I Rarely Drink Now Thanks To This Forum

[TravelTeach]

Hi all,

I guess I should post this.

About 6 months ago I started browsing through the posts on this forum. I knew I drank too much but didn't really know what to do about it. There were a few blackout moments that had frightened me -- not because I did anything ultra-serious, but because I literally could not remember what had happened. I don't need to go into the details of how much I drank, but a small bottle of SangSom was par for course before going out.

But it wasn't every night. So I wasn't sure if the term alcoholic fit me. Then, thanks to here, I found out that someone who can't stop drinking once they started is also fit for the definition. That's me. I loathe the feeling of having only one or two drinks. I would rather drink nothing than have two beers. Strange isn't it? Once I have one or two, it's off to the races. Just as I know that if I open a bottle of wine, I will drink the whole bottle. I cannot keep some for the next day.

Over the past 6 months I've drank, but maybe only 3 times. Possibly 4. This is much different than before. For the last ten years it's been once a week at absolute minimum. Every single Friday night or Saturday night without fail plus a few in between if there was nothing else happening. But this year I didn't drink at Christmas, didn't drink at New Years, and it was all easy because it was what I wanted.

Now...there is one more part to this story, and it's not the healthiest admission. I have replaced the booze with over the counter pills. I take four of these every Friday, and four every Saturday. I never take them during the week. I'm not sure if I should say the name or not, but they're legal in Thailand and opiod related. According to all the information I've found, there is nothing damaging about taking these at that dosage and at that frequency. However, a constant consumption would lead to dependency.

So, have I traded one thing for another? I don't think so. Drinking is a lifestyle. I have recently changed jobs and it's amazing how delineated groups of people are when it comes to alcohol. When people invite me out and I ask them what they're doing, basically they're doing nothing but sitting and drinking. I used to love sitting and drinking. It was great! But now...I just don't see it any more. I want to actually do something concrete, or otherwise I'll just stay home and read. I'm happy that way. I wake up clear headed, I do my work, I have lost weight, it's been great.

Anyway, I think this is positive. And the good thing, though I'm a little wary of saying this, is that I can still drink on occasion. But I know what's going to happen. So in some ways I can prepare myself, such as isolating myself in a neighborhood where I can't get any more alcohol except what I have brought with me. Or throwing caution to the wind and head to the bars. But that doesn't happen very often. Last drink was, oh, about 6 weeks ago. That used to be impossible.

Comments would be interesting!

TT

[BookMan]

It's good you have cut down on your drinking as much as you have.

Are people around you relating you to you differently? or are you seeing them as different?

[TravelTeach]

Are people around you relating you to you differently? or are you seeing them as different?

Well I more or less moved and changed jobs at the same time that this happened. So some people will say to me at times "oh right, you don't drink". There are many people in my life who would burst out laughing if they heard that. But they are far away.

I am seeing some people as different, but I have to be careful not to be judgmental. I work with younger (than me) people whose idea of a fun time on Friday/Saturday is to get drunk and complain about their jobs or laugh about crap. But fair enough. I used to do that. I just don't want to anymore.

[oggie911]

when you where drunk did you hit the wife bet you did fair play

[gerryBScot]

Interesting and well done. Just out of interest on the handful of occasions when you do drink what happens? I don't know about the pills, I suspect they are potentially dangerous, "habit-forming", but well done on the drink thing.

[TravelTeach]

Interesting and well done. Just out of interest on the handful of occasions when you do drink what happens?

Thank you. When I drink, well, I get drunk! I drink until I am sitting somewhere with my head lolling before me not wanting to sleep. Then when I finally get to bed I pass out, and wake up to a general malaise. I rarely get headaches. I just have a depressed unanswerable feeling of "blah" for the rest of the day and into the night. This is the time when I remember why drinking isn't that great. I'll only feel better the following day -- so, 36 hours or so after I have been drinking.

[473geo]

Good going you have done well

Life becomes interesting when one can take a prolonged step away from alcohol and make rational judgements

I have always been of the opinion that the majority are capable of identifying the positive and negative effects of drinking but only after experiencing a period of abstinence

Can come as quite a surprise to find you are capable of negotiating and enjoying gatherings without alcohol

For me the answer was to do as you are doing, slight change of lifestyle, drink as infrequently as possible, which in my case has eventually led to a virtually alcohol free life, with the very occasional beer here and there, as little as two or three a year these days....

I genuinely cannot remember the last time I had a beer, over a year ago....this from a person who used to carry the same affliction as you..... but has learnt the same steely self control you require to complete your journey......now on the few occasions when you do drink, create circumstance where you will stop at one or max two...the alternative is to admit defeat and stop drinking altogether...........I find I rebel against the cannot approach.......by example I have not had a cigarette for 15 years but I don't pronounce I have 'stopped' smoking.......now it is easy, nobody thinks I do smoke, and it is rapidly becoming that way with the drink, I still enjoy socialising but now when I appear on the doorstep the first reaction is not to bring out the usual welcoming beer......

