Carry Posted June 1, 2012 Share Posted June 1, 2012 By the way cheating is something known in all cultures [so is having more then one wife but that's a bit irrelevant to the topic and well a bit old fashioned too!] I appreciate your noting that having multiple partners doesn't have to be equivalent to cheating, but dispute the "old-fashioned" bit, modern polyamory is very much on the rise in the west and I think Thai culture is just ahead of the curve, IMO it's faith in monogamy as the one right way for people to arrange their relationship that's old-fashioned. it doesn't really matter, what's in fashion on relationships summer 2012, when it comes to the point of this topic. Although I really think that the idea that rich men have multiple Mia Noi's is something that happened a whole lot more last century then it does today in Thailand...but maybe there's bigamy on every street corner now a days, no clue not the point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Raesum Posted June 8, 2012 Popular Post Share Posted June 8, 2012 Looking forward to celebrating our 20 th wedding anniversary in September.Hes a wonderful husband and even said that in his "next life" he would llike to marry me again.!! Seriously !!! 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mssabai Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 Well, 7 years in Thailand...3 relationships with Thai men. Here's a brief rundown 1) 8 months with a lovely guy who I really had very little in common with but if I am honest, it was kind of convenient. We had fun but it was never meant to last. 2) 4 years...the big 'crazy love' one. Stars in your eyes, knocked over by a car..that kind of feeling. The kind of relationship I had never had before and would never have again thank you very much. Really taught me that love is not always a good thing. He had his demons and I felt like my love would be enough to get him through them. Of course, we all know how those kinds of relationships turn out. Painful end but I came out eventually feeling stronger and after a bit of a break, totally ready to meet *drumroll* ..... 3) For the last two years I have been with super smart number 3. He studied abroad, speaks fluent English and is very well read and educated. This helps things immensely. Mainly because I love to read and we therefore have a shared interest. His English means we can talk through problems, particularly cultural clashes, and try and work out why we are coming from different places. Something I wasn't able to do in either of my previous relationships. BUT, it would be foolish to pretend it is all roses. It is a relationship after all! The fact he is Thai and I am English is to a large extent irrelevant, but I suspect mainly because communication is not an issue. I also understand an awful lot more about Thai life and culture than I did years ago. I have probably subtly adapted my behaviour at times to be more Thai and I am not even aware of it (like when I caught myself covering a strappy vest top with a jumper when we were heading out for a night out from his mum's house! or when I find myself sneaking out to have a cigarette). What we both do though is always at least make an attempt to understand where the other person is coming from. Something that was always more one sided in my last relationship. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teacher17 Posted June 12, 2012 Share Posted June 12, 2012 I guess I will add my 2 cents to this! My boyfriend (although technically he's now my "fiance" but it seems like people have considered us engaged for many years already, haha...) Usually we just refer to each other as husband and wife now...it just hasn't become official on paper yet. Together for almost 7 years...I live with him in the countryside now. He is going back to school at 27 (very proud of him for doing that) and I am teaching. We managed to stay together, even long distance when I had to get some things done back home for awhile. To those who say that long distance relationships can't work...stick it out if you really want to be together, because they just very well might work out. Many people told me that it would never work, and it did! Good to hear all the stories of successful relationships. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fin5prtw Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 We started out as just a brief romance, and thought nothing more of it, but it soon became evident there was much more to it than that, and it went from there! We've been through plenty of difficult times, emotionally, financially, but we have both supported each other through these times and come out the other end stronger and happier. We're only 2 years into our relationship but there is something special I can't put my finger on, which tells me this one is going to last Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mike123ca Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 We started out as just a brief romance, and thought nothing more of it, but it soon became evident there was much more to it than that, and it went from there! We've been through plenty of difficult times, emotionally, financially, but we have both supported each other through these times and come out the other end stronger and happier. We're only 2 years into our relationship but there is something special I can't put my finger on, which tells me this one is going to last 2 years, I think your real challenges will soon begin. Over time, people will change which is normal, the hard part being both people in the relationship being committed to each other. You'll need to do things that you both want. All it takes is one partner being dissatisfied and wanting to move on. Also money problems will also end many a relationship. Yes, one can have an everlasting relationship, but it's not easy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fin5prtw Posted July 10, 2012 Share Posted July 10, 2012 Of course 2 years isn't long at all, but having already had pretty