Essay On Thai Male Relationships, And Age..

[ProThaiExpat]

With apologies to Steve2UK, I would like to add additional thought to "flesh" out his point regarding money being only one attribute that attracts Thais.

If a very well endowed falang were available and it was known of his physical attribute to the Thai gay community in BKK, would not the tongues wag that the Thais who were attracted to him, were only interested in his equipment?

Contrary to western culture where equipment size is so high on the desireability chart, in Thailand, it seems to me, a "good heart" reputation, Steve2UK refers to, is right up there as the most desireable attribute a falang can have.

I think it is an extreme disservice to Thai gays in general, to suggest that money is more important to them than a "good heart", or a good education or other "attributes" that make any man attractive to another.

My many years in the "gay community", as well as those in the "straight community", in the west, have taught me that any man or woman, looking for a LTR or marriage, will place importance on their prospective mates ability to earn or provide a good living. "Blind love" disregarding financial issues is the stuff found in fanatacies, movies and pulp romance novels.

I am sure many of us have been in a "singles bar", when one of us, suddenly becomes far more attractive to the others there, as the word gets out that we are a "doctor".

I don't think any of us are more than the "sum of our parts" and those who suggest that there is some personal, etherial element we possess, that another should fall in love with and by so doing, claim possession of "devine love", to the exclusion of falling for our "parts", is not in touch with reality.

Edited December 27, 2005 by ProThaiExpat

[Ijustwannateach]

One might also point out that Thai-Chinese *families* are more concerned over financial issues than non-Sino-Thais, and one would assume there would be a trend for Thai-Chinese individuals to be more choosy about the financial health of their partners. It does seem to me that when I have met a farang-Thai-Chinese couple, the farang is nearly always a current or retired professional of some type or another. However, the fact that money was a concern never seems to prevent those relationships from being loving and successful.

I know of one farang-Thai couple in Bangkok which shares most of their expenses... at one point in their relationship, the farang was going through the usual hard times of starting work here (unprofessional behavior from a school resulting in temporary unemployment) and the Thai's family gave both of them enough money to keep going until the new job kicked in for the farang. I believe the age difference was something like 20 years apart or so (college age Thai, farang about 40). Money certainly didn't stand in the way of that relationship.

There are plenty of "kept" farangs around, too, if you look closely.

In the end, I agree with a friend of mine: you can find any kind of financial arrangement with a partner that you want in Bangkok, all the way from being the one who pays for both to never paying for anything yourself. *Having* some money gives you more choices, obviously. However, in all but the most pathetic cases, I think there is some measure of real love between the parties. Of course, it depends on the definition of "love," which I think is pretty broad. Those who view it more restrictively may disagree, and (as someone mentioned recently) your mileage may vary.

[DUMPSTER]

I would rate what a Thai would looks for in a foreigner as follows:

1. Nationality. (White foreigners being the number one choice with Africans last.)

2. Wealth (No good having a white b/f without money.)

3. Looks (face/body)

4. Age

5. Personality

Did I miss anything or get the order wrong?

I would have to disagree with you PTE. I think a good heart comes rather low on the list when Thais look for a b/f as they will accept a less than perfect heart if the money is right and that's for sure!

Thais see a white b/f as a status symbol to show off and if the farang is a right so and so they can live with it by accepting something we in the west find difficult to do.

[DUMPSTER]

Steven wrote There are plenty of "kept" farangs around, too, if you look closely.

Have to agree with that.

I friend of mine falls into this category. He deliberately went looking for an older rich Thai guy, and found one, when he came to Thailand 8 years ago when he was 44. He came with 100 dollars in his pocket and being a right charmer he met a wealthy 38 year old and has since done very well for himself.

[gbswales]

A relationship is a multi faceted thing - it is not just about love or sex or money although all of those things may play a part. In my view a good relationship is about two people enjoying what they find best about the other - it doesnt really matter what those things are. Some slim guys enjoy having an overweight boyfriend, some older people like much younger (and vice versa), some people want a partner who will indulge in some fetish or other, and sure some people want a boyfriend who can support and care for them and who might overlook other things to achieve that. Perfect relationships are rare indeed - a good relationship is where both people are happy together most of the time - I dont see why the reasons matter so much.

The only thing that I would feel wrong is to tie someone into a relationship by "stranding" them in a foreign country withoug the means to return -when my boyfriend settles with me I will always ensure that he has the means to be independent IF that is what he wants.

However a farang who buys a joint home or business in thailand might also be similarly stranded.

I feel the most important word in a relationship is respect (for each other that is - not respect for what other people think about your relationship!)

