Thai Grandmother Running The Show.... What Can I Do?

[dave111223]

Im leaving tonight to Surin... to see whats up.... All of you have geat questions and advise.... I thank you for it all... Please give me a chance to see and understand more of whats going on.... As MAYA said , nothing will be solved on this trip.... And to MAYA was yor answer that 10000b was not enough? And if so why? I will answer your questions too DAVID just give me some more time please....

Thanks all Michael

That's good to hear.

Just try to be open to helping them out in any way you can; show them that your presence helps lighten the load.

Offer to wake up with the baby, mix a bottle for baby, change the diaper etc...don't force yourself on the situation, but just be there for your daughter.

[TommoPhysicist]

Just try to be open to helping them out in any way you can; show them that your presence helps lighten the load.

Offer to wake up with the baby, mix a bottle for baby, change the diaper etc...don't force yourself on the situation, but just be there for your daughter.

Posts like this make me want to throw up. How any man can reach this state of cripplingly pussy whipped is beyond me.

Learn to be a man and act like a man.

[meatboy]

Just try to be open to helping them out in any way you can; show them that your presence helps lighten the load.

Offer to wake up with the baby, mix a bottle for baby, change the diaper etc...don't force yourself on the situation, but just be there for your daughter.

Posts like this make me want to throw up. How any man can reach this state of cripplingly pussy whipped is beyond me.

Learn to be a man and act like a man.

looks like grannie has a computer tommo

[Mario2008]

Posts like this make me want to throw up. How any man can reach this state of cripplingly pussy whipped is beyond me.

Learn to be a man and act like a man.

Comments like this make me want to throw up.

[jombom]

10,000 a month is enough for the cost of raising a child. Mainy Thais raise a family on that amount. Don't forget that the cost is a responsibility of you and the mother together. On the otherhand, you do want your child to be comforatble.

Should take what to a Thai court? A Thai court will recognise you as the father and probably grand you access to the child. As the legal father the rgandmother can't keep you away from the child. But that doesn't mean she has to come to BKK with the child, you will have to visit the child (and take it with you if you want).

Become the legal fahter first, it is a good reason for the mother to cooperate with you becoming the legal father.

Basically I agree with Mario. He always gives excellent advice.

Also, you should check with Canadian embassy re DNA test. It is better to have one. Some embassies have an approved list of testing locations. If so, you will need to use one of these.

Good luck in Surin, and 10,000 baht is generous. You will need to pay school fees etc later.

[TommoPhysicist]

Good luck in Surin, and 10,000 baht is generous. You will need to pay school fees etc later.

Why will he need to pay school fees? Government school is free.

I paid about 2,000bht this year for uniforms and books for a teen attending government school.

Edited June 2, 2012 by TommoPhysicist

[Livinginexile]

I have a 22 year old son named Josh whos mother died two days after his birth... So YES I know what it takes to take care of a baby all alone and then some.... Tabbys mother and i talked 6 weeks before i came here to arrange for me to spend time with her....We made an agreement about when to come and what I would pay and how much time i would have.... As for Surin i want it to be a choice not a demand....

I will be leaving to go there tonight as we all know its just for show towards the Grandmother and Grandfather saving face in their town that there daughter did them right ... And I will be the entertainment....But i dont care if iam, I just care Tabby....

When im there i will get a better idea about how my Daughter is taken care of.... I already explained a bit to Tabbys mother about us making an agreement... Need to do it in slow easy steps with the Thais..... Their like 5 year olds sometimes.....

Does Josh know whats going on?

[spidermike007]

The issue here is that you got involved with a Thai woman, who is not sufficiently assertive. My general rule of thumb is that I do not allow myself to get involved with a Thai woman, who does not have the self esteem, balls, courage, intelligence, and fortitude, to tell her mother, father, or grandmother what is right and wrong, and what works for her and her family. Some Thais are virtual slaves to their families, and have no life of their own. I realize there is a big respect thing here, and I am not speaking of a lack of respect. But, as an adult, the Thai woman has the right to tell the elders what is right and wrong for her, and stick with that conviction. My girlfriend is like that. I taught her that she has the right to stand up to her folks, and she does occasionally, when the situation demands it. It makes life a lot easier for us.

[jombom]

Good luck in Surin, and 10,000 baht is generous. You will need to pay school fees etc later.

Why will he need to pay school fees? Government school is free.

I paid about 2,000bht this year for uniforms and books for a teen attending government school.

True enough, but I sort of assumed he would like his daughter to have a good quality education, including learning English.

Please do not get me wrong, I am not knocking Government schools, some of which, are excellent. However, it depends on location, as the standard varies widely.

