Romance In Isaan

[UbonOz]

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

[Kodan]

Ajay

You sound like you are relatively new to Thailand so its good that you are seeking the advice of others. I like everyone else here has heard sin sod go for 20k to 300k and in some cases much much more. My wife before we were married was offered 1,000,000 bt for marriage and Ive heard other women now asking for 1m bt which is obsurd. I was lucky she loved me and wasnt just chasing money.

The woman you met sounds nice and I wish you the best what ever you do so I will give you my thoughts for you do with as you please.

A) She doesnt speak english and though you seem like a nice guy to her she really doesnt know you or you her. You understand this but her parents are pushing for a commitment. This clearly demonstrates that this girl is under pressure from the parents to marry you so there will be a farang in the family to take care of everyone. Never believe that YOU are MORE important that her family. She will marry you just to take care of her family. Doesnt mean she wont grow to love you or take care of you but dont under estimate the pressure she is under. On the other hand ... in the past and currently there are many aranged marriages so if a girl gets to choose her husband ... it may not be a bad thing.

If you do become engaged you will want to discuss the sin sod before hand so you will know what you are in for ahead of time. I agree with most here. If you do pay a sin sod it should be around 100k. If there is more to the story such as ex husband, kids, less than stellar past or what ever reason she isnt married you would have negotiating room. Im all for not paying more than you should but keep in mind the more you are willing to give the more proud you wife will be of YOU.

C) Many farang new to Thailand want to marry the quiet, soft spoken, demure, subserviant asian woman they have come to know. Dont fall for this!!! If you think Thai women are quiet, shy, soft spoken etc.....You have never pissed one off!! If you have never seen or felt the turmoil caused by a beautiful 5ft 100lb pissed of wife hell bent on chaos and distruction with YOU in mind........ummmm yehhh ...welcome to Thailand. You will date a kitten and marry a tiger.

D) Dont forget the cultrual differences. She will do things that make no sense to you but make perfect sense to her. There will be times when you have to bite your tongue when staying at her house. Its better to ASK her why she did something and learn about the lifestyle.

1) She will see and REMEMBER EVERYTHING

2) She will judge you based on this

3) Study the language. It will earn you some respect with her family and in her village.

4) If she is truely poor .. she may see you trying to take care of her like nice hotels, restaurants etc as wasting money or not being good with money. However you buying nice things for the family ...completely different

5) Expect a double standard. You can both do the same thing but when she does it ... its different.

6) Always give her your opinion if she ask a question. "Do/Wear whatever you like" will be taken as indifference or lack of caring for her. Always tell her what you think she should do.

All this being said.... Thai women are wonderful creatures that will make you life a joy. My wife is the most wonderful woman I have EVER known. I am a very lucky man. Good luck to you ... take is slow....pay attention and dont let you heart over run your head.

Edited February 20, 2012 by Kodan

[mario299]

1) She will see and REMEMBER EVERYTHING

All this being said.... Thai women are wonderful creatures that will make you life a joy. My wife is the most wonderful woman I have EVER known. I am a very lucky man. Good luck to you ... take is slow....pay attention and dont let you heart over run your head.

Kodan

All well said, and I agree...my experience has been very similar.

Best of luck to the OP, learn and listen, go slow...

[Payboy]

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

Hooray for Adultery.

[SimonD]

... You will date a kitten and marry a tiger.

How true.

My girl was a tiger when I met her. I wonder what sort of creature she is going to grow into?

Edited February 22, 2012 by SimonD

[Kodan]

SimonD

You poor bastard what have you done to yourself ? You got all backwards! 5555

Im pretty sure thai women realize how much power they have over us Farangs but we dont like to admit it. We are too comfortable letting them allow us to believe we are really in control.

5555

[ALFREDO]

ajay79

That was all? Sorry, than I party some more.

[sirineou]

C) Many farang new to Thailand want to marry the quiet, soft spoken, demure, subserviant asian woman they have come to know. Dont fall for this!!! If you think Thai women are quiet, shy, soft spoken etc.....You have never pissed one off!! If you have never seen or felt the turmoil caused by a beautiful 5ft 100lb pissed of wife hell bent on chaos and distruction with YOU in mind........ummmm yehhh ...welcome to Thailand. You will date a kitten and marry a tiger.

