I'm Back In The Closet

[DUMPSTER]

I think/hope I’m being myself and I haven't consciously changed just to try and succeed in business. Most people who meet me think I’m straight. It's only when they get to know me that they realize I am or I could be gay. Then it’s up to them what they think and I don't really care what that is as long as it's not used in a malicious way. What should come first is the person who happens to be a teacher who happens to be gay.

My problem is being out and about with my b/f and being seen together. Why I cannot simply relax is puzzling to me. I think it has something to do with answering awkward or personal questions which I don’t want to give truthful answers to. I simply hate lying. I have had a few girl students ask me in class if I’m gay and I said no. I really hated giving that answer but felt that was easiest way to deal with being put on the spot and a simple none of your business or a similar response would have. I believe, only fuelled the fire.

[LaoPo]

I think/hope I’m being myself and I haven't consciously changed just to try and succeed in business. Most people who meet me think I’m straight. It's only when they get to know me that they realize I am or I could be gay. Then it’s up to them what they think and I don't really care what that is as long as it's not used in a malicious way. What should come first is the person who happens to be a teacher who happens to be gay.

My problem is being out and about with my b/f and being seen together. Why I cannot simply relax is puzzling to me. I think it has something to do with answering awkward or personal questions which I don’t want to give truthful answers to. I simply hate lying. I have had a few girl students ask me in class if I’m gay and I said no. I really hated giving that answer but felt that was easiest way to deal with being put on the spot and a simple none of your business or a similar response would have. I believe, only fuelled the fire.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

In your topic you ask: HELP...

In my humble opninion you make a mess of your own (gay)life since you hate lying but you do it (almost) every day, not only to others but mainly to yourself as well.

Sorry if I sound a bit harsh to you, but it's not meant that way.

Your students have asked you if you were gay....you said NO. So now they are laughing behind your back because they simply know you ARE gay. It's very difficult, if not impossible, to fool Thai people about beiing gay/katoey/bisexual, because it's all around them in real life....

And, so what? I think they would have had much more respect for you if you'd had admitted you are gay.

Yes, you might loose some customers/clients in your business, just because you are gay; well than, that's not your problem anymore because they are simply not the people you are looking for in REAL life.

Come on, be faithfull to YOURSELF and stop lying, only because of business reasons, or that some student might see you with your 'roommate'!

Next time someone asks you if you're gay.....start smiling or laughing and ask them: "why you ask"....leave it open (for a while) and ask them:

1. would you still be my student if I were gay.......let the ball roll towards their direction and your life will be more easy....(I think 90% will say: yes I will still be your student and 'case closed')

And, oh, just to let you know, I'm not gay, but have friends who are, whether gay, katoey, bisexual or heterosexual.

I wish you all the best with your 'out-of-the-closet' coming.

You will feel much better in a few months!

LaoPo

[Guest endure]

I think/hope I’m being myself and I haven't consciously changed just to try and succeed in business. Most people who meet me think I’m straight. It's only when they get to know me that they realize I am or I could be gay. Then it’s up to them what they think and I don't really care what that is as long as it's not used in a malicious way. What should come first is the person who happens to be a teacher who happens to be gay. My problem is being out and about with my b/f and being seen together. Why I cannot simply relax is puzzling to me.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Maybe because of your previous western conditioning? What does your bf think about all this? Have you spoken to him about it? Does he feel the same way as you? How does he feel about holding your hand in public?

[DUMPSTER]

I think a lot has to do with western conditioning or parental conditioning. My b/f doesn't see it as a problem, typical Thai approach. Up to me if I walk ahead or by his side. He has said, always smiling, on many occasions that this is his karma to be with me and he accepts the way it is. As for holding hands I asked him about my thinking it was exceptional to see a foreigner hold the hand of a non gay. He said that it depends a lot on where you live and what social class they are from. This is more likely to happen in poor families in the north than say a middle class family in Bangkok, where showing affection of any kind is more frowned upon. Most Thai’s who care about social standing, for want of a better word, would certainly not hold hands in public and seeing as I have never lived in places like Isaan my take on this being exceptional was pretty much spot on. I’m assuming those who don’t think it is have lived or spent a lot of time in the north.

[PeaceBlondie]

In Thailand, you don't have to answer any question, especially ones such as "What gender did you copulate with last night?" You can respond in any number of ways, including:

1. Ignore the question, don't give it the slightest response.

2. Arai nah? What you say?

3. Gay, you? You, student nakrian, you say that YOU are gay or lesbian?

4. Why you ask that? We not study gay in this class.

5. "Ajarn, I think you have good heart, not black heart. I not ask you who puts his banana inside your kittykat. Do you want me to ask you about your kittykat? You, female ajarn of great respect in Thailand, are you Tom or Dee?"

[Guest endure]

He's spot on as far as the holding hands thing is concerned. My bf is poor and from the North (as am I ). Whilst holding hands might not be acceptable I think you ought to walk by his side. Anything else seems (to me) to be a bit master/servantish.

[DUMPSTER]

I don't mind being a master or servant. I'm very versatile!

[Buki]

seriously. Whatever works for you.

but. would that make you and your partner happy. You just cant go back from the closet and to think we spend our lifetime trying to figure out of coming out. Think about it.

I will hold my boyfriends hands walking down the streets or have dinner in public. What they see is what they get. Back home, my students were more curious about why we lasted this long and why we love each other. It might be different here, but sooner or later, they will be educated and realize that these kind of situations does and will exist.