[CiaranO]

Just try to be open to helping them out in any way you can; show them that your presence helps lighten the load.

Offer to wake up with the baby, mix a bottle for baby, change the diaper etc...don't force yourself on the situation, but just be there for your daughter.

Posts like this make me want to throw up. How any man can reach this state of cripplingly pussy whipped is beyond me.

Learn to be a man and act like a man.

you Sir have some serious issues that u need to deal with................ur anger just jumps out of the screen......people like u make me wanna throw up....

[TommoPhysicist]

Just try to be open to helping them out in any way you can; show them that your presence helps lighten the load.

Offer to wake up with the baby, mix a bottle for baby, change the diaper etc...don't force yourself on the situation, but just be there for your daughter.

Posts like this make me want to throw up. How any man can reach this state of cripplingly pussy whipped is beyond me.

Learn to be a man and act like a man.

you Sir have some serious issues that u need to deal with................ur anger just jumps out of the screen......people like u make me wanna throw up....

You don't have to turn into a woman to love your children.

[dave111223]

You don't have to turn into a woman to love your children.

Apparently you don't need to shell out more than 2000 baht a year either to love your children.

I guess we all "love" our children to a different degree...

Edited June 4, 2012 by dave111223

[David48]

Well, it's been a couple of weeks since tabbyismylife posed the question.

I'd like to know how Michael got on.

We all learn by how we as individuals deal with the situations dealt to us.

How did you get on?

Come back and update your post please.

[jombom]

It's amazing how many people come onto this site, and never say what happened.

Personally, I have gotten used to it. Lots of people take the time and the trouble to help someone. There were lots of useful replies from many people. Sometimes there is zero reply, not even a simple Thank You.

Hope the OP and his daughter are okay, and nothing strange happened to him in Surin.

[zzdocxx]

I was wondering why he was so strongly adverse to going up to Surin.

Did he answer that somewhere in the thread?

? ? ?

[meatboy]

It's amazing how many people come onto this site, and never say what happened.

Personally, I have gotten used to it. Lots of people take the time and the trouble to help someone. There were lots of useful replies from many people. Sometimes there is zero reply, not even a simple Thank You.

Hope the OP and his daughter are okay, and nothing strange happened to him in Surin.

there are many never mind what advice you give them good or bad they know better.[they are called knowitalls]

[theblether]

Maybe I'm a bit thick

Maybe I've read the thread wrong

What's all this crap about going to courts / grandmother running the show / name on birth certificates etc etc???

They demand nothing of you, they have nothing over you, you have everything over them. You tell them what your demands are, and you tell them that once they produce the appropriate notarized birth certificates etc then you will pay them xxxxx baht.

Then you tell them you will pay them the upkeep of the child every 6 months, so even going by your suggested figure of 10,000 baht ( let others fight out the correct amount ) that means that you will pay them 60,000 baht every 6 months.

You tell them that if they eff you about then you won't pay a penny, and if you ever get effed about in the future, the same.

You time your future trips to Thailand to fall before the 60,000 is due, and you watch the bended knee treatment you will get. Do not under any circumstances pay them while you are in the country, always pay them remotely, and always after you have gone.

Come on gents, use a bit of psychology, paying quarterly or half yearly multiplies the value of your payments, and gives you far more leverage than monthly payments.

Each and every one of you knows that Thai families will fold at the thought of those types of lump sum payments...........play them at their own game.

[theblether]

I bet one of you can't wait to pick me up on this comment.

they have nothing over you

I'm not an idiot, I know they have the baby, this is the trick though. If you fold at the start then you are beat for life, you make it clear that if they do not do what you want then you will walk away. You're doing yourself, and ultimately your child a favour, as you are taking control early in the process.

Trust me, if you lose control on day one, you will never in your life get it back. You will be a puppet on a string. Reverse it, make them the puppets, it's as simple as that.

[meatboy]

the only one thats thick is the op,must be his first love never mind how much you give the grand parents the kid will see little.when i lived with mrs meat there was a family who's 2daughters went to japan to work left 2kids with them,you knew when the money was sent to them pissed up every night and dripping in gold,but dont worry the kids are well looked after and are doing fine she was told, but when she managed to buy herself out of japan,after 10years only to come home and find her daughter of 14 had a kid and the other one missing.its so easy to feel for these childen expecially at the orphanage when they see a farang who has brought some gifts i used to visit the one in pattaya with my old freind jimmy mac it used to tear my heart out.so come on op give us an update.

[theblether]

I agree with you meatboy, hence he should be flying in and checking up on his child, and if he is happy with what he sees, after he flies out, he sends the money.

It's an imperfect system, but it keeps the pressure on the Thai family, not him.