difficult times, I'm fairly confident right now we should be ok.. but we will see what's around the next corner - you can never be sure!! All I know is we are happy together as it is right now and that's the important thing at the moment 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nadinefaye Posted July 14, 2012 Share Posted July 14, 2012 so happy to have found this topic! i am in a long distance relationship with my thai man for coming to 2 years now. met his family and his relatives back in his village,there are definitely ups and downs due to miscommunication and long distance. therefore i am learning to communicate in thai. will only get to meet each other once every 3 or 4 months. well, not sure about how the future will go. crazily in love with him though. although i hope very much i am able to move to thailand together with him, but i am learning to take things easy now. leave it to God Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carry Posted July 14, 2012 Share Posted July 14, 2012 (edited) Whatever relationship you guys are in, count your blessings.3 weeks ago when on a family visit to my family, I got the phone call that my dear husband and father of our almost 2 year old daughter died very suddenly. ..life became a nightmare over night. Leaving it to god? Wondering if there's ever such a thing... Edited July 14, 2012 by Carry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Posted July 14, 2012 Share Posted July 14, 2012 oh my god carry, I am so so sorry to hear hat. I hope you & your daughter are coping as well as possible. My sincerest sympathies to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theblether Posted July 14, 2012 Share Posted July 14, 2012 (edited) Carry I'm so sorry to hear that terrible news, please accept condolences on behalf of the Scottish community here on Thaivisa and be assured that you are in our thoughts at this testing time. I know that the Thaivisa community will rally round and give you all the support that we can. . Edited July 14, 2012 by theblether Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David48 Posted July 14, 2012 Share Posted July 14, 2012 In chorus with theblether above. Carry, our heartfelt feelings are with you and your family. Know that your TV Family is here to support you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mike123ca Posted July 15, 2012 Share Posted July 15, 2012 Sad to read about your news. In your hour of darkness I offer my sympathy to you and your family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eek Posted July 15, 2012 Share Posted July 15, 2012 Carry, im so very sorry. I wish you strength. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edwinclapham Posted July 15, 2012 Share Posted July 15, 2012 Whatever relationship you guys are in, count your blessings.3 weeks ago when on a family visit to my family, I got the phone call that my dear husband and father of our almost 2 year old daughter died very suddenly. ..life became a nightmare over night. Leaving it to god? Wondering if there's ever such a thing... I cannot bring myself to conceive what you are going through Carry, what shocking news! I wish you so much strength ! I am truly saddened to hear your news and sincerely hope you are receiving much support. Eddie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbk Posted July 15, 2012 Share Posted July 15, 2012 Carry I am so sorry to hear this awful news, I hope that you and your daughter will be ok, please let us know if we can help at all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MiG16 Posted July 15, 2012 Share Posted July 15, 2012 Carry - very sorry to hear this, and if there is anything we can help with please do let us know. I really do mean that. Send me a PM if you prefer. Are you back in Thailand or in your home country? Take care and sending you and your little one my best wishes. Mig Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brit1984 Posted July 15, 2012 Share Posted July 15, 2012 Carry, we are all very sorry to hear about your loss. We are all wishing you much courage for the future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nadinefaye Posted July 15, 2012 Share Posted July 15, 2012 Whatever relationship you guys are in, count your blessings.3 weeks ago when on a family visit to my family, I got the phone call that my dear husband and father of our almost 2 year old daughter died very suddenly. ..life became a nightmare over night. Leaving it to god? Wondering if there's ever such a thing... so sorry to hear that. i m very saddened. take care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carry Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 Thanks for all the lovely messages, gives one courage. we flew straight back to Thailand and after the 10 day ceremony and cremation, finally back on our island, very double, it's feels good to be home and still can't believe he is really gone... A lot of support thankfully. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edwinclapham Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 Thanks for all the lovely messages, gives one courage. we flew straight back to Thailand and after the 10 day ceremony and cremation, finally back on our island, very double, it's feels good to be home and still can't believe he is really gone... A lot of support thankfully. I am totally lost for words... I read back some of your posts yesterday regarding your DH and its totally unbelievable how quickly he passed on over. He has left you a precious gift of a wonderful daughter and many happy memories and I hope in years to come you can look back and smile. Remember there is always a listening ear on Thai Visa! I dont know what else I can say! Eddie 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eek Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 Its one of those moments that no words seem to fit. Im glad you have your daughter Carry. Good to read you have a lot of support. Again, so very very sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bina Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 carry that is horrible... my deepest sympathies, bina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carry Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 To give u an impression of the Thai folklore about a funeral: when I heard he had passed away [and was in disbelieve since I had spoken to him hours before] I asked the family to please not move him yet from where we live but leave him in the hospital until I got there. but because the next flight wasnt until the next day, they didnt want to wait [they live 1600 km down south] and took his body in a car uncooled all the way home. So by the time I got there it wasnt really possible to see him anymore...and then there was the traditional Thai coffin, with flickering xmas lights under a party tent that was dressed up with fake silk ornaments and the whole garden that had turned into a 24/7 kitchen for friends, family and neighbors to come at all times to pay their respect...the date of burning the body was set ten days after he died, so this circus [with all do respect] went on for ten days straight, the monks coming in the morning and evening to pray at his coffin. i ended up being a waitress which was good, keeping busy. a few of his friends and our staff went to all the trouble to come over there for the whole ten days and with them we went to waterfalls I used to go to with my husband, it ended up being a 'good' experience to take all this time to mourn and only talk about him, the memories etc, with his family and loved ones. The day of the cremation was one I was affraid of, I had been to the local temple where the oven is a central point on the compound and wasnt sure I could handle it. His coffin was put on the back of a truck, we were along side and there was a very long trail of cars following us. At the temple I was surprised by the warm story that was told by one of the monks about his life. His friends and cousins carried his coffin up to the entrance of the oven and after the chants from the monks, it was time to open it, I couldnt watch. It's such a raw experience, to see someone poor over a jerrycan of gasoline over your husband and a match and shut the oven door.... The next morning at 4 we went to the temple again with food for the monks and at sunrise, we were led to the same building on the compound and in front of the oven was a table with a pile of ash and bones...all thats left of him.after a few rituals where we were to pour flower water over his remains and give rice to the monk in each corner of the platform, we all got a little white linnen cloth with some pieces of bones and a bag of ash. Typing it now it seems awful but at the time, it was closure to a very long period of waiting for this, closure. To bring some of his bones felt like I was taking him with me.. but it is still wrong, he should be here alive at the age of 38, to play with his daughter he loved so much.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BookMan Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 I just read through the posts Carry and I feel greatly for you. Very sad and tragic for you and your daughter to have the man you loved taken so suddenly and for you to be so far away. A reminder to myself to cherish what I have now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eek Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 Carry..i think i read your post now about 4 times, though not sure exactly. Just trying to digest what you have gone through. You must have been (and imagine still must be) in terrible shock. Yes, he should be here with you and your daughter. Its tragic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbk Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 Hi Carry, sounds like a very traditional village funeral to me and one that is exhausting but, I think good for the family. They are so busy taking care of other people and being with those who loved that person that they don't have time to sit and feel sorry for themselves. Its going to be tough without him but know that his spirit lives on in you, your daughter and his entire family that loved him so much. Little help really, but its all there is really. I am so sorry that this has happened. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phuturatica Posted July 17, 2012 Author Share Posted July 17, 2012 Whatever relationship you guys are in, count your blessings.3 weeks ago when on a family visit to my family, I got the phone call that my dear husband and father of our almost 2 year old daughter died very suddenly. ..life became a nightmare over night. Leaving it to god? Wondering if there's ever such a thing... Carry, I think I have met you before. If you lived in Koh Chang, you didn't happen to run a bar there with your husband did you? If so, then your husband was a lovely man. My dearest condolences. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ripstanley Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 Carry it is very sad but reading what you have posted it appears that you are very strong. Always remember that your husband lives in your child. As previously posted the TV community is here for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunspun Posted July 18, 2012 Share Posted July 18, 2012 I am so sorry for this tremendous loss.. In Islam (we are muslim) you are not supposed to mourn the passing of a loved one -easier said than done, though. It is said it will hold them back from moving into the after life, so you should focus on the good memories and the happy times. As well, you should be so happy they have finally made it to paradise. And that is where he is. There is no place he'd rather be, I'm sure, than where he is now - in your heart, and in your daughter's heart. (Take what you wish from that, but the idea has helped me through the loss of loved ones in the past) <3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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