This also creates a downward negative spiral; the burden of supporting the parents reduces the ability to build up a base upon which retirement would be feasible, eventually forcing them to rely on their own children for support at one point. Scary stuff.

[Hillside4Phil]

I asked my Thai teacher if there was a course where I could learn to understand Thai women, he said to me Kun Philip us men will never truly understand women know matter where they come from but a successful relationship has to built on and not just paid for.