,

a well thought out and informative reply,could not agree with it more,.I mean the whole reply not only the part I quoted, I just liked that part because it described my Thai wife to a T, and she is still the love of my life, and the best thing that ever happened to me.

Edited February 25, 2012 by sirineou

[rgs2001uk]

C) Many farang new to Thailand want to marry the quiet, soft spoken, demure, subserviant asian woman they have come to know. Dont fall for this!!! If you think Thai women are quiet, shy, soft spoken etc.....You have never pissed one off!! If you have never seen or felt the turmoil caused by a beautiful 5ft 100lb pissed of wife hell bent on chaos and distruction with YOU in mind........ummmm yehhh ...welcome to Thailand. You will date a kitten and marry a tiger.

,

a well thought out and informative reply,could not agree with it more,.I mean the whole reply not only the part I quoted, I just liked that part because it described my Thai wife to a T, and she is still the love of my life, and the best thing that ever happened to me.

Some people ask what does my mrs look like, here's a photo, someone on another thread compared these women to a rottweiler, its not so far from the truth, they should carry a gov't health warning, marry at your own peril.

[Kodan]

Im glad to see you guys liked my post. Actually Im just relieved Im not alone in my experience 555. Bait and switch I tell you ...bait and switch!!

You guys also know that even though we give this info based on experience for the benifit of the neophyte farang.......It generally goes unheaded when some poor fellow is in the arms of an 'angel' .........Then.............. .......then............... .......and back to A vicious cirlce.

Gotta Love Thailand

Edited February 25, 2012 by Kodan

[Kodan]

So What happened to Ajay? Start a thread and disappear. Oh well .... who's got the beer?

[Semper]

I have noticed that some posters are mentioning "educated girlfriends/wifes" A wife should be the one that take care of the house, cooking, bring groseries and beer to the house etc. No need for any higher education for this. Or am I missing something

[ALFREDO]

Semper

No,you miss nothing, you completely right!

[necronx99]

I have noticed that some posters are mentioning "educated girlfriends/wifes" A wife should be the one that take care of the house, cooking, bring groseries and beer to the house etc. No need for any higher education for this. Or am I missing something

Have them watch Cindarella backwards a few times. It's the wonderful story of a woman finding her place in life.

[Dancealot]

I have noticed that some posters are mentioning "educated girlfriends/wifes" A wife should be the one that take care of the house, cooking, bring groseries and beer to the house etc. No need for any higher education for this. Or am I missing something

No you don't miss anything, I agree a man should set his criteria before he indulges himself in a liaison.

I don't feel sympathy for ajay. Because we know more does not mean he will have to do what we say. My answer to his ultimate question "what should i do" is.

Go for it Ajay. If it makes you and her happy go for her and see what happens, you are 30 and in your words you sound responsible. I hope things will work out.

[MAJIC]

by the way, whats the average dowry and what is considered reasonable as support?

You didn't state your age and her age which is relevant to the asking price.

50kbht for sinsot (dowry is what is paid when womans parent pay man)

4kbht a month for the parents

That is what you pay for an uneducated farm girls, unless you are completely daft.

Better to make higher monthly payments and lower lump sums, as they don't give refunds if it doesn't work out.

last wedding I went to in Isaan was Thai,and the girl was eighteen marrying a Thai rice farmer of about 22-24,the dowry was 20,000 baht,mind you..... she wasn't exactly an oil painting,to put it mildly.

Edited February 28, 2012 by MAJIC

[Kodan]

Not exactly Oil Pantings need love too. 555. Love in the heart last longer than love in the eye. I bet she will be a good wife. Plus I bet she will not be as bitchy and impatient as some of our Oil Paintings.

Oil Painting........ Love that term.555

[songhklasid]

I would be handing the parents 10000 baht as goodwill, then take your little princess on a months holiday & get to know each other, No shitholes like phuket, pattaya were she will be exposed to the scum of western society, but around isaan area or laos where she is familiar with language & food & you're both comfortable together, & go from there, sounds promising if you play you're cards right, keep in calm control of situation, bearing in mind on return to the village some sort of decision moving forward will be expected by all concerned, you could leave a bit of money & return later & do same thing if you need time to think it out.

regards songhklasid.

