Thai Toilets

[nokna]

having lived in thailand now for 9 weeks i would really like to know the lesson of using the thai toilet,any tips on aiming and erm the hygene bit, i mean it cant be that hygenic if everybody sticks there bum in that big bowl of water to clean it , and i have seen toothbrushes in holders above the water,i mean they dont use that water to clean there teeth do they??

bewildered ex schoolteacher

[Jeff1]

Share my experiance with Thai toilet's NO THANK YOU !

I usually try to hold it in. Or go out into the sugar cane field.

But watch out for snakes !

Jeff

[Thetyim]

WE have already had a very long, funny and informative thread on this subject.

Search back and read it, it is worth the effort.

[nokna]

thks thetyim i found it,still not sure on the aiming technique though when u go bombs away lol

ExpatsClub Posted: Fri 2003-08-08, 11:44:42

Advanced Member

Group: Members

Posts: 60

Member No.: 2,589

Joined: 2003-06-29

I know people will think..."oh no, not another of Joern's sh*t postings..." but since you are a newcomer I will try to help you anyway.

I agree that the spray gun is great. Actually, the spray gun was initially imported from USA many years ago, to be used as a dish washer. I know the (Thai / Chinese) importer, who then started to use it in the toilets here in Thailand.

If you only hang around in Bangkok, you can always find great Farang toilets in the hotels, some fairly good ones at Central and other Department stores. But if you intend to go upcountry, or visit gas stations, small restaurants, etc. around in town for your potty visit, you're in trouble, because they all use the "holes"

So here is the first instruction manual for potty training male adult farangs in Thailand:

1. Open the door to the toilet. Walk in.

2. Close the door to the toilet...if possible

3. Survey the water situation...is there any water at all

4. Look for the nail to hang your trousers on

5. No nail...you're in trouble...be innovative

6. Take of your trousers & shoes, underwear, be careful, there may be "waste water" on the floor, don't let your trousers / feet touch the floor.

7. Hang your trousers on the nail. Check the "hanging" situation. If not proper hanged...they may fall down during

your intimate relationship with the hole. So check

8. If no nail, hang your trouser around your neck. Be careful of loose coins, wallets, etc., they may fall out.

9. Take of your socks, put your socks in your trouser's right pocket. Stuff your underwear there too.

10. Put on your shoes again, you don't want your bare feet on the floor.

10A. Do your stuff.

11. After finishing your stuff...take your tissue paper from the left pocket in your trousers... WHAT... I can't hear you!... Oh. YOU didn't bring any tissue paper. Oh my Gawd..

12. No tissue - scoop water in the small bowl, try to splash on your backside (you know where) at the same time while using a hand to rub away any "leftovers" - try not to think about it, pretend it is actually Jennifer Lopez doing it for you (if you're gay, Elton John will do).

13. But if you are the smart guy I think you may be, you have brought sheets of tissue with you in your right pocket, so after finishing your stuff, splash water ON THE TISSUE, and wipe your a.. (sorry, I meant your... you know what I mean). Do this 2 or three times and finish of with tissue, without any water. You'll be clean as a newborn baby.

14. Stand up from your sitting position...that's already a marvelous feat, especially after a "bad day" - sitting with your knees bended for an extended period of time is not so easy for us farang. And it is even more difficult to stand up after.

15. Put on your underwear and trousers. Don't let the trousers touch the floor. Maybe roll them up to the knee before you put them on, it makes it easier to put them on without getting wet (after all, you have already spilled so much water on the floor during your rinsing process, that NOW the floor is wet for sure.

16. Open the door

17. Put on your socks when you're outside

18. Start whistling - you made it - you have passed the test, are now a Thailand "old hand"

19. Go pick up your Certificate of Achievement from the Ministry of Thai Culture. Talk to Khun Uraiwan.. she doesn't know me, but she will whenyou go there and tell about my FREE Expats Potty Training Manual.

Joern

Bangkok Expats Club

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Do you do indoor toilets in the houses you build Nokna ?

[nokna]

dr_Pat_Pong Posted on Fri 2004-01-16, 06:24:03

Do you do indoor toilets in the houses you build Nokna ?

of course i do, i am a pom not a aussie.

[Pink Mist]

just doesn't have bath or shower in house

[Jeff1]

Sorry I missed that one ...It was great ! Jennifer lopez doing it for you

My only bad exp. was when I went to a bathroom, ( some might call it a toilet)

and as I was doing my business I saw a bug the size of a small isuzu climbing the wall , next to my head.naturaly I screamed like a baby and started to dance around wildly, so it wouldnt crawl up my pant leg . It turned it's head and screamed too !

Then quickly ran down the wall and tried to get out through the crack under the door, The &()$#@ thing was so big that it could not fit under the door and kept bouncing off, being the nice guy I am I opened the door and let it out. True story.

Thank you , I'll be here all week ..try the pik nam pa

Jeff

[dr_Pat_Pong]

just doesn't have bath or shower in house

Yet another soapdodger Bronco. Saturday night baths whether they need it or not, time permitting. Downwind of 'em is something to be avoided at all costs.

[jayenram]

I thought ‘The Potty Training Manual’ was great. However, when caught very, very short with an attack of the runs, it is not easy to remember the instructions, and more important, the order in which they are written.

I was in a previously unvisited bar in Surin when the dreaded happened. The bar was crowded and I had inadvertantly located myself at the furthest point from the toilets. My ungainly, cross legged dash across the room was watched with interest and some amusement by the locals. Now, I assumed that the toilet door posted with an Elvis Presley picture was the male toilet and the one posted with a Maralyn Monroe poster was the female toilet. Mistake number one. The squat was installed on a 300 mm high plinth but the reason for this, I didn’t really have time to consider. Neither did I have time to check that the water was turned on and the spray worked (it wasn’t and didn’t). Mistake number two. In the end, my only saving grace was that I was wearing socks on the way in. I wasn’t on the way out!

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Lateral thinking there

[Guest chingy]

on a long trip does any of you ever stop by the road and take a relief, or you wait till you get to the gas station.

[JamesTILAC]

Thai toilets?

The ones with a hole and a couple of footprints?

well, just try it and you will realize that this experience is just different. Nothing weird. Found same utilities in VietNam and Cambodia....

What about the "vomit bowl" usually available at most of the bars' toilets?

[adjan jb]

Have you noticed the name of most of Thai toilets: American Standard

[JamesTILAC]

Some important reason they may have....ha ha

[Roger13]

Found same utilities in VietNam and Cambodia....

... AND France !

[Zmegma]

nokna, you moved to thailand? no way!

[tatom]

I dont really care for the squat toilet, but I prefer them to the "western style" toilets. Its quite evedent the western style toilets are not built to the same specifications "size", as the toilets in the west. Dont get me wrong, Im not bragging, I would never be considered for a role in a porn film, but when I sit on these "Thai western style" toilets, I have to sit way back on the seat,"not too far", or my dick touches the inside of the bowl. One time, it even dangled in the water, "that really grossed me out!" Now, whenever I sit down, I usually use one hand to hold it up to prevent another disgusting incident. Name witheld by embarassment.

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Have you noticed the name of most of Thai toilets: American Standard

Does that American Standard make include the footprint squatter ?

[mbkudu]

The Bung hole jet spray is God's gift to humankind. I haven't used toilet paper

for years, except to blow my nose. Now you know why Thais use it for napkins in restaurants.