Will I ever wake up with a hangover again......I may, a possibility I must always take into account....but I would prefer to work hard on my resolve to make sure this is not the case....you appear to be on the right track, keep it up

[gerryBScot]

Interesting and well done. Just out of interest on the handful of occasions when you do drink what happens?

Thank you. When I drink, well, I get drunk! I drink until I am sitting somewhere with my head lolling before me not wanting to sleep. Then when I finally get to bed I pass out, and wake up to a general malaise. I rarely get headaches. I just have a depressed unanswerable feeling of "blah" for the rest of the day and into the night. This is the time when I remember why drinking isn't that great. I'll only feel better the following day -- so, 36 hours or so after I have been drinking.

Thanks TT. What I find interesting, and my perspective is that of a sober alcoholic, is that even on those few occasions when you do drink these days, it isn't getting any better. I drank to have a good time, or so I thought. I got into some horrible scrapes when I was drinking, ostensibly in pursuit of happiness. I understand today the solution for me is total abstinence and I am a few days short of 9 years sober as I write this. I accept that it will never get better for me and basically once I have one drink I become a major liability to myself and others.

I don't miss it at all, don't think about it. On the contrary I periodically torture myself by asking why I persevered with it for so many years.

Good luck to you and I hope you find growing happiness in your life.

[TravelTeach]

What I find interesting, and my perspective is that of a sober alcoholic, is that even on those few occasions when you do drink these days, it isn't getting any better.

Oh yes, I see what you're saying. No, it's not getting any better. It's still the same old "can't stop once started". The only positive thing (if you can call it that) here is that I heard that very few alcoholics can simply cut down on alcohol. Most have to be totally abstinent. Do I have that right? What I was hoping was that I could still drink, but just on rare occasions. And that has happened.

Now, the next thing I hope will happen is that I'm able to have a glass of wine with a meal. But...I'm ready to accept that might not be possible. Or maybe after a while it won't even be desired.

[onionluke]

Good going you have done well

Life becomes interesting when one can take a prolonged step away from alcohol and make rational judgements

I have always been of the opinion that the majority are capable of identifying the positive and negative effects of drinking but only after experiencing a period of abstinence

Can come as quite a surprise to find you are capable of negotiating and enjoying gatherings without alcohol

For me the answer was to do as you are doing, slight change of lifestyle, drink as infrequently as possible, which in my case has eventually led to a virtually alcohol free life, with the very occasional beer here and there, as little as two or three a year these days....

I genuinely cannot remember the last time I had a beer, over a year ago....this from a person who used to carry the same affliction as you..... but has learnt the same steely self control you require to complete your journey......now on the few occasions when you do drink, create circumstance where you will stop at one or max two...the alternative is to admit defeat and stop drinking altogether...........I find I rebel against the cannot approach.......by example I have not had a cigarette for 15 years but I don't pronounce I have 'stopped' smoking.......now it is easy, nobody thinks I do smoke, and it is rapidly becoming that way with the drink, I still enjoy socialising but now when I appear on the doorstep the first reaction is not to bring out the usual welcoming beer......

Will I ever wake up with a hangover again......I may, a possibility I must always take into account....but I would prefer to work hard on my resolve to make sure this is not the case....you appear to be on the right track, keep it up

Nice touch , I hope to learn from that . Today I am drinking again .

[gerryBScot]

What I find interesting, and my perspective is that of a sober alcoholic, is that even on those few occasions when you do drink these days, it isn't getting any better.

Oh yes, I see what you're saying. No, it's not getting any better. It's still the same old "can't stop once started". The only positive thing (if you can call it that) here is that I heard that very few alcoholics can simply cut down on alcohol. Most have to be totally abstinent. Do I have that right? What I was hoping was that I could still drink, but just on rare occasions. And that has happened.

Now, the next thing I hope will happen is that I'm able to have a glass of wine with a meal. But...I'm ready to accept that might not be possible. Or maybe after a while it won't even be desired.

TT I don't want to steer you towards "alcoholic" or "controlled drinker" or whatever.....I don't know that definitions are that helpful. Most of us recoil from words like "alcoholic". If you accept that it's not going to get better then you will one day accept that that one glass of red wine is maybe not so important. You will understood the overwhelming logic of the corollary which is that you can't get drunk if you don't have that one glass of red wine! Keep doing what you are happy with and keep looking after yourself.

[besth]

TravelTeach, my case is very similar to yours, in the good and the bad. Not drinking at all is not difficult. Having only one drink or two is extremely difficult. After (too) many years of drinking more than I can remember a few times a week, now I basically don't drink. I don't care about labels, I consider myself an alcoholic and avoid it. Probably 2 or 3 times a year I drink heavily and it is not easy to not go on the day or days after that, but being able to stop completely is an advantage we have. "Social" lip wetting in weddings or other kind of parties is not a problem. It only gets bad when you start enjoying the drink, that is when it takes control over you (over me at least). Not giving it a chance and being aware that if/when I fall one day still doesn't mean that I have to go on drinking make things a lot better.

We are all different, find what works best for you. It is great that you are aware that you also have this problem, first step to solve it.