[Kodan]

Good advice Songh. Hope he reads this.

[Royspurs]

Ajay

You sound like you are relatively new to Thailand so its good that you are seeking the advice of others. I like everyone else here has heard sin sod go for 20k to 300k and in some cases much much more. My wife before we were married was offered 1,000,000 bt for marriage and Ive heard other women now asking for 1m bt which is obsurd. I was lucky she loved me and wasnt just chasing money.

The woman you met sounds nice and I wish you the best what ever you do so I will give you my thoughts for you do with as you please.

A) She doesnt speak english and though you seem like a nice guy to her she really doesnt know you or you her. You understand this but her parents are pushing for a commitment. This clearly demonstrates that this girl is under pressure from the parents to marry you so there will be a farang in the family to take care of everyone. Never believe that YOU are MORE important that her family. She will marry you just to take care of her family. Doesnt mean she wont grow to love you or take care of you but dont under estimate the pressure she is under. On the other hand ... in the past and currently there are many aranged marriages so if a girl gets to choose her husband ... it may not be a bad thing.

If you do become engaged you will want to discuss the sin sod before hand so you will know what you are in for ahead of time. I agree with most here. If you do pay a sin sod it should be around 100k. If there is more to the story such as ex husband, kids, less than stellar past or what ever reason she isnt married you would have negotiating room. Im all for not paying more than you should but keep in mind the more you are willing to give the more proud you wife will be of YOU.

C) Many farang new to Thailand want to marry the quiet, soft spoken, demure, subserviant asian woman they have come to know. Dont fall for this!!! If you think Thai women are quiet, shy, soft spoken etc.....You have never pissed one off!! If you have never seen or felt the turmoil caused by a beautiful 5ft 100lb pissed of wife hell bent on chaos and distruction with YOU in mind........ummmm yehhh ...welcome to Thailand. You will date a kitten and marry a tiger.

D) Dont forget the cultrual differences. She will do things that make no sense to you but make perfect sense to her. There will be times when you have to bite your tongue when staying at her house. Its better to ASK her why she did something and learn about the lifestyle.

1) She will see and REMEMBER EVERYTHING

2) She will judge you based on this

3) Study the language. It will earn you some respect with her family and in her village.

4) If she is truely poor .. she may see you trying to take care of her like nice hotels, restaurants etc as wasting money or not being good with money. However you buying nice things for the family ...completely different

5) Expect a double standard. You can both do the same thing but when she does it ... its different.

6) Always give her your opinion if she ask a question. "Do/Wear whatever you like" will be taken as indifference or lack of caring for her. Always tell her what you think she should do.

All this being said.... Thai women are wonderful creatures that will make you life a joy. My wife is the most wonderful woman I have EVER known. I am a very lucky man. Good luck to you ... take is slow....pay attention and dont let you heart over run your head.

Ajay,

Excellent advice! however, whilst my experience is very similar we differ on one point, I married a Tiger that has become a very contented, SECURE, happy kitten who is the best wife I can imagine. I gave her 100% trust and security, I think some posters on TV miss the power of this and wonder why they get the negative experiences.

OP if she turns out to be "the one" be brave enough to treat her as an equal and your life will probably be great, like all things in life you'll get out what you put in.

[isanbirder]

I should start this post by saying that I'm gay and have an Isan partner... but I think many of the conditions are the same.

If they ask for money at the beginning, back off; they'll go on asking money for the rest of your relationship. Sin sod is very often a fake. I know of one case where the wife's mother provided large amounts of cash which the son-in-law dutifully gave back to her.

What counts most is compatibility. Not "do you have good sex?" but "can you get along well together in the ordinary events of daily life?" How do you find out? Well, you take your time. Maybe you stay together in a husband-and-wife situation for a few months; maybe you go off and live in a non-tourist area for a time. BUT you keep away from her (his) family, and let them interfere later if they want to. If they're decent people, they won't.

