The top 18 ways to confuse Santa Claus

1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.

2. While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.

3. Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away for the holidays.

Ask if he would mind watering your plants.

4. While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas.

Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly.

5. Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes crazy

when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big, red Santa suit!

6. Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, holding signs that say "We hate Christmas," and "Go away Santa"

7. Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus called

and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf of bread on his way home.

8. Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes down the chimney.

Refuse to let him leave until the strippers arrive.

9. While he's in the house, find the sleigh and sit in it. As soon as he comes back and sees you, tell him that he shouldn't have missed that

last payment, and take off.

10. Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of milk out, with a note

that says, "For The Tooth Fairy." Leave another plate out with half a stale cookie and a few drops of skim milk in a dirty glass with a note that says, "For Santa"

11. Take everything out of your house as if it's just been robbed. When

Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say, "Well, well.

They always return to the scene of the crime."

12. Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute changes and

corrections.

13. While he's in the house, cover the top of the chimney with barbed

wire.

14. Leave lots of hunting trophies and guns out where Santa's sure to

see them. Go outside, yell, "Ooh! Look! A deer! And he's got a red nose!" and fire a gun.

15. Leave Santa a note, explaining that you've moved. Include a map with unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new house.

16. Leave out a Santa suit, with a dry-cleaning bill.

17. Paint "hoof-prints" all over your face and clothes. While he's in the

house, go out on the roof. When he comes back up, act like you've been

"trampled." Threaten to sue.

18. Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come and then say, "This neighborhood ain't big enough for the both of us."

Peter

Edited December 13, 200520 yr by peter991

:lol:

The top 18 ways to confuse Santa Claus

/snip

u cracked me up

REMEMBER THIS AT CHRISTMAS TIME

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop

their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December.

Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.

Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.

We should've known... ONLY women would be able to drag a fat-ass man in a

red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game,they are trying to ban woman from swimming in the sea,

they can't get the smell off the fish

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game,they are trying to ban woman from swimming in the sea,

they can't get the smell off the fish

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Not nice Lovejoy............. (everybody look at Lovejoy's profile - THAT is the sweet, innocent little boy he used to be)