I'm often asked "khun bpai nai" (where are you going?) by Thais.

I would like to compile a list of funny, witty answers.

For example...

Thai: Khun bpai nai?

Me: To the police station...to turn myself in!

I don't know how to say "turn myself in" in Thai.

Would that answer even be humorous to a Thai person?

Please feel free to add to the list, thanks.

Wopanese (the half Italian/half Japanese guy)

Edited November 22, 201114 yr by Wopanese

I'm going to turn myself in - ไปมอบตัว

"bpai hawng naam" - going to the toilet.

Phom Kab Baan pai Naun

oh sorry that's a straight answer

Edited November 22, 201114 yr by MJCM

Buy kang naa

Going in front of you

I once used "To see a man about a dog", but it just does not work in Thai.

I once used "To see a man about a dog", but it just does not work in Thai.

Maybe "To see a woman about some SomTam" would be understood better.

Edited November 23, 201114 yr by Murf

ฉันจะไปปาย

I'm going to Pai.

or ไปเลย

I'm going to Loei (province).

ไปไปมามา

I once used "To see a man about a dog", but it just does not work in Thai.

Maybe "To see a woman about some SomTam" would be understood better.

Bai tee shop.

ไปลงนรกคุยกับปีศาจ (bai long nalok kui gab bpeesad)

I'm going to hell to chat with the devil.

I appreciate the light-hearted tone of this thread, but honestly, most Thais wouldn't get the joke, because their question of "bai nai?" is simply a friendly conversation starter. Your witty reparte will leave them more bewildered than amused. It's like westerners who say "How are you" but really don't care to hear the answer, especially if you have a litany of health problems to share with them.

However, I take ONE exception to my own post.:

When arriving at a bus station, and all the touts run up to you to sell you the most expensive ticket to Changwat Anywhere, asking "Bai nai?" just answer "mai rue." ("I don't know."). Leaves them bewildered every time, and gives you just enough escape time to go find your own, cheaper ticket.

^Agreed. It is not thought of as an intrusive question, and is just something said in passing, much like "have you eaten yet" (although I no longer hear this as often as I used to). They, for the most part, have no interest in where you are going and do not expect a detailed answer. Hence, my "To see a man about a dog", simply resulted in a quizzical expression.

Now I simply mumble a response such as going out, to do some business, shopping, etc. whatver comes to mind first. I am invariably lying, but the questioner neither knows nor cares, but is happy with my response anyway.

For the question 'bpai nai ma' where have you been? my standard anwser is 'bpai dao angkan ma' (sorry can't be bothered to type in Thai)

'Mars and back'. Usually gets a favourable reaction.

It's like westerners who say "How are you" but really don't care to hear the answer, especially if you have a litany of health problems to share with them.

But these types of answers work in English too (or any other language).

What are you up to?

My ideal weight if I was 11 feet tall.

I plan on giving a few of these a try, especially 'bpai dao angkan ma' for someone I haven't seen in a while.

or ไปเลย

I'm going to Loei (province).

No, that means "fuc_k off", best not to mislead someone into saying that.

(or worse version "buy wohy")

ไปธุระ is what I hear mostly when people don't want to answer the question.

I once used "To see a man about a dog", but it just does not work in Thai.

"To see a man about a dog", means "I don't want to tell you" or "it's a secret" in UK English usage - I don't remember hearing it ever said in the U.S.

I agree with "kriswillems" that the Thai equivalent is (ไปธุระ) bpai tura ("go business"), when people don't want to answer the question.

Interestingly, most Thais will immediately drop the subject of where you are going when you make this reply. Give it a try.

I would also not recommend replying with some witty joke when a Thai greets/starts the conversation like this.

They would not get the joke and many would probably feel a bit offended by a witty answer as if you don't take them seriously or something.

Thai's would label you กวนตีน and next time would probably stop greeting you.

It's similar to the English greeting "How are you?".

Usually you'd say "fine, great" or whatever even though you may be dying of cancer.

Unless of course you feel like having a conversation, in which case you'd give a more lengthily reply.

So it's the same in Thai. If you reply with something short and vague, like "out" or "shopping", they'll get the cue that you're not really interested to talk about where you really have been and would not ask for further details.

I once used "To see a man about a dog", but it just does not work in Thai.

"To see a man about a dog", means "I don't want to tell you" or "it's a secret" in UK English usage - I don't remember hearing it ever said in the U.S.

I agree with "kriswillems" that the Thai equivalent is (ไปธุระ) bpai tura ("go business"), when people don't want to answer the question.

Interestingly, most Thais will immediately drop the subject of where you are going when you make this reply. Give it a try.

Agreed, another that has the same effect is, มีนัด, mee nat, meaning to have an appointment.

Not witty but how do you say "WITH YOU" in Thai?

Not witty but how do you say "WITH YOU" in Thai?

With You = กับคุณ = Kab Khun

Go With You = ไปกับคุณ = Pai Kab Khun

Phai rong ban pha saat.

Going to the mental hospital.

I once used "To see a man about a dog", but it just does not work in Thai.

"To see a man about a dog", means "I don't want to tell you" or "it's a secret" in UK English usage - I don't remember hearing it ever said in the U.S.

I agree with "kriswillems" that the Thai equivalent is (ไปธุระ) bpai tura ("go business"), when people don't want to answer the question.

Interestingly, most Thais will immediately drop the subject of where you are going when you make this reply. Give it a try.

We also say," ask me no questions and i'll tell you no lies".

ไปขุดทองในสวนข้างบ้าน I'm going to dig for gold in the neighbors garden.

Not witty but how do you say "WITH YOU" in Thai?

With You = กับคุณ = Kab Khun

Go With You = ไปกับคุณ = Pai Kab Khun

All the pros shout,

bai nai, bai dui = (you) go where, (I) go also

or as the popular song says

ไม่ นะ พก เมีย มา = don't bring your wife

http://youtu.be/NoNlkJrDQxg

Edited November 29, 201114 yr by ludditeman

ไปแก้ผ้าวิ่งโทงๆ

http://www.thai-language.com/id/223969

pbai gkin kao tom, pai kgin duay gan mai

i'm going to eat rice soup, do you want to join ?

but eating rice soup can also be interpreted as having a short time, (with some sort of wink going with it)

so in this example, do you want to join a threesome ?

Bpai len / bpai tiow

Normally does the trick

totster

Edited December 2, 201114 yr by Totster