I'm a lot older than my partner, and sex has never been a major factor. We've now lived together for twelve years, and we're still good friends. And we never quarrel about money. My in-laws are dear old illiterate Thai/Khmer village people who've never asked me for a satang.... and they are now pushing us to go to Ho Chi Minh City to register a civil partnership and make it official. I don't think they know what it means, but they're the ones who want their son to be happy and settled in life.

Forget "Thai wives do this...." or "Thai wives do that....". Your prospective wife is unique, and if you don't think so, why are you thinking about marrying her?

[macksview]

Extremely strange for a 27 year old girl who lives in a village not to be married. Are you sure she has not been married before? If not, I wonder what the reason is?

how do i explain to my wife and her first cousin that they are weird, never married, never left home, before marriage, maybe strict fathers could be the answer?

[macksview]

must agree MeMock, most seem to marry very young in the villages, married at 18, pregnant at 19, pattaya at 21

[BookMan]

Ajay

You sound like you are relatively new to Thailand so its good that you are seeking the advice of others. I like everyone else here has heard sin sod go for 20k to 300k and in some cases much much more. My wife before we were married was offered 1,000,000 bt for marriage and Ive heard other women now asking for 1m bt which is obsurd. I was lucky she loved me and wasnt just chasing money.

The woman you met sounds nice and I wish you the best what ever you do so I will give you my thoughts for you do with as you please.

A) She doesnt speak english and though you seem like a nice guy to her she really doesnt know you or you her. You understand this but her parents are pushing for a commitment. This clearly demonstrates that this girl is under pressure from the parents to marry you so there will be a farang in the family to take care of everyone. Never believe that YOU are MORE important that her family. She will marry you just to take care of her family. Doesnt mean she wont grow to love you or take care of you but dont under estimate the pressure she is under. On the other hand ... in the past and currently there are many aranged marriages so if a girl gets to choose her husband ... it may not be a bad thing.

If you do become engaged you will want to discuss the sin sod before hand so you will know what you are in for ahead of time. I agree with most here. If you do pay a sin sod it should be around 100k. If there is more to the story such as ex husband, kids, less than stellar past or what ever reason she isnt married you would have negotiating room. Im all for not paying more than you should but keep in mind the more you are willing to give the more proud you wife will be of YOU.

C) Many farang new to Thailand want to marry the quiet, soft spoken, demure, subserviant asian woman they have come to know. Dont fall for this!!! If you think Thai women are quiet, shy, soft spoken etc.....You have never pissed one off!! If you have never seen or felt the turmoil caused by a beautiful 5ft 100lb pissed of wife hell bent on chaos and distruction with YOU in mind........ummmm yehhh ...welcome to Thailand. You will date a kitten and marry a tiger.

D) Dont forget the cultrual differences. She will do things that make no sense to you but make perfect sense to her. There will be times when you have to bite your tongue when staying at her house. Its better to ASK her why she did something and learn about the lifestyle.

1) She will see and REMEMBER EVERYTHING

2) She will judge you based on this

3) Study the language. It will earn you some respect with her family and in her village.

4) If she is truely poor .. she may see you trying to take care of her like nice hotels, restaurants etc as wasting money or not being good with money. However you buying nice things for the family ...completely different

5) Expect a double standard. You can both do the same thing but when she does it ... its different.

6) Always give her your opinion if she ask a question. "Do/Wear whatever you like" will be taken as indifference or lack of caring for her. Always tell her what you think she should do.

All this being said.... Thai women are wonderful creatures that will make you life a joy. My wife is the most wonderful woman I have EVER known. I am a very lucky man. Good luck to you ... take is slow....pay attention and dont let you heart over run your head.

Good post! (i'd have 'Liked This' but I have used my quote for the day)

[cardholder]

I should start this post by saying that I'm gay and have an Isan partner... but I think many of the conditions are the same.

If they ask for money at the beginning, back off; they'll go on asking money for the rest of your relationship. Sin sod is very often a fake. I know of one case where the wife's mother provided large amounts of cash which the son-in-law dutifully gave back to her.

What counts most is compatibility. Not "do you have good sex?" but "can you get along well together in the ordinary events of daily life?" How do you find out? Well, you take your time. Maybe you stay together in a husband-and-wife situation for a few months; maybe you go off and live in a non-tourist area for a time. BUT you keep away from her (his) family, and let them interfere later if they want to. If they're decent people, they won't.