[ProThaiExpat]

Bravo, gbswales. A great deal of wisdom in what you said.

[dukkha]

"Stable"...I find that a rather demeaning term for a group of young men. I always thought it was a reference to horses, but then I may be mistaken, how many times I have been mistaken, I cannot say..... Dukkha....I read this thread some time back and it seems to have been reconstituted by the obvioulsy 'returned' moderator..

[dukkha]

ooooooooops all my dates are outta sync....happens on your 61st birthday I guess...ho hum Dukkah

[PeaceBlondie]

Happy birthday, Dukkha.

[dukkha]

Well it aint for 5 days but did have to find and excuse for being in the grip of a very senior moment...it is all very clear now, I can see clearly now the coup has come, I know how much you love lyrics PB so that one is for you, and the rain as well... Dukkha

[Ijustwannateach]

Happy Birthday, Dukkha!

[djla787]

This is My First Post

What a gift this topic has been to me! I'm deeply touched and comforted by the words of many of you. It has invigorated my courage to share some of my story with you and share time with Thai Men.

I was in Thailand last year (one of many trips over the years) and had a marvelous experience. I met this very cute Thai (22 or so) and just struck it off, His English was pretty good and he introduced me to his Aussie and American friends. Restraining myself was very tough indeed. My new acquaintance and his friends and I had a delightful supper and I just marveled at how comfortable everybody was. It was very empowering to see and be a part of. Odom and I eventually had a very athletic evening. Holding him just felt so real, natural and intoxicating. I found sleeping impossible and just held him. It felt like the most natural thing I have ever done. I finally could say I want to live the life of a gay man. I still do, but, during the past year my 2nd wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. She lost one breast but the prognosis is very good. My sense of duty, ethic and a tortured childhood would punish me if I abandoned her in time of need. I also have had 5 neck and back surgeries in the same amount of time. I’m quite fortunate that I have experienced vast relief from my chronic pain. Work was at best a drag and most days I just lost any interest in producing TV shows or, some other media related project with C- mentalities and inflated egos. My desire to move to Thailand and at the very least spend a few years there is just too strong to deny or remain complacent.

What struck me about this topic at first is its pertinence. I’m 53, soon to be 54. Also, the posts clarity and wisdom. What do younger Thai men see in older men? Most of what I read eased my guilt about wanting this in my life. I’m excited actually.

I’m certain that all, excepting one of my friends will think I’ve gone mad. I know I’m not. I’m just more at ease there and, I’m glad to say, authentic.

I know this post lacks much grist and I promise to try my best to articulate but, I just wanted to start a dialogue hopefully.

Thanks and Regards,

David

[boybrat]

u are more than twice his age. what does he do as a living? he's 22, you're 54. he's thai, and from yr spelling, u're either american or canadian. what do u 2 have in common that makes u so gaga over him? many people confuse lust with love. if he has no job but has cash, hangs around with white guys..well...u know what his motivation is: MONEY.

after some time, the rose tinted lenses will crack, romanticism will fade and MISS REALITY will come strutting by in her jimmy choo heels and slap you in the face.

please dont be another victim. stick yr job and do it well. think about this:

do the people around u have c- work ethics and inflated egos BECAUSE the producer (ie, you) is not performing well himself due to HIS loss on interest and tardy work ethic. (cos u did mention that u now find work a drag and on some days, uve lost all interest in work.) food for thought. before u point fingers at others, look at yrself first. i think u just want an excuse, ANY excuse to move to thailand and if its tea and sympathy that u're looking for, u aint getting it from me.

sorry honey. the truth hurts.

Edited September 29, 2006 by boybrat

[jdinasia]

David ....

Don't let a few comments scare you off ....

welcome

[endure]

Be nice, boys...

[boybrat]

sometimes the best way to be nice is to tell it as it is. the best way to be kind is to be cruel, sometimes, no?

[endure]

Be gentle, BB. It's his first time here. Give him a little time to get used to you

[PeaceBlondie]

Welcome, David, you've been through a lot of emotional trauma in the last few years, and it's not over. Like a few other posters in this thread, I had a wife once, several centuries ago (well, in the prior milenium, anyway ). If you're finally coming to terms with your own sexual preferences, it may take years.

Of course, the differences - age, nationality, race, economics, etc. - sometimes are so striking that your friends will, indeed, think you're insane. They don't understand. It's like telling a fundamentalist preacher that God is a Black, female Marxist.

Welcome to Thailand. My lover of more than 3 years is the age of my second child. Mai bpen rai.