I'm a lot older than my partner, and sex has never been a major factor. We've now lived together for twelve years, and we're still good friends. And we never quarrel about money. My in-laws are dear old illiterate Thai/Khmer village people who've never asked me for a satang.... and they are now pushing us to go to Ho Chi Minh City to register a civil partnership and make it official. I don't think they know what it means, but they're the ones who want their son to be happy and settled in life.

Forget "Thai wives do this...." or "Thai wives do that....". Your prospective wife is unique, and if you don't think so, why are you thinking about marrying her?

IB - I think the 'conditions' are actually a little different

The civil partnership is actually quite important.

'We' Falangs are usually older than our chosen companions and, statistically, are likely to die first. Marriage/Civil partnerships give our partners greater security - in the case of us Brits the bereavement/pension benefits can be quite valuable.

[zzaa09]

...in the case of us Brits the bereavement/pension benefits can be quite valuable.

Don't you mean: In some cases [brits]???

I'm familiar with quite a number of English gentlemen that are just scapping by....and really have nothing to offer in wealthy financial futures. Which is probably more common than not amongst most of those boastful Farang types [from every Western country].

[rgs2001uk]

...in the case of us Brits the bereavement/pension benefits can be quite valuable.

Don't you mean: In some cases [brits]???

I'm familiar with quite a number of English gentlemen that are just scapping by....and really have nothing to offer in wealthy financial futures. Which is probably more common than not amongst most of those boastful Farang types [from every Western country].

I can just see it now, man the barricades at the Brit embasay, the hordes from Buriram and Surin at the the gates demanding the pension be increased for overseas claimants, winter heating allowances to be granted to lower Issan, free bus passes to Pattaya, sack Christine LaGarde and reinstate 70+ baht to the pommy peso.

Where have you been matey, long time no see?

[Kodan]

Many good posts here.

[cardholder]

...in the case of us Brits the bereavement/pension benefits can be quite valuable.

Don't you mean: In some cases [brits]???

No, I did mean Brits - exactly as I posted.

Not relevant to you, but for Brits who are married/in civil partnership there are valuable benefits. A widow will be entitled to a GBP 2,000 bereavement payment (if hubby made at least one NIC payment) and if there are young children she may be entitled to other payments. This is apart from potential occupational pension entitlements and the fact that (currently at age 66) she may be entitled to an old age pension.

My point is that. at least for the Brits, there are obvious benefits for your wife (widow) if you actually marry. Living together does not qualify.

[isanbirder]

I should start this post by saying that I'm gay and have an Isan partner... but I think many of the conditions are the same.

If they ask for money at the beginning, back off; they'll go on asking money for the rest of your relationship. Sin sod is very often a fake. I know of one case where the wife's mother provided large amounts of cash which the son-in-law dutifully gave back to her.

What counts most is compatibility. Not "do you have good sex?" but "can you get along well together in the ordinary events of daily life?" How do you find out? Well, you take your time. Maybe you stay together in a husband-and-wife situation for a few months; maybe you go off and live in a non-tourist area for a time. BUT you keep away from her (his) family, and let them interfere later if they want to. If they're decent people, they won't.

I'm a lot older than my partner, and sex has never been a major factor. We've now lived together for twelve years, and we're still good friends. And we never quarrel about money. My in-laws are dear old illiterate Thai/Khmer village people who've never asked me for a satang.... and they are now pushing us to go to Ho Chi Minh City to register a civil partnership and make it official. I don't think they know what it means, but they're the ones who want their son to be happy and settled in life.

Forget "Thai wives do this...." or "Thai wives do that....". Your prospective wife is unique, and if you don't think so, why are you thinking about marrying her?

IB - I think the 'conditions' are actually a little different

The civil partnership is actually quite important.

'We' Falangs are usually older than our chosen companions and, statistically, are likely to die first. Marriage/Civil partnerships give our partners greater security - in the case of us Brits the bereavement/pension benefits can be quite valuable.

I would agree, CH, that the civil partnership is actually quite important, but I don't think my old dears have a clue about that.

One point I wanted to make clear (and didn't) is that if the MIL is greedy, chances are that the son/daughter